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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to do the food shopping alone even though DH will be annoyed

270 replies

OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 12:17

My DH never, ever lets me go food shopping on my own. He always insists on coming, I suspect because he wants to fill the trolley up with biscuits and chicken kievs that he knows I won't buy !
We should have gone shopping last week, the cupboards and fridge are looking like mother hubbard's and the cats are having to eat tuna because there is no cat food. However, due to our shifts there is no opportunity for us to go food shopping this week as the only time we are both off is tomorrow evening when I will be putting DD (18m) to bed. He will be at work now until probably next week.
The only way I can get the food shopping done will be to have it delivered or go on my own - both of which will cause a row because of his odd obsession with coming shopping.
WWYD ? I have no milk, no sugar, no butter, no potatoes, no lots of things and really do need to go shopping before next Tuesday

OP posts:
ragged · 22/08/2011 12:25

He can go on his own later if he thinks you missed anything "important".
DH used to whine if I tried to go shopping on my own because he wanted to spend the time with me.
Grocery shopping...
unncessarily with small children...
that was supposed to be quality time he couldn't live without Confused.

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 12:27

Oh come on

If the cats are eating tuna, you can afford a couple of kievs and a pack of biscuits.

Sorry but if what you say goes when it comes to shopping then no wonder he feels he has to go with you.

BoscoIsMyLover · 22/08/2011 12:28

I prefer going shopping without my DP because HE likes to zoom through the aisles, get the shopping done with minimal of fuss, I like to browse for a few hours going up and down the aisle buying nice things so its for those reasons I prefer if he was not there but of course he can come along or not, either way the shopping is getting done..

What would happen if you did go off and do the shop by yourself OP?

tryingtoleave · 22/08/2011 12:28

But if you don't buy them he will come shopping with you and buy them anyway - so it's not like you can avoid it. And surely you get some treats you like? I'm disgusted by dh's fondness for Sara lee cheesecake, and believe that I make a much better cheesecake, but I get it because he looks so happy when I tell him I got it for him. And if I didn't, he would prob go and get the food he fancied anyway.

Original poster
OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 12:28

Mamas12, you are probably right there with the emotional prison. DH cannot bear not to be involved in every single part of everyones' lives. He is a real busybody and seems to think it's his business to know the ins and outs of everything. He will go through BILs post to see how much he has on his credit cards Shock. I think the shopping issue is probably linked to this need to be involved in everything.

OP posts:
tryingtoleave · 22/08/2011 12:29

The op is controlling as much as her dh. Imagine if a woman posted that her dh wouldn't let her buy biccies!

tryingtoleave · 22/08/2011 12:30

Omg, he just wants some food he likes!

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 22/08/2011 12:31

He sounds horrendous. Awful, controlling and selfish. Lucky you Hmm

Original poster
OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 12:31

"If the cats are eating tuna, you can afford a couple of kievs and a pack of biscuits"
We bought the tins of tuna when they were on offer in Tesco to get the 5p off petrol vouchers. There was literally nothing else in the house to give them as DH had said he would get cat food and then didn't because he had to stay on late at work. I haven't had an opportunity to get cat food either. The cats aren't having tuna as a luxury, they are having it because there is nothing else.

OP posts:
Elsjas · 22/08/2011 12:31

why not order online with him there? then you get food quickly and he feels that he has been involved.

DogsBestFriend · 22/08/2011 12:31

Anyone who can say of their spouse or partner that s/he "never lets me... " or "won't let me... " should be seriously reconsidering their relationship with that person.

What is it with women who will allow men to treat them like this? Why do we hear it so frequently?

OP, you need food. So go shopping. Any man who will kick off because you went shopping without him is not worth taking into consideration.

Firawla · 22/08/2011 12:31

go and get the shopping as you need it but yabu to control exactly what items he is allowed to have in the shopping, so seems both as bad as each other.
cant you atleast afford a pack of value biscuits or something if he is desperate?

cyb · 22/08/2011 12:32

He sounds like a TOTAL control freak who's behaviour you justify because you cant be arsed to point out to him what a prat he is being

I worry about men like that

VelvetSnow · 22/08/2011 12:32

OP, it's a choice between going shopping and er... starving!

You do the maths.

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 12:33

Yes but if you weren't so controlling, you'd buy some kievs and a pack of biscuits wouldn't you? Unless you're watching every single penny...but you can't be otherwise you would have bought some cheap catfood and saved the tuna for dinner.

What is your child eating if you have nothing left?

mamas12 · 22/08/2011 12:34

Yes he certainly does sound controlling, your stories so far being quite shocking are probably only the tip of the iceberg I fear.
Please get some help to deal with this unreasonable behaviour.

If you are scared of someone so much that you are afraid to get some food for yourself and your child that tells us a lot.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 22/08/2011 12:35

I always do/did the food shop as my H has no concept of budgeting or meal planning and would spend twice what I spend, the OP is not being unreasonable in maintaining control over the food shopping if her H cannot stick to a budget, presuming a budget is necessary!

ShoutyHamster · 22/08/2011 12:36

He sounds an ABSOLUTE twat. Sorry OP.

'DH is stubborn as an old mule and possibly the most argumentative and determined person you could ever wish to meet. Most of the time I just can't be arsed with the inevitable argument'

  • shaping up to be a great retirement eh, left with this KNOB for company when the kids have left home etc. Is it really what you want, forever?

two options if no 1. Leave him, 2. start some remedial training NOW.
Start shopping alone, every time. When he starts kicking off say 'It saves money. And I don't care about your tantrums.'

Or start telling him you canot be arsed to argue, leaving him is beginning to look like less hassle than staying with him because he's an idiot. An interfering, busybodying, pain in the neck idiot.

BimboNo5 · 22/08/2011 12:36

I have a friend who isnt permitted to do the weekly shop without her DH- most odd imo.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 22/08/2011 12:36

She did say she bakes cakes and biscuits! Can people not read? It's not a human right to buy whatever shop made crap you fancy, when money is tight. Home made treats are much better than value biscuits in any case.

BoscoIsMyLover · 22/08/2011 12:37

He goes through your BIL's post????? Shock

VelvetSnow · 22/08/2011 12:37

Jeez, those hamsters can shout Grin

I agree with ShoutyHamster!

tryingtoleave · 22/08/2011 12:37

It's dh's money too, surely he should have some say in how it's spent?

Original poster
OhdearNigel · 22/08/2011 12:37

"What is your child eating if you have nothing left?"

We have frozen stuff etc like bolognese and I have meat & fish, vegetables from the allotment. What I don't have is things like cheese, eggs, milk, yoghurt - stuff that can't be frozen.

And I am not controlling, I just do the meal planning and try to do it within a budget. If DH ends up spending £40 on crappy foods (which he does with the greatest of ease" that is quite a lot out of my £250 budget with which I have to feed 5 cats.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/08/2011 12:38

OP, I think I hate your husband

why don't you hate him too ?

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