to be fed up of feeling poor, dh on 45k i'm a sahm, we have no debts and a good life, yet i still feel a bit poor

[dovebird]

we don't have money worries, our house is worth a fair bit more[40k at least] more than we owe on it, i'm happy being a sahm, we have a happy marraige on the whole,healthy as far as we know,nice car, been one one holiday abroad this year and 5 weekends away in uk.
we have a largeish 3 bedroom house which more than meets our needs
we get to have days out and meals out fairly often

i am surrounded by wealthy people though, with huge houses and very good lifestyles [ie gardeners, cleaners, never do their own d.i.y etc]

i'm fed up of feeling poor all time.

dove You will also be feeling a lot poorer when DCs need shoes, uniform, extra tuition, extra-curricular, sports/dance equipment, holiday activities, 'optional' school trips for GCSEs music history French this year £1k each teen. I am guessing they are low-maintenance ATM. If they show aptitude for eg music, sport, academic, brace yourself.

BTW I do childminding, babysitting, petsitting, housesitting, carboots, NCT clothes/equipment sales - rubbish at cleaning otherwise I'd do that.

Done both. Earnt a high wage, been a SAHM, now earn about 45k. DH and I are a partnership and I have supported him so much so that I could now live the life of riley if I wanted but because we BOTH worked for it in different ways we value it and I don't want to and my, in Xenia's eyes, meagre income is my spending money - except I don't spend it - well not much of it anyway.

You sound ungrateful for what you do have. I'm not saying that to be mean and make you feel bad, everyone can forget to be thankful for what they do have when they can only see what they don't. That's just going to make you unhappy, you need to change your perspective.

God OP. Not read the 12 pages of replies but just wanted to say, you have No Idea. My god.
Have you gone hungry so you've enough food for your child? Used (stolen) loo roll in place of sanitary wear?
Actually, I am going to assume you're having a troll as I can't believe anyone would post sometihng so insensitive.

Dovebird, why don't you go for counselling? It seems that you have enough money to do so. I really resent this kind of posting. My husband lost his job last year and although he almost immediately went self employed, we have survived (he is now bringing in a small wage), on my part time wages, which meant, mortgage, nursery fees (he was starting out self employed so we had to keep dd in nursery 3 days a week), all bills etc, out of my part time wage (which aint a lot). As a result we are in a lot of debt but I don't moan about it, a lot of people are in a much worse situtation than us. What you could do is set up a charitable fund for MN'ers, then you oculd spend all your free time perusing over the poor beggers who need help and you could chose the most worthy. Wouldn't that make you feel better?

Only read the OP's posts.

This is definitely a wind up.

Don't rise to it.

45k a year and her house is worth at least 40k more than they owe? And they go on one foreign holiday and 5 UK breaks? Unless she is living in a croft in Scotland, I don't see how that would work.

Especially as she lives in a wealthy area.

I'm sure this is a wind-up, folks. Does anybody remember dovebird from previous threads?

I'm not sure it is a wind up. Own home, no benefits, big mortgage, gas, electricity, tv, computer, phone contracts, small children, food bills, car to run. The only bit that makes me wonder is the foreign holiday and five weekend breaks a year. I just don't think there would be enough money left over to do and for once I think Xenia has a point about the differential between benefits of 17k and having to fund the margin whilst living in non social housing.

We have the tiniest mortgage and I'm not sure in London, we would be able to pay all expenses and have the holidays. Lots of young couples on about £45,000 and in rented accommodation in London really struggle to have any spending money over and they don't have the children and are renting tiny one bed flats with small outgoings. Some of the girls who work for me are in very similar situations and I genuinely believe they are just about making ends meet rather than leading the life of riley.

We are on close to £40k and are struggling to make ends meet. We both work so it's mostly childcare that kills our money. We rarely have spare money to Enjoy. But then I guess it was our choice to have 4 children. But somedays I honestly do think we would be better of on benefits as we wouldn't need to run 2 cars we wouldn't need to pay out childcare. Etc etc.

Oh fuck off, we are family of 5 on half that.

OP, I am shocked. You are very well off. I can only assume you live in a very affuent area. Please try not to compare your wealth to those around you - it won't make you happy.

I'm not really sure if you are after sympathy (bad luck!) or a diagnosis for depression? I hope you find what you're looking for.

Dovebird, why don't you go for counselling? It seems that you have enough money to do so

That's what I was wondering.

Why is everyone adding fuel to the fire, its obvious from what op writes its a wind up and she is taking the Michael.

No its the way op has written not what her situation is that is a joke, she sounds like she is taking the piss.

Its pretty easy to go on uk breaks cheaply. We will have had 6 weekends in hotels by December and it only cost us 348 for all of them as we go premier inn 29 quid a night. Last year we were going with travelodge and it was only 9 a night. Additionally sun holidays are only 9.50 for a few days. We are on 23.5k and still manage 6 weekends away and are going on a week long holidy in oct

I think she is real tbh and i dont find the situation very anusual. Many people are unhappy on 45K and many people feel flat even on 100K either because of their personality, or tendency to depression, or other things missing.

Why so much anger and why she should 'fuck off' because someone else earns half?

I'm also surprised that so many of you said 'ditch your friends and spend time with poor people'. Is this the solution to happiness? Just be next to poor and ugly people so you feel good? Tbh i find this as sad as the op.

Would you all ditch Pag if she lived in your street? I don't think so.

I agree with all the people who have mentioned affluenza - it is so destructive. DH and I are on about £52k between us, both working full time, and we feel rich. Until not so long ago we were overpaying a bit on our mortgage and gradually planning a bit of home improvements (we're talking really manky bathroom and kitchen here, not cosmetic stuff).

Then we lost MIL. She turned out to have tortured the pennies saving for a care home which she ended up not needing, which meant we could pay off our mortgage and put a chunk of money in the bank.

But we aren't any happier (or less happy), and would much rather have had my lovely MIL instead. We still have our 10yo car (need only one, DH does not drive), cheapo furniture which is mostly second hand, old-fashioned TV. We are still saving for home improvements because most of what we have inherited is for the DDs to go to uni.

We find that stuff does not matter. Our best days as a family are usually ones spent in our jungly garden, watching the sunflowers and the runner beans grow, watching the DCs on the trampoline, doing very little and feeling at the end of the day that it has been a really special one for some reason. We do feel very privileged knowing that if the washing machine dies, we can replace it without worries - that is what makes us feel rich.

I feel sorry for the OP that she does not have this in her life. I don't think there is an easy cure, though.

Dovebird If you are real (and I'm still a bit about that) then I do feel a bit sorry for you. There you are like a "dovebird" in a gilded cage. You are fed up of feeling poor, well spread those wings and fly to the nearest Jobcentre and find yourself a job then. End of problem. And yes, I know there is a recession but there are still a few jobs out there if you are desperate enough.

It didn't look like 'ditch your friends and hang out with poor people'.
It seemed like the (wealthy) people Dovebird has been friendly with might be a bit obsessed with stuff, which is boring and seems to have made Dovebird boring too.
I decided some time ago not to choose friends from a particular group - you could construe that as 'find poorer friends' but that would be cynical, it was definitely 'find friends who don't come from that boring sector because your success rate there has been nil' (defining 'success' as finding like-minded, interesting people).

Assuming you're not pulling the piss...

No offence, but you are privileged by UK standards (look up the average UK wage and average UK household income if you don't believe me) and insanely privileged by global ones. I'm not necessarily agreeing with the 'ditch your friends' thing, but you are living in an upper middle class bubble if your current lifestyle makes you feel 'poor'. Maybe you just need a bit more awareness of what life is like for 'normal' UK people, or even how incredibly shit it is for billions of non-westerners.

op you wrote this in your earlier post

"anyway things will change alot once the dc go to school.
perhaps i will have all the material things i want then"

what do you mean, how do the kids going to school means you get all the crap things you want?

are you getting a well paid job then?

Dovebird I'd love to hear what you did before you had the children. I mean this kindly of course but it crosses my mind that you have probably never worked with or met many "poor" people (by your standards) or even dealt with the public at large.
A day spent working with people less well off than yourself might make you grateful for what you have. Have you spent any time in A & E lately? A day spent working there might make you feel very privileged indeed.
Sure I'm going to get torched for this but hey ho!

You should try getting by on £100k +. BMW's/Range Rovers are expensive to buy and run, the private schooling, the nanny, the nice house are eating the money. We may have to ski in Morzine instead of Courcheval 1850 or go at (god forbid) a cheaper period.