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Original poster

Paedophile on my street

153 replies

EarlyYearsProfessional · 30/08/2011 00:01

I live in a lovely quiet village. Alot of the residents are either elderly or young families who have been brought up in the same street..it really is lovely!

Last yr a man whose parents live on my street was convicted and sent to prison for 16 months due to looking at paedophile images (sorry dont really know correct terminology for this filth) on the internet. It was reported he was looking into the worst kind of images you can imagine. they graded it in our local newspaper..but I cant quite remember what it was...just horrendous is what I remember!

Bit of background..my husband went to school with this man. He was a family man, worked as a postie and had 2 young children..a girl and boy under 8 at the time! His parents are lovely. I always see his children playing in the garden happily. It was his wife who found the images and reported him..it was then found to be true!

My issue is that I saw him the other day. In his car, laughing and joking with both his children on front seat laughing. He parked outside his mums and dads. i told my hubby he wud take refuge there but he said he thought he wud hide out from such a family orientated village. Obviously not! Then yesterday we drove past his parents house and we saw his car. I pointed to show my hubby and sure enough we saw him running round garden with his kids!

everyone was sooo shocked when it happened as he was such a normal regular family man! I cringe now thinking that he is on the same street (a few door away). What about my children? What about my childminding business?? I just cant digest it. I know its noit his parents fault but I just dont want him living nr me..or the children of our village! Im not comfortable with keeping quiet or just pretending it hasnt happened!

How should we as a family and a village deal with this?

OP posts:
NorfolkNChance · 30/08/2011 09:59

I find it amazing that someone with 12 years experience in education is this... well.... uninformed about such matters. I am only 7 years into teaching and am bombarded every year with facts, figures and guidance about child protection and safeguarding.

OP as long as your safeguarding policies are robust you'll be ok.

creighton · 30/08/2011 13:05

porcamiseria, you should be offended by people thinking that city dwellers are all 'dirt' and less than country/village people. The reason so many people move from cities is to get away from the 'wrong' sort of people. Also, anyone who looks at that type of picture is creating a market that encourages child abuse, so they are as vile as the perpetrators.

Pendeen · 30/08/2011 14:51

One point many on here seem to have missed is that not every village is the same; unfortunately lots have been filled with people who have brought city attitudes and behaviour with them; who hardly know their immediate neighbour let alone the oddballs or troublemakers.

Pinot · 30/08/2011 15:13

Oh Pag

electra · 30/08/2011 15:21

I agree he has to live somewhere. And, let's face it - none of us know who is living up the street. As a child we had a neighbour who turned out to be a paedophile but my parents never knew about it then - he was arrested a few years ago.

As you do know about it, you have a certain amount of control - ie you wouldn't leave your children in his care.

electra · 30/08/2011 15:26

Pendeen - what are you on about? No matter how nosey friendly people are it doesn't make a community safer.

In fact I'd argue that you are safer when you don't let everyone into your life.

Pendeen · 30/08/2011 15:31

electra

Your two posts contradict each other!

BarryKent · 30/08/2011 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

electra · 30/08/2011 15:39

No they don't! How do you figure that?

I'm astonished at the attitude of people on here that villages are some kind of utopia. Wherever you live there are risks and I object to stereotypes about 'odd balls' - which Pagwatch's story shows are misguided as well as downright prejudiced. You may think you know someone really well when in reality they have a double life. I'll bet nobody suspected Ian Huntley...

Moominsarescary · 30/08/2011 16:04

They are everywhere we had almost the same situation, the man was in prison and when released lived with his mum a few doors down from us, most people on the street had children.

When we moved to a new area around three years after we moved in the man next door was arrested and sent to prison for abusing 2 sisters who used to live on the street. The girls came forward about 6 years after the abuse had taken place. both houses had parks behind them so lots of children around.

Pendeen · 30/08/2011 16:20

Who said villages were utopia?

My point was that villages can be very different in character; sometimes they really do resemble mini cities, colonised by urban refugees and poles apart from stable and long established rural communities.

electra · 30/08/2011 16:27

Well surely Pagwatch's story has pretty much blown the notion that 'long established rural communities' are safer than anywhere else out of the water? In fact, she was possibly less safe than she would have been if everyone did not routinely trust those who they thought they knew.

My point was that keeping your distance from neighbours is actually protective.

Pendeen · 30/08/2011 16:41

Not sure anything has been "blown". Tales on the Net can prove nothing or almost anything (your choice) however that particular story had little to do with my argument either, the point of which has eluded you again.

I will give up on that however if you really believe that isolation from neighbours is actually protective then village life is certainly not for you.

Pagwatch · 30/08/2011 16:48

Oh Pinot, don't be sad. It was a long time ago. Smile

My point was that you should not try to place superficial rules upon who is likely to constitute a danger. That there is no location/situation/identikit rules about threat. Anyone can be a danger. But most people are not.

My parents had no earthly reason to suspect anything because the men involved appeared hugely respectable. We like to assume we could spot something odd, something shifty or grubby about apaedophile because it makes us feel safe. That could not be further from the truth. I am from a poor family but a hugely respectable educated one but I was vulnerable because my parent believed the cliche.

I suspect I was also vulnerable so long because of the endless repetition of the idea that victims of pedophiles are terrified, desperate to spill their terror but afraid because of threats and intimidation. I was not the slightest bit afraid of anything except the shame and the total fracture of my families social circle. I could not have spoken about it because I knew the guilt and shame my parents would feel. I kept quiet, I was abused longer than I needed to be, to protect them. They would have been horrified to know that.

I could have told at anytime but I knew the tsunami of emotion of blame and recrimination it would unleash.

When we make pedophiles the very worst social pariahs, when we make being a victim the most hideous thing that can befall a child, all we do is make it harder for victims to speak up.

A child of 10 or 11 knows enough to know that their family will be ripped apart and disgraced just by association with a pedophile.
If we dropped the hysteria a notch then maybe I would not be one of the few posting about my experiences in my own name.

Funnily enough my memories of what happened to me have faded quicker than the shame.
We need to rethink how we handle this. We need to rethink the omg there is a paedophile in my county. not for their sake but for their victims.

Pagwatch · 30/08/2011 16:58

you are all going to start avoiding me now aren't you....

electra · 30/08/2011 17:00

I agree with everything you say Pag. When I was a small child people thought paedophiles were extremely rare and it's the lack of awareness and quickening to hysteria which can cause problems in itself.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 30/08/2011 17:14

'unfortunately lots (of villages) have been filled with people who have brought city attitudes and behaviour with them; who hardly know their immediate neighbour let alone the oddballs or troublemakers.'

How foolish to think 'knowing' your neighbours and the 'oddballs or troublemakers' means that villages are any safer from paedophiles. It might mean that people know about the odd man who hangs around in the playground but it doesn't give any protection from the man who downloads child porn every night and then exchanges pleasantries with his neighbour every morning when he goes to pick up his newspaper. No-one sees what goes on behind closed doors and the view of paedophiles as the lone man who's always been a bit odd doesn't help. They might be that man, but they're also the father of three who organises the raffles for the rugby club or the man who does the collection at church every week.

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 30/08/2011 17:22

The first person to tell me they had been sexually abused as a child was abused by a policeman - her father.

duchesse · 30/08/2011 17:29

Children used to be warned to avoid certain men who were known to have tendencies, even in villages. I know of several people who were abused or even raped 50+ years ago in villages. Unfortunately this is nothing new. We are lucky to have fairly easy access to information now rather than having to rely on word of mouth.

CheerfulYank · 30/08/2011 17:30

No, Pag, I won't avoid you. We're not quite in the same boat, you and me, but we're within shouting distance.

OP, I think the advice you've been given is good. And I think people have been a bit hard on you; people panic a bit when their children are involved. I know I would.

I was just reading the other day about a horrible case in which a ten year old boy was snatched off his own front lawn. (It was years ago.) It was very hard for me because there were no "risks" involved. The boy was ten, in his own yard, and with friends. Of course DS is never out of my sight now because he's only 4, but at 10 he probably will be.

OP have you discussed stranger danger, etc, with the children you care for? It might be a good time to do so.

And Worra that's awful that you were treated like that in a village! Honestly, the attitudes of some people...

KatieScarlett2833 · 30/08/2011 17:34

Pag, I think I love you. If more people were as honest and rational as you the world would be a better place.

Pagwatch · 30/08/2011 17:39

Aw, cheerful..

PacificDogwood · 30/08/2011 17:46

Pagwatch, I missed your first post (wading in with my tuppence worth as is my wont Blush and just read your following one, catching up with the thread.
You talk such sense, I am in awe. Wish more people could appreciated the side of the story you have lived through. Respect x.

floosiemcwoosie · 30/08/2011 17:47

I don't think you nee to know the details, its enought to know it happened.

If you have always been happy living in the village then why let this monster spoil it for you?

We can't let these people have so much power

BlueFergie · 30/08/2011 17:48

OP - I think that you attitude about village v city life was very ill informed and understandably got peoples backs up. However you have realised that and explained it so I think the subsequent hard time you got was unneccessary.
Despite the bad wording and naivity of your posts you did have genuine concerns that you wanted addressed. First of all what a lot of people have said is valid. You are ina stronger position now that you know what this man is. You should take comfort that he is now out in the open.
Also picking up in what kungfupanda said, although his crimes are despicable and contribute indirectly to the abuse of children he is not neccessarily a risk to your children. Most people who view child porn are not active abusers themselves. In the majority of cases their interset/curiousity is satisfied by the viewing of the images and they do not move onto children known to them. The fact that he is allowed access to his own children shows that there is must certainly be no evidence of abuse of them.
Of course I would still not allow my children associate with him, but it may make you worry a little less if you realise that although he obviously has an unhealthy interest in children he is not neccessarily a child abuser himself.