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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fed up of feeling poor, dh on 45k i'm a sahm, we have no debts and a good life, yet i still feel a bit poor

403 replies

dovebird · 25/08/2011 22:14

we don't have money worries, our house is worth a fair bit more[40k at least] more than we owe on it, i'm happy being a sahm, we have a happy marraige on the whole,healthy as far as we know,nice car, been one one holiday abroad this year and 5 weekends away in uk.
we have a largeish 3 bedroom house which more than meets our needs
we get to have days out and meals out fairly often

i am surrounded by wealthy people though, with huge houses and very good lifestyles [ie gardeners, cleaners, never do their own d.i.y etc]

i'm fed up of feeling poor all time.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 26/08/2011 00:50

i have £20 left in my overdraft. That's going to have to feed six of us till tuesday. Still feel sorry for yourself?

LindsayWagner · 26/08/2011 00:52

I don't think she's asking for sympathy. I think she's pointing something out.

Original poster
dovebird · 26/08/2011 00:59

yes i'm not after sympathy.
at all.

OP posts:
pictish · 26/08/2011 01:04

Jealousy is a horrible emotion OP.
Don't entertain it.
It's a waste of your happiness.

NorfolkBroad · 26/08/2011 01:04

are you bored at home? I ought to have made it clear that I'm not a sahm all the time, I teach part time. I wouldn't want to be at home all the time. Maybe you have too much time on your hands and that makes you think too much about these unimportant things.

Original poster
dovebird · 26/08/2011 01:12

no i'm not bored at all, i love it.
i feel like i don't have enough time though as there's always something to do

perhaps i could read some books on happiness

OP posts:
midlandsmumof4 · 26/08/2011 01:15

Dovebird-wake up and smell the f***g coffee.......

spiderslegs · 26/08/2011 01:15

Look, Dove, really, it's comparative envy you're suffering from.

It's an illness of the affluent.

It's not healthy, but sanctimony will not heal you.

Right, I'm going to nail myself to the mast now & tell you to look at my profile.

You will see my house. I have a cleaner, a gardener & a man I call when the sinks are blocked.

Am I any happier now than when I was a skint student?

No.

Am I any happier than a woman in a developing country who can feed & look after her children when her contempories are struggling?

No.

Unless she looks around & her next door neighbour has a better coffee pot than her & she wants that coffee pot.

NorfolkBroad · 26/08/2011 01:21

So it's just the feeling poor compared to those that live around you? I cant really relate to that, seriously not many people have cleaners, gardners etc, surely?!

Cocoflower · 26/08/2011 01:21

Agree with spider

Laquitar · 26/08/2011 01:31

'perhaps its time envy' ??

What about those who do the cleaning and diy after a 10 hrs work shift? I remember a time when i couldn't do my washing because i was leaving the house night and i was coming back night (my w/m was noisy and i lived in a flat).

I think you might be bored and/or depressed. Some people naturally think positive and can see those who are less fortunate than them. Others dont, but you can work on it.

What about your dh, does he feel the same? Do you talk much?

Laquitar · 26/08/2011 01:34

spiders nice photos

NorfolkBroad · 26/08/2011 01:37

Sorry Spider, I didn't mean to suggest that there was something odd about having a gardner or a cleaner, my brothers and their families both do but I meant that generally speaking most people probably don't

I agree with all of your post Spider. I hope that reading people's posts have been helpful to you Dove. When I feel low about something relatively trivial, such as not losing weight or not being able to afford something I imagine myself when I am much older looking back on my life. I think what a shame it would be to have wasted my time hankering after these stupid things when I could have been appreciating all I have.

spiderslegs · 26/08/2011 01:48

Dove, Norfolk & Laquitar are both apposite in their advice.

& also, small children are horrid & lovely in equal measure.

They will grow, as will you.

Laquitar · 26/08/2011 02:06

'Norfolk and Laquitar are both opposite in their advice'

How?

spiderslegs · 26/08/2011 02:13

Apposite

Meaning pertinent, relevant etc.

Laquitar · 26/08/2011 02:17

Oh i see. Sorry, i'm half sleeping Blush

spiderslegs · 26/08/2011 02:25

S'ok

I'm on the cigars - what the fuck do I know?

Doitnicelyplease · 26/08/2011 03:52

You need to question whether richer = happier, if you believe that then you will always yearn to be rich and see it as the answer to all life's ills.

But if you can teach yourself that more money is just that and not a magical answer to being happy, then you can be happy with what you have.

Really the last thing any of us need is more 'stuff' and any emotional problems or issues you have now will still be there if you were rolling in it.

Also things aren't always what they seem and I find whatever their income people often increase their spending to match it (on cleaners, or private schools or villas in Spain), so the actual amount of 'spare cash' is minimal and they might have more but still not feel 'rich' IYSWIM.

A happy family and good health matter more than any amount of money.

You sound like you are bored of your life.

Unreasonablyfedup · 26/08/2011 04:29

It is a case of Affluenza. I know people who earn £200k plus a year and think/feel poor - because they see other people in the same industry/area earning more than them, so they think they deserve it. And I know people who earn £30k who think they are well off because they are in work and can manage well. It's all relative.

Morloth · 26/08/2011 04:29

I think the trick to feeling 'happy' with how much you have is to live right in the middle of what you can afford.

We are pretty wealthy by world standards, but if I were to try to buy a house in the local equivalent of lets say Belgravia, I would be feeling pretty poor.

So instead we choose an area that is probably on par with Ealing.

I wouldn't want to move to a really poor area because I wouldn't want my kids to be the 'rich' kids and I wouldn't want the guilt that having so much more than my neighbours would bring.

The middle is comfy, I really don't understand how you are eating out and having so many holidays on that income either, but I am a royal PITA and if I am going on holiday I spend a bomb, if I can't afford to spend a bomb, I don't go. So we tend to have one big holiday every couple of years as opposed to lots of little ones.

FerretMum · 26/08/2011 06:27

Well get a job and do something about it!

AnyFucker · 26/08/2011 07:59

I think you should dump your husband

He isn't earning enough for you

Leave the bastard

HTH

Xenia · 26/08/2011 08:14

There's nothing to stop you earning what I do. Lots of women with children work full time. YOu need to go on a feminism course and get out there and earn your own money rather than leeching off the back of a man's efforts and then moaning about it. No one in their right mind becomes a housewife. You have no ability to increase your income, pay school fees, etc Why on earth did you do it and what was your career before you decided to live in poverty by giving up work?

SchrodingersMew · 26/08/2011 08:20

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