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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my teenaged son to pay us a decent rent now he's working full time?

239 replies

julesbd · 31/08/2011 23:17

My 19 year old son decided after A levels to take a year out, so he's been working full time (at min wage take home £180 per week) for the last 6 months and paying us £25 per wk housekeeping/rent. He was supposed to be starting an HND this Sept, but he's decided to carry on working instead of going to college, which is ok. My husband says that he should be paying more rent (£50 per wk) as he's now a wage earner not a student. He is horrified although that would still leave him with £50 + per week disposable income after all his bills (car ins, petrol, rent, phone bill). We are both professionals on good salaries with the usual bills and 3 children and we do not have £50 spare per week each to spend on ourselves. AWBU? Bear in mind he has really good food, internet, nice big warm bedroom, avoids household chores if possible and gets to have his girlfriend to stay. If he lived in a rented flat he'd have to pay way more for much less comfort.
What is an acceptable amount to charge a young worker living at home?

OP posts:
littlemisssarcastic · 01/09/2011 22:43

I would imagine you are making far more out of your son Fabby in 2 weeks over Xmas than most, if not all of the parents on this thread are making over a whole year for working adult DC who do live at home permanently.

How very sad that your sons feel you need them for financial aid. Personally, I wouldn't want to burden my DC with that level of dependency.

AnyFucker · 01/09/2011 22:44

Our lovely Fabby is currently telling some other poster on another thread to cut her damaged and vulnerable daughter off without a penny

Oh, the milk of human kindness doth run in her veins, truly Hmm

littlemisssarcastic · 01/09/2011 22:45

Link please AF? Grin

backwardpossom · 01/09/2011 22:47

I left home before I was working, but my brother had a full time job before he left home and my dad used to charge him about £40 a week in rent. When my brother decided that he actually wanted to go to uni, on the day he moved to his student digs, my dad took out a jar with all the money in it that he'd taken from my brother for 'rent' and gave him it to help pay for his first flat. I thought that was really sweet, especially since mum and dad probably could have done with the money.

AnyFucker · 01/09/2011 22:49

have pm'ed you, LMS

ilovesooty · 01/09/2011 22:49

*Our lovely Fabby is currently telling some other poster on another thread to cut her damaged and vulnerable daughter off without a penny

Oh, the milk of human kindness doth run in her veins, truly*

Hypocritical as well as being a thoroughly nasty piece of work then. I've watched her posts - know-it-all, leaping in to dictate even when she's misinformed, unempathic and always ready to hurl abuse. I don't know whether to be disgusted or sorry for her as she's seemingly so inadequate.

littlemisssarcastic · 01/09/2011 22:57

Thanks AF

lachesis · 01/09/2011 22:58

What kind of a grown man lives with his mother, who is low-income, and doesn't pay for room or board, and is fine with his mother feeding him like a 3-year-old?

Yuk. What a complete turn-off. It wouldn't matter to me how much money a guy makes, if I found out he was living with his mother and not paying a bean and not feeding himself there would be circles of dust where I used to be.

usualsuspect · 01/09/2011 23:07

My grown up DDS manage to budget and run their own homes despite me not charging them rent

thefirstMrsDeVere · 01/09/2011 23:30

That was your choice US.

fine

Stop trying to imply that people who make other choices dont love their children.

Its ridiculous.

usualsuspect · 01/09/2011 23:38

I never said that Confused

I said they are still your children even though they are grown up

and if that makes me an arsehole and disgusting I can live with that

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 01/09/2011 23:38

Just a difference of opinion, I'll be very disappointed if I have to bribe my children with free board and lodging. I think they'll still stay if I ask them for a percentage, but who knows?
Just have to see if my fabulous and amazing teenagers remain the wonderful and responsible duo that they always have been, and the joy of my maternal bosom. Or turn into freeloaders.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 01/09/2011 23:47

I didnt call you a disgusting arsehole and you know it.

I was responding to another poster who used the terms to describe people who made money out of their children (whilst holding back on the 10k she was expecting for christmas)

You said they were still our children - why did you say it? Its not like everyone doesnt know that. So you werent saying as a helpful bit of information. It was a dig.

i.e. if you charge your grown up children rent you dont think of them as your children anymore.

Which is ridiculous.

sunshinelifeisgood · 01/09/2011 23:57

yanbu, myself and my siblings were always taught to pay thier own way. The min we were 16 and had a job we paid rent simple as that. My mums attitude was were we nearly adults and had to live in a adult world.
I made big mistakes with my ds and supported him financially even though it crippled me to the extent that I thought "oh precious son I will support you even though you are in and out of work and even when you are working you are bringing home £1k per month", but thats ok

I learnt with my dd and she pays £15 per week rent (this is because she has only just finished college and earns £100 per week), she totally understands that once she earns more she will contribute more. She also understands that she has to pay her way in life. Of course I still pay for the little things but now she see's them as treats from her good old mum

scarlettsmummy2 · 01/09/2011 23:57

I think you are being a bit mean if you don't need the money. Maybe thirty five. But your son will only have a few years to spend that money on himself before he ends up having to deal with adult responsibilities. Let him have a bit of fun.

sunshinelifeisgood · 02/09/2011 00:01

It does not mater if the OP needs the money or not it is about teaching financial responsability. I am glad we were charged rent as young adults because it made us grateful for what we have now because we worked for it and paid our way

usualsuspect · 02/09/2011 00:05

Oh I dunno what I'm trying to say ,ignore me

scarlettsmummy2 · 02/09/2011 00:12

There are other ways to learn financial responsibility, I know when I moved into my own home I quickly learned how to budget and the value of money, however it was also nice to have had a few years to be able to do things young people like to do such as going on holiday and going for nice meals out regularly with your boyfriend, things that aren't always possible when you take on the responsibility of a mortgage, cars, council tax, bills and then children. As a mother, I know that when my daughter reaches her late teens and early twenties I want her to be able to afford to see a bit of the world and have a few nice experiences and not have to worry about finances and paying me rent if I can deal with the burden comfortably myself. I do think it is an entirely different story however if the parent is not in a position financially to support this option.

sunshinelifeisgood · 02/09/2011 00:14

basically... If you do not teach your teenagers financial repsonsability wether you earn a fecking million pound a year or a pound a year then you are not showing them the way in the world.
To any parent that says " i will not charge my little jimmy jack shit for the whole 30 years that he lives at home" what a load of bollax (my new swear word by the way)

A1980 · 02/09/2011 00:25

I haven't read all of this but am going to say YABU.

We are both professionals on good salaries with the usual bills and 3 children and we do not have £50 spare per week each to spend on ourselves.
Ok but you made your choices with the 3 children to pay for bit. You can afford to pay a mortgage, bills, good food, etc out of your profesional salaries. You have less than £50 a week each but you can afford a good standard of living and are independant. You are lacking is disposeable income but you can pay for the essentials and stand on your own two feet. Your DS has a nice big bedroom so a pretty nice big house you have then? It isn't the case that you only have less than £50 left to pay for your housing and food?

My husband says that he should be paying more rent (£50 per wk) as he's now a wage earner not a student. He is horrified although that would still leave him with £50 + per week disposable income after all his bills (car ins, petrol, rent, phone bill).
But tie in with my point above: it's no comparison to say we have less than £50 a week becasue you can actually afford a god damn house with the rest of your salary, he can't! If your DS only has £50 a week to live on how will he ever be able to save money to be able to move out himself? £50 a week isn't an awful lot. He's only 19 and £50 a week doesn't fund much if he wanted to have some sort of social life. If it gets to the point where it's only work and bed he can do because he can't afford much then he'll be pretty depressed.

TBH if put your DS's position I'd be looking for a bedsit and the hell with it. At 19 you're only a few short years out of childhood and being told by your paretns what you can and can't do. If at 19 I was then faced with the prospect of my parents taking my money becasue I have more then they do even thought they can afford much more then I can (a house, bills, etc) I would leave.

Bogeyface · 02/09/2011 00:46

Can I ask Fabby what "sacrifices" you made for them to go to Uni if, as you claim, they put themselves through college and you didnt pay a penny?!

And as for not making money out of your children, I take it you will refuse the house and the 10k?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 02/09/2011 02:13

Beat me to it Bogey, had just scrolled down to ask the very same question. Someone needs to get their story straight...

thefirstMrsDeVere · 02/09/2011 08:19

usual I dont want to ignore you! You have an absolute right to think that charging your children rent is wrong. If you dont charge your kids you are not going to produce selfish deliquents. By the same token I am not going to produce a resentful outcast. Smile

My parents didnt charge me. TBH with you I didnt appreciate it. I didnt even notice it. It didnt make me rubbish with money though.

I tried to help my DS learn about the adult world in this particular way because it is what I feel is right.

That isnt to say I think anyone who doesnt agree with me is a bad parent or precious. Just different.

Riveninabingle · 02/09/2011 09:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 02/09/2011 09:09

That is a point.
How many teenagers realise that when they leave education their parents no longer get CB or CTC etc?

I know my DS didnt have a clue about this. He also thought that he could live on £30 a week ema (rent, food etc).

Because teenagers, even clever ones, can be a bit dense.