to be fed up of feeling poor, dh on 45k i'm a sahm, we have no debts and a good life, yet i still feel a bit poor

[dovebird]

we don't have money worries, our house is worth a fair bit more[40k at least] more than we owe on it, i'm happy being a sahm, we have a happy marraige on the whole,healthy as far as we know,nice car, been one one holiday abroad this year and 5 weekends away in uk.
we have a largeish 3 bedroom house which more than meets our needs
we get to have days out and meals out fairly often

i am surrounded by wealthy people though, with huge houses and very good lifestyles [ie gardeners, cleaners, never do their own d.i.y etc]

i'm fed up of feeling poor all time.

so i've thought about what everyone has said, alot.
and i've decided i am not going to compare myself to others anymore and i am making a choice to be happy/content

if this doesn't not work, i will stop spending so much of my time with rich people, not to say i will dump my wealthy friends, i just won't spend so much time with them.

thanks for all your suggestions and ideas.

OP, i just wanted to say regarding the wealthy friends a Polyanna type person will turn this into positive. Friends bought villa in Spain? Great, thats free hols for me then. Friends installed a massive pool in their garden? Great i can have the fun without the hassle of running one. Friends are having a 100K wedding? Great, let them bear all the stress and i'll just show up and enjoy a posh night, etc. I've been like this since i was a child but i'm sure you can practice it, there are people who have trained themselves into it.

Or do one of those selling things (Avon, pyrex etc) and make them to buy the lot .

and i've decided i am not going to compare myself to others anymore and i am making a choice to be happy/content

Good because you never know what's around the corner. Maybe your DH will lose his job or someone will get ill and you will kick yourself for ever complaining about the life you have now.

You are not exactly rich...

our house is worth a fair bit more[40k at least] more than we owe on it

Personally would not be feeling that smug with that figure. You could easily find yourself in negative equity esp with a larger mortgage and the cost of selling/stamp duty would have that 'profit' erroded.

Personally would not be feeling that smug with that figure. You could easily find yourself in negative equity esp with a larger mortgage and the cost of selling/stamp duty would have that 'profit' erroded.

Well do people buy a house to LIVE in or to make a profit from? Assuming they wont seel it anyitme soon, there is more than enough time for the housing market to pick up. They are damn lucky they have a house.

As for being rich, they are certainly not poor rebel.

What is being poor these days? Not having the latest car, holidays around the world or latest gadget? You want an example of poor, take a trip to Somalia.

Are you having a laugh? You are thirty five grand a year better off than us, hope that makes you feel richer.

Seriously though I never begrudge anyone having money but wake up there is a recession happening people are wondering how they are going to feed their kids this winter, have a look at the budgeting boards see how poor you feel then .

you remind me a bit of my ex boyfriends uncle,
he was mighty pissed off that he was going to have to sell off part of his ISLAND when his kids inherited,because of a new law on inheritance tax,
i might add they didnt even live there most of the year as it was "chilly" and in fact had a rather lovely 6 bed in oxford,and flew up on their plane for the summer months.
they thought they were not rich either,just scraping by in fact.
when you have more money,you just spend it on bigger shit,in your state of mind you will always feel poor.

i feel quite well off,we earn £17k a year,its the most we've ever had.i cant imagine what we would DO with £45k!

i think you need to take a leaf from Laquitar's book.

OP, no one should surround themselves with people who make them feel bad. Life is too short. However, if these are good friends and the issue is really you, then I do hope you successfully work through those issues. Life is also too short to not be happy because of what others have, particularly when you're doing alright. I think laquitar's excellent approach is the way to go, you might as well share in your friends' successes!

Just for the record many people where one of them earns £45k have the same net income as someoe on £17k because of the way the benefits sy stem works in the UK -0 you can get in London housing benefit up to £20,800 if you earn very little whereas you would not get that on £45k and at £45k you are paying 42% tax and NI on some of your income.

So in a sense if you earn £17k and increase your income to £45k you might find you are not a penny better off. We have never solved that problem in the UK. If you want a welfare state it is hard to see how it can be solved. The only solution on an individual basis is make sure our daughters and indeed ourselves pick lucrative careers so we can earn sums which are well in excess of that IF people want more money. Not everyone does.

dovebird - can I add another book to your reading list? The Happiness Project by Gretchen Ruben. It's a little twee in places, but it's a great way of looking at what makes us happy and how the little things can add up to a much more contented life.

Also, rather than trekking round libraries, does your library have an internet portal where you can check what they have in stock or order in what you'd like to read? Ours only costs 60p to order in any book they have in the county and it's usually available within a week.

Xenia - lucrative and fulfilling careers.

There is no great benefit in earning £100k pa+ if you hate your job...

i hate threads like this, try living on benefits £30-£40 per week for shopping, living in a council house - would that make you feel better

Try getting a job or retraining so you don't have to?

She doesn't want to work. She wants to live off the earnings of a man and not do a stroke and to perpetuate a system where women serve at home and clean and men go out and earn money. It's pernicious model which we need to stamp out. Why can't she outearn her husband? Education is the key to a lot of this. Although it's possible to have lucrative and lovely careers if you don't have many GCSEs etc it is much harder.

This is a wind up obviously, op rubbing her hands with glee at all the raucous she is creating

XENIA.....................REGARDING THE HUSBAND AND LIVING OFF HIS WAGES.
You don't keep a dog and bark yourself.

Try thinking of it from another angle.

By the way I work.

Don't you think a good wife manages to keep her husband Xenia - whether she works or not? .

Pigletmania I agree it's a wind-up but quite entertaining.

Well Xenia, I guess if you don't have a husband at all or one who only earns a teachers wage, then you gotta work yourself.

But some of us are not in that situation

Yes, but being kept isn't right and is the cause of the problem on the thread. If she earned £200k a year it wouldn't matter a jot how low her husband's income is. She made foolish career choices as a teenager and then compounded them, given her materialism, by marrying a low earning man and now seems to regret it. She should act and go forth and earn a lot or else to to church and consider the sin that envy is.

Ooh, I dunno.
I reckon being kept by a well off chap pretty cushy.
But then, if you've never known that......

I'd recommend 'Status Anxiety' by Alain de Botton as well as 'Affluenza'.

Enjoy what you have, op, especially the non-material things like a happy marriage and children. I know wealthy people who would happily trade you.

Btw, we manage fine on one teacher's salary. After years as students, it feels pretty luxurious, tbh.

Xenia is interesting on the income.

I chose SAHM pre-school, then low-wage term-time work only through primary school. Expected to be back at work full-time through secondary school. Now unexpected SAHM doing endless hospital appointments with chronically sick child, also available for DH's elderly parents.

We are not as well off long-term with 2DCs on £45k as we think. You are currently an unwaged full-time carer with no benefits.

Outstanding mortgage debt. Your pension. His and her AVCs. His and her savings. Child savings accounts, future uni/training debt, possible deposits on DCs' property aspirations.

Learned to cost the jobs you mention: house, garden, childcare, elderly care, car. If I can't eg take tree down myself, I pay. Some jobs are reciprocal with friends eg childcare. Don't underestimate your unpaid contribution when assessing neighbours' lifestyles with 'staff', eg my private cleaner friend is £20/hr.

Many friends with large-house lifestyles have matching debt and risk. Good luck to you in the happy days, dove. Loved the 'sponsor a child' suggestion. I thought ongoing participation and contribution to the local community is normal. We don't do everything for money, do we?

I would live next to some poorer people so you feel richer. Like lying next to the fat girl on the beach.