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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it unsettling that mum's still threaten to smack childrens bums in public?

358 replies

kitya · 31/08/2011 19:24

Ive just been to the nail parlour and this perfectly nice mum in her early twenties told her daughter that if she didnt sit still she would pull her knickers down and smack her bum. I thought that went out with the 70's? I didnt know where to look. She was telling me about starting uni and everything but, I couldnt concentrate and what she was saying after that.

OP posts:
CalmaLlamaDown · 31/08/2011 21:40

Perry i like your poem too. We call it bottom bongos in our house but i might nick your idea now..

wishiwasholdingaachinegun · 31/08/2011 21:40

I hate any kind of domestic violence.

It's strange that people hit their own children. I just don't understand it.

I think it's so unnecessary.

Treat children with respect from day 1 and they'll do as they're asked. Most of the children I know who are badly behaved have arents who shout and hit (or treaten to hit them).

:(

HereBeBolloX · 31/08/2011 21:43

No YANBU.

She sounds like a cunt.

pigletmania · 31/08/2011 21:48

its true, the post sticks in my head.

onagar · 31/08/2011 21:49

Some people find it a better punishment/inducement then the methods you use. It's a matter of opinion and is not illegal.

Feel free to do things your own way and others will carry on doing theirs.

I also find the indignation hard to believe. Can there really be anyone so cut off that they genuninely think it's illegal and that no one smacks any more?

Whatmeworry · 31/08/2011 21:50

YABU - she she didn't do it, right?

I think I prefer that approach to some others, eg letting the PFB run amok or ineffectually saying "Mummy doesn't want you to run around darling|" etc.

onagar · 31/08/2011 21:53

HereBeBolloX can we assume by your nasty and unnecessary response that you were brought up by the "let's reason with the little darling" method of parenting?

MadameBoo · 31/08/2011 21:54

It is illegal in some cases actually Onagar

'It is unlawful for a parent or carer to smack their child, except
where this amounts to ?reasonable punishment?. This defence is laid
down in section 58 of the Children Act 2004, but it is not defined
in this legislation. Whether a ?smack? amounts to reasonable punishment
will depend on the circumstances of each case taking into consideration
factors like the age of the child and the nature of the
smack.
However, physical punishment will be considered "unreasonable" if it
leaves a mark on the child or if the child is hit with an implement
such as a cane or a belt.
There are strict guidelines covering the use of reasonable punishment
and it will not be possible to rely on the defence if you use severe
physical punishment on your child which amounts to common
assault or battery.' (From Children's legal centre website).

What fucks me off about these threads in the assumption that for those of us who prefer not use physical punishment it's all PFB and 'don't run around darling' loud uber parenting. Hmm

chandellina · 31/08/2011 21:55

YABU. parents use different methods and we should try not to judge them on it, assuming no one is talking about outright beating and child abuse!
smacking has definitely been around a lot longer than the 70s and will always be a part of the parenting toolbox for many.

beckybrastraps · 31/08/2011 21:58

I regularly tell my DC that I will eviscerate them (or some other ludicrous threat) if they don't stop whatever it is they are doing. I don't tend to follow through.

Oh, and DS did read a book with a reference to to a knuckle sandwich and asked what it was, so now when when I ask him to stop something, he will say "or else knuckle sandwich?", which has earned us some odd looks I can tell you.

Sidalee7 · 31/08/2011 21:58

I have been pushed to the limit with my dc's but I can honestly say I would NEVER smack them. Why would I want to hurt my children?

I am nooo soft touch btw, but smacking makes me feel physically sick.

Whatmeworry · 31/08/2011 22:04

What fucks me off about these threads in the assumption that for those of us who prefer not use physical punishment it's all PFB and 'don't run around darling' loud uber parenting

I'll ignore the PA critique thank you, and remind you I used the word "some "that you have replaced with "all" :o

Btw, which bit of threatening to smack her daughter's bum was the physical punshment bit?

HereBeBolloX · 31/08/2011 22:19

No onagar you can't

HereBeBolloX · 31/08/2011 22:19

I don't think my response was nasty and unnecessary either. I think it was measured and appropriate. Grin

FabbyChic · 31/08/2011 22:22

I detest parents who do this, I also detest parents who take it upon themselves to belt their children in public, i.e slap them. Violence begets violence, it is these same children who grow up to be tyrants, layabouts and general wronguns.

HereBeBolloX · 31/08/2011 22:22

The older I get the more I despise people who excuse cruelty to children.

Whether the person in the OP's story did it or not, she threatened to and FGS as a grown adult, can one really not think of a better threat than "I will hurt and humiliate you in public?" to a child?

What a pathetic way to behave. What a loser.

troisgarcons · 31/08/2011 22:23

Wow! I still tell my 6'4" 16yo if he cheeks me he will get a bar bottomed botty smack in Tescos Grin

Personally I find kissing him infront of his GF has the desired effect these days.

What you say and what you do are two different things.

)))nail parlours(((

HereBeBolloX · 31/08/2011 22:23

LOL at layabouts and general wrong 'uns Grin

For some reason I had an image of the Scouse git in Alf Garnett and Wolfie Smith.

Layabout's such a seventies word, isn't it?

MadameBoo · 31/08/2011 22:26

You're right Whatme, she did only threaten and didn't actually do it.

I haven't actually seen anyone pull their child's pants down and smack in public in the 3 1/2 years since I've had my own child and been more likely to notice these things.

What is a PA critique?

youarekidding · 31/08/2011 22:34

A look was all we needed most of the time - the good ole death stare. Grin

Agree with trois A child will know their parent and will know when it's a sentence to indicate 'enough is enough'. If they don't do it I personally don't see the problem.

My Aunt use to say 'I'm gonna give you a bunch of bananas in a minute'. Grin She never touched me, ever.

lavenderbongo · 31/08/2011 22:40

DH and I made a conscious decision to not smack our girls. And we have stuck to that. I never discuss this in real life as I have friends who do smakc their children and I do not want to give the impression that I am judging their parenting techniques.
However the other day they came round for coffee and one of the kids was playing up a bit (taking bisuits having been repeatedly told not to) and my friend smacked her hand. Both my girls looked horrified and stood their with their mouths wide open. This reaction just confirmed what I have always thought. If you bring violence into the home, even in the form of punishment, it makes it acceptable and part of ordinary life. Which it should not be - at least not part of childhood.
I always say to my kids when then push and shove each other "does Mummy ever hit you?" and its a great way of pointing out that it is not appropriate beahviour or nice.
This is my opinion and I fully accept that people choose to use other methods of raising my kids. I only hope that my girls carry on with our method.

2old2care · 31/08/2011 22:42

YANBU Smacking of any kind is wrong.People that choose this type of punishment must be shit at parenting imo.Is Very sad.

FabbyChic · 31/08/2011 22:44

Herebe! Im old!

GypsyMoth · 31/08/2011 22:49

3 of my 5 are bigger than me...... Where do you draw the line and when do you stop?

Assume all you child smackers are only smacking the smaller child.... You know, the ones who can't man handle you back and the ones who can't dial police/ tell a teacher/call childline, after all, your small children aren't in a position to give a detailed statement of your assault on them are they?!

GypsyMoth · 31/08/2011 22:50

Get to grips with some parenting skills and give them 'the look'