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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be concerned that DP leaves baby in the car when getting DS from the nursery?

91 replies

confusedstepmum · 16/08/2011 14:27

5-10 mins ish in and out, car is in a car park and not at risk of people just walking by apart from other nursery parents, mostly she's asleep (and I think if she's awake he takes her in..)

I DONT LIKE IT! AIBU?

OP posts:
irishsarahharris · 16/08/2011 14:29

i did it a few times in a similar set up. I locked the car, 5 mins in the winter when there was no risk of heat, window ajar at that. what can happen?

biddysmama · 16/08/2011 14:31

i wouldnt like it either.

passingtime · 16/08/2011 14:31

yabu

honeymom · 16/08/2011 14:31

It would annoy me tbh. It's not hard to take baby out. And if it's like my ds nursery it can sometimes take 10-15 mins if they are running late or haven't got there coat etc.

onebigchocolatemess · 16/08/2011 14:31

I used to do it with my youngest DS if he was asleep.

The car park was in front of the playschool, always visible, in a small village and 20 or so other parents were milling around at the time doing the same thing.

I would say I was only ever away from the car for max 5minutes though, usually no more than 2m.

He has since changed play school and I can't see the car from the playschool if its in the new car park so don't do it anymore.

Its a judgement call at the time, I wouldn't appreciate my DH judging me for doing it TBH.

TalkinPeace2 · 16/08/2011 14:33

yabu
why wake a baby and take it out of the nice safe seat that was fine when he was six inches nearer

onagar · 16/08/2011 14:34

Being worried is normal for a parent. You will still be worrying when DS is 18. It's hard to know where to draw the line really.

In this case I'd lean towards taking the baby along, but it's not a bad thing really (except in a heatwave). After all it's normal to leave babies indoors to go to the bathroom/put washing out and so on.

caughtinanet · 16/08/2011 14:35

I always did this with a sleeping baby in what sounds like a similar situation - nursery car park only used by other parents and I wasn't the only one to do it.

In the absence of any other factors I wouldn't worry too much about it.

toniguy · 16/08/2011 14:35

10 minutes seems a long time to pick up a child . Is the nursery building some distance from the car park? If so, I wouldn't leave a baby there. If it is literally right next to the car park, and the car is visible at all times, and he literally dashes in, collects ds and back to car,'leaving car locked and window ajar- I mean honestly, whats the problem? There is a remote chance an older child could wake up and fiddle with the hand brake but a baby in a car seat is fine. My proviso would be that the car is in sight at all' times

RitaMorgan · 16/08/2011 14:37

What do you think might happen? Are your fears reasonable?

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 16/08/2011 14:44

YABU

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 16/08/2011 14:45

I used to do this. I think it can take 10 mins if they are late opening door, kids collecting stuff etc. I used to wait in the car until parents and toddlers started emerging and then dash in at the end of the queue. In and out 2 mins max.

Rowena8482 · 16/08/2011 14:48

I once left a note on a sleeping baby in a car - baby in carseat, window of car open, nobody paying any attention - I just wrote something like "let's see what I COULD have won" or something equally snarky, and walked away to one side. I did refuse to actually leave the area where I could see the car until the people got back to the car with the baby in though. Just cos they didn't seem to care what happened to their newborn didn't mean I didn't. That said, this wasn't long after a high profile child abduction and murder here, and it was on my mind. I couldn't do it, not even "for a second", to me it's just not worth the risk (however small the risks may actually be). I guess you have to decide if you are willing to risk "whatever might happen" actually happening to your baby if you leave them in the car.

toniguy · 16/08/2011 14:55

What are the risks then, with leaving a sleeping baby within sight in a locked car at an appropriate temperature??

I'm not referring to the case you describe rowena, but you seem to feel there are inherent risks in ANY situation where one might not remove the child from the car.

Original poster
confusedstepmum · 16/08/2011 15:05

ok I see IABU..I don't know, I'm generally quite a relaxed parent but suppose I feel it's a public place, the car is not in sight of DP the whole time..

(and possibility of car getting too hot, though this summer hasn't really allowed it!)

btw I only registered my slight discomfort with it, didn't do too much judgy pants..

thanks for your responses..

OP posts:
Mishy1234 · 16/08/2011 15:06

YANBU, but lots of people do it.

Can he not just carry her in still in her car seat?

Rowena8482 · 16/08/2011 15:12

My mind imagines all sorts of things, many of which are actually not very likely to happen, but any of which COULD happen (Ok so maybe at a million billion to one chance) so I personally, couldn't do it. Other people feel differently. It's one of those things where you make your own mind up (as is everything parenting come to think of it!) It's just something I would never ever do, and I cringe if I see someone else doing it. I've never gone so far as to actually say something to someone, I remind my self its basically just not my business (unless say it was a blazingly hot day or something was obviously dangerous). It's up to each parent to decide if they do it or not. I just wouldn't. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened.

Original poster
confusedstepmum · 16/08/2011 15:12

ps not far from the nursery but you have to go inside and you can't see the car park from the nursery room as such..

OP posts:
itisnearlysummer · 16/08/2011 15:14

I'd be quite happy with my DH doing that given the circumstances you describe.

RitaMorgan · 16/08/2011 15:17

I think you have to separate those things that might reasonably happen from those that could possibly happen. If we live in fear of everything that could possibly happen we would never get out of bed or ever let our children out of our sights for fear of murderers, child snatchers, asteroids, spontaneous combustion etc.

If your concerns are that he is likely to leave the baby in the car on a hot day, or that it has a dodgy handbrake, or the baby has form for undoing the belt and climbing out then those are all pretty reasonable worries to me. If it's that someone might break into the car and steal the baby, that seems less reasonable.

JanMorrow · 16/08/2011 15:28

Is the car within sight? If not, then I'd be bothered too, but if he can see the car, then I wouldn't be!

toniguy · 16/08/2011 15:34

Agree Rita. At the end of 'the day everyone needs to make a judgement on these things .
I just find the risk thing quite fascinating, because there are some things which sometimes provoke knee jerk reactions without any logic. In the ops case, any perceived risk eg car spontaneously bursting into flames, is probably far less likely to happen that the risk of the dad getting mown down by a car while crossing the car park with the baby, or tripping over and injuring her. Sometimes it's useful to take stock and actually try to evaluate 'the real risks because you might find yourself on balance agreeing with him

starcuntmole · 16/08/2011 15:39

Rowena either you've
"never gone so far as to actually say something to someone"

or you

"once left a note on a sleeping baby in a car "

am confused cos surely you can't have done both? Confused

If you are seriously worried about the risks here, surely you wouldn't be driving your baby in a car anyway, as that's far more dangerous.

messalina · 16/08/2011 15:44

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It might sound a bit mad but the question I ask myself when evaluating risk and my DD is whether I would think the effort would have been worth it with hindsight. So in your case, it might be a little bit of a faff to get baby out (but hardly a big deal) but if something DID happen (and I very much hope nothing ever would) your DH would feel pretty bad for not having got the baby out given that it was hardly a big effort to do so. But what is much more likely to happen than any of the things you might be scared about is that baby wakes up and is distressed because nobody is there in the car and he can't see DH in the carpark. This is why I never leave DD in the car on her own except occasionally when paying for petrol if I can always see her from the shop.

deepheat · 16/08/2011 15:50

Its a tough one. The reality is that your DD is safer alone in a stationary car in a car park than she is in a moving car on the road with your DP driving. But how many of us would really see it like that. I certainly wouldn't do it myself, but if I'm honest I have a grudging respect for people who are able to override any anxiety with logic. I don't think either of you are unreasonable.