to think crying in work is just a bit weird?

[RedHotPokers]

I don't know what it is with the women people in my office. They just seem to cry an awful lot. I find it bizarre.

Recently my colleagues have cried for reasons including:

1. Someone being a bit 'off' with them on the phone
2. Losing some unsaved work on the PC
3. Feeling unappreciated
4. Being asked to take on an additional piece of work cos someone is off sick
5. Even because they left their purse at home would you believe!

Since when was it the done thing to run off to the toilets sobbing every time something a bit stressful happens.

I can honestly say I have never cried in work. If I have been a bit pissed off or stressed, I take it home with me (rightly or wrongly). I would be mortified at the thought of sitting weeping at my desk!

AIBU to think people should get a grip?

(And btw, my workplace is one of the least stressful I have EVER worked in. Think public sector admin, no threat of job losses currently, and very few people working past 5pm).

If I had to choose to work with any of you it'd be with RedHotPokers and MrsDeVere.

I don't understand the "crying bcause the computer has failed/boss is stropping/customer has been arsey type.

The OP's examples do seem pretty stupid - especially as the women don't go away to cry in private but cry in public almost as if to try and get sympathy IYSWIM?

I've cried twice at work (in the toilets) for "legitimate" reasons: my cat dying (I was also pregnant) and a horrible horrible client stressing me out and being generally an incompetant fuckhead (again pregnant).

However I have also cried once (in my private office) for a completely stupid reason - a "friend" having a go at me for something that wasn't my fault. BUT this made me realise that I was in fact bordering on depression because of the job and so I left and got a new one which is 100 times better!

A few times I've wanted to cry, but hold in it, wait 'til I get home and rant and cry to DH - this was related to me being bullied at work, so I was determined not to give the bullies the satisfaction of seeing they'd got to me.

I have cried at work once or twice. Maybe their are other things going on in their lives that you don't know about.

I must admit last week I got so fed up with my DD I started to cry in a shopping centre. It was the last day of my holiday and a special anniversary. I was due to go out with DH later.

I arranged to meet them at a certain time and my dd had work and needed to be on time. They were nowhere in sight and I had to keep phoning. Then I dropped my phone and it broke so I was so cross. They came back as blase as anything.

DD was late, we were stuck in traffic and I didn't want to go out. The girls couldn't understand my reaction but I was so furious. If they had been back I wouldn't have been struggling with shopping, paying for ticket, phone in hand etc.

The importance of this will also depend on what job you do. Sobbing over your computer may be irritating but will not actually impact on your work: sobbing while trying to conclude a business deal could lose your employer serious money. I asked to change the counsellor I saw last year because he got all emotional over my problems - ffs I could do that for myself! I asked them to find me someone unshockeable instead.

The thing is, there are worse things in work than crying. Bitching, nastiness, backstabbing, politics, whispering in offices. A lot of it causes the stress and crying. It just seems an odd thing to pick on when it is a fairly minor thing compared with some things that go on.

Some people cry, some people get angry and turn into bullies. I don't tend to cry much unless i'm stressed, frustrated or really, really tired but understand and used to secretly envy those people who can cry! Sounds like the people at your work place are pretty miserable or worn out!

I've cried three times at work in my life so far - once in my first job, when I was much younger and someone was vile to me (hid in the loos to do it) and twice in my present job, in my own office with the door locked, after being bullied by the fuckwit in charge of our organisation. After that I got mad and he hasn't managed to make me cry since, and I'm leaving this job at the end of the month. Hope I'll never cry at work again.

I have cried (tears, not sobbing crying) a few times; I hate it. And I am perfectly aware it makes me look ridiculous - has never even come close to happening in a 'professional' context (eg negotiating with third party) thank goodness, but anger and frustration (so generally with my boss.....:)) seems to come out as tears. I really, really wish I could prevent it.

I think most of us feel like crying at work sometimes.

I work alongside the nurses who cared for my DD when she was dying. I often have to pull myself together before I walk through the door.
I work with children who are very sick and some of them with the same illness that killed my DD.

I get frustrated at the lack of management, the fact that people are leaving every week, cuts in services blah blah blah.

Its all the time.

If a colleague was crying I would want to ask why and offer support. I would be concerned and sympathetic. Even if it were a long running situation. If it was genuine I would do all I could to help. If it happened over and over again for petty reasons I would be pissed off tbh. Working in an area where families are facing horrible situations on a daily basis - what sodding good would be do if we were crying all the bloody time?

There ARE people who are manipulative and attention seeking and cry when challanged. This is why they do it because people tend to back off when they 'make' someone cry. Its a form of bullying. It means they get away with murder and their work and their mistakes get pushed on to someone else to deal with.

Ok I am mean, I dont like weak people. What I mean by that is I dont like people who use their 'weakness' to get what they want. They are too sensitive to cope so the rest of us, the insensitive ones have to deal with it.

Because its easier for us

I proper cried/sobbed in work the other week when I found at the beginning of my shift that a close relative had passed away during the night - so sue me! I couldn't keep it in and everyone was very understanding. Normally I don't cry easily at all (though had a discreet cry in the work loos the day after my cat was run over and killed) but some things to get you and before you know it you're welling up.

oneofthose why would anyone sue you?

Again - posters totally ignoring the OP.

Yes we are all moaning about those fucking wimps who cry just because someone has died [hm]

at my failed [hm]

Sorry that was very rude.

What I meant was - no one would mind someone crying because someone has died.
I dont like people crying for no good reason. Its annoying.

Nobody cries in my work. It's sooooooooooo not the done thing. If something truly bad happens and you feel like crying you tend to hide in a toilet cubicle or go and sit in your car.

I once cried in front of everyone becuase I was so much pain (gynae issues) and I couldn't even stand up to go and hide in the loo :(

I felt really humiliated :( Not because people were horrible about it, because they were lovely, but because I'd broken some unwritten rule.

I have cried at work twice. I work in a complaints dept so you can imagine we get the shit end of the stick fairly regularly. I cried when a man was really mean and rude to me I was also newly pregnant at the time so probably more hormonal!

The other time....I can't remember why tbh. Probably something lame although not about work!

Blimey OP, dont come to work in a Uni, there is someone on staff crying every day! We had so many tears yesterday it wasnt funny!

I think the problem has arisen from when people were vile to people who showed emotion at work.

we began to realise that it was not a nice way to do things so in the 80s there was all that bloody team building, hugging and stuff.

Now people seem to think its compulsory to let it all out.

It isnt. Work is not therapy. The people their are not likely to be able to sort you out. They are more likely to bitch about you and gossip about your 'problems'.

Work should be supportive and professional. Colleagues should be understanding and sympathetic.

That is not free rein to have a sob fest if you get told to retype a flipping letter.

i agree with mrsdv too - a one off cry because of some terrible event is obviously totally normal, but women who cry because they're stressed by their job would really piss me off

I try not to take my private life into the office and vice versa, but i think that if someone is crying in work then there could be something else wrong in their personal life.

There's nothing wrong with crying in work and depending on how sympathetic your colleagues are it sometimes helps to share your problems. However, i would only do this as a VERY last resort and be careful of who i confide in.

I remember my first 6 months in post at the university. I was assigned a mentor who fucking cried constantly.

Sorry about spelling.

Hehe, I was flamegrilled when I started a similar thread once but I still agree with you!

YANBU!!!

I am someone who cries a lot and have cried at work a number of times- usually it is because I am frustrated or angry. Everyone knows I cry first and act after. Other collegues also cry and this is accepted. However. It is personal and private and is kept quiet. There is no reason to involve others or make a big deal over it. We have one colleague who cries over everything, would definitely cry over lost computer files, and people despise her as they see it as manipulative. In my case, I wish I wasn't a crier. But I am and I kind of have to go with it. Other people might get shouty or sulky- everyone shows big emotions differently.

We have a lot of personal conflict and enormous stress at our workplace.

I did have a job that made me feel like crying all the time due to the management. I sucked it up and found another job. If that is how the office is making you feel, you need to get out for your own health, never mind for the sake of your colleagues!

The only time I did actually cry at work, was when my friend was diagnosed with cancer in his early 20s, and again when he died a few months later. I think that's not the kind of crying the OP meant though.