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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be unhappy about a large unwanted gift for my DD?

150 replies

piedleger · 22/08/2011 00:23

A relative has bought a 6ft trampoline for my DD, who is two and a half. It's actually for age 3+ but that's not the problem. They didn't ask us if we wanted her to have it beforehand (it's not even her birthday for months) or whether we were happy to have such a big object in our garden. It's really heavy and can't be deconstructed to store away. It took 2 hours for my poor DH to put up with much help and he only put it together out of politeness as they were here, plus my DD saw what it was so there was no stopping it really.
My DH is actually pretty precious about the lawn, which he spends hours on and is convinced that it'll be ruined now so is having a massive sulk about the whole thing and I'm bearing the brunt of this. Oh joy!
I'm not ungrateful about presents and realise that this wasn't cheap, but I feel that it was quite thoughtless to not check our feelings on the matter first for such a big gift, especially as it's now causing friction between my DH and I.
We didn't reject it when they brought it over as I was worried about hurting their feelings and cause a family rift (this relative can be overly sensitive at times), but instead I'm ending up feeling stressed - sigh.
The upside is that my DD loves it, of course, but she does already have countless other toys, inc garden ones, that she loves...
Anyway, feeling a bit better just typing this post, still p*ssed off though!

OP posts:
HipHopOpotomus · 22/08/2011 06:10

They were silly to buy it without asking but your DD will love it!!!

Your DP is being U to sulk about the lawn when he has a small child. Maybe he can start to think of it as an extra challenge Wink or maybe he will grow up and stop being so selfish re "perfect" lawn

Megatron · 22/08/2011 06:14

Of course they SHOULD have checked with you before buying for your DD but please don't pretend to llose a part of it! your kids will get so much fun from it over the years and why would you want to take that away? It's fab for their fitness levels too.

Ours takes up loads of space in the garden but I realised when mine were very young that the garden wouldn't be mine again for a long time so decided to give in to the chaos and enjoy it. Ask your DH if his precious lawn is more important that his daughters happiness!

Mitmoo · 22/08/2011 06:22

Trampolines are kid magnets, years of fun to be had out of it. Doesn't you H melt when he sees how much the DC are loving it? It's only grass and as others have said you'll get the garden back when they're grown.

InstantAtom · 22/08/2011 06:49

Can you give it to your DD's nursery or future school? Then she'll still get to use it but it won't be in your garden.

timetoask · 22/08/2011 06:53

They should have checked with you but WOW, what a brilliant present! Kids love them, if you don't want it I am happy to take it off your hands! Honestly

exoticfruits · 22/08/2011 07:06

I would just keep it. There isn't much point being precious about the lawn with DCs. We are just getting a nice one after years of football, tennis, putting up tents etc.with all the neighbourhood DCs.

KristinaM · 22/08/2011 07:21

YABU
If you wanted a perfect lawn in a small garden thne you shouldnt have had children Wink

Same applies to non washable cream sofas, collections of china/ornamamts/antiques/rare books etc

Fine if you have a large house, a seperate adults only room, plenty glass diplay cabinets, staff to care for them et

QuintessentialShadow · 22/08/2011 07:24

Actually, I will be happy to take it off your hands!

Can you deliver it to Sw14 next thursday

(in true freecycle style)

Wink
Thistledew · 22/08/2011 07:27

How about sinking it so that it is level with your lawn?

There will be no grass under it to get spoiled, it will be less of an eyesore, and if your DH is a bit anal about keeping the garden neat, it may be a challenge he would relish.

Al0uiseG · 22/08/2011 07:29

Our trampoline actually protected the grass in the heatwave this year. We move it every time we mow and no damage has been done. The dog and the rabbit have managed to ruin the lawn perfectly well by themselves. Grass is a weed, it always grows back.

biddysmama · 22/08/2011 07:31

yanbu, im annoyed at a massive rocking horse my mil bought for ds's first birthday on weds... no idea where we will put it!

controlpantsandgladrags · 22/08/2011 07:32

YANBU. My parents did the exact same thing for DDs Birthday this year. I don't give a flying f**k about my lawn but I was pretty horrified when I realised how big it was. On the other hand though, it's been in the garden for months now and both DDs love it. It gets used pretty much every day, is great fun for them and really good exercise. I'm planning to buy my parents something huge and imposing for Christmas to show my gratitude Grin

ChippingIn · 22/08/2011 07:33

Of course they should have asked and I would be telling them that although it's a very generous present and DD loves it - in future they are to ask and any expensive presents are for birthdays. You might also want to say to them that if they bring the children presents everytime they come the children will expect it and be looking forward to the present - not to seeing them, and ask them if that's what they really want Wink

However, now it's here... DD has something she loves... it's all good really isn't it??

As for DH - he'll just have to get over it. It's not 'his' garden.

OriginalPoster · 22/08/2011 07:47

I would't get one on the basis that trampolines seem to cause a lot of injuries, including broken bones. I would have turned it down on that basis. Your daughter would quickly get over it.

PrideOfChanur · 22/08/2011 07:56

Am I the only one feeling sorry for the OP's DH then? I do think it is a great present,fantastic for DD etc,but our trampoline has ruined our lawn and I do regret it.
And ,ChippingIn,I do look on it as "my" garden - I'm the one that cares about it,looks after it,and actually still brought the blasted trampoline to destroy it Grin
Youngest DC is 11,by the time he is grown I'll have been sacrificing garden to them for 20 years.......

In answer to the OP they should definately have asked first but it is a great gift and now you've got it let DD enjoy it!

exoticfruits · 22/08/2011 07:59

You can either have a nice lawn or you can have your DC and all their friends playing in the garden-you can't have both. I would put people over things and you will still have your lawn after the DCs have gone-memories of a happy childhood are more important than a pristine lawn and DCs who couldn't play!

Hulababy · 22/08/2011 08:06

YANBU to have wanted them to check first. And your DH is NBU to worry about the lawn - sorry but it will ruin the grass underneath. Only thing I can suggest is to try moving its position regularly and to keep treating the lawn underneath to try and prevent it.

In high winds the enclosure may cause the trampoline to be lifted and knocked over and move. \We had to remove our enclosure eventually - DD is a fair bit older though - as the enclosure was causing it to be thrown round the garden and someone on our estate had their huge one go over the garden wall into the road!

However your DD will love it. A 6 foot trampoline is fairly small on trampoline fronts anyway, so it coukd be worse! Wink

DD's had her 7.5 foot trampoline for a few years now and it is still in regular use. So as garden toys go they are worth the outlay and children don't seem to bore of them.

Callisto · 22/08/2011 08:14

I think you are sounding a bit ungrateful, and your DH sounds like a petulent child tbh. It is your DD's trampoline so I think you need to suck it up and let her have it and enjoy it.

fedupofnamechanging · 22/08/2011 08:20

I don't see why you should be baring the brunt of your husband's bad mood - you didn't buy it!

Your relatives didn't ask you because they probably cannot see why anyone would object to something that your dd would love. It's in the garden - not in the middle of your sitting room. I know that putting it together can be a pita, but your dh sounds a bit whiny and precious to me.

Pagwatch · 22/08/2011 08:28

Yanbu that they should have checked.

And I can understand people not liking them in the garden - they are a bit of an eyesore. But our dc love theirs so we got it sunk in and life moved on.

But can I just say that dc do not 'become spoilt' by getting big gifts. Being spoilt is not 'has lots of stuff'. Being spoilt is 'expects and demands lots of stuff'
It is perfectly possible for a child to have lots of things and be genuinely grateful for that.
A child can get trampolines as gifts and be taught by their parents that that is incredibly lucky and a matter of huge gratitude. A child can get a £2.00 toy everytime they go to the shops and think they are entitled and can scream and shout if once in a blue moon they get told no.

Spoiling is about attitude not things.

gorionine · 22/08/2011 08:32

They should have consulted you, definitely.

I have to say though, in my house, lawn versus trampoline the trampoline would win every time!Smile

misty0 · 22/08/2011 08:32

I would be livid! I've got 3 teens and got by fine without a bloody great eyesore in our garden. The lawn's never suffered much from having kids AND dogs - certainly nothing to compare with an 8ft circular bald patch, which is what i see under the trampolines in friends gardens. Would agree with the injury risk too. Despite a safety net my BF's kids both broke and arm on theirs.

Why shouldnt your DH enjoy his garden? We all have different things we enjoy and look after for pleasure - just because gardening isnt everyones cup of tea doesnt make his feelings invalid. Kids and gardens CAN mix. I feel a bit sorry for him.

Al0uiseG · 22/08/2011 08:44

One of our old neighbours was obsessive about his lawn, his children were not allowed garden toys and they were frequently banned from using the lawn after a "treatment". Needless to say it didn't end well but they sold the house quickly due to the immaculately stripy garden.

Our trampoline hasn't ruined our lawn at all, if you don't move it around of course it will kill the grass, it's a pernicious weed and it grows back.

Dozer · 22/08/2011 08:46

They were annoying for buying such a large item, but you/DH should've just said straightaway that thanks for the thought, but you didn't want a trampoline. So what if the relative got pissed off? It's your house and kids, your call.

Given that you have it, agree that you should make the best of it and DH should stop whining (after all, he had the opportunity to decline the gift too, and didn't).

twentypoundsover · 22/08/2011 08:52

yanbu. I know the feeling as I have some relatives who delight in giving the kids the largest possible toy whether it's suited to the child/our house or not. I think the intentions are good - perhaps the giver didn't have much as a child and always hankered after huge presents, or perhaps thinks that by giving very large objects, the child will love them that bit more.

However, I think you should grit your teeth and make the best of a bad thing, and I think you and your DD will enjoy the hours of play that she'll get out of it.

I know what you mean about presents not at birthdays and Christmas. I would have been bristling a bit about that had it been one of my kids the thing was given to.