to take half her dole money from her?

[RebelFromTheWaistDown]

Eldest DD recently completed full time further education course and has since had no luck finding a job. She has signed on the dole today.

She is now in shock because I told her she has to give me half of her dole each fortnight for her bed and board. She is getting excellent value for money IMO. She thinks it is too much. AIBU?

My parents did need the money when I went back home and could only find a part-time job. I wanted to pay a reasonable amount and they would only accept £5 a week. Some of which my DM then transferred back into my account (without warning and with dire threats as to what she'd do if I put it back) when I moved in with DP.

However I was expected to do my fair share of chores and I cooked 50% of the time (retired DF did other 50%). I was also expected to spend a lot of time sorting out my childhood things for car boot sales.

OP I think you're teaching your DD a valuable lesson about budgeting by taking the JSA but if you can afford it then put it in an account to help her when she needs a deposit.

Lady I now work thanks very much and did in a very successful well paid job until 7 years ago, I've been ill. I lived on crackers because I had two stone to lose.

It worked too! Are you fat? Maybe you should try it.

I have successfully brought up two children one is 23 and one is 18, the 23 year old got a first in Maths at Warwick he is now in a job paying 50k plus bonuses a year. The youngest goes to Uni this year.

If anyone can say they have done a brilliant job being a single parent then it is me and I have proof to that effect.

So whilst you can all poo poo my opinion, for me how I am with my children works as both will be successful and be somebody as opposed to a nobody.

'But if she was living somewhere that she was paying rent, she'd more than likely recieve housing benefit to cover it. AND her dole money.'

Out of which she'd need to buy food, pay for gas/electric/TV license and water in addition to travel expenses and clothes. The HB pays for rent and council tax.

I bet your kids do think they're somebody alright, Fabby

Props for shoehorning your son's salary in there, Fabby

I tip my hat to you

YANBU and you are teaching your children about financial responsibility which makes you a good parent IMO.

Somebody who can't turn the oven on?

My mum couldnt afford to keep me at home, so i paid her £40 a week, I found this too hard, so we eventually changed to 35...If it hadnt been so hard, I wouldnt have tried to get a job. £50 a week is a lot of pocket money. If I needed extra for a good reason (job interview etc) she would give me some back. I used to have to walk instead of catching buses, and it was hard, but on reflection I was lazy, and needed a kick up the bum

If she was living somewhere that she was paying rent for, she would - at her age - have to be in a houseshare, might not get all the rent covered by HB (which may or may not cover water and sewage), would have to claim Council Tax Benefit, would have to start sharing standing charges or go on to key meters, pay TV licence fees and phone/broadband bills, insure her property, buy food and cook it, buy clothes, groceries and toiletries, clean and tidy, and pay for travel.

Oh and my last post on here, my eldest knows perfectly well how to handle money he has lived in Uni accomodation for four years living on a student loan, not once has he ever been without money. His rent is now £1600 a month (shared) he pays more in rent than some of you on mortgages.

So don't give it the bollocks that kids need to know how to budget.

Because my son does.

It is what you instill in your children that matters, not what you TAKE from them because you feel you have a sense of entitlement to.

I think you have to take SOMETHING. Those who've said they wouldn't take a penny are being naive.

Whether or not it should be 50% really depends on how much you personally need the money. I think if you don't really NEED it then a third is probably fairer.

If you do need it to make ends meet then 50% is fine.

Our job is to teach them to stand on their own two feet. Part of that is to teach them to pay their own way in the world. Getting to live at home for naff all whilst running up bills, eating food as an adult simply isn't doing them any favours at all.

Barking.

Yanbu. If you don't 'need' the money then save it, you can then treat her to some nice work clothes / bus pass / rent deposit etc at some point in the future when she does get a job / move out.

Dole is for living expenses not fripperies! If she doesn't have to make any compromises in terms of clothes, holidays, social life etc then you're hardly motivating her to get a job.

Well technically JSA is to cover living costs so food and utilities but not rent. If she is not entitled to Housing Benefit it's because she appears to have no rental liability and so you are presumed to be supporting her in this way. If you aren't prepared to then it might make better financial sense for her to look for a place to rent so that she is spending the money as intended. I'd point this out to her.

My parents wouldn't have charged me anything had I ever found myself in a difficult situation and neither would I charge my dc if they weren't earning but all families are different. Surely she has lived independently at uni and therefore understands how to run some semblance of a household already so not really teaching her anything ime. But obviously personal circumstances are the crux here - if you can't afford to keep her and she knows this then fair enough!

Not you, NiceGuy, that's a sensible post.

Coddling your adult children, encouraging a sense of entitlement, and treating them as babies are selfish acts.
The best gifts you can give your adult children are independence, responsibility coupled with emotional support and love.

And focussing on your children becoming 'somebody' is very strange tbh.

X-posted! Sorry!

It's very egotistical imo, if you get satisfaction from martyrdom at the expense of teaching your kids vital life skills.

I would perhaps take half but put half of that amount each week into a savings account for the DD (which I would do on the quiet).

Son on £50k plus bonuses....

Come on, Fabs, I'm only waiting for the 'I couldn't wipe my own arse I was so fat at size 16' one to get a full house! :o

(but what do I win....?)

OP YANBU, but if you don't need the money then save it towered a deposit for your DD.

I'm really surprised at how many posters feel you are being unreasonable.

If I were on £50K plus bonuses and my mum were on £16K living on crackers and coffee I'd be at the least sending her regular shopping orders.

I instill mine that people are not there to mooch off their whole lives. If that means charging them board and rent when they're adults who want to live with me because I can't afford to keep them otherwise, that's how it'll be.

Fuck if I'll eat crackers and drink coffee for that. Nope, not fat, either.

'I couldn't wipe my own arse I was so fat at size 16'

Wha?

I lived on crackers because I had two stone to lose.

It worked too! Are you fat? Maybe you should try it.

Ermm, wtf? Whats the need for this little gem?