Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dating someone who has behaved improperly

331 replies

MitchiestInge · 28/08/2011 22:29

eg: if you were a patient in hospital and someone involved in your care got your number and asked you out, how bad would it be to go out with them? if they were nice obviously

I've been quite good at ignoring his calls, not that he has been very pestery, but today made arrangements to meet next week so on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being unspeakably stupid and 1 being barely registrable on idiocy scale how bad is it?

OP posts:
FreudianSlipper · 29/08/2011 00:59

you were ignoring his calls and he still continued, if taking your number from confidential records was not enough this really should be. yes he may have not felt it was right to contact you while you were a patient and although i think it is very wrong to do this he did take you number but he then once again oversteps the mark how many times does he need to do this before his behaviour is deemed improper. this is not romantic this is wrong, if a friend told you she had done this what would you say to her

please report him

squeakytoy · 29/08/2011 01:02

Mitch, he is not a good bet. Honestly. His tactics for contacting you were at best underhand, and at worst an utter breach of his position and a sackable offence. These are not the actions of a nice person. He is aware of your medical history, and is abusing that.

Please report him, as I doubt you are the first person he has tried this on with, and if you dont report him, you wont be the last. He most likely preys on vulnerable women who he thinks will not do anything about it.

HerHissyness · 29/08/2011 01:06

Mitch, this has disaster written large all over it.

He could have actually ASKED you for your number after all he asked you for your email, you gave it to him. He didn't ask. he stole it. ]

From your confidential patient records.

Does he even have the right to thumb through them? what other information has he taken from your files?

If he were above board, he'd have behaved differently. He is unsafe to be in the medical profession. This guy is a conman, or an abuser, or a soon to be stalker.

Our health service, and its patients deserve better.

iamabadger · 29/08/2011 01:23

Well, is he a doctor? A nurse? Doesn't matter that you were being moved, you were presumably his patient if he is an HCP, you were transferred from a psych ward. Beginning a relationship n these circumstances is not alllowed, for good reason. If you bumped into an ex-patient in the pub or whatever you would maybe get away with it, but this isn't what happened. I'm a nurse and can categorically state I have never found a patient attractive, even if they were IFYSWIM? He sounds like a weirdo. I'm really doubting he is a qualified member of staff TBH, I just can't imagine anyone being this daft.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/08/2011 02:04

I've been called many things in my life Perry but never a 'div'.

I appreciate that you may have used the word in an attempt at humour, but I consider the term 'div' to be extremely offensive and I trust you will withdraw it forthwith.

I would also ask that you please consider your earlier response as it could be misconstrued given that you have, in effect, asked an OP who you have termed 'vulnerable' to make direct contact with you when the subject of her post is the advisability of meeting a male who may/or may not be seeking to take advantage of her.

*depending on angle of viewing

PerryCombover · 29/08/2011 02:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/08/2011 02:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

iscream · 29/08/2011 02:24

I would say no, and report him for going into your file and taking your phone number. He was way out of line for doing that. This says to me he does what he wants regardless of rules or boundaries or possible consequences. I think if he was respectful, he would never have stolen, yes stolen, your number out of a file.

I don't like this guy, gives me an uneasy feeling.

PerryCombover · 29/08/2011 02:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

iscream · 29/08/2011 02:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

PerryCombover · 29/08/2011 02:35

iscream are you saying you agree with my post?
or
that you agree with izzythat i in some way seem to have been acting like a vulture?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/08/2011 02:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

iscream · 29/08/2011 03:04

Perry, your dm post put my antennae up.

PerryCombover · 29/08/2011 03:09

thanks for the clarification iscream

iscream · 29/08/2011 03:11

Could be misconstrued, but I would rather look out for the underdog.

PerryCombover · 29/08/2011 03:14

iscream did you read my posts? just checking

iscream · 29/08/2011 03:41

Yes, the dm one concerned me, not the others.

Innocent until proven otherwise, shall we rest it, and get back to Mitch's dilemma now?

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 29/08/2011 03:47

Whichever way you look at this it's wrong. And yes there is a wide range of where it could be coming from him being niave to being a sicko.

The fact is you are uncomfortable enough to ask the question.

Ethically, professionally, and legally he had broken rules, laws and guidelines to persue you, why?

He called you whilst you were being transferred regarding your mh, isn't that a strange time to think I know I'll call and ask her out.

I think it is safe to say that by not meeting him you are not missing out. He is not the man of your dreams. He is not going to be mr right. Your life will not be better for having him in it.

Take control, think this through, be strong.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 29/08/2011 03:53

Anyone can read your responses on this thread and on others, Perry, and they are free to draw their own conclusions.

In this instance, the underdog that iscream refers to is the OP and if you use words such as 'div' and come on to someone who may be - in your own terms - 'vulnerable', it's reasonable for others to assume that you may have your own agenda which could have little to do with, or exascerbate, the OP's specific problem.

Please don't get me wrong - I'm not trying to make you feel bad or do you down. I accept that your intentions may be entirely honourable and that you may feel that, given your own experiences, you are uniquely qualified to empathise with, and advise, the OP.

But, if this is the case, there is no reason for you to invite the OP to privately engage in correspondence with you when you can impart your pearls of wisdom in this open forum, and use your knowledge to educate others.

MmeLindor. · 29/08/2011 06:41

Mitch
After your later posts, I think that you should stay well clear. And report him.

You are vulnerable right now, and he knows it. And he knows that he should not be contacting you.

What if the next woman he tries this on with, does not have MN to ask if it is dodgy?

Not quite sure what the Izzy/Perry argument is about, tbh, but you should stop it now and concentrate on Mitch.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs · 29/08/2011 07:04

Mme said everything I wanted to, including the arguement.
Mitchiest I think you know that this relationship is a non starter. The man has acted unprofessionally on many levels, and that isn't a good way to start.
I wonder, in light of his Frenchness if they have different codes of conduct. I am not excusing his weasley ways, but it could be worth considering. He may not realise that it isn't acceptable to court vulnerable people.

PerryCombover · 29/08/2011 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

AlpinePony · 29/08/2011 07:12

As far as I read Mitch you avoided answering the question about your illness.

If this has anything to do with your mental health then he's taking massive advantage of you. Like teacher/pupil.

Robotindisguise · 29/08/2011 07:17

I'm sorry, I know he seems very nice but you have to judge him by his actions / morals. And the only thing we know about him is he has nicked your number from your records and is pursuing you despite knowing your mental health is fragile.

I agree with SGB, because healthy people a) don't put their profession at risk by doing something so stupid, b) take no for an answer far more quickly and c) in the nicest possible way, would be less likely to aggressively pursue someone they knew to be vulnerable. Not to say another lovely man won't ask for your number tomorrow - but you'd get to know him better before telling him every unvarnished truth wouldn't you?

Georgimama · 29/08/2011 07:30

I find it intriguing that izzy is prepared to help the OP find excuses for the creepy HCP's behaviour but leaps straight on Perry's completely normal offer (made on board, for all to see) to exchange PMs if the OP would find it helpful.

Izzy I think your creepometer is faulty.