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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be unhappy about a large unwanted gift for my DD?

150 replies

piedleger · 22/08/2011 00:23

A relative has bought a 6ft trampoline for my DD, who is two and a half. It's actually for age 3+ but that's not the problem. They didn't ask us if we wanted her to have it beforehand (it's not even her birthday for months) or whether we were happy to have such a big object in our garden. It's really heavy and can't be deconstructed to store away. It took 2 hours for my poor DH to put up with much help and he only put it together out of politeness as they were here, plus my DD saw what it was so there was no stopping it really.
My DH is actually pretty precious about the lawn, which he spends hours on and is convinced that it'll be ruined now so is having a massive sulk about the whole thing and I'm bearing the brunt of this. Oh joy!
I'm not ungrateful about presents and realise that this wasn't cheap, but I feel that it was quite thoughtless to not check our feelings on the matter first for such a big gift, especially as it's now causing friction between my DH and I.
We didn't reject it when they brought it over as I was worried about hurting their feelings and cause a family rift (this relative can be overly sensitive at times), but instead I'm ending up feeling stressed - sigh.
The upside is that my DD loves it, of course, but she does already have countless other toys, inc garden ones, that she loves...
Anyway, feeling a bit better just typing this post, still p*ssed off though!

OP posts:
Pamplemoussse · 22/08/2011 00:25

oh grrr

and please tell me it has a safety net

any chance it could be re-sited at your parents' or ILS?

muttimalzwei · 22/08/2011 00:28

you are totally right to be annoyed, especially if it's causing friction (and will continue to as long as it is there) It was mad of your relative not to check with you first but you're stuck with it now. Why do people do this? Aah!

Sandalwood · 22/08/2011 00:28

yanbu

worraliberty · 22/08/2011 00:29

They should have checked first so YANBU

But your DH is being unreasonable to worry about the lawn. There's plenty of time for that when the kids have grown up and no longer need to play in the garden.

Desiderata · 22/08/2011 00:31

Nope, YANBU.

This smacks of insecurity on the relative's part. I must be loved, and a trampoline will secure it.

I haven't a clue what you can do about it, though.

Not without causing a rift which you seem anxious to avoid.

GypsyMoth · 22/08/2011 00:32

look,its almost autumn,you can pack it away soon. dismantle it and then,possibly,next summer you could 'lose' a vital part of it so it doesnt go back up

Original poster
piedleger · 22/08/2011 00:34

Yes, it does have a safety net and is a nice trampoline - thankfully not pink :-) It's just not what we wanted and it seems like we're now stuck with it. Can't imagine how I'd sneak it out of our place now. Bet it'll be the first thing my DD mentions when she wakes up!
Don't think that the grandparents will want it unfortunately. It took them long enough to get rid of me ;-)

OP posts:
vigglewiggle · 22/08/2011 00:40

I love the suggestion that if you don't like it you should foist it off on one of your parents Shock

Original poster
piedleger · 22/08/2011 00:42

Thanks for the support! Glad you don't think I'm being an ungrateful b*tch.
I like the idea about losing a vital part next year...
Yeah, DH is being a child. I don't really need a grown up one, two little ones are enough!

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 22/08/2011 01:46

Well, on the bright side, your dd want be bored for the next 8/10 years or so..... She will also become quite fit, and she will burn off a serious amount of calories every day.
And it does not have to be packed for winter. It survives even arctic winters of snow and gales, rain and what not. Though, most people up here pack them between October and May....

PercyFilth · 22/08/2011 01:59

But it's not for you, is it? It's for your daughter, and it sounds as though it's not unwanted by her. Grin

And best tell your husband that children and pristine lawns don't mix.

BrawToken · 22/08/2011 02:23

Not wishing to be contoversial, but my dd1 got a 10' tramp for her Christmas aged 9 (she is now almost 14) and it is still the best thing we ever put in the garden ;0 (and we also have a 3 yo child)

TheFrogs · 22/08/2011 02:45

I think YABU...(in a nice way sorry!). I've yet to come across a child who didn't love a trampoline. We have an 8 footer (smallest I could find at the time) and they've really had their use out of it.

As for my lovely lawn....well I gave up on that. Kids and dog....but i'm pretty sure my kids dont care about bald patches on grass. Smile

Thruaglassdarkly · 22/08/2011 02:59

My kids LOVE their 10 foot trampoline. I'd much prefer an arbour in that corner with Wisteria wound around it and a bench, but there's plenty of time for that when they're all grown...

Sorry - I know it's not what YOU both wanted, but your DD sounds as if she's loving it, and really, that's the main thing now isn't it? 15 years on you might end up missing the sound of her laughing as she bounces...Surely that smile on her face will give you both far more pleasure than a nice lawn.

Thruaglassdarkly · 22/08/2011 03:00

I don't think they were thoughtless at all - they were thinking of the pleasure it'd bring your DD. How can you possibly resent them for this??? Come on OP - stop BU here.

Thruaglassdarkly · 22/08/2011 03:05

And please don't lose that vital part for next year... I wouldn't put my OH's petulant and anal tendancies over the joy of my DCs in a million years - I would expect the father of my children to be a bit more kid friendly. I don't understand where you're coming from here OP??? Am I missing something???

SpareRoomSleeper · 22/08/2011 03:19

Hmmmm... I'm with thruaglass on this one, OP. Your DD loves it! And it's bloody brilliant for many reasons! My DH is a fecking freak when it comes to cleaning (sure all of mumsnet knows that by now Grin) and was abit hmmm when I got dd a sandpit - there's always sand around the garden and is inevitably brought inside with hands and shoes etc, but DD just loves it and has carried on loving it, and with a clean freak of a dad, it's given her a messy space, which IMO is very healthy! So think about this carefully from every angle before that vital part goes missing Wink

TheFrogs · 22/08/2011 03:23

Trampolines rock. When I was a kid the only chance we got to go on one was a seaside visit!

veryconfusedatthemoment · 22/08/2011 03:23

I bought a trampoline earlier this year and stbexh moaned about the lawn. In fact the rain and sunshine get though the little holes so the grass still grows. It was the best thing ever until the wasps came out now DS won't go near it :(

TheFrogs · 22/08/2011 03:32

We had a problem with wasps too. I didn't move the trampoline, we hacked the big tree in front of it to bits (satisfied).

Thumbwitch · 22/08/2011 04:47

YANBU. It is a lovely present but they should have checked first - and it should have been a Big Present for Christmas or a birthday, not a random any old present, IMO.

Had similar from MIL who bought DS a bike. I have no issue with her buying him little presents, or even big ones at Christmas or birthday time - but to me and DH, a bike IS a Big Present and we were both pissed off that she didn't even ask.

We are getting our DS a trampoline for his 4th birthday - he will love it! But if MIL suddenly turned up with one between now and his birthday, I'd blow a gasket!

Original poster
piedleger · 22/08/2011 04:51

Yeah, realistically although the idea of losing a vital part might placate DH for now I reckon that once it's been up a while it will have become part of the furniture so this won't happen. Plus I can just imagine her tears and his guilt as he's such a soft touch around her.

I don't think that much of it will be down for winter though. I think that the only way it is coming down is with a blowtorch - those springs looked a nightmare to attach from the comfort of my chair :-)

I know that it'll be great for her health/fitness too, moreover making sure she's nice and tired come bedtime :-)) I just still feel for a gift of that size we should have been consulted before it came along as it would have been pretty heartless to turn it down once DD had seen it and it should be our decision about what big items we put in our house and garden.

We would probably have ended up with one in due course anyway as once you visit someone else with one I can only imagine the pestering to get a trampoline at home. I guess that we'll be the ones responsible for that happening to friends now, ha ha!

I might drop some hints to the relative about her wanting a 50 inch plasma or a loft conversion for Xmas...

I really must get some sleep. Hungry DD2.

OP posts:
LaLaLaLayla · 22/08/2011 05:00

A trampoline! How exciting! Of course, YANBU to expect them to check with you first, but, well, you've got it now, so enjoy it!

Original poster
piedleger · 22/08/2011 05:01

Thanks, Thumbwitch. I'm also a bit concerned about that aspect too (getting big presents outside of normal occasions). My kids are the only grandkids on both sides so potential to get seriously spoiled is already high.

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate my relative's generosity and I know we're lucky to have family who want to treat the girls like this.

OP posts:
iscream · 22/08/2011 05:43

I would take it apart and bring it back to them, say we want to return this to you, but thank-you for thinking of her.
That is just my opinion, and I realize many people like them. It would take up my entire yard and if anything is going to do that, other than plants, it would be a swimming pool.