AIBU to be unhappy about a large unwanted gift for my DD?

[piedleger]

A relative has bought a 6ft trampoline for my DD, who is two and a half. It's actually for age 3+ but that's not the problem. They didn't ask us if we wanted her to have it beforehand (it's not even her birthday for months) or whether we were happy to have such a big object in our garden. It's really heavy and can't be deconstructed to store away. It took 2 hours for my poor DH to put up with much help and he only put it together out of politeness as they were here, plus my DD saw what it was so there was no stopping it really.
My DH is actually pretty precious about the lawn, which he spends hours on and is convinced that it'll be ruined now so is having a massive sulk about the whole thing and I'm bearing the brunt of this. Oh joy!
I'm not ungrateful about presents and realise that this wasn't cheap, but I feel that it was quite thoughtless to not check our feelings on the matter first for such a big gift, especially as it's now causing friction between my DH and I.
We didn't reject it when they brought it over as I was worried about hurting their feelings and cause a family rift (this relative can be overly sensitive at times), but instead I'm ending up feeling stressed - sigh.
The upside is that my DD loves it, of course, but she does already have countless other toys, inc garden ones, that she loves...
Anyway, feeling a bit better just typing this post, still p*ssed off though!

sleepy mine is permanantly fixed at the bottom of my garden and can honestly say its not wrecked the grass there at all, which still grows (probably too long underneath it). No idea of whats under the metal bits but since I have no intention of moving it I dont care.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows - I did not say that I thought that kids with no trampoline would never go outdoors or get any exercise - my second paragraph was agreeing with people who said that it is well-nigh impossible to have a pristine lawn and kids. I honestly believe this is true, because a lot of kids' outdoor activities tend to cause wear and tear on a lawn. In my experience, children riding their tricycles up and down a lawn will damage it, and so will football (especially around the goalmouth area). Tents and paddling pools will squash the grass in only a very few days, leaving obvious marks - to name but a few activities (all of which have caused far more damage to our lawn than the trampoline has).

Below is the full sentence (of which you quoted only part) - can you show me where it says that children without trampolines will never go outside or get any exercise?

"Your lawn might not be as pristine as your dh would like - but as others have said, pristine lawns and children don't mix - and I would far rather have happy, healthy kids, enjoying playing outdoors, and a somewhat scrappy lawn, than a pristine lawn and kids stuck indoors."

I kind of get where you're coming from especially if this gift came with no prior warning or consultation
Howeverrrrrr, we got a 13' trampoline for ds' 3rd birthday, and I can say now, 6 years later it's the best money we ever spent on either of the children...ds is still on it every day, and if it fell apart tomorrow it'd be replaced without a thought!

YANBU..Years ago PIL wanted to buy a huge swing for DD for her first birthday.

They sent money down with SIL (they live a long way away) to go with DP to ELC and buy the monstrosity.

DP said no,and brought a smaller version as our garden was so small and we would have had no space for anything else and some other toys with the left over money.

PIL went bonkers with SIL and DP and implied that we'd spent the money on ourselves.
They phoned DP and said 'that's the last fucking money you'll get out of us'!

Other events followed with monotonous regularity.

Fast forward 25 years...we have no contact with PIL..

Yanbu to want them to run it by you first...but please don't take it down, dd will love it...
If it's really annoyed you, do relatives have kids? If so just buy them a drum kit next week :p

YANBU - They should definitely have checked before getting it. We've been wondering whether to get a trampoline for our own garden and there are a lot of things to balance. Someone else shouldn't have forced your hand on this. Plus they must know that once a 2.5 year old has seen it there's no getting rid of it. Unfair I think.

5 years ago we bought a 12ft one for the dc. It has been the best thing we have ever bought them.
The grass is fine.
The only issue is that it is a magnet for other kids.

I tell you what, if I had more money than I needed, I'd buy random gifts for people all the time. Christmas is magical, but joy can be lost in a present frrenzy. It's not about buying love, but it might be about buying that look on someone's face. Hope these rellies live a long time... maybe your kid will get a car when she's 17!!

I would rather our kids went out for walks, runs or bike rides, swam in lakes, build dams, climb trees, go to the park, walk the dog. They have never asked for a trampoline, but they do play on them at other peoples' houses. They walk to school themselves, and get round town on their own except for youngest who is recently six. So I don't think lacking a trampoline means wrapping them in cotton wool, or stopping them from developing independence. I just think it is a dangerous thing to have and I would never forgive myself if one of my dcs or sone else's got seriously injured.

Some one else's

Very well put OriginalPoster

A trampoline has been the best buy ever for us - had one for over 6 years and teenagers who should know better still use it ! I keep on saying it's time for it to go but it's still getting good use . I would be annoyed at it just arriving, but you have it now, your DD loves it, so just enjoy. Your dh is BU - he shouldn't expect a pristine lawn with children - there will be plenty of time when they have grown up. If he mentions anything again, just say "if you have a problem with it, take it up with X who bought it" and just enjoy seeing your DD having a good time.

Did you read my post, WhoseGotMyEyebrows? Where I pointed out that I hadn't said that children with no trampoline would never play outside or get any exercise, as you had claimed I had, and asked you this:

"Below is the full sentence (of which you quoted only part) - can you show me where it says that children without trampolines will never go outside or get any exercise?

Your lawn might not be as pristine as your dh would like - but as others have said, pristine lawns and children don't mix - and I would far rather have happy, healthy kids, enjoying playing outdoors, and a somewhat scrappy lawn, than a pristine lawn and kids stuck indoors."

I'd be interested in your answer.

Wow that was 5 days ago! Are you seriously still stewing over that?!?!?! I find that in itself a tad worrying . . .

Anyway sorry if I took your post the wrong way, I think I misunderstood (can't entirely recall as it was so damn long ago . . .)

Is it just me (sorry, haven't read every post) who thinks that trampolines aren't toys, and are in fact, quite dangerous pieces of equipment when not used properly (ie, for supervised sport)?

No it is not just you NannyOgg I find them very worrying. Useful guidelines here. My Dad who is a GP and very very unfussed about risk generally (his idea of a full medical is counting the limbs!) thinks they should be banned because he sees so many kids with broken thumbs and collarbones and nasty dislocations because of the dratted things.

I don't think yabu OP. It slightly depends on the size of your home and garden but there is no way we could fit a trampoline safely in our narrow back garden with 2.5m all the way round. And it is just basic courtesy that you check if people have space before buying anything big for a child. Or anyone else. We were once given a massive six-seater dining table (secondhand obv) when living in a one room flat in London. It left us with the options of bed or table and the givers were most upset when we asked them to take it away but with no transport of our own we couldn't cope with being stuck with it.

No - not stewing, WhoseGot - I happened to go right down my 'Threads I'm On, spotted this one, and wondered if you'd seen my post - that's all.

I've been stewing about other stuff in the interim - mainly whether or not to increase the dose of my antidepressants, why boys are incapable of putting a new loo roll on the holder when they use up the last of the old one, how we are going to afford to put said boys through university and why I always forget to get the meat for tomorrow's supper out of the freezer before it's too late. Answers on a postcard please!

Reading Veronica's post, it occurs to me that I haven't yet said that I agree, it is very unreasonable to buy someone something that big without consulting them first.

When the boys were little, MIL wanted to save up the money she would have spent on christmases and birthdays for a couple of years, and buy something big for the boys - but she talked it over with us first, and made sure we were happy with this plan, and gave us input in what was bought - and the boys ended up with a climbing frame that was an amazing toy for all three of them for years - and we were all really grateful to her. But, as a close friend of mine says, communication is key, and she didn't just turn up with a huge garden toy and give us no choice at all.

On the other hand, dh once arrived home, having been to Halfords with all three boys, having bought them a Fussball table. He was sooo pleased with himself, and the boys were beside themselves with excitement - and I had to point out to them all that there was nowhere in the house that this thing could go - it would have taken up all the available floor space in either the playroom or the bigger of the boys' bedrooms, and was too big for anywhere else - apart from the middle of the front room, or right in front of the front door. There wasn't anywhere practical for it to go, and he had to take it back. I was not Most Popular Mother that night.

Sorry if this has already been said, but I think you need to thank your aunt by buying her a huge statue for her garden. Something like this or this or this

No, no, no - the OP should buy a drumkit and trumpet, to be kept at her aunt's house for visiting children to play with!! And bagpipes, maybe.

I've been stewing about other stuff in the interim - mainly whether or not to increase the dose of my antidepressants, why boys are incapable of putting a new loo roll on the holder when they use up the last of the old one, how we are going to afford to put said boys through university and why I always forget to get the meat for tomorrow's supper out of the freezer before it's too late. Answers on a postcard please! smile

Hmm, don't have answers to those (I did the meat thing too today, took 2 hours to defrost in the oven on a low temperature and then cook properly. Was completely dried out!). I'm stewing about why the feck I have to do the ironing!

yanbu, but

My two love ours, we put bark chippings underneath edged with logroll because the grass will die off. When it goes one day I shall put an arch seat bench thing there - to drink wine under.

god -yanbu

WhoseGot - dh does the ironing, in return for sex.

SDT That's a good arrangment. No doubt my DH would be up for that too . . . excuse the pun.