AIBU to ask if your DH/DP is the love of your life?

[KittyFane]

That's all! :o

Thankyou fourkids for that post. Also thankyou to the OP for the thread.

I definately am happy enough. When I look back at my childhood and upbringing, I have definately done well, or perhaps that should be married well.

By many peoples standards I have a great life. But what bananamam says about knowing each others hopes and dreams etc, that is what I dont have.
That is as much my fault as DH. There are some things in my past, and in my head, that I will never ever be able to tell him.

Many years ago when DH and I were dating, my mum asked if he was the one. I dodged the question and asked why she wanted to know. Basically she said that he was lovely but far too nice for me. I am a very independant strong willed character. According to my mother I needed someone who would stand up and be a challenge to me. Much as it pains me to admit it, she was right.

Once I read something that suggested that we expect too much of our DHs...that we ALL expect them to be our best friend, confident, rock, shoulder to cry on, etc, as well as our lover.

So, while for some that is okay and they are each all the other needs, this was saying that a generation or two ago we expected another woman, a neighbour, a relative, or a combination of the above, to provide us with a lot of the emotional and practical support we now expect from our DHs. It was suggesting that the things we want/need can often be best given by another woman, and that we expect too much from one person.

It wasn't a feminist type thing, or in any way judging society or relationships. It was simply a suggestion as to why women sometimes find their marriages unsatisfactory. I'm not saying it was right - or wrong. I'm simply saying it was thought provoking.

It feels relevent. but it might not be - in which case ignore me completely and I'll go back to gushing about true love and soulmates etc :)

Having pondered this, I think that if you're still having great sex with each other, that must go a long way to creating this 'soulmate' vibe.

I wonder if all the people who are 'happy enough' are also 'happy enough' with their sex life? I would put myself in that category.

Yes he is.

I've only ever been in a relationship with DH so I have nothing significant to compare him with! I'm generally sceptical of romantic notions like this and I think it's fanciful to believe there's only one person who can make you really happy in such a large world.

That said, I believe that DH is my partner for life. We are both 100% committed to our family and our relationship and that includes making an effort to appreciate each other and keep our marriage healthy. We can be a bit chalk and cheese sometimes because we are polar opposites and he winds me up like nobody else but it's certainly mutual and he also compliments me in many ways. He's a wonderful father and a better parent than I am.

We've certainly had our bad patches and with a 3yr old and a 9mth old under our feet, it can be very hard but we know it's temporary and the children are worth it (just about! )

So I suppose he must be the love of my life! :)

completely 100%

@Fourkids - I think your mum might be right

my mum..??

I think she meant Jacaqueen, fourkids.

thought my mum had been on here ('fourkidsmum'??) talking about me for a minute!

He is the love of my life but I am not sure I am his. I found something that gave me reason to believe he is still in love with his ex-fiancee. It hurts, but there's not much I can do about it.

No - but I don't believe there is one. Not in a sad way, I just think that grand passion fades; I could not live my life with those extremes. We rub along, I know he loves me, but I am not sure I fully understand what that sort of 'love' really is. He would always support me, and I him. But he no longer moves me (except to want to kill him sometimes).

A woman I worked with once said that after a couple of years of marriage you could be living with anyone, and I know what she means, in a very general sense.

I tend to live by the mantra that we come into this world alone, and leave it alone, and anything good we pick up along the way is a bonus.

fourkids - totally agree. I think the modern tendency to want to make one person our entire world is totally unrealistic and therefore dangerous, because no one can live up to that.

Or I'm just a cynical bitch...

DH is absolutely the love of my life. He is not perfect (neither am I of course) and we are not a perfect match. We don't get along brilliantly and we disagree frequently about some pretty important things. We don't have a huge amount in common and we don't share the same sense of humour. Despite all of this, he is the one. I feel it in every look, every touch, every day. He is as much a part of me as our children are. If my children were my blood, he would be the air I breath. God I love him, even when I hate him.

Sorry - misread your post and for some reason thought your mum had said that we all expect too much from DHs / DPs :)

Having reread my post should say, Fourkids - I agree with the suggestion that we may expect too much from our OHs.

Yes,

I've been in love with him since the moment I laid eyes on him 9 years ago. He's the father of my beautiful children and is my best friend as well as being an amazing father.

I'm very lucky

(a bit of Alexander Skarsgaard on the side wouldn't go amiss though )

Yes he's my soulmate, cheesy

yes, he is 1001%

Yes. Although I/we haven't always been 100% sure.

Its not a grand passion, I don't melt when I see him (although he is lovely looking). But I am absolutely certain that we are right for each other. He is my best friend and knows me so well. We just sort of fit and balance each other's quirky bits.

I can't imagine life without him and he gave me DD (who really is the love of my life). I'd say my family is the love of my life - DH and DD.

No he isn't. Definitely not.
But he is the man I will stay with for the rest of my life. The man that I have a child with, a house with, a life with.
None of which I had with the man who was, and still is, The One.
S'a funny old world.

No he is not the love of my life. But there you go, that is life.