To find it unsettling that mum's still threaten to smack childrens bums in public?

[kitya]

Ive just been to the nail parlour and this perfectly nice mum in her early twenties told her daughter that if she didnt sit still she would pull her knickers down and smack her bum. I thought that went out with the 70's? I didnt know where to look. She was telling me about starting uni and everything but, I couldnt concentrate and what she was saying after that.

Am also surprised by the 70's comment. Loads of parents smack. Loads don't. Why is this any surprise.
Justine was interviewed once and said something like, that many Mn'ers had admitted they had. and that many were embarassed/ashamed. or some sort of similar comment, of that ilk.
So why the surprise from everyone ?

Oh and this impression thta worse goes on at home, is a load of nonsense. You always see thta comment on threads like this, 'oh imagine what goes on behind closed doors.'
Yeah ? What do you really think DOES go on behind closed doors ?
Worse ? The same ? Better ?

On this thread itself, many people have said that they say all sorts of things, and actually have never ever laid a finger on their children. threats of sticks, wallopings, knuckle dusters, sandwiches, all sorts of wierd/funny/strange threats. But actually never ever ever carried out. so what does that tell you ?
Not alot, then !!!

I'm one of those surprised. I honestly thought it was quite rare these days. Maybe its the type I've associated with since having my daughter but I honestly thought it was one of those things (like smoking) that had gone out of fashion and thought to be poor taste. Not to say it doesn't happen, but just that the widespread acceptance of it had.

i was one of the surprised too. i have never seen any of my friends smack their kids, i've never smacked my 3 dc, and any of the friends i've spoken to about it have felt exactly as i do.

i also really don't understand the smacking a child in response to a dangerous situation one... if my toddler tried to run out into the road i would be very shaken up and upset, but to smack them to shock them? surely they're already shocked? and smacking them as a kneejerk reaction? my response to danger for my dc is to hug them not hit them.

and i'd got through nearly 10 years of parenting before i saw a thread on MN about smacking a few months ago... so it's obviously not as prevalent as some would expect

Yes, before I run away on holiday, I just want to clarify that she didnt hit her. It was just the threat that floored me and that was only the "pulling your knickers down bit" people say I'll smack your bum all the time. I dont know how I wouldve felt if she had have done it. Im sure she wouldnt have. There is alot to be said with expecting a four year old to sit and read heat magazine for an hour though!!

Ps, the 70's reference was only because thats where my childhood memories lie. Nothing else.

I think its more common than you realise. Mn gives a false impression. All the studies show that it is infact not uncommon.
I went to 2 parenting courses, before I found out that ds was autistic, and both the woman running the courses said that they had.

Mrsravelstein, the topic of smacking is prevalent on MN.
As Piglet said, there are 100's and 100' and 100's of smacking threads on MN, over the years. Same with bf v ff, etc etc.
Yawn.
When they did a survey and found out that, what was the stastic ???, was in 1 in 3, had smacked, atleast once. No, surely, it can't have been that high..... obs goes off to check to see if she can find Justine Interview...... so more "prevalent" than you might think.

I was brought up in the 70's, and I also remember the pulling down of pants thing so I did get the reference. I did get that this was her main point.

There is a world of difference between threatening to smack a child's bum, and threatening to pull down underclothing to smack a child's bum. Right?

"Today we have access to so many other ways of disciplining children without smacking them, that a lot of effective discipliners who don't smack, see it as a rather unhappy way to parent to threaten children with a smack."

That really makes me laugh. As if there have been some profound "parenting" (another hateful word, parent is a noun only) inventions since the 70s. As if the genius who invented "time outs" and "naughty steps" could get a patent on them. Why not bring out a "naughty step" with built in timer as a new "parenting" invention?

Seriously, there were plenty of good parents throughout the ages. I think a lot of our parents (who brought us up in the 60s and 70s) look at the spoiled, out of control children today and think that the present generation has forgotten how to be parents and prefer to be their childrens' friends to the detriment of their children.

Parenting involves discipline. It is the side of it which is no fun at all but it is an obligation in for any good parent. What method is used (smacking, naughty step, time out etc etc) is very secondary to how it is administered. If explanations are given first, then warnings and, above all, a parent is consistent in the application, then, for me, a smack is better than the "humiliation" punishments which involve either a form of imprisonment or ostracism. Each to their own, though.

"Seriously, there were plenty of good parents throughout the ages. I think a lot of our parents (who brought us up in the 60s and 70s) look at the spoiled, out of control children today and think that the present generation has forgotten how to be parents and prefer to be their childrens' friends to the detriment of their children."

I am that child that was bought up in the 70's. I was never smacked. I, myself, look at the children of today and think there is this friendly , chummy, thing going on with what appears to be very little discipline. And I don't mean necessarily, smacking. There seems to be a lack of much discipline.

i say stop it or youl get a smack. never felt odd about it.

lots of people smack and many more just wont admit it

I am that child that was bought up in the 70's. I was never smacked. I, myself, look at the children of today and think there is this friendly , chummy, thing going on with what appears to be very little discipline. And I don't mean necessarily, smacking. There seems to be a lack of much discipline.

I don't buy all this 'if it's done in public what's going on at home?'

I won't say too much other than I know someone who's all pleas, smiles, oh darling/darling in public and at home screams/ shouts and smacks DC's.

The DC's are quite frankly a blardy nightmare but one does have to wonder if it's the mixed messages they get re dissapline.

i think if half the kids on here were given a swift smack as soon as they started playing up, we wouldnt have half the angst and navel gazing and trying to get back from the abyss :)

We were often hit as children. On occasion it went much further than a smack in fact. Even though we were frightened of being hit, it didn't actually stop us from being 'naughty'. It just made us very sad and contributed to us being angry children that solved all disputes by fighting.

I will never hit my daughter.

Surely a parent can discipline a child without raising a hand to them? I agree that we can lack a little discipline these days but smacking is not the answer in my opinion.

Any form of smacking is illegal in Sweden, apparently, and an Italian man on holiday there was arrested this week and jailed for 3 days for slapping his 12 year old son in public...! (apparently his son was having a tantrum and refusing to go into a restaurant)
Personally I don't agree with smacking and slapping, having been smacked and slapped myself as a child/teenager by both parents for different reasons, but this seems a bit OTT...apprently he risks up to 2 years in prison.

All physical aggression to children is bad.

Smacking bare bums is stomach churningly bad.

Threatening to smack bare bottoms is cruel.

larrygrylls I agree whole-heartedly, and I was also about to ask what these strange new inventions for disciplining are.

The 'naughty step' is only a variation on "stand in the corner and face the wall" surely, which I had to do back in the 80s.

YABVVVVU..... As I remarked to DS (11) only yesterday. "You're not too big to smack, you know"... Said with love, naturally.

Bring back the Stocks. Cure for everything.....

And lets not forget, the mum in the OP did not smack said child, she threatened a bum exposure and a smack. Totally different thing.

I also agree with larrygrylls

I would add that, as a child, I found isolation-type discipline such as "naughty step" or "time out" far far more distressing than being smacked.

I cannot understand why some people think that naughty step is so much better than smacking. What is distressing to a child, or effective, all depends on how it is done and the particular child.

I agree with larrygrylls too.

I have seen time out administered in a humiliating and inappropriate way.

Plenty of loving parents smack. Mine did and I don't hold it against them.

"I have seen time out administered in a humiliating and inappropriate way."

That's also bad.

I have seen children nor effectively disciplined at all
even worse