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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dating someone who has behaved improperly

331 replies

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:29

eg: if you were a patient in hospital and someone involved in your care got your number and asked you out, how bad would it be to go out with them? if they were nice obviously

I've been quite good at ignoring his calls, not that he has been very pestery, but today made arrangements to meet next week so on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?

OP posts:
eicosapentaenoic · 29/08/2011 10:48

10 - he's a predator, you're not well ATM. I've been there, they take advantage. If you want to test drive him, a decent bloke will wait till you're on an even keel. Tell 'im NO for now till you're better, NO means NO BTW.

BimboNo5 · 29/08/2011 10:56

Are you saying you DONT actually know what his job role is? Hmm

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 29/08/2011 10:59

What's the '10' stuff about?

HerHissyness · 29/08/2011 11:00

"on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?"

There's your 10's! Grin

Claw3 · 29/08/2011 11:00

In the OP "on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?"

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 29/08/2011 11:00

Blush oh. scale of 1-10, how bad is this, of course!

HerHissyness · 29/08/2011 11:01

x-post! Grin

LIZS · 29/08/2011 11:01

OP asked how idiotic it would be to go through with a date on this basis - scale 1 to 10

eicosapentaenoic · 29/08/2011 11:10

M.Inge In mitigation, sweetheart, you are allowed to feel very smug indeed that you can pull under those circumstances Smile but Leave It There for now, eh?

Maybe a decent, safe, normal, regular bloke might be nice when you feel a bit better. Seems like you have been letting slimeballs shag you randomly - is that a fair assessment?

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 11:12

No I really don't know, he is either a student nurse or a nursing assistant or a healthcare assistant - they all have different colour things, but female nurses and assistants (what on earth is the difference between nursing and healthcare assistants anyway?) have completely different uniforms from their male counterparts.

OP posts:
FancyALittle · 29/08/2011 11:17

As you know, it's improper and unethical for a HCP to have a relationship with a patient.

For your own safety you should ignore him. For everyone else's safety you should report him. How many other vulnerable patients might he pursue?

CeliaFate · 29/08/2011 11:19

I think healthcare assistant is the new name for auxiliary nurse? ie, someone who will help, but has no medical qualifications or training in medicine.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 11:19

eicosapentaenoic - what a spelling challenge that is - this is probably not the time to admit to feeling smug that during my stay in the other hospital I also pulled a tennis coach, two men with drug induced psychosis and a man with PTSD. Have only dated the tennis coach so far, he was very dull off the court.

Pulling isn't my problem, it's not even sorting the wheat from the chaff, it's developing an attraction to the wheat I think. It's only five minutes since I finally and fully extricated myself from a long term relationship that had withered and died. I don't know what I want really.

OP posts:
eicosapentaenoic · 29/08/2011 11:24

Here's a new one. If you like and respect the dude, you will help him to act professionally and protect his career. Tell him how he should behave now with patients. You were saying you were just interested in 'sex with someone nice for a change'. I'm thinking if he is a decent bloke he might deserve better treatment.

eicosapentaenoic · 29/08/2011 11:29

Hey, you can spell it, I'm really warming to you now! Wish you inner peace and contentment. Sounds like you need some me-time just now. Maybe chat to the nonogenarians. Many forms of love.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 11:35

well that makes a nice change from my perceived vulnerability, although it is bad enough trying to be responsible for own behaviour without taking someone else's on board

thanks for the love though

OP posts:
eicosapentaenoic · 29/08/2011 11:42

You got it, sister.

DD and I are meeting some decent, inspirational medics ATM with her ghastly health probs. We are hoovering up their dignity, professionalism and self-sacrifice.

With your pulling powers, you could definitely trade up to a nice professional bloke, but when you're ready. Wink

RabbitPie · 29/08/2011 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlpinePony · 29/08/2011 11:53

I hate to be so blunt mitchy, but those enduring an "enforced hospitalisation" are hardly in a mentally good place to be picking new romantic and/or sexual partners! As you well know, heightened sexuality and feeling that you can "pull anyone" are strong indicators that you're out of balance and going through a manic high. :(

fargate · 29/08/2011 11:57

Yes. Healthcare assistants would previously have been designated auxillary nurses or state enrolled nurse. HCA have vocational training qualifications like NVQ in health/social care but weren't previously members of a professional body with standards of professional behaviour and disciplinary bodies unlike other healthcare staff.

Are healthcare assistants covered by the regulatory controls of the Health Professionals Council, now? I know that at least until recently SW assistants and aides were not subject to the same rules governing sexual relationships with adult clients as qualified SWs which seemed a bit crazy to me.

They won't have medical training or medical qualifications because they aren't medics ie doctors. And nurses have nursing training/qualifications.

I find that the uniforms/lack of uniforms are so confusing, now. However, ALL nhs staff whatever their role or grade must wear their Trust ID with their name, job title and department on it. Tho' the ID often seems to end up on twirly neck chains or attached to belts where it can't actually be read whch seems a bit self-defeating to me.

BimboNo5 · 29/08/2011 11:59

They would still be comitting gross misconduct by taking a patients private information, as set out in their contract. If it is a student nurse they have a code of conduct too.

Original poster
MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 12:03

I wasn't even manic! And technically I was only detained for a few days, the rest of it was informal.

Didn't mean I could pull anyone, was just saying that even for someone with my looks and personality it isn't difficult. I do get more than my share of unsolicited male attention, in fact I could be useful to the police who could pay me to use various of the public transport systems where any low level sex offender will be drawn to the seat next to or opposite mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
MitchiestInge · 29/08/2011 12:04

It's the difference between nursing assistant and healthcare assistant that confuses me. Apart from everything else in life that I find confusing of course.

OP posts:
eicosapentaenoic · 29/08/2011 12:07

I understand this. They home in when you are down. I wish I could've gone into purdah or a nunnery for 8m till it was over.

purplepidjin · 29/08/2011 12:09

Mitchy, someone who is being cared for eg in hospital is classed as a "vulnerable adult". Its a technical term, not a slur on your abilities. Whatever treatment you are/were undergoing (could be a broken leg, radiotherapy, psychiatric, whatever) there is legislation in place to protect you in case you're not thinking as clearly as if you were fully healthy.

Safe-guarding training is fundamental, everyone has to do it if they work in that situation. This man is ignoring that. Please take care of yourself.