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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paedophile on my street

153 replies

EarlyYearsProfessional · 30/08/2011 00:01

I live in a lovely quiet village. Alot of the residents are either elderly or young families who have been brought up in the same street..it really is lovely!

Last yr a man whose parents live on my street was convicted and sent to prison for 16 months due to looking at paedophile images (sorry dont really know correct terminology for this filth) on the internet. It was reported he was looking into the worst kind of images you can imagine. they graded it in our local newspaper..but I cant quite remember what it was...just horrendous is what I remember!

Bit of background..my husband went to school with this man. He was a family man, worked as a postie and had 2 young children..a girl and boy under 8 at the time! His parents are lovely. I always see his children playing in the garden happily. It was his wife who found the images and reported him..it was then found to be true!

My issue is that I saw him the other day. In his car, laughing and joking with both his children on front seat laughing. He parked outside his mums and dads. i told my hubby he wud take refuge there but he said he thought he wud hide out from such a family orientated village. Obviously not! Then yesterday we drove past his parents house and we saw his car. I pointed to show my hubby and sure enough we saw him running round garden with his kids!

everyone was sooo shocked when it happened as he was such a normal regular family man! I cringe now thinking that he is on the same street (a few door away). What about my children? What about my childminding business?? I just cant digest it. I know its noit his parents fault but I just dont want him living nr me..or the children of our village! Im not comfortable with keeping quiet or just pretending it hasnt happened!

How should we as a family and a village deal with this?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 30/08/2011 01:03

OP in all fairness your safeguarding training should have taken away your naivety about child abuse.

MillyR- if you have any concerns share them with the local police, they will not information share but will check things out. Sometimes there has been a pattern of offending and they use information to judge whether it is starting again.

Original poster
EarlyYearsProfessional · 30/08/2011 01:10

Yes fishtank..to be honest your posts are almost as useless as mine..at least I admit it. Yes Im an early years professional with 12 yrs experience including teaching, childminding..I also teach adults childcare development courses! But this is not about my CV.. I have admitted more than once I was a fool to make the city comment. Naive, enid blyton, call it what you want..I just worded it wrong. If i could delete it i would.

I love Tiffany. . Thank you for your comments. I could have done with you in the beginning when I made a 'pigs ear' of presenting my case. Unfortunatley just typing as I think rather than other way round. Anyway, i think you have rounded up what I was initially trying to say. I just feel i dont know enough about this man. We read it in paper, chatted within family etc but I feel I need to know more. Not to mob or any other silly things. Ive just never experienced this before and want to know what the offence means, what level it was ( im sure my family said worst level..reported in paper). What do i need to be aware of. I really cant explain what I mean. There are so many thoughts that have gone through my mind. I see them outside all the time if they say hello ( I mean him) what do i do? Im walking with children I dont really want them to think its safe to say hello to this neighbour. Its quite awkward really.

OP posts:
TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2011 01:10

I think I love you Worra you say it so perfectly!

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2011 01:15

But saying hello is not going to bring anyone to any harm is it?

I understand what you are saying about danger etc BUT you as a parent/carer will have had conversations with all the children in your care about not going with anyone but yourself unless YOU have previously told them they can and hand them over yourself.

Surely thats what all parents/carers do?

As for the city comment well I live in the city and I can tell you one thing I don't worry about a peadophile being on every corner here I would however be more concerned about the secluded little houses out in the country I mean nobody can hear/see what goes on out there can they? more danger there imo

pickgo · 30/08/2011 01:15

Ffs this is turning into a witch hunt againt the OP. OP has apologised for her comments re the city.

Even less Narky Who made you the exclamation mark police!!!!!!! Eh?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2011 01:17

Pick, I am not part of any witch hunt just a passing comment.

HerHissyness · 30/08/2011 01:17

turned out nice again hasn't it? Confused

ilovesooty · 30/08/2011 01:17

I don't see what you "need to know" about him or the offence. What has been reported has been judged to be what the public needs to know.

He's been imprisoned. He will be watched by the criminal justice system.

In terms of "being aware" you will be watchful of children in your care as always.

In any case, I'm sure the neighbours will be tittle tattling like mad - probably with misinformation anyway.

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2011 01:20

Grin herhissy

GypsyMoth · 30/08/2011 01:20

Usually, what gossip mongers don't know, they make up!
Before long it will be like Chinese whispers

Do a search on local newspaper website for the achieved article.

GypsyMoth · 30/08/2011 01:21

Predictive text! Archived not achieved!!

Birdsgottafly · 30/08/2011 01:22

TLE-saying hello can be very harmful. The people that we say hello to are no longer strangers, so the stranger danger talk becomes irrelevent.

OP you do not have to speak to anyone you don't wish to. If he tries to engage in conversation or say hello, you can explain to him why he shouldn't, once there are no children around. What others do is up to them.

fishtankneedscleaning · 30/08/2011 01:24

Ah right. You teach adults about "Child Development". I was wondering what your original "Seeking Work" post was about - when you mentioned "I hold adult child development courses from home". See years ago when I did my Early Years Diploma there was no such thing as "Adult Child Development". I guess there is no such thing now either......:)

Did they teach you about Equality of Opportunity on your course? You know where all children are considered to be equal and should all be allowed the same opportunities, whether they have a different skin colour, culture, special needs, be from the country, town or city ..........

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2011 01:25

Birds, If the children are aware of not going with anyone unless parents/carers have agreed to it, handed them over etc then the danger is less surely? thats what I was saying.

This coming from someone who earlier this year stepped in and stopped DS1 having contact with someone who we (friends and family) thought was a friend but turned out he was a peadophile who had been grooming (unsuccessfully) my DS1.

Original poster
EarlyYearsProfessional · 30/08/2011 01:26

I did that today Tiffany..without much success. By neighbours..im only referring to the ones whose children i care for.

anyway, I fee quite upset by this thread. I admitted i worded the city part wrong and feel there was no need for certain comments. To be honest i got the impression some are just out to be down right nasty. I just wanted genuine thoughts from genuine parents. Thanks to those who helped.

I certainly wont be asking here agian!

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 30/08/2011 01:27

Maybe op qualifications are from a different country? Not the same as here, named differently?

ilovesooty · 30/08/2011 01:27

I hope someone in this lovely little village is offering some neighbourly support to this man's parents...

rimmerfleadick · 30/08/2011 01:28

Sooo. No mention of the reporting (ex)wife ?. it would appear she is comfortable with him to be with her children. ?.

Sure it's natural to be wary of this guy, is or was there any accussations of him abusing his own children or approaching others either known or not known to him ?.

What does your training tell you ?.

GypsyMoth · 30/08/2011 01:28

Sorry op.

Another one hounded off MN. Lovely!Sad

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 30/08/2011 01:29

I don't like them. I really don't like them. Particularly when the topic is serious - they seem flippant. I have punctuation prejudice.

OP I think you would be quite reasonable to not speak to the man. I don't think I could knowing that he had downloaded child porn. Tell your children not to speak to him. He is not a person I would choose to be friendly with. Beyond that, what do you need to do?

It's easy to think that unpleasant things happen elsewhere. There are people like this in every village, town, city and country. There will probably be another person like him in your village. Panicking about him isn't going to help. If he moves away you will feel more relaxed. And then in 5 years you might find the parent of a child in your DC's class has been arrested for something similar.

TheLadyEvenstar · 30/08/2011 01:29

EYP, as I learnt a long time ago you post in AIBU you need to toughen up and take the good with the bad.

My comment re country houses was as flippant as yours regarding peadophiles living in the city.

BarryKent · 30/08/2011 01:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fishtankneedscleaning · 30/08/2011 01:37

Ah Come on OP. With your training and qualifications you should really know how to handle situations you are not comfortable with. The world is a dangerous place for children. This is why they should be supervised by an adult until they are of an age and stage of development where they can make their own informed and (usually) sensible decisions.

Your son is 7 months old. Surely a paedophile poses no threat to him, at least until he is much older. By then your situation could be very different. The paedo could have moved.

BUT that does not mean there is not another one lurking on your street that you know nothing about!

GypsyMoth · 30/08/2011 01:39

Maybe he was caught looking at older kids...... 13/14/15 year olds?

EvenLessNarkyPuffin · 30/08/2011 01:41

It has shattered your view of your village as a lovely safe place to raise children. It's exactly the same place as it was before you found out. You want him to leave so you can get back to viewing it the way you used to. I don't think you can. Once you have realised that the person down the street that you and your DCs have said hello to and your DH went to school with was downloading vile pictures, you will always be a bit more cautious about people.