To find it unsettling that mum's still threaten to smack childrens bums in public?

[kitya]

Ive just been to the nail parlour and this perfectly nice mum in her early twenties told her daughter that if she didnt sit still she would pull her knickers down and smack her bum. I thought that went out with the 70's? I didnt know where to look. She was telling me about starting uni and everything but, I couldnt concentrate and what she was saying after that.

Better DM than Grauniad.

:)

Why would anyone have an issue getting a sitter? this does not make sense maypole. I hope your children do not have to keep it zipped if they had a really bad problem. I am so glad my children can come to me with their problems.

Never heard of new age parenting till I got on here either herebebollox.

Really because I am seeing a lot of it from you and HereBeBolloX

And to be honest if I was a teacher I would hate to have your Dort of child in my class constantly interrupting and expressing themselves during the class

Telling the teacher what they think and what they want no wonder why we can't get teachers

You favour weak willed parenting when the child sets the agenda and I prefer strong parenting were we the adults set the agenda

For 12 years we have tried it your way allowing the little darling to do and say what they like expressing themselves at every turn

Not making them do any thing that will offend their delicate nature, allowing children to choose what they eat when they will be have and what adults they will give respect to
As a result this guardian, lentil lead parenting has given us rude, sassy children who think their views and rights to express themselves trump any adult, they have a skewed view of their position and feel because of pandering parents they don't have to work for any thing

It hasn't worked and the riots have shown this , their are a few still clinging on to this wooly notion but most now can see firm but fair parenting and in some cases tough love is the only way

Sorry maypole but you're coming across as a bit stupid.

Where have I said that my child interrupts their teachers all the time?

Can you point me to the post?

Um, no you can't, becuase I haven't said that.

You're just extrapolating from the posts you don't like here, what people are like and what they believe and like most ignorant people, you haven 't got the faintest idea where anyone who disagrees with you, is coming from.

If you think the majority of rioters came from hippy households where parents didn't hit them and believed in them expressing themselves, then really there's no point discussing this with you. You're obviously on a different planet.

redglow I have many friends who also follow the guardian lentil lead parenting and trust me they can never get a sitter why because

Their children go to be when they want

Only eat what they want and

Are not allowed to hear a raised voice against what they are doing lest they are upset

No one wants babysit a Molly colluded child nor do they want to teach one

HereBeBolloX hippy dilly parenting and people who don't give a shit and not as far apart as they think

Both parents provide no boundaries rules or discipline

Both camps feel their little darlings should not endure the restraints of adults rules give respect unless they get it or face up o wrong doing

You did however state in earlier post your child should be free to express themselves

Can you point me to it Maypole?

I really don't think you understand what I'm posting tbh

I said this: "what bit of the "express yourself brigade" do you disapprove of? Children being invited to discuss the feelings of characters in a story? Children writing letters to new pupils at their school, telling them about the school? Children being asked for their response to Mr Darcy's proposal to Elizabeth Bennett? Children being asked for their suggestions as to what to do to influence their parents not to park on zig zag lines outside school? Children being asked how they can save fuel and water within schools? Which expressions offend you?"

and this:

"Do you mean that reception children shouldn't be encouraged to paint their moods?

Or that year 2's shouldn't discuss philosophy?

Or that school councils shouldn't meet?

Or that Year 6's shouldn't present to younger years, or take class assemblies?

Because that's what I understand by children expressing themselves at school."

Now, can you tell me where that states that I think my kids should be allowed to constantly interrupt the teacher?

Also, telling another poster that if you were a teacher you wouldn't want their kids in your class, is pretty offensive.

If I were to reply in kind, I could say soemthing along the lines of I wouldn't want the children of someone who can't read a post and respond politely and respectfully, without insulting another poster, in my class. But that would be oafish.

You'd probably see my parenting as "hippy-dippy" too. But it's about as ridiculous to assume that parents who are more laid back than you are "completely child-centred" and let their children do whatever, whenever, as it would be if I assumed that because you are "strict" and agree with smacking, that you dictate every second of your child's life to them, dole out beatings for every misdemeanour, and never cuddle them just in case it turns them soft.

Listening to your child's opinions and wanting them to be able to express themselves or stand up to someone who is behaving wrongly towards them does not mean that you don't teach them that it is rude to interrupt someone.

Choosing not to use arbitrary unrelated punishments and (shock horror) not punishing at all for certain things (but choosing to teach the lesson another way) does not mean that you never do anything that might upset them, or do anything that might look like a punishment. Of course you take a toy away from a child who is about to break it or hurt someone with it.

Just because someone is more relaxed than you over certain issues like bedtime or food or whatever doesn't mean they have NO boundaries. Perhaps their priorities are different to yours. DS co-slept and woke in the night until he was over 2, but he's almost 3 now and asks to go to bed most nights, me and DP are the ones saying "Just five more minutes!" I have never had a screaming tantrum from him over not wanting to go to bed.

I'm sure it's the case that some parents pander to their DCs and take great pains never to upset them and follow their every whim but I'm tired of the same assumptions being doled out to every one of us who dares to say "I don't really like the word naughty" or "I think that Supernanny is all wrong" or that they don't agree with time out or smacking or that they have a fussy child or or or I could go on.

BertieBotts to be honest I am tired of the assumptions that any one who smack their child is some kind of child abuser who beat their child when any one who has actalluy been attacked or beaten will know they are two very diffrent things

I don't smack but why is it any one elses issue if someone is I hate people who let their children run a muck but that won't warrant be asking if I would phone the police or intervene on nm
Although I want to sometimes

HereBeBolloX you stated somthing about dm and being stupied but now I have got personal with you, you seem not o like it so much.

Some people smack their children
Some people don't some people allow their children to set the agenda

Its Prarental choice but trying to compare smacking witch child abuse it just crazy its nit illegal to smack your own child

And to be honest I can think of wors parenting practices that need to be outlawed

Er, I think you'll find that you got "personal" first Maypole.

Really you sound exactly like the stereotype of a smacking parent tbh.

I think most people understand that parents who hit their kids, don't all fit one stereotype. But tbh, you're not their best spokesperson.

But that's exactly what I was saying...

"Some people smack their children"

Well DON'T!

Get creative and think up another way.

Smacking's rubbish - and EVERY developmental psychology book says it is too.

God sakes!

Maypole you are rude and offensive how the hell would you know that my children interupt in class. You need to respect other people and listen a bit more which is exactly what I am teaching my children.

I am nanny and do babysitting all the time and I have never met the sort of children that you seem to know.

You sound like the sort of parent that is always bitching about other peoples children while thinking your own are perfect, which I doubt if they are.

Is not smacking hippy parenting?

We've never smacked our kids nor do we feed them lentils very often. We don't let them set the agenda and they behave beautifully!

My guess is that the looters DID get smacked when they were little as this does not happen in countries where parents don't smack!

By the way Maypole there was the Brixton riots when parenting was tougher. S o the recent riots are not new.

"this does not happen in countries where parents don't smack!"

I agree.

I'm ashamed of the UK's happy smackie attitude. Can't say I've EVER heard parents in other countries screech, "ger ere NOW - I'm gonna smack yer arse!"

When I go on holiday abroad the children always seem to be lovely behaved. The whole attitude towards children seems nicer. Here we tut and stare if a child is having a tantrum where is abroad they seem to manage to get them out of it really quick without much fuss.

Different people, different opinions, discipline methods will vary, from family to family, also lot depends on type of the child you have, and what is actually acceptable to you as parent what is not.
As long as one disciplines effectively,and has measures in place that's all that matters.
There is a vast difference between occasional well administered smack, to nip the bad behaviour in the bud, and beating child to point when that it becomes only disciplinary measure and it becomes in effect child abuse.
And somebody up the tread mentioned something about continental children not being smacked, well Dh is European, and almost every year we go to visit them, our DC's have lot of cousins and set of grand parents who are in charge in effect of all the children, put it this way kids are beautifully behaved, because majority of them are growing up as part of very large communal extended family, 'elders rule', and if the child misbehaves, firm, but loving discipline will be implemented.
They have a different way of life, where advice on "how to rear children it's not obtained from a "book" but rather from experienced family members.
No one will bat an eye lid to occasional smack, if deserved, nor will anyone spend time and energy, trying to calm unreasonable roaring toddler in the middle of the tantrum, over there kids quickly learn tantrums are not the way to go.
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Animation well if a self help parenting book says so it must be true

And to say other countries don't smack ha ha ha you must have only been to costa del sol

Because smacking is down to individual family not a country do to say you know for a fact that the rest of Europe don't smack

You are just plucking at straws

And the person who mentioned about brixtion riots that was about the Sussex laws and race not about benefits, lawlessness and a sense of entitlement That has been bread by the guardian readers guide to parenting.

And just the fact the people are getting their parenting advice from self help parenting books just shows me every thing I need to know about the State of some people parenting

I can just see it now oh little toms misbehaved

Mother says oh stop kicking me while I look for this in page 6 lol

God help us

I do agree with maypole on the points of discipline elsewhere, certainly our experience showed, our family, seldom read about how to discipline or indeed feed their children.
Children are fed the same food as rest of the family, and disciplined as seen fit in that family, and often not only by parents, but grandparents, aunts, older siblings etc.
So yes, again discipline tools should be down to individual family, rather then mass, book induced, untried parenting theory.

YABU

i swore i'd never smack dd and never have, but that hasn't stopped her hitting, biting, pushing and generally being a nightmare. I've come to the conclusion that a short, measured smack to the backside once in a blue moon might have actually stopped some of this unbearable behaviour.

"Animation well if a self help parenting book says so it must be true"

Maypole.

Within the child-development professions and among the researchers - they ALL report that smacking is detrimental to the behaviour and mental health of children.

Did your teacher training advocate smacking?