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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you shouldn't use the lift unless you actually need to?

346 replies

Ems101 · 27/08/2011 23:18

So I was in a well known department store today (ok it was John Lewis!) and now that I am a mummy I find myself having to take the lift between floors as I have a pram with my 3 month old in. In this particular store they also have escalators and stairs between the floors, but the escalators are too narrow to safely get a pram up them, and I don't think it's reasonable to heave a pram up a flight of stairs. The escalators and stairs (which are next to each other) are at the front of the store, easy to find, easy to see, and if you are able bodied and not pushing a pushchair or carrying a heavy load, quite safe to use.

So WHY when I go to find the lift (which is at the back of the store, and I had to actually look at the signs to find it as I've never taken it before) do I find a couple with a pushchair waiting (perfectly reasonably of course, they had a baby too) and then a family of four with two children who were easily both over the age of 8, all of whom did not appear to be disabled as were standing up and seemed able to walk pefectly fine as they shoved past me to get in the lift before me so that it was then too full for me to go in, and I then had to wait again for the lift to come back.

Would it not be reasonable for me to expect that once they saw someone who actually needed the lift, they should have either let me go first or walked the 30 metres or so to the escalators or stairs and gone up them instead?

I know I have no 'right' or 'claim' over the lift, but wouldn't it be the decent thing to not use the lift unless you had to, especially when there are people waiting who don't really have another option but to use it.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
eurochick · 28/08/2011 08:58

I haven't read all 9 pages of posts but has anyone pointed out yet that based on the OP it sounds like the family were there waiting when the OP arrived at the lift area. So the OP is actually getting getting antsy about having to wait her turn and possession of a pram not giving her carte blanche to queue jump.

Anyway, YABU. I think the lifts are there for all customers to use. Maybe the family had needed one thing at the back of the floor they were on and one thing at the back of the next floor and didn't want to walk to the front of the store to change floors. Maybe they just wanted to take the lift that was available for them to use.

pigletmania · 28/08/2011 09:03

YABU there is no sign saying that the lifts are for people with children or the disabled Hmm If you wait a few miniutes everyone will get to go in the lift. Some people might dislike escalators, espcially those who are a bit unsteady on their feet.

Fo0ffyShmoofer · 28/08/2011 09:06

Eurochick In the OP it sounds like the family was already there. In further posts OP states that the Family were "looking at something nearby".

As my Mum says "A story never loses in it's telling".

everlong · 28/08/2011 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 28/08/2011 09:17

When I bought my present printer, all 26 lbs of it (12 kg for you modern trendy types) the bit of the car park outside the John Lewis collection desk was being resurfaced and I had to park a long way off on the third floor of the multi-storey. Obviously I borrowed a trolley and pushed it to the lift; and sure enough, there was the woman with the pram who got there after I did and said I should wait, prams came first and her child needed to get home, or take the stairs.

The woman behind her suggested that she should "go forth and multiply" in terms stronger than I would care to use, and of course I took the lift before Ms Pram. What gave me added glee was that Ms Fuck-off was able to squeeze in next to me.

I should add that I am in my fifties and I look it. The suggestion that I should, effectively, carry three newborns up three flights was simply absurd, and, I am afraid, a reflection of the cast of mind which affects some parents of young children.

everlong · 28/08/2011 09:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 28/08/2011 09:23

Thank you, everlong, although as a matter of courtesy people with less need can give way to those with more. Can, not must.

RebelFromTheWaistDown · 28/08/2011 09:27

YANBU. I hate sharing lifts with lazy bastards that can use the stairs.

hmc · 28/08/2011 09:33

I would change 'can' to 'should' Andrew.....don't know why I am dismayed by seeing all these posters with a 'me, me, me' mentality who seem to revel in an 'I'm all right Jack mentality' and sod everyone else....sadly have seen it all before. It just seems blindingly obvious that the right (and yes I mean moral) thing to do is to - as the Tate Modern sensibly suggests is - celebrate your ability to use the stairs and leave the lift to those who need it (which btw doesn't exclude the able bodied with an escalator phobia, or someone with a balance problem and other not visible difficulties described here which precludes use of stairs / escalator - it just asks each potential user to examine their conscience and make a good choice)

hmc · 28/08/2011 09:34

Should add that in your example - of course you should have used the lift. Stairs were not feasible

ChippingIn · 28/08/2011 09:37

Yes - it's a real bugger not being allowed to cue jump when you are a Mummy isn't it - poor you.

pigletmania · 28/08/2011 09:38

hmc its a public lift for everyone to use, and if some people want to be lazy so be it, its up to them to decide not you. Lifts are quite frequent, not like buses so if there are a group of parents with prams or a wheelchair user they go on first and wait for the next lift no problem. Its not acceptable to push and show bad manners on entering a lift. Rebel thats your problem, not others. I personally prefer the escalators, I got a phobia of lifts ever since I was stuck in one at a shop when 6 months pg with dd Grin

winnybella · 28/08/2011 09:39

Tbh I see how it would be a right thing to do to let go ahead of you a parent with a screaming baby in a pram so he can get home/ feed or change the baby faster.

But other than that I see no reason why they should have the priority.

OTOH I am totally perplexed at the expectation that parents fold the buggy on a bus and stand there holding baby, buggy and shopping while the bus shakes and sways Hmm

magicmummy1 · 28/08/2011 09:43

I note that the OP hasn't responded to the suggestion that she uses a sling instead of the pushchair. But surely this is a logical extension of her argument!

ragged · 28/08/2011 09:47

Unless OP has terrible back problems following labour, or her baby hates slings and won't settle in them. Or OP can't find anyone to explain how to wear a sling comfortably; or she has a tonne of shopping & carrying babe & shopping is too much hard work for non-Amazons.

While we're throwing out all the possible hypothetical "you can't possibly know" scenarios, and all that.

hmc · 28/08/2011 09:52

Pigletmania - I am honestly not getting your point. Yes it is a public lift which anyone can use but this is about being thoughtful and considerate to others. By analogy, the seats on the tube are available to everyone but if someone with a greater need gets on (pregnant / frail etc) and no seat is free surely you would agree it is right to vacate a seat for them. It's a similar principle with the lift at busy times - a bit of thought for those who are stuck with a crowded lift as their only option.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/08/2011 09:54

You're being unreasonable, OP. You wait for your turn. I'm not clear from your OP whether the family or four were already there, it sounds like they were.

You sound as if you expect everybody else to make way for you. I see many women use the stairs with prams and buggies and babies in tow. The lift is there to make anybody and everybody's life easier if they wish to use it. You have no more 'right' to it than anybody else.

Agree with BimboNo.5 about the "Now I'm a mummy...." Hmm

Andrewofgg · 28/08/2011 09:57

Yes hmc now I come to think of it you are right. Should not can.

As indeed I generally do if not encumbered.

DumSpiroSpero · 28/08/2011 09:59

Even with a walking child escalators can be a nightmare. When my DD was about 4 she let go of my hand as we got on and ended up left at the bottom, while I went up. It was in an old shop and the 'down' escalator and stairs where nowhere near - she wouldn't get on it on her own and I couldn't leave her 'on her own' to get down. Luckily a woman at the bottom managed to persuade her on with her and bought her up, but I got some filthy looks from other shoppers who appeared to think I'd left her stranded there on purpose Confused.

It took ages to get her on an escalator after that and even now (she's nearly 7) I still don't particularly like going on them with her, especially if I'm carrying a load of shopping and she's not so easy to keep hold of.

I think you were just unfortunate to encounter some particularly rude and pushy individuals tbh.

SardineQueen · 28/08/2011 10:00

OP you are being wildly unreasonable.

"family of four with two children who were easily both over the age of 8, all of whom did not appear to be disabled as were standing up and seemed able to walk pefectly fine "

What a spectacular lack of imagination Hmm

I also don't understand all this stuff about being too lazy to walk up stairs when the store in question had escalators.

Plus the fact that large department stores have lifts for the convenience of all their customers.

Plus the fact that having a pushchair is not the same as being disabled.

All in all a spectacularly stupid post.

NorfolkBroad · 28/08/2011 10:02

Magicmummy. OP is most likely long gone. The nasty,abusive,personal responses posted last night upset her as she was new to MN. Horrible, like the school.bullies.

NorfolkBroad · 28/08/2011 10:04

Magicmummy. OP is most likely long gone. The nasty,abusive,personal responses posted last night upset her as she was new to MN. Horrible, like the school.bullies.

gorionine · 28/08/2011 10:04

YABU It is no skin of your nose why people prefer to take a lift rather than the escalator.

"all of whom did not appear to be disabled" is hardly the same as is not desdabled in some way that was not obvious to you.

hmc · 28/08/2011 10:05

Agree Norfolk

LadyBeagleEyes · 28/08/2011 10:08

Agree too with Norfolk.

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