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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paedophile on my street

153 replies

EarlyYearsProfessional · 30/08/2011 00:01

I live in a lovely quiet village. Alot of the residents are either elderly or young families who have been brought up in the same street..it really is lovely!

Last yr a man whose parents live on my street was convicted and sent to prison for 16 months due to looking at paedophile images (sorry dont really know correct terminology for this filth) on the internet. It was reported he was looking into the worst kind of images you can imagine. they graded it in our local newspaper..but I cant quite remember what it was...just horrendous is what I remember!

Bit of background..my husband went to school with this man. He was a family man, worked as a postie and had 2 young children..a girl and boy under 8 at the time! His parents are lovely. I always see his children playing in the garden happily. It was his wife who found the images and reported him..it was then found to be true!

My issue is that I saw him the other day. In his car, laughing and joking with both his children on front seat laughing. He parked outside his mums and dads. i told my hubby he wud take refuge there but he said he thought he wud hide out from such a family orientated village. Obviously not! Then yesterday we drove past his parents house and we saw his car. I pointed to show my hubby and sure enough we saw him running round garden with his kids!

everyone was sooo shocked when it happened as he was such a normal regular family man! I cringe now thinking that he is on the same street (a few door away). What about my children? What about my childminding business?? I just cant digest it. I know its noit his parents fault but I just dont want him living nr me..or the children of our village! Im not comfortable with keeping quiet or just pretending it hasnt happened!

How should we as a family and a village deal with this?

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/08/2011 17:52

In my view your risk has gone down (although it might not feel like it).

Previously you lived near a paedophile and had no idea that he was a potential risk now you live near a paedophile and are fully aware of the fact so can take steps to keep your children away from him.

rainbowinthesky · 30/08/2011 17:53

Not read the whole thread but I bet he's not the only child abuser in your lovely little village.

creighton · 30/08/2011 18:31

sorry bluefergie, you feel that he is 'okay' because he does not abuse his own children, he only enjoys other people's children being abused?

TandB · 30/08/2011 19:35

Er, where did BlueFergie say the man is "okay" because he may not be an active abuser of children?

She is making a point, as I did, about keeping the level of panic/emotion proportionate. She did not make any sort of moral judgement about the man himself.

BlueFergie · 30/08/2011 20:03

Thank you kungfupanda.

Yes creighton I never said this man was 'okay', in fact I said his crimes were despicable and that I wouldn't let my own children near him. My point in posting was to try and reassure the OP that because he had used child porn did not mean that he was autmatically going to abuse children himself and that the majority of child porn users do not actually directly abuse children themselves. Given the OPs specific concerns I thought this fact was salient.

Please do me the courtesy of reading my posts before attributing such views to me. Jesus hysterical much?

PreviouslyonLost · 30/08/2011 20:10

Pagwatch very eloquently put across her personal experience of adults who destroy a child's trust in the world. And pointed out that the 'stranger' is rarely the danger. She was 100% right.

EarlyYearsProfessional when your internalised sense of normality is disturbed by a revelation that you can't quite comprehend, it is normal to be shaken to the core, whether village inhabitant or city dweller it makes no difference! Many posters have said it 'better the devil you know' , I can't disagree. Please don't be deterred from posting again, there's some great advice and kindly souls to be found here Smile

glitterkitten · 30/08/2011 20:15

I'm just thinking out loud really, but I wonder if the number of people who view this filth online and then go on to abusing a child is a similar number to those who view violent porn and go on to being sexually violent?

As I say, just wondering out loud, I suppose I'm trying to think about if the perceived risk is the same as the actual risk? Confused

PreviouslyonLost · 30/08/2011 20:36

glitterkitten correlations between those who view and those who do are on the whole meaningless...it's supply and demand. EVERY picture shows an abused child...I can't draw a line about what's ok and what's not in that respect.

bettieblue · 30/08/2011 20:46

He would be on a post release licence( but depending on when he was released from prison this could now have finished) and subject to sex offenders registration (which is likely to be 5 years maybe more). Most sex offenders have a standard licence condition ' not to have unsupervised contact with children under 18 yrs old' so if he is still on post release licence then he probably shouldn't be sitting in a car even with his own children.(unless hes not seen as a risk to them ) He may be allowed contact with his children if it was assessed that a third party was suitable to supervise the contact - they would have to acknowledge the person was a risk. Even if hes no longer on licence I think the police over seeing his registration should be informed that hes having contact with his children, then can then check if SS are aware or need to be involved. I would just report the incident to the police if you are concerned.

The reality is most peaodophiles offend against children they know (either with families/ step families/ close friends set ups). You know who he is, in a village im sure most people know who he is, you keep you child away from him. Children are far more at risk from paedophiles who haven't been caught or families who don't believe there Dad, brother etc has committed offences even when they have gone to prison for it.

KaFayOLay · 30/08/2011 21:28

It is the paedophiles you don't know about that you should be worrying about, not the one you do.

Henrythehappyhelicopter · 30/08/2011 21:36

It is a little sad that you have been villified for slightly misplaced sentiments. It seems people would forgive paedophilia before they would forgive a badly worded post.

Its natural to feel shocked and upset by this man's close proximity, but where ever you go you will have someone like him not too far away.

I think you are right to be concerned about your business as others will feel the same as you do.

electra · 30/08/2011 21:56

oh ffs, this has absolutely nothing to do with 'forgiving' paedophilia.

Dear god

creighton · 30/08/2011 23:09

kungfupanda and bluefergie, i am not hysterical, you are too casual, as long as the op or the paedophile's children are not at risk you can breathe a sigh of relief! it is bizarre to me that you feel that this person is not a risk. he is increasing child abuse by buying/using pictures of children being abused. it is nice that the op's children and his own children are perceived to be safe, but what about the children used in the photographs? you don't know their names so they don't count, is that it?

you should make a moral judgement about this man. if you don't judge him, who will you judge?

fishtankneedscleaning · 31/08/2011 01:10

I am not sure why you think I need to look up "Post Grad" OP. Do you think I don't know what it means? I graduated years ago. I taught for years. I have brought up lots of foster children. I live in a small village - where I am aware of two paedophiles living in close proximity. One in my street and one in the next street. I am sure there are others that I don't know about. They are the reason young children in my care are supervised at all times.

BTW when I studied at Diploma level - before I gained my teaching degree and became a Post Grad - I learnt about relationships between adults and children. Paedophilia and the ways in which to handle concerns around perceived inappropriate adult/child relationships were a large part of the Early Years course. I am surprised this was not covered on your course TBH.

dorie · 31/08/2011 01:36

I have read this entire thread. I cannot believe that OP has qualifications in child care quite frankly. Do mothers need qualifiacations to keep their children safe from the weirdos of this world?

And as someone quite rightly said your child is only 7 months old. I cannot see why a peadophile would be a risk to your child. Do you allow him out on his own then?

kelly2000 · 31/08/2011 01:55

I am surprised he is allowed contact with his young children - can I just ask if you are sure his conviction was not overturned or something?
I also do not see how you and the village can do anything to "deal" with it- what are you going to do harress his parents, lynch him- all that will happen is that you get into trouble with the police
The only thing you can do is what you should be doing anyway -keeping an eye on the children. For all you know there are twenty other paedophiles on your street who have just not been caught yet.

TandB · 31/08/2011 07:25

Creighton - a moral judgement is not the same as a risk assessment.

The OP did not ask "AIBU to detest this man and what he has done?" to which the response would have been an unanimous YABU. She asked "How do we deal with this?"

Pontificating about the background to his crimes does not help her deal with the practicalities of the situation in any way, shape or form.

And for your information, I am more aware than I ever wanted to be about the background to these images and every time I come across one of these offenders in my line of work I make my own moral judgement. But my peronal moral judgements are not particularly helpful to the OP in deciding how to handle the situation.

A2363 · 31/08/2011 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 31/08/2011 08:37

'A unanimous YANBU' obviously.

spiderpig8 · 31/08/2011 09:09

The head teacher of a local secondary school has recently been convicted for posessing child porn! you sound remarkably ignorant for someone who works with children.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 31/08/2011 09:25

Sorry didn't get past this comment . . .

he could move to a city..

What the fuck?!?!?!

NunTheWiser · 31/08/2011 09:38

Well, at least you know who one of the paedophiles in your village is. There will be others that you don't and could never imagine being paedophiles. Wherever you live, you need to exercise reasonable (not hysterical or overbearing) supervision of your children and teach them to report any inappropriate behaviour, regardless of who perpetrates it.

Pendeen · 31/08/2011 09:56

How foolish to think 'knowing' your neighbours and the 'oddballs or troublemakers' means that villages are any safer from paedophiles

If that was aimed at me - and you wish to begin an exchange of personal insults - then so be it but you would be advised read all my comments about my (admittedly slightly OT) point befoe using words like "foolish".

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 31/08/2011 10:54

Sorry OP, hadn't read your further posts.

The thing that concerns me is the idea of someone being wrongly accused or convicted of something like this. Are you sure that the conviction wasn't overturned? Are you sure it wasn't his wife being malicious as you initially suspected. It must be a bloody awful thing to be accused of if you didn't do it. Mud sticks and all that.

BlueFergie · 31/08/2011 10:54

'kungfupanda and bluefergie, i am not hysterical, you are too casual, as long as the op or the paedophile's children are not at risk you can breathe a sigh of relief! it is bizarre to me that you feel that this person is not a risk. he is increasing child abuse by buying/using pictures of children being abused. it is nice that the op's children and his own children are perceived to be safe, but what about the children used in the photographs? you don't know their names so they don't count, is that it?'

creighton I am not sure where exactly you are getting these opinions you are attributing to me from because they are certainly not from my original post. You are missing my point completely. I stated clearly that these mans crimes are despicable. I am well aware of the link between viewing child porn and the abuse of children, as I stated in my very first post.
My post was a direct reponse to the OPs specific concerns about the danger (perceived or otherwise) to her children and the children in her care. My point was that these children may very well not be in direct danger. My apparent fault in your eyes was to respond to the OP rather than to offer my opinions on child porn and the users of it. I did not offer these opinions because they were not asked for and not actually relevant to addressing the OPs question.

I have asked you already to read my posts before attributing opinions to me that are not only inaccurate but hugely offensive to me. I never said that the children used in these pictures didn't count and I have no idea where you would get that impression?

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