Paedophile on my street

[EarlyYearsProfessional]

I live in a lovely quiet village. Alot of the residents are either elderly or young families who have been brought up in the same street..it really is lovely!

Last yr a man whose parents live on my street was convicted and sent to prison for 16 months due to looking at paedophile images (sorry dont really know correct terminology for this filth) on the internet. It was reported he was looking into the worst kind of images you can imagine. they graded it in our local newspaper..but I cant quite remember what it was...just horrendous is what I remember!

Bit of background..my husband went to school with this man. He was a family man, worked as a postie and had 2 young children..a girl and boy under 8 at the time! His parents are lovely. I always see his children playing in the garden happily. It was his wife who found the images and reported him..it was then found to be true!

My issue is that I saw him the other day. In his car, laughing and joking with both his children on front seat laughing. He parked outside his mums and dads. i told my hubby he wud take refuge there but he said he thought he wud hide out from such a family orientated village. Obviously not! Then yesterday we drove past his parents house and we saw his car. I pointed to show my hubby and sure enough we saw him running round garden with his kids!

everyone was sooo shocked when it happened as he was such a normal regular family man! I cringe now thinking that he is on the same street (a few door away). What about my children? What about my childminding business?? I just cant digest it. I know its noit his parents fault but I just dont want him living nr me..or the children of our village! Im not comfortable with keeping quiet or just pretending it hasnt happened!

How should we as a family and a village deal with this?

God fishtank you sound far to interested in my baby! Leave my son and quals out of this. I never mentioned my baby so why should you! And as for quals..yes i teach adults the child development courses. Like the diploma you have done. Im post graduate level tho.. Ill leave that for you to look up!

Fish Ah Come on OP. With your training and qualifications you should really know how to handle situations you are not comfortable with.

Fuck's sake OP is a childminder not part of Scotland Yard.

Bet you wouldn't like to know a peado lived a few doors down.

OP I feel sorry for the berating you have received today.

I think you have been misunderstood actually.

You do come across as a little unworldly though :) but thats not a crime anyway.

Its understandable that you have been worried ,and it is neither here nor there that you understand little of city life. You can only post from your experiences and your judgement.

Don't take too personally any of the comments thrown at you, it is very easy to hurl and mock people from the safety of a keyboard...some people should be less quick to attack!

As others have pointed out ,you are in a better position now that you know where he lives ; you have a had a warning ...some never get that chance.

Don't let this stop you from posting again :)

Thanks Feminine and Pickgo.

I normally wouldnt even be up at this hr but we are trying to get my little one in his own room..and he is sooooooo unsettled so Ive given up on going to bed and am sitting it out at his door so i can reassure him all is ok. He has been a poorly baby and therefore sleeping in our room until 10 months. This was fine but now he is much better..and much wiser ... and peering over cot sides in the night so the time has come! I feel awful.. he is very upset..but calming as the night goes on (I say through bleary eyes)

I dont think its so much that im unwordly, I just didnt think before i spoke. I was just merely giving an image of my village life ..but explained it all wrong ! I was hoping for helpful answers..which..between all the crap that was thrown at me..i feel i now have.

Cant remember the name..but to the person who asked about the mother of these children.. I have no idea what has gone on there. My hubby said they had split up before this all happened and when it was first announced in the news he thought she could possibly have made it up. However, that was just speculation (no evidence nor do we know them) but it was then in paper again about the seriousness of the offence and his 16 month sentence. Ive never seen her but always see the children at the grandparents.

To be honest I didnt worry overly about it (apart from usual discussion with family etc) until I saw him. I then considered the schools reopening soon and walking past/crossing paths frequently.

Anyway, im exhausted now and my baby is finally asleep.

Goodnight x

Night -Night

I can appreciate you feel your safe village life has been threatened,fear is not always rational. On mn you do often see people saying that there isn't a paedophile lurking on every corner,must be extremely unsettling to know where one is. I don't think there is anything as a village you can do,he has served his time etc,obv just do a stranger danger chat with children. Your comment about the city did make me annoyed but I think you have seen the error of that comment.
The ones I feel most sorry for are the children of this man,who will probably grow up finding out about his conviction on the playground from children who have been told about this mans past,whether rightly or wrongly but probably by hysterical parents. His parents will no doubt be ostracised.
At least you know who he is,he won't be the only person with these repulsive urges in your village.

Spin it on its head, you know this man is a sex offender.....

I think on balance I would prefer to have a paedophile where I could see them, better than the fuckers who haven't been caught yet and who you might still trust.

They are there, but the problem is that they don't come with 'Creep' carved into their foreheads, this one however now does.

He was always a paedophile you know, he was always there in your village, the children were less safe than they are now.

I was living in a beautiful little village most of the time I was bring abused. I was being abused by charming local men who were a much loved part of the community, who had a smile and a greeting for everyone.

Op you are in a much better position now than you were before. You have learnt that a chocolate box exterior , a bloke who looks like he could be in an advert for coffee or personal banking does not = safe.
A bloke who is a bit odd and awkward does not = dangerous.

The biggest threat to children is the daft image that people have that a pedophile is a weird looking bloke hanging around near the park.
Actually a pedophile is more likely to be the nice son of the woman across the street or the father of two at the school gate.

Complacent assumptions that we know what a pedophile looks like places children in danger. We panic about the odd bloke near the corner shop but happily leave our dc with our sisters boyfriend.

I think some of your confusion and anxiety arises from the fact that you want this man to match how you thought a pedophile would look and act and you can't quite take in his overwhelming ordinariness.

You have an advantage knowing who he is. Just don't let your children be alone with him. That's it really.

It's not a pleasant thing to deal with and I can understand why you feel uncomfortable.

However, this kind of person is at their most dangerous when they have not been identified as a risk. You know he is a risk and who he is, so you have the advantage.

Sorry for the pasting you received, OP. I agree that you worded your OP badly but the response was deliberately outraged.

Perhaps you could start another thread asking about legal side of this situation. Where you can find information about him, if there are any restrictions on where he lives, and how close he is allowed to get to children. I think there are sometimes restrictions as to how close he can live to a school or nursery? Maybe someone else would know about that.

Pag is right though. You know now to avoid him and to keep and eye on your children.

So you couldn't actually find anything about his conviction in the archives, but some people have said this or that so it must be true?

Wise words Pagwatch.

You know where this man is. You have an advantage.

I think you mentioned that you are a child minder. Is that the problem? That you think village gossip will undermine your business because it will be known that the local child minder lives next to a paedophile? That's a more difficult problem because hysteria sets in and people fail to appreciate that they might actually know someone from within their circle of friends who could be viewing this stuff. You'll have to appeal to their common sense, have good procedures and be able to explain them well. If you're a good childminder then word of mouth will be your best friend.

We have some personal experience of this. When my DH qualified he had a mentor for one year. That mentor was arrested at 5am one morning as part of operation orb. To say we were stunned is the understatement if the century. He was found to have the highest category of images on his home computer. This man was a highly respected professional, a leader in his field (DH had been delighted to have been allocated to him as a mentee.) He was also a scout leader. We had dinner with him and his wife several times. We had two friends who broke off contact with us after this. We had whispers of how we must have known, how could I as an A&E sister not have spotted the signs etc etc. It was completely hysterical but eventually it died down. He was no longer news-worthy and life eventually went on.

This might happen to you. If you start talking about this man in the village it will happen. If a parent mentions it to you a simple "but anyone could be a risk which is why I have such thorough procedures" will instill confidence.

Anyone would be shocked to know that they have a paedophile on their street. You just have to carry on as normal.

Better the paedophile you know....

And I say that as somebody who has a convicted paedophile living in my street, too. He is now an older man, we hardly every see him, my kids have nothing to do with him.
As far I am concerned, he is a non-issue. I know about him - that's good enough.

There were always paedophiles, in villages and in cities. You have a huge advantage knowing that this person is potentially predatory because you can warn your child.

My mother and her siblings were discussing this at a recent family dinner. They grew up in rural Ireland in the 50's. There were two men in their village that they were repeatedly warned again and again not to go near. One owned a shop and apparently had the most fantastic sweets and toys, but the women in the village would watch the shop and wouldn't allow a child to go in there alone. All the kids were warned to never, under any circumstances, go into this man's kitchen. The law wouldn't deal with it at that time and this man was connected to people with criminal connections so the community didn't dare challenge him directly, but they ensured that they kept their children safe.

My mother now teaches in a small school in the south of Ireland. A guard (policeman) told her that they are aware of 257 paedophiles operating in the county and of course there may be more..

I wouldn't move if I were you. It is better to have this information than not.

It's better that you know about him rather than not know. I live in a city in a suburban area with lots of families with school age children. I like the freedom my children can have but who know's what's going on behind other's doors and what could surprise us.

I personally wouldn't be happy about a paeodophile living so close to me either so YANBU about that. However YABU in thinking that your lovely village life has been ruined.

As others have said, you do know about him so can take appropriate precautions to ensure the children in your care remain safe and are protected from him. How many of us have paeodophiles living on our street, possibly watching our children and we don't know about them? That is far worse IMO.

I don't think getting further information on his case is going to help this situation. I am sure the local police would be able to give you some advice but as a parent and carer, you will know how best how to protect your children.

I can totally understand how disturbed you feel. I found out, completely by accident, that the husband of one of my oldest friends nearly got sent to prison on child porn charges a couple of years ago. They kept it very quiet indeed (and continue to do so) but it's out there in the public domain. They don't know I know, and I don't think I can see either of them ever again.

Like everyone has said, at least you know.

OP, I think you need to calm down and look at this from an objective, professional point of view. You do sound a little naive to be honest.

It is quite normal for you to feel uncomfortable about this man being around your area - he did something deeply unpleasant and it is going to be impossible to see past that for anyone who isn't extremely close to him, and perhaps not even for those people. You don't have to speak to him - it will be perfectly clear to him why you are choosing not to.

However, you do need to be realistic about the danger he poses. You know who he is and you are in a position to tell your children not to go near him. He is living with his parents who know what he did. He is on the sex offenders register and no doubt has restrictions on his activities. I have dealt with a number of people convicted of possessing indecent images and as far as I am aware none of them have committed further offences. Most of them were 'respectable' men - a police officer, a financier, mainly family men. They were all clearly aware of what they had brought on themselves - they had no hope of rebuilding their lives or regaining the respect of those around them - and they knew the implications of further allegations, and the risk of even innocent behaviour being viewed with intense suspicion by those around them and by the authorities. If this man was as 'normal' and respectable as you believed him to be, there is a very high chance that he will be as careful as he possibly can be not to court any sort of suspicion. He is almost certainly considerably less of a risk to local children now than he was when you did not know what he had done - if he ever did pose an active risk, that is.

People know what he has done. People will view him with suspicion. He will be watched and discussed and his actions scrutinised. By those with a duty to do soo and by the neighbourhood. What more do you want? What information would make you feel better? Level 5 images are nasty stuff - that is pretty much all you need to know about the offence. If he was sentenced purely for image offences then you can probably be satisfied that he has not been accused of abusing or harming his children, or other children, in any way. That is reinforced by the fact that he has contact with his own children. There are probably restrictions on his internet use. There are probably restrictions on his unsupervised association with children under 16 other than his own. There may be a requirement that he reside at a known address, ie his parents, or that he only have contact with his children there. He will almost certainly not be permitted to work with children.

I don't think talking to the neighbours about what you can do is going to do anything but inflame the situation. You could whip up a mob mentality that could have nasty consequences. You might panic someone unduly. You could even harm your own business by contrbuting to chinese whispers - oh don't use that child-minder, she lives right next door to someone who abuses children - you can imagine the sort of thing.

Be vigilant, but be realistic. You have more than enough information to do that and there is really nothing else you can do, or should need to do.

Its very upsetting but I dont think this man sounds like he is in the same ilk as Roy Whiting . ie there is a differenmce between people looking at child abuse, and people doing it

I am sorry tho, and think you need to speak with the police to get their advice TBH

Intelligent and thoughtful post kungfu. Spot on.

fucking hell! some people are TOUCHY !!! I am city dweller and not offended in the least

We all knew someone 'odd' when growing up, did we not? It wasn't until I was in my late teens that I found out the next-door-but-one neighbour was a 'flasher', nothing more nothing less. But those were the days when you obeyed your parents and kept away from certain people because you were told do. No questioning why.

There is a convicted paedophile parent at my sons school (all over the national press). The school cannot stop this man standing in the playground with other parents to pick his daughter up. To do so would undermine the child and mark her out as 'different'. Not my sons year group and I have no idea whether there is still a wife on the scene or not.

I doubt any of us demand full family CRB checks before allowing a child to go to tea at someone elses house. I've certainly never been asked to provide one before having a child over to play. The point being none of us know what goes on behind closed doors.

I have however made comment to my sons HOY about a home situation with a female classmate when my son saw her punched in the face by her father and the whole extended family used to humilitate her about her weight issues and slate her birth mother.

I can't find a link to it now but in New York and probably other states you can look at location on the map, zoom to an offender tab and see exactly who is living near you and what they've done. Going by that map I'd be surprised if there was only one in your area village or not.

I'm an Early years "professional" too. Surely you did the child protection courses that throw shocking facts and figures about paedophiles? you know, the ones that tell you every child lives within X amount of metres of one. They're all over the place, as others have said, it's the ones you don't know about that are the danger. It's why Sarah's law would never work but that's another debate entirely.

Whichever poster said the time he got for cat 5 images couldn't be true. It could be, sadly. A man I knew caught with thousands of those images got two years.