To want to be sterilised even though I've never had children?

[QueenStromba]

I've been hanging around on Mumsnet for the last 9 months or so. This is partly because this is a fantastic and highly entertaining community to be a part of and party because I was curious about how the other half lived. I've always thought that I didn't want children and would have been happy to be sterilised if I thought that they'd do it for me but didn't think they would due to the fact that I'm 29 and haven't had kids. I just happened to mention to my contraceptive nurse that I would like to be sterilised and she said that they might well do it if I was completely sure that it was what I definitely wanted. I thought about it for months and I spent a long time on mumsnet to try to understand what motherhood is really like. I've decided that it really isn't for me so I'm posting here either for reassurance that if I really don't think it's for me then I should get sterilised or to have a proper argument about it with someone so that I rethink it and decide that I should either wait or not have it done at all.

I have no issues with anyone choosing not to have children. And I do know people who have not had them as they believe their own childhoods were horrible or have 'defective genes' or some such reasoning and are very happy with their decision.

However, if you were sure, I think you wouldn't have thought about it most days for the last 6/7 months. Or posted here about it.

I am also not convinced by your partner's reasoning, it sounds like he's keeping his options open.

But ultimately, it's down to you and if you want to do that, who are we to argue?

Thanks thumbwitch - I just feel like I'm going round in circles!

QueenStromba - there are 3 drs in my surgery - one I have been with since I was 5 yrs old so he knows my complete medical history .....10 pregnancies resulting in 6 births FFS so you would think he would have no issue making a referral but he seems to be obstructing me

The other one I have seen is a female GP who refused me referral when I was 34 on grounds that I refused to try the implant or the coil

There is one other GP at the surgery who I can see but is reputed to be a bit of a dragon ...eeeek! so I have avoided seeing her til now but I am getting desperate as my sex life is dying for fear of getting pregnant - I have managed to get pregnant on the combined pill (no sickness or antibiotics involved), using condoms correctly and the MAP

What more can I do for the love of god - I just want my fertility taken away!

alwaysme: Contraceptive failure is one of my biggest fears because I don't think your experience is uncommon (hence the 20 pregnancy tests in my drawer).

Thumbwitch: So a baby crying isn't as grating when it's your own? That explains all the times I've been inflicted with the sound of a baby crying and the parent appears completely oblivious. I am on citalopram for my depression and have had some CBT.

QueenS - you could have knocked me down with a feather when I realised that! I honestly thought I would be climbing the walls and scratching my own eyes out with frustration at the noise but no! However, it probably contributed to me turning into more of an "attachment parent" - I discovered that I could mostly easily stop DS from crying by picking him up/feeding him/changing him or whatever - I was lucky to have a very happy baby who only cried when he needed something. But honestly, his crying did NOT go through me like the random child in the supermarket or street, or babies at friends' houses.
I do remember going round supermarkets with a screaming child about a row ahead of me wondering why his bloody parents didn't do something to shut him up, wasn't it driving them demented the same as it was me? But perhaps not.

I think it is a bit extreme to consider sterilisation when you are only 29 and admittedly depressed, why not put off making any major decision until you are in a better frame of mind? I would personally consider it for maybe 2-3 years rather than 6-7 months before going ahead.

Also before I actually wanted a baby (30ish) I never gave kids a second glance or thought, had no close friends with kids and none in the immediate family, I certainly didn't buy pregnancy tests just to check I wasn't nor did I go on parenting websites to find out what it was like. I think this aspect of your behaviour is a bit odd myself.

Could it be you are protesting a bit too much and deep down you might actually want a baby, but are scared of what that means for you with your history?

Sorry if I am wide off the mark but in my experience the broodiness can start with a vague interest in parents/children/wondering what is like etc which you do seem to have.

But good luck with whatever you decide.

CarnivalBizarre: I'd have thought you'd be the ideal candidate for sterilisation after having 6 children, some of which were conceived while using contraception. I'm not surprised that your sex life is suffering as a result. Did you try explaining that to your GP when you asked for a referral?

Doitnicelyplease: I've said before that my OP was designed to spark a debate, to be completely honest I'm here because another forum I was on linked to an AIBU thread and AIBU is more addictive than crack. I have wanted to be sterilised my whole adult life but didn't think it was a possibility due to my age and the fact that I don't have children. It was only after a throw away comment to the contraceptive nurse along the lines of "I suppose the only option is to get my partner to have a vasectomy" and her saying that there is a chance that they'd do it for me if I could convince them that was what I really wanted that made me properly sit down and think about it. Obviously this is a massive decision and not one to be taken lightly. I have come to the conclusion that this is what I really want so I don't see why I should make myself and my DP suffer the effects of the pill for the next couple of years.

I bought pregnancy tests just to check partly because you can get 20 for about 4 quid on ebay. I never even thought about it when I was on the combined pill, and if the implant had worked out I would be perfectly happy too, but the failure rate of the mini pill is just too high for my liking. The fact that I don't get proper periods on it doesn't help my worrying.

I definitely don't want a baby, the closest I've come to that is really wanting a cat but unfortunately the landlord wont let us have one.