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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be unhappy about a large unwanted gift for my DD?

150 replies

piedleger · 22/08/2011 00:23

A relative has bought a 6ft trampoline for my DD, who is two and a half. It's actually for age 3+ but that's not the problem. They didn't ask us if we wanted her to have it beforehand (it's not even her birthday for months) or whether we were happy to have such a big object in our garden. It's really heavy and can't be deconstructed to store away. It took 2 hours for my poor DH to put up with much help and he only put it together out of politeness as they were here, plus my DD saw what it was so there was no stopping it really.
My DH is actually pretty precious about the lawn, which he spends hours on and is convinced that it'll be ruined now so is having a massive sulk about the whole thing and I'm bearing the brunt of this. Oh joy!
I'm not ungrateful about presents and realise that this wasn't cheap, but I feel that it was quite thoughtless to not check our feelings on the matter first for such a big gift, especially as it's now causing friction between my DH and I.
We didn't reject it when they brought it over as I was worried about hurting their feelings and cause a family rift (this relative can be overly sensitive at times), but instead I'm ending up feeling stressed - sigh.
The upside is that my DD loves it, of course, but she does already have countless other toys, inc garden ones, that she loves...
Anyway, feeling a bit better just typing this post, still p*ssed off though!

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 22/08/2011 11:25

HopeForTheBest I am amazed at all these dc who love trampolines - all the ones I know who have one use it for about 5 minutes and then it sits there unused all summer, taking up masses of space and looking bloody ugly. I've never understood the appeal either. You bounce a bit...and well, that's pretty much all you can do, isn't it? I'd rather put up a tree house/climbing frame type thing which you can do a bit more with

Yeah I wondered about that too.

Original poster
piedleger · 22/08/2011 11:25

Wow! Thanks for all the replies.

I'm feeling a lot less stressed about it now. Think that I just needed to vent and couldn't do that with DH due to his grumpiness - ha ha! He'll definitely get over it and we're always happy when the DDs are happy so I'm sure it'll stay now and lead to years of fun and the odd bout of tears.

The garden is a decent size so there is still plenty of space for the girls to run around (and lawn mowing for my DH) and other big gifts, although hopefully we'll get some say in that in the future!

I'm now thinking about the fact the well-meaning (childless) relative is horse mad and keeps talking about buying DD a pony one day. Sigh..... That definitely won't be welcome in the garden!!

OP posts:
ProcrastinatorGeneral · 22/08/2011 11:26

My two love theirs, but I bought it, erected it and now ignore it as it's at the bottom of a large scruffy garden. Eleven feet of blessed silenceGrin

OriginalPoster · 22/08/2011 11:27

Normally if you receive an unwanted gift it is not obvious if you dont use it. But a vanishing trampoline is difficult to explain away...

fedupofnamechanging · 22/08/2011 11:27

electra B&M sell trampolines for about £100 including the safety netting. I bought one for my DC to see if they liked it before buying a more expensive one. It's been outside for a couple of years now in all weather and is still going strong, although I am about to replace the netting. It's worth a look if you think your dc would love one.

Whatmeworry · 22/08/2011 11:31

Bah humbug re trampolines beng dangerous....our kids grew up bouncing their brains out, are now standard issue grunty teenagers.

Cotton wool otoh has been known to strangle, stifle, smother and supprerss...

duckdodgers · 22/08/2011 11:32

So if a relative buys your dc a penknife do you think it's ungrateful to say that you don't think they are old enough for it?

I dont think this is the best comparison you could make to try and illustrate your point, a penknife is not a chidlrens toy and a trampoline is.

And of course my chidlren (aged 3 and 9) arent on it constantly but it is well used, for me its just another piece of equipment in my garden alongside the chute, the seesaw, the double swing, the plastic playhouse and the wooden play hut we got built. I dont think it looks ugly in the slightest - it just looks like an 8 foot trampoline Grin.

mrswoodentop · 22/08/2011 11:33

We don't have one ,sometimes think it would be nice ,next door bought a beautiful one which my ds is very envious of and in three years I think I have seem them in it no more than 10 times.Sad

Also have a few friends who work in A&E and they hate them ,all say they are v dangerous.Just out of people we know I can think of 4 broken.arms/elbows ,a broken leg and numerous bumps and bruises.
Children still play out but cricket,football etc

sausagesandmarmelade · 22/08/2011 11:34

I'm now thinking about the fact the well-meaning (childless) relative is horse mad and keeps talking about buying DD a pony one day.

Well....if you know about this you should be expressing your opinion quite clearly NOW...before the event. There are ways to say no tactfully and diplomatically whilst showing that you appreciate their kindness.

PercyFilth · 22/08/2011 11:47

Re the pony - Come on! no one would buy someone a pony without consideration of where it would be kept. If I were such a giver, and could not personally provide stabling or grazing, I would board the pony at a livery/riding stable.

AgentZigzag · 22/08/2011 11:55

I know exactly how you feel OP because we had the same happen to us at the start of the summer holidays.

They just turned up with it as an early Christmas present for 10 YO DD1 and we had the same split reaction.

It is a very generous present that both the DDs go in every day, but you can't help feeling it's a bloody cheek for someone to make the choice for you to have such a huge thing in your garden.

We've kind of got used to it now and are glad they bought it, but we've had to be a bit stronger in our reactions to the other stuff they've thankfully asked about before bringing round (kitchen table, various exercise machinery, didn't manage to fend off the Christmas crap though, tsk).

OriginalPoster · 22/08/2011 11:56

We all had penknives as children, but I wouldn't give one as a gift as they can be dangerous or be harmful to a child, that's why I thought of it as a comparison to trampolines.

I still think there is a misconception that a safety net makes it safe. A lot a injuries are caused by landing on the trampoline, not falling off. As a medic I am probably likely to see the danger in things as I have witnessed some nasty results. I also would hate it if anyone I loved bought a motorbike, for example.

exoticfruits · 22/08/2011 11:56

Normally if you receive an unwanted gift it is not obvious if you dont use it

Surely the gift was to the DC and they would use it? Confused

exoticfruits · 22/08/2011 11:58

A penknife is fine-I would just 'keep it safe' and let them have it later, to use under supervision.

OriginalPoster · 22/08/2011 12:01

The gift was for the dc, but at that age I think the parents should be able to decide what they think is in their dcs and the whole families best interest.

Whatmeworry · 22/08/2011 12:07

As a medic I am probably likely to see the danger in things as I have witnessed some nasty results. I also would hate it if anyone I loved bought a motorbike, for example

I sometimes think things should come with a "Government Risk Warning". I was listening to the radio yesterday they were talking about "micromorts", a unit of risk of death as a probability and how different things have very different risk levels.

So in this way risk of getting a hang-glider or motorcycle (or even getting in your car) is huge, trampolines etc are much smaller.

PercyFilth · 22/08/2011 12:08

I think a bike is a better comparison than a penknife. Or roller skates, or a skateboard .... children can and do fall when using all these things. Falling over and hurting yourself is all part of being a kid and playing with stuff.

OriginalPoster · 22/08/2011 12:16

The risk of neck injury is particularly bad in children who attempt somersaults on trampolines. I agree broken legs are less serious but can still cause problems in children that are still growing. My niece ended up in traction for more than a month aged 4 after a femoral break, she lost a lot a blood and it took a ling time to recover.
Riding a bike is a least a useful life skill

Original poster
piedleger · 22/08/2011 12:50

Yeah, I was joking about the pony in the garden. Not the sentiment though. I'm sure that they'd ask about that first. No really, they would...

OP posts:
mumeeee · 22/08/2011 12:58

YABU. Yes the relatives should have checked with you first, But you accepted when they gave it to you and your DH put it up Your DD loves it so let her keep it. Your DH is being a bit childish about the lawn..

Thumbwitch · 22/08/2011 13:04

Percy - my MIL threatened to buy us a miniature pony for our backyard for Christmas last year. Thank GOD she actually told us about that one before going ahead and doing it. She knows DS likes pony rides so thought it would be "nice" - without ANY consideration of how it needed to be looked after, costs, space etc.

Some people aren't very forward thinking, IME. Hmm

sausagesandmarmelade · 22/08/2011 13:31

Agree that falling over and hurting yourself is all part of being a child....and adult (for that matter).

You can't wrap your kids up in cotton wool completely and prevent these things from happening...
By over cosseting your child you are doing more harm than good and taking away their confidence and sense of independence.

Glad I wasn't stopped from climbing trees when I was little..........or rocks for that matter.

duckdodgers · 22/08/2011 14:26

"Children still play out but cricket,football etc"

Accidents can still happen anywhere, any activity - my chidlren have never had a broken bone playing on the trampoline since we got it 6 years ago, ironically the only broken bone that has happened was when DS1 broke his wrist......playing football.

Sausages has hit the nail on the head regarding overprotection doing more harm than good. Ok originalposter I can see where you are coming from a bit if you work in A&E but I also work in healthcare (Im a Psychiatric Nurse) and I treat a lot of adults with emotional difficulties, some of which can be linked to being shielded form everythign possible as chidlren by their parents who then when older cant cope witht he demands of this world.

Sleepyspaniel · 22/08/2011 14:37

YANBU!!! Firstly, not all parents want their DCs to have a trampoline. I don't particularly like them and don't think my DCs will be deprived if they don't have one. It's not like we're talking a good education here, its just a garden toy. Secondly, there's a difference between normal wear and tear of children on a lawn and a great big trampoline covering up a significant patch of grass (yes it will wreck the lawn). Thirdly they are totally ugly.

lachesis · 22/08/2011 14:40

Is the world this full of pushovers and mugs? Because really, I could use some money.

He put it up out of politeness and once your 2 year old saw it there was no stopping it?!

Whose house is it? The relative's? The toddler's?

YABU. Why? Because you were too big of a mug to say, 'Thanks for the thought, but we don't want this. Take it back.' End.