to be fed up of feeling poor, dh on 45k i'm a sahm, we have no debts and a good life, yet i still feel a bit poor

[dovebird]

we don't have money worries, our house is worth a fair bit more[40k at least] more than we owe on it, i'm happy being a sahm, we have a happy marraige on the whole,healthy as far as we know,nice car, been one one holiday abroad this year and 5 weekends away in uk.
we have a largeish 3 bedroom house which more than meets our needs
we get to have days out and meals out fairly often

i am surrounded by wealthy people though, with huge houses and very good lifestyles [ie gardeners, cleaners, never do their own d.i.y etc]

i'm fed up of feeling poor all time.

Move to South Africa, that £45,000 will get you an army of cleaners, gardeners and people who will do anything for a few rand.

Get over yourself. If you feel truly poor, then help out at a homeless shelter or volunteer with Home Start.

You might feel richer then.

dovebird You do sound fed up. Maybe a new focus is what you need?
Your life sounds OK to me and would probably be paradise to a lot of people I know. Anyway, how about fewer treats and a bit more input from you?
A new course, a hobby, sport, something to really stretch you and give you a sense of fulfilment.
Hope you are feeling a bit better now. Try to enjoy the Bank Holiday weekend

Some of the good things in life aren't for sale, carmina. Some are, of course. But lots aren't. There's also a risk that people are sooo busy running after the things that are buyable that they forget to enjoy those that aren't.

Take a really good book - in a way, you've bought it at a shop, even if it was for 1p, or maybe you get it from the library but you've then paid for it by your local taxes. So in a way it's a commodity. But paying for it won't redeem the content if it's in fact dreadful or boring or badly written or overlong. And no money on earth would make me into Emily Bronte. As well, if you are really too tired or busy or to read said book, what good does it do you to have it?

Cleaners and DIY help? Christ, I'd have a heart attack. I'd hate someone else doing stuff to my house that I can do without spending money As for the 'poor me, I'm so broke' stuff....crass, OP, really crass. There are posters on here who are really struggling with the basics, like feeding their children. Moaning about 'only' getting one holiday abroad a year is bloody ridiculous.

dovebird in what way are you 'surrounded by wealthy people'? do you mean your neighbours or friends or who else?

Well that was fucking dull.

Seriously OP, you couldn't think up anything better?

dovebird looks like you need to look less at your neighbours and more close to home like your family and partner.

i notice you said at one point that perhaps your dh "could take the ds" was a bit surprised asuming its a typo. do you spend time with your kids much? get out and about? have you a nanny? i am not judging its just that you seem detached from what you really have.

look inwards for happiness sounds naff i know. everything else is materialistic.

look around you. you are so much fortunate than majority of people these days. why not volunteer?

If you look at income distribution in the UK, the OP's household income is good but not great. Her DH earns close to the top of the earnings bracket for full-time male workers (only 10% earn more than 51k according to the link above) but in terms of household income, it's not vast. To be rich, the OP's household income would have to be 77k plus, according to these statistics. Average household income is about 30k but that includes a bottom tier of 20% of households who earn an average of £4,800 p.a., which frankly I think would be impossible to live on, so these households presumably include people on benefits. If you excluded workless households from the overall numbers, the OP's household income would probably be just about average.

So objectively, the OP is not justified in thinking she is 'poor' (compared to 20% on £4,800 p.a.) but given the big disparity in income between the top 20% of households and the remaining 80% of households, I can see why she would subjectively feel poorer than many. Wealth disparity in the UK is pronounced. A household income of 45k gives you an above average income but not that far above the average that you would be able to spend as you like. You'd have to budget carefully and watch the pennies so I assume that's what the OP is fed up with.

We've had an income drop in the last year from being in the top of the income distribution to closer to the middle and I know we'll have to watch our money carefully from now on because of that. Upside is, I've been able to get out of a job I hated and look at a lifestyle change! So on that basis, OP, I think YABU as you could easily increase your household income by getting a job yourself and making different choices, if money is your priority. If it's not your priority, then stop worrying about it and be glad you can afford not to WOH.

Sieg - I always take time out to stand in the rain, I love nature.
I'm grounded where money is concerned and know it's limitations - It can't make you happy - but it can buy off unhappiness.

Xenia seems to be confusing happiness, fulfilment and success with wages.

Apparently I am not in my right mind though, so probably ought not to comment.

CBA to read the whole thread, but OP, get a life.

Wow babybarrister.

Your client really is in another world entirely.

But does she/he own an island?

Here Here InMyPrime.

A sensible, thoughtful response.

My posts above talked about not being materialist, not the contrary. If people have purpose and focus in life (which most UK adults do and most work and have children and always have) then that also makes you happier. Get a job. Go back to full time work and you won't be moaning about the fact our husband doesn't earn enough.

Presumably most people's moral values would see envy and jealousy as a sin? Is that correct? If so then dealing with your feelings of discontent that others have more might be a good starting point.

I can relate to what you are saying. Alot of my friends are well off and my dc go to school in an upmarket area so all most of their friends live in huge houses.

we are not 'poor' but we only just seem to get by. We both work but the cost of living has shot up and we have 3 teens. For example we have just decorated our bedroom and I would love to buy some new furniture but we just haven't got any spare cash so we still have our rubbish MFI stuff from 20 years' ago and the carpet is a bit shabby.

But OOH as other posters say it is all relative. Be thankful for what you have as material goods are not the be all and end of life. I have to convince myself of this constantly but we all need to count our blessings.

Aww bless. dovebird, you have no idea. Assuimg you're not a troll or just out to piss off lots of people, I will give you some facts. IME being well off isn't about sitting back while everyone runs around you doing your shit, unless you're married to a a high earner and they don't work. Dh and I both work. Our annual household income is around £1m. Yes we have a nanny, gardener, a multitude of cleaners but someone (mostly me!) needs to organise it all, oversee what they do and tell them what to do, make sure they do a good job, make sure you pay them. Oh and make sure they don't rip you off or worse steal from you. It's not like they magically turn up and get on with it. Neither of us works 9-5 so we have to fit organising all of that around our jobs and family life. Also 5/7 holidays a year?! Ha! We don't have the time. We want to spend quality time with our kids which means not spending hours travelling. We are going away in a few weeks time, and already I am negotiating with dh on what times he will be on the blackberry. I spent 3 hours a day working on our last holiday. I was pregnant and very unwell but I was up an hour before dc1 was awake then worked while she napped after lunch then an hour in the evenings after she slept. I couldn't be doing that 7 times a year. The fruits of our labours are great but believe me when I say that it doesn't magically land in our laps while we serenely glide around living the life of riley.

Lots of people are struggling at the moment, I don't think you or I have anything to complain about. Have you read the thread on the spiralling costs of food and how its crippling many families? Seriously, read it and just count your blessings. I do.

Well, I've got a bit of 'posting envy, if thats what you call it.
You have how many holidays and weekends away ?
Dh earns more thna your dh and i work part time. And yet we only have 3 holidays per year, to our caravan in Dorset.
And 3 of my freinds are going away. All on all inclusive deals for 10 days. And they tell me it costs £1.5-2k for 10 days, and I'm trying to work out where they get this money from. Especially as one of them only pays interest on her mortgage, or so she tells me.
Heres me having to sit in the awning in the peeing rain in Dorset, wondering where I went wrong .........

My DP earns 16k, I work part-time, but I'm on maternity leave at the moment. my work screwed up, they told me they would be paying me full pay, when in actual fact they are paying me half pay which is £90.52p. Now they've screwed up big time, I got paid today, £15.74p. That is my wages for this month, 15 fucking pounds and 74 pence. And you think YOU feel poor???? Get a grip on reality why don't you?

OP: Pretty much all wealth and all poverty beyond a certain basic level of need (roof, food, clothes) is relative. Move to Senegal or the Philippines and you will feel extremely well-off.

YABextremlyU. We earn less than that and feel extremely fortunate and lucky. You would be a lot happier if you really thought about this.

xenia, I have three degrees from Oxbridge and yet I still feel I lead a fulfilled life as a SAHM. Not indefinitely, but for now. Nothing at all wrong with my mind, thanks very much. In fact, I look at university friends in the city and think what a lucky escape I had from that kind of lifestyle. I envy you and your job and money not a single, teeny tiny jot.

Speaking of moral standards, surely along with not envying your neighbour, one might also say that a living a moral life involves not making insulting judgements about others based on your own skewed value system? (which incidentally has bugger all to do with feminism!)

If you know that work makes most men and women happier just as you migh t know that child abuse hurts people or that exercise makes people feel good I would say there was a moral obligation to proselyse those beliefs. And so I do... performing God's work on these boards. I will receive my reward in heaven no doubt....

But I agree with everyone on here, money doesn't make you happy at all. I would put good health right at the top of any list and helping others whch I am sure many of us do in our work even if it is well paid.

No one really answered me when I asked if people feel envy and jealousy are wrong/ a sin etc? I just wondered if the prevailing me me me ethos of our culture means that that sin has gone out of the window and "because I'm worth it" come in?

absolutely fucking hilarious

Normantebbit - 'stealth boasting' priceless