To find it unsettling that mum's still threaten to smack childrens bums in public?

[kitya]

Ive just been to the nail parlour and this perfectly nice mum in her early twenties told her daughter that if she didnt sit still she would pull her knickers down and smack her bum. I thought that went out with the 70's? I didnt know where to look. She was telling me about starting uni and everything but, I couldnt concentrate and what she was saying after that.

I said that when I have been on holiday the children seem better behaved. I have also worked with lots of children from different cultures so there is good and bad I don not know which countries smack and which do not smack. But generally other european countries seem to enjoy their children more and get less stressed. I have never been to the costadelsol.

Lots of people join in with riots for the sake of it which happened with the riots now and the Brixton riots.

Im so glad your not my mother maypole you sound awfull.

I went to school with a boy who got smacked alot and by the time he was 17 he had been in and out of prison. For being violent.
so obviously being smacked didnt help him later on in life.

red glow in Italy there isn't government legislation for or agains smacking, it is left up to the family to implement any disciplinary tool, family sees fit.
As for European children being more balanced, loved, and respected, How do you think they got that way?
Firm discipline and very clear boundaries.

popcornchicken I don't think young man in question has been in and out of prison, just because he has been smacked as a child.
He probably ended that way because he wasn't loved and properly reared and disciplined.
I have 16 year old, who has been smacked on occasion, he is not in prison, nor he is delinquent, but balanced, respectful young man, good student, excellent son and responsible brother.

strictlovingmum my point exactly he probaally didnt end up in prison because he got smacked but if you had of read the whole thread maypole had made a point that a child spitting in a teachers face because he wasnt smacked and i thought she was quick to judge others.

I do agree with red glow that europeon children are more well behaved not because of disipline but they are spoken to and respected more by there parents.

popcornchicken am so glade your children are not at my Childs school

Jesus wept

Those who think smacking equals a child who is depressed or have mental Heath issues are fools people have clearly stated they smack and their children have survived also people have clearly stated they were smacked and are fine

But yes your right lets refer to the self help books of whom usually have no children

Biggest Parenting Myth-Smacking is Detrimental to Discipline

Darn link doesn't work, makes an interesting reading, google it if you like.

maypole you obviously like to twist things as you have done all the way through. you are obviously a very angry person perhaps you were smacked as a child.
I have never read a self help book as i have clearly not mentioned them just something you thought up in your little world yes i am glad my children dont go to the same school but for all you know they do. i suspect you have an opinion on everyones child. as for mental health again in your own little world are we?

I think popcorn chicken maypole does not read threads, she did this earlier with somebody else.

"Those who think smacking equals a child who is depressed or have mental Heath issues are fools"

So the whole of child-development, psychology and research professionals are fools!

Really?

It wasn't so very long ago that psychologists tried to "treat" gay people to cure them of their "disorder". Or that doctors thought thalidomide was perfectly safe for pregnant women. Etc, etc. Here in the US in the 80's and early '90's it was all about the children's self-esteem, and it has done far more harm than good. A bit here

And no, I don't think all people who don't smack are hippy dippy parents. I'm sure Bertie is a wonderful parent, for starters. But I don't think that the very occasional light tap or the attitude of "I am the parent and, while I love you and respect your thoughts and feelings, I will make the decisions" is a bad thing.

Maypole - If you read some of this literature it's specifically the humiliation element that is harmful to child development.

I agree with that, certainly. Humiliation is not on at all.

I do think it's fine for children to feel guilty though, or to be embarrassed by what they've done.

"It wasn't so very long ago that psychologists tried to "treat" gay people to cure them of their "disorder"."

That's kind of an irrelevent side issue really and has distorted feel about it in your reporting of it - as if your main goal is to discredit the whole of psychological and mental health professions!

Maypole you keep telling people that you're glad their children aren't at your child's school.

Do you not even realise how offensive that is? What are you teaching your kids about being respectful and polite to other people, even when you disagree with them?

You're so self righteous and yet oh so silly headed.

My point as well Herebebollox I do not think maypole was very well brought up. I really hope my children learn to respect others and dont turn out like maypole. Is she a teacher?

I don't think it's particularly helpful to generalise, and put all parents who do not smack as great parents, and those that do as bad ones.
All within moderation, verbal abuse, belittling, too much of silent treatment, festering, and harbouring negative feelings towards a child can be just as damaging if not more.
Parent that's in control at all times, and can choose responsible disciplinary measure, is the one who obviously got it right.
To be assertive, stern and strict does not make one a monster, but rather responsible loving parent, with intention to produce well balanced future member of community, hence society.

I think everyone brings their children up in different ways and there is not a right or a wrong way at the end of the day everybody wants their children to turn out nice children.

redglow perfectly said, process of bringing children up is less important, then overall outcome is the ultimate goal, Isn't the outcome what counts?
I say love them, and cherish them and nurture them, have fun with them, but also straighten them out when required, on the long run you will be doing them a favour, one(love) is dependable on the other(discipline).

Guess most parents hit a middle ground between stricter than strict disciplinarian and no boundaries at all. Why does it have to fall into 2 camps - maypole in particular here - you seem to be making a huge assumption that those who don't smack must let their children run riot... FWIW I've never read a parenting book, self help or otherwise, but do work in mental health. I wouldn't smack my husband, friends or colleagues just like I won't smack DS. Feels totally wrong to me. But he sure as he'll will have boundaries, and be taught to respect others, and to have manners. Don't see where smacking comes into teaching him respect for others - in my humble opinion it just teaches him it's ok to hit someone smaller than him.

Meant to say I agree on you last point strictlovingmum - an integral part of loving your child is to raise them to treat others as they wish to be treated themselves and to stick to the legal and ethical side of the tracks. I think that can be achieved without smacking.

Hard work, hard graft is pretty much done when DC's reach the age of about 12, by that time parents usually have clear indication, if they sawn the seeds in the right way, or not.
Polite, reasonable, sometimes moody, but overall sensible young adult who treat his/hers parents and other adults with respect and love, it's the success story.
Mouthy, verbally abusive, rebel with intent to end up in a lot of trouble, will unfortunately follow the downward spiral, and it will take nothing short of a miracle to salvage him/her.
It is never more important for children to have boundaries in place, then when they are about to enter adolescence, it gives them confidence and assurance, someone at home cares about me, and loves me, and that same loving, caring one "I don't want to disappoint.
That is respect, understanding cause and consequence, and it's got to be taught pretty early on.

Yes very much so - saw plenty of children when I worked on an adolescent metal health inpatient unit who had had no love, no care - their path was far harder than those who had a supportive parent who was clear with boundaries but generous with love. Some, not all, of those who lacked that were able to be turned around though, but it was damned hard!