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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that you shouldn't use the lift unless you actually need to?

346 replies

Ems101 · 27/08/2011 23:18

So I was in a well known department store today (ok it was John Lewis!) and now that I am a mummy I find myself having to take the lift between floors as I have a pram with my 3 month old in. In this particular store they also have escalators and stairs between the floors, but the escalators are too narrow to safely get a pram up them, and I don't think it's reasonable to heave a pram up a flight of stairs. The escalators and stairs (which are next to each other) are at the front of the store, easy to find, easy to see, and if you are able bodied and not pushing a pushchair or carrying a heavy load, quite safe to use.

So WHY when I go to find the lift (which is at the back of the store, and I had to actually look at the signs to find it as I've never taken it before) do I find a couple with a pushchair waiting (perfectly reasonably of course, they had a baby too) and then a family of four with two children who were easily both over the age of 8, all of whom did not appear to be disabled as were standing up and seemed able to walk pefectly fine as they shoved past me to get in the lift before me so that it was then too full for me to go in, and I then had to wait again for the lift to come back.

Would it not be reasonable for me to expect that once they saw someone who actually needed the lift, they should have either let me go first or walked the 30 metres or so to the escalators or stairs and gone up them instead?

I know I have no 'right' or 'claim' over the lift, but wouldn't it be the decent thing to not use the lift unless you had to, especially when there are people waiting who don't really have another option but to use it.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ems101 · 28/08/2011 01:14

Seems a bit rich to assume I am on Maternity leave, I run my own business from home which operates mainly during the week, meaning, funnily enough, I do most of my shopping on the weekends. And why does that even matter?

This is all getting very personal and offensive for my liking, I'm up for a bit of banter as much as the next person but this is clearly getting past that. This was supposed to be about the use of lifts, and yeah I'll admit, I hadn't thought about some of the various reasons that people may have which mean they need the use of a lift, so I have learnt something there and will think twice next time. Thank you to the people who have stated their points, agreeing or not, and managed to not get personal or rude. To those who didn't... well, I have no words to describe you that wouldn't lower me to your level, I can only say I hope that making those quite frankly bitchy remarks made you feel a bit better, as like I said in a an earlier post, you clearly needed something, I just feel a bit sorry for you. At least you have achieved something today, you have managed to severely lower the tone of what I thought was supposed to be a well respected website and made mumsnet lose another user, so well done! You must be so proud of yourselves! I shall now return to the real world.

OP posts:
LeBOF · 28/08/2011 01:17

Oh, don't flounce, Ems- it's generally good fun here, honestly.

LeBOF · 28/08/2011 01:17

And besides, I still haven't told you my naked lift story...

LadyBeagleEyes · 28/08/2011 01:20

Kladdkkaka
Oh yes, swimming in the sea.

NorfolkBroad · 28/08/2011 01:20

Ems, honestly, on my first visit to MN I happened upon a thread that turned like this and it horrified me. I have since come back and found some fantastic MNetters. You are absolutely right that there is no need to be rude and personal. SO sorry you have been upset tonight and had this experience. I hope you do come back in the future as this really can be a great resource and source of support.

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 28/08/2011 01:21

I want to hear the naked lift story!

Ems, it is well respected and also notorious, especially AIBU, and this type of debate has been had over and over - disabled toilets, P&C spaces, disabled parking spaces, wheelchair spaces on buses any number of access issue relating to getting around with a pushchair being related to getting around with a wheelchair, when you must realise the two cannot possibly be compared. It's like lighting the blue touchpaper and you just have to run with it I'm afraid...

KatieMiddleton · 28/08/2011 01:28

Ems it was a joke. Hence the Wink Grin You need to keep a sense of humour on AIBU.

LeBOF · 28/08/2011 01:28

Well, I was working in a college as a life model in the art department. The loos were on alternate floors, men and women's, and the classroom I was in wasn't on the ladies' floor, IYSWIM. I obviously wouldn't normally rampage the corridors naked, but this was an evening class and the building was basically empty, so in my break I decided to risk a dash. Got in the lift, and it stuck between floors Shock. I was faced with pressing the bell to call for a 24hr engineer (no chance), or doing what I did, and forcing the doors apart and kind of clambering out, while hoping the mechanism didn't restart and chop me in half...

I always remembered my dressing-gown after that.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 28/08/2011 01:37

I am looking into my crystal ball and seeing a post from Ems in the future "got in a lift and an awful woman had allready pressed the button, which broke my PFB's heart as he loves to do that. AIBU to think that people should pander to my child and wait aimlessly incase said child enjoys pressing the buttons in the lift?"

Disclaimer: this actually happened to me in Debenhams.Angry

LadyBeagleEyes · 28/08/2011 01:39

Well get you LeBof.Grin
I love a thread that goes off on a tangent.
I'm almost tempted to tell you all about my time as a topless waitress.
But I won't tonight.

LeBOF · 28/08/2011 01:40

I NEED TO KNOW Grin

TheBride · 28/08/2011 01:54

I like using the escalators with my pram. It gives me that adrenaline rush that I find sadly lacking in the life of a SAHM

aldiwhore · 28/08/2011 02:17

I like lifts. I liked them pre-kids and I like them now, post buggies. Being a parent was my choice, lifts are their for convenience, the world shouldn't have to bow to me because I have a buggie, although the occassional 'after you' is very 'nice'.

YABU op.

TotemPole · 28/08/2011 02:45

I was faced with pressing the bell to call for a 24hr engineer (no chance), or doing what I did, and forcing the doors apart and kind of clambering out, while hoping the mechanism didn't restart and chop me in half

LeBOF, ShockShock. I would have chosen the 24hr engineer option. No way would I do that in a lift. I'm a bit paranoid about lifts moving as I'm getting in or out. If a lift is slightly rattling when I'm in it, I sort of jump out to minimise the time I'm in the doorway.Blush

Saying that, I wouldn't get in a lift without my clothes on in the first place.

differentnameforthis · 28/08/2011 04:52

OP, being a mummy doesn't make you special.

ll31 · 28/08/2011 07:31

yabu - its none of your business why other people use lifts - thats it really. Sometimes I take the lift with no children, no reason to other than I just b* want to - and I'm equally as entitled to do so as you or anyone else!!!!

ragged · 28/08/2011 08:04

All OP asked was if it's the decent thing to not use the lift unless you really need it, especially if there's a queue. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. yanbu. And yes I might use the lift just because I'm tired, too, but probably not if there were people with buggies waiting behind me.

How many people are in the so-called hidden disabled camp? Does someone want to profer estimates? Because ime, if OP's lift sharers had heart or respiratory conditions they'd be wheezing slightly even before the elevator ride. If their joints are that bad they'll either be shock still, perhaps clinging to someone or something, or itching to get moving again (a restlessness that is apparent to outsiders). Assuming they didn't have a walking stick, that is. Few disabilities are truly all that hidden to anyone paying half attention.

And it's well dodgy to take a pram on an escalator. I have done it! And hauled no end of pushchairs up and down stairs (to the detriment of my poor back). But can literally be impossible to carry a pram up many flights of stairs repeatedly. Can't believe anyone suggested those.

hoovercraft · 28/08/2011 08:08

Can I tell you....I look fit and healthy but cannot use stairs. I have an inner ear problem that is residue from vesibular neuronitis I caught about 12 years ago. If I go down stairs it is the worst, after about three or four stairs I start to fall. I have to hold on to the bannister.
Oterwise you'd have no idea.

belgo · 28/08/2011 08:10

Get a sling. Makes life so much easier then getting in everyone's way with a pram.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 28/08/2011 08:21

Haven't read all the thread but...

Lift use of none pram pushing and/or disabled people being equal to people parking in disabled bays when not disabled... NOT the same thing! Lifts are for anybodys use, yes they make certain peoples life a lot easier, but they are for everybody to use, unlike a disabled parking spot.

And, OP, if you got to the lift and the family were waiting for the lift, they didnt shove past you, they were taking their turn in the lift.

joric · 28/08/2011 08:22

Ems101
You start off by implying that pushchairs and wheelchairs should get priority in lifts, people disagree so you shift to disabled people should get priority... Finally, you show your true colours by talking about a fat and lazy nation.

Whatever you think, you come across as a precious mummy who thinks that a pram = everyone move out of the way.

Lifts are for everyone. There are so many reasons why.
How the hell do you know why this family got on the lift?
maybe they just wanted to ( and why not??) or let's be extreme here -Maybe one of them has terminal cancer ( believe me, not always obvious).

You, OP are putting yourself and your needs and wants before others.

As for the Tate Modern sign "Please celebrate your ability to use the stairs and leave the lift for those who need it" I don't usually swear but FUCK OFF this sort of crap gives people like the OP justification in judging people.

YABVVVVVVU OP :(

Ifancyashandy · 28/08/2011 08:25

I knew, right from the OP, that this thread would end in a flounce!

All is as it should be! Grin

OP - YABU

CarrieOakey · 28/08/2011 08:30

My abled bodied MIL will always use the lift as she has a huge fear of escalators and busy stairways. I used to be a bit Hmm about it all until I witnessed her having a panic attack when DH tried to help her with her fear. Now feel very Blush that I ever felt that way, the fear is very real and she copes with it by using the lift and if I am with her I use the lift too.

HoneyPablo · 28/08/2011 08:38

YABU and slightly hysterical. Next you will be saying that you shouldn't use a car unless you have no other choice (unless you are a mummy of course Grin)
As others have pointe out the family were obviously waiting for the lift before you. They probably thought you were rude for trying to push past them when they had been waiting.

LoveBeingAtHomeOnMyOwn · 28/08/2011 08:38

I love waking up to an aibu that's gone tits up Grin