to be fed up of feeling poor, dh on 45k i'm a sahm, we have no debts and a good life, yet i still feel a bit poor

[dovebird]

we don't have money worries, our house is worth a fair bit more[40k at least] more than we owe on it, i'm happy being a sahm, we have a happy marraige on the whole,healthy as far as we know,nice car, been one one holiday abroad this year and 5 weekends away in uk.
we have a largeish 3 bedroom house which more than meets our needs
we get to have days out and meals out fairly often

i am surrounded by wealthy people though, with huge houses and very good lifestyles [ie gardeners, cleaners, never do their own d.i.y etc]

i'm fed up of feeling poor all time.

Xenia, currently it is not allowed to make a profit running a free school in the UK.

When it is, watch my chain of them grow. Until then, nada.

and those people who have huge houses feel poor compared to those with bigger houses, more cars, yacht.Where does it end? buckingham palace!

Is it me or does the latter proportion of this thread remind you of the 1989 ITV hit drama Capital City?

The JK Rowling story may or may not be true. I have been that hard up. I once had to take a toilet roll from a toilet at university because I couldn't afford to buy any and feed my son at the same time. At that point student income even with parent's allowance was less than income support and it was such a struggle. I couldn't work because it was a full time course and I couldn't afford any more childcare either financially or for my son's sake. Once I graduated and got my job I never felt so well off and still count my blessings every day, even though other people have far more and some of them probably look down on me for not having more. Money is all relative, there will almost always be someone better and someone worse off. BTW I felt so guilty about the toilet roll that I replaced it when I got my loan through!

Ah yes SW, that's true. I suppose they will need to buy in some ancillary services though so that itself might be a market, lathough I was suggesting women seek to avoid any business which relates in any way to children, cooking clothes etc.

I haven't read the whole thread, but I imagine there are lots of people saying 'Oh my heart bleeds' etc

The thing is, it's all relative. If you are surrounded by millionaires then you will feel poor.

Comparism is the thief of all joy. Stop comparing, start appreciating. Easier said than done though, I know

Woman sits on jetty fishing for supper while children play, granny knits and dozes in sunshine.

Business woman, taking a well-earned breather, saunters over to offer benevolent words of motivation and advice. 'Why don't you get a boat, go out before dawn, get a big catch, take it to market, make yourself some real money.'

Fisherwoman: 'Why would I do that?'

Businesswoman, enthusing to her subject: 'Well, if you work hard enough you could make a lot more money, pay someone to look after your family, retire early, do what you want after that.'

Fisherwoman: 'Like sit in the fresh air with no worries with my family around me.'

We are taught to be envious and acquisitive in order to fuel a capitalist society that validates itself on the basis of its economic growth. So I can see her point of view. It is a constant source of bafflement to me why I am not a multimillionaire with a second home in Gstaad, for example. I am no better or worse than those that are. However it doesn't keep me awake at night. The secret is to either believe in karma or concern yourself with more enduring things.

Yes, although part of capitalism some might say is keeping the poor in their place as we need low paid workers to do dross jobs, I think if I were a marxist I might have added that comment.

I suspect we are worse than we used to be. Magazines seem to be full of acquire and get stuff which wasn't the case in WWII as tehre was barely enough to live on, in the 1950s we were just coming out of WWII and had rationing, then we had 60s never had it so good but in fact even then most people hardly had central heating etc. 70s had massive inflation, a huge property crash, tax rates up to 99% for some, 80s may be was okay because we had my great leader in charge, things are always good witha woman in charge.... 90s had a bit of a recession in there but still a relentless consumerism and now perhaps we get a chance to think about what really matters and to pour scorn on silly girls who want expensive weddings and large fake breasts.

I think I very different from most MN's

I think if your not happy with any aspect of your life you keep going until you get where you want to be.

Im just not one of those "accept your lot" types

Cf, I agree. I always say most women are simply limited by limitations they put on themselves. I think if you really want to you can do most things - you just need to get on with it instead of moaning. Too many women are master whingers and useless at taking action to change things. There is nothing special about me except mind set and capacity for hard work. I think most of the things I have if anyone were to want them - lots of children being perhaps the most expensive one, private island, nice house etc etc, abilty to pay people to do dross jobs at home so I can concentrate on interacting with the family, anyone could do.

My father always says:

"Life is for you- not just for other people"

I think it is very true.

What a dipstick!

"80s may be was okay because we had my great leader in charge, things are always good witha woman in charge.... 90s had a bit of a recession in there"

You don't spot the internal inconsistency in that statement, then, Xenia - touch of the ol' cause and effect? And I think it was rather more significant than 'a bit of a recession' - whole swathes of the country still suffer significant unemployment as a consequence of that very recession, thanks to the virtual closing down of some areas of manufacturing industry without much of a plan as to what my replace it all with. These jobs are now in China - for now, but meanwhile poverty and social unrest continue in these areas of the UK.

I repeatedly despair at the naivity of your thinking, given that you claim to be an educated woman. You must live in a complete bubble, really.

Everyone lives to their means. Everyone always wants a bit more. I am a SAHM on half that wage. We feel poor. I'd feel even mroe poor if we were on 15k a year. However, we manage.

Many many people are very grateful to Lady Thatcher and what she achieved for this country. We were very lucky to have her.

i expect more aren't

Sounds to me you have a good life really...your wealthy friends aren't exactly showing what average life is like. If I reach where you are (able to holiday abroad, own a property, able to be a stay at home mum without money worries et etc ) I'd be a very happy lady. In reality, for many women, sadly the choice to not work is shadowed by a huge finacial sacrifice, and many couples simply cannot afford to go on one weekend anniversary away let alone 5 and a holiday abroad. I think you should stop moaning and whining to be honest and get a grip. Perhaps go to the doctor and get pills or therapy to halp you be happy with yourself if you can't do it yourself.

Xenia, I have never met anyone who has expressed such appreciation for Lady Thatcher.

I have met many people who were/are less than happy that she was ever priminister. Including several people who voted her in.

You all allow Xenia to wind you up.

She's the Liz Jones of Mumsnet! Has found a role and is sticking to it.

Banana, you are so right and I fall for it every time. It's the blardy smugness of it all that presses my buttons.

There are masses of Thatcher fans around. The great thing about the internet is you get in touch with people outside your normal grouping and people of different kinds can hear the views of others. Obviously there are a few rather left wing people whose views we would all hope to change who decided they were unhappy with her but really she saved this nation and is a heroine to many. However we are slightly off topic.

The thread is more about the sin of envy and being grateful for what you have and ensuring eternal contentment rather than never being satisfied. Envy and greed and jealousy can make people very unhappy inside. They can feel hard done by and think everyone else is better off. The fact I might earn a lot is irrelevant. My real wealth is my internal happiness and contentment.

(Of course, Liz Jones is getting paid handsomely for it: not such a good business decision to be giving it away for free!)