AIBU to be unhappy about a large unwanted gift for my DD?

[piedleger]

A relative has bought a 6ft trampoline for my DD, who is two and a half. It's actually for age 3+ but that's not the problem. They didn't ask us if we wanted her to have it beforehand (it's not even her birthday for months) or whether we were happy to have such a big object in our garden. It's really heavy and can't be deconstructed to store away. It took 2 hours for my poor DH to put up with much help and he only put it together out of politeness as they were here, plus my DD saw what it was so there was no stopping it really.
My DH is actually pretty precious about the lawn, which he spends hours on and is convinced that it'll be ruined now so is having a massive sulk about the whole thing and I'm bearing the brunt of this. Oh joy!
I'm not ungrateful about presents and realise that this wasn't cheap, but I feel that it was quite thoughtless to not check our feelings on the matter first for such a big gift, especially as it's now causing friction between my DH and I.
We didn't reject it when they brought it over as I was worried about hurting their feelings and cause a family rift (this relative can be overly sensitive at times), but instead I'm ending up feeling stressed - sigh.
The upside is that my DD loves it, of course, but she does already have countless other toys, inc garden ones, that she loves...
Anyway, feeling a bit better just typing this post, still p*ssed off though!

Oh just remembered, someone bought my dcs one of those battery operated cars they sit in (you know the things) that are massive and completely unsuitable for a small overcrowded one bed flat with 4 people in with no garden type places. They keep it at their house now (they realised their error) and the dcs have something to look forward to playing on when we go over there.

YABU

You are being spoiled and ungrateful.

Trampolines are the creme de la creme of activity 'toys'.

My children spend hours on theirs.

They eat their lunch on it sometimes and take cushions/pillows/books out to lay on it on a sunny day.

You will be blessing the gift givers a few months hence, when you've realised its value.

spudulika Trampolines are the creme de la creme of activity 'toys'.

I thought you were being amusing for a whilse there and then I realised you were serious!

Would you really be grateful not matter what massive thing someone bought you to put in your house or garden? How about a caravan to fill up your gargen? The kids could play house in it, they would love it! No?! Why ever not?! Or a massive indoor wendy house that took up your whole living room?

The reason you think OP is being unreasonable is because you love tramolines. Not everyone does.

One point, piedleger, in case no-one else has said it (my brain is not working this morning, and I skimmed the thread and may have missed it) - having a trampoline does not have to spoil your lawn. We've had a trampoline for several years (and as other people have said, it is a wonderful toy, and will give your dd endless hours of healthy, outdoors fun) - and the grass grows just fine underneath ours. You have to move it to mow underneath it, and you can leave it in the new position, to give the other area a bit more sun. I can't say I've noticed huge, defacing dents in the lawn either.

Your lawn might not be as pristine as your dh would like - but as others have said, pristine lawns and children don't mix - and I would far rather have happy, healthy kids, enjoying playing outdoors, and a somewhat scrappy lawn, than a pristine lawn and kids stuck indoors.

My ex MIL used to do this ALL the time. It is VERY annoying. I did let it go for a while but in the end I had to have a talk to her about it. I still don't think she understood or agreed with me but she did start to curb her purchasing, not before she had brought round several massive toys, goldfish and a rabbit which I declined and was the final straw. YANBU.

Ds2 and I went out one night and lay on the trampoline, covered with blankets, to watch the meteor shower - it was perfect.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl I would far rather have happy, healthy kids, enjoying playing outdoors, and a somewhat scrappy lawn, than a pristine lawn and kids stuck indoors

Why do so many people seem to think that if kids don't have a trampoline they can't possibly ever go outside or get any exercise!

YANBU to think they should have asked. Personally I would have preferred my DS to get something like that for birthday or christmas - BUT I have a low income and couldn't compete with a gift like that at present time let alone 'just because' iyswim? Now I happily let him have big presents between because as PP have said it's about him not my insecurities.

Just let your DD1 enjoy it and in the future enjoy listening to both DD's bouncing around and the sound of their laughter.

I would be annoyed regarding not asking first but if the only reason you are feeling annoyed now is because it is causing problems between you and DH then both of you ABU. Childrens happiness comes before how "nice" things look and trampolines are a fantastic and enjoyable activity for chidlren. Weve had ours for years and its well used still. My DH is a very keen gardner but has accepted this, he has made our garden a mix of areas, including all the outdoor equipment plus plants.

I dont get the posters who have mentioned not allowing them because of the injury risk either, short of wrapping up your children in cotton wool life is risky, its all about teaching children safe useage of it and minimising risk, of course accidents happen though! Children could go and break a bone by falling anywhere, banning things because of what might happen smacks of overprotectiveness to me.

You could lose the entire of it to my allotment if you like :)

I can see why you're annoyed, but if your child loves it, that's the main thing surely?

The trampoline was the best thing we ever bought for the 2 DS's.

Tell your husband to get a grip about the lawn. FGS

YANBU - and depending on the size of your garden, this is unfair on your DD.

I know DS would love a trampoline, but because of our limited space, if we had one that's the only way he could play outside, once the table and chairs are out as well, that would be it. I like that DS can also kick a ball around and play with his other toys outside. It's not like you can put it up and down when she wants to play something else, that's your lot.

No, you are not unreasonable. Any gift of such a cost/size should be queried with you first. DH is always banging on about a trampoline and we are def not getting one as it would be too big for the garden. Your garden, your choice of toy. However, now you have it, and it is in the garden, there is not a lot you (or your DH) can do I am afraid.

Sounds like my IL's who always ask what they can buy DCs and then ignore what we suggest and give us tat that they don't want, but luckily small enough to "lose" (ie sell at the next nearly new sale!!).

if we had one that's the only way he could play outside, once the table and chairs are out as well, that would be it. I like that DS can also kick a ball around and play with his other toys outside. It's not like you can put it up and down when she wants to play something else, that's your lot.

Yep!

There are real concerns about trampoline safety, I don't think it is unreasonable to turn one down on the grounds of safety. I found this just now

My 7-year-old is begging for a backyard trampoline, but I'm worried that she could hurt herself while jumping. Am I worried for nothing?

Answer
from Jay L. Hoecker, M.D.

Your worries about trampoline jumping are justified.

Trampoline jumping poses a high risk of injury for both children and adults. Falling off a trampoline or using a trampoline incorrectly can result in strains, sprains, fractures and other injuries ? including potentially serious head and neck injuries. In fact, the risk of injury is so high that the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says that trampolines should never be used at home or in outdoor playgrounds. The AAP supports limited use of trampolines in supervised training programs, such as gymnastics and diving classes. But even then, strict safety guidelines must be followed.

It might be difficult to listen to your child's begging, but the best response to a request for a home trampoline ? whether it's a full-sized backyard trampoline or a smaller indoor trampoline ? is no.

Well we differ then Originalposter, Im sure if I searched hard enough on google I would find statistics for risk of even getting out of bed in the morning! No trampoline should be used without an enclosure therefore stopping children falling "off".

So if a relative buys your dc a penknife do you think it's ungrateful to say that you don't think they are old enough for it? Or a dvd that was unsuitable in your view? Or clothes that were too old for the age? After all they'd enjoy playing with it, watching it, wearing it... I think for a 2 year old the parents should be in control, not the relatives, and certainly not the 2 year old.

If a child tries to do a flip and lands on the wrong part of the back of his neck, he can be permanently paralysed.

Staying in bed is dangerous, on the other hand, there's a high risk of blood clots in the leg/lung, so best to get up, really

YANBU

DFIL suggested getting us a trampoline for the DDs and I said no very very swiftly.

They are huge
It would take up the whole garden
I love gardening and we have just got the garden back (and had a new lawn put down) after building work
They are going to get a swing and a slide instead, already have paddling pool and loads of other outdoors stuff.

I draw the line at a trampoline slap bang in the middle of my garden and would go beserk if someone just gave me one (I wouldn't put it past hi he has form for this stuff).

Why do so many people seem to think that if kids don't have a trampoline they can't possibly ever go outside or get any exercise!

But who has said...or thinks this?

So if a relative buys your dc a penknife do you think it's ungrateful to say that you don't think they are old enough for it? Or a dvd that was unsuitable in your view? Or clothes that were too old for the age?

What ridiculous comparisons.........

At some time or other in our lives people will give us (or our children) presents that we are less than pleased with. But we accept them graciously because people generally mean well when they buy gifts and think that they are buying something that would be appreciated.
Your family member would probably be mortified to know that you have come on this forum to moan about a gift that they gave with the very best intentions.

I think yabu because it's a very generous gift (I want to get one for my kids but they are all about £240 plus and I can't justify spending that atm). When she's older your dd will love it, I'll bet :)

sausagesandmarmelade It was . . .

lisad123 It's a present for your dd and clearly she loves it and it's better for her to get exercise than sit all day watching DVDs ect.

&

StayingDavidTennantsGirl I would far rather have happy, healthy kids, enjoying playing outdoors, and a somewhat scrappy lawn, than a pristine lawn and kids stuck indoors