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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be concerned that DP leaves baby in the car when getting DS from the nursery?

91 replies

confusedstepmum · 16/08/2011 14:27

5-10 mins ish in and out, car is in a car park and not at risk of people just walking by apart from other nursery parents, mostly she's asleep (and I think if she's awake he takes her in..)

I DONT LIKE IT! AIBU?

OP posts:
G1nger · 16/08/2011 18:57

I don't know what it could choke on, admittedly!

Take turns monitoring through the night, though? No, do it together with the use of a baby monitor... Or is that stupid too?

moonstorm · 16/08/2011 18:58

Well I wouldn't sleep in the garden and leave them in the house... and we have alarms. If a car caught fire with me in, I could do something. Car fires are more common than you think. Car thefts are common. All they need is not to notice the child/ baby.

LucreziaDomina · 16/08/2011 19:05

Oh, I do love these sorts of threads!

The greatest killer of babies and young children is SIDS and respiratory disease.
So I hope all of you absolute non risk takers all have babies in your room until 6 months, never smoke or drink near them, lie them on their backs and breastfeed for six months? Because, surely, doing anything less is just too great a risk, right?

And I'm sure none of you ever drive them in a car or walk near a road. Nine people ( most of them children) are killed every day in RTA's in the UK. So you are taking an enormous risk driving your little cherub to nursery in the first place. Why do it? It's just too great a risk. Hmm

wompoopigeon · 16/08/2011 19:06

I would be cross if my DH did it.
No detailed rational risk-benefit analysis to share. Just a general sense of unease at something being done regularly not as a one-off.
I'm surprised there are so many yabus, TBH. 10 mins is quite a long time. Ten mins twice a day five days a week= more than 1.5 hrs a week alone in a car.

LucreziaDomina · 16/08/2011 19:08

True wompoo. That's a an awful lot of peedofiles, meteors, random thefts, abductors, faulty engines, dodgy handbrakes and choking incidents right there.

rubyrubyruby · 16/08/2011 19:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wearenotinkansas · 16/08/2011 19:12

Lucrezia - undoubtedly there is a risk in everything - but tbh, leaving a child in a parked car out of sight for up to 10 minutes a day is just plain stupid ime. It's really not that difficult to take a baby (sleeping or not) out of the car with you.

And yes, I did follow all the recommendations for avoiding SIDS. None of them are particularly difficult - so why wouldn't you??? Can I take it from your post that you stuck your DC in a smoke filled room, lying on their front, from the age of 2 weeks?

LucreziaDomina · 16/08/2011 19:12

And those children cossetted, mummied and smothered are the very children who do get hurt or mugged or knocked down because they have no experience, no common sense , no self awareness or self confidence and no lifeskills when eventually they do get out in the big ( but not as bad as mummy makes out, actually) world.

LucreziaDomina · 16/08/2011 19:15

Wearnot, why would you think that? I followed the guidelines, breastfed until 2 etc etc.

But I can pretty much guarantee that plenty of the riskfearful mummies who don't have even a reasonable grasp of risk and how it works, didn't.

ChippingIn · 16/08/2011 19:16

Ginger if your baby chokes in the night you will not hear it, even if you are awake and listening to the monitor :( So no, it's not 'stupid' to have a monitor if you need it to hear them crying etc - it is 'stupid' to think it's keeping them 100% safe.

LolaRennt · 16/08/2011 19:16

What if someone prangs the car in the lot? I don't like it. I don't see whats wrong with being "over" protective of a baby ffs

SiamoFottuti · 16/08/2011 19:20

But what if someone mows you down in the car park while you are carrying the baby? Could totally happen, why would you take that risk when you could leave them in the safe car......

Wink
LucreziaDomina · 16/08/2011 19:30

Someone could prang the car out on the road doing sixty and you will probably die a horrible death.

Or do cars only get " pranged" in car parks when the car is stationary and therefore probably not cause death? Hmm

See my above posts for No Ability To Think Through.

Original poster
confusedstepmum · 16/08/2011 19:33

wow a lot of responses!
I've done the drop off/ pickup as well, although recently not as much as DP.

I guess I'm more worried about the baby waking up and getting distressed than anything else. And dont like the idea of her being in the car out of sight outside!! But it's true that v unlikely something will happen so perhaps not a battle to fight!

I'm being reminded now of the case in the States where a Danish couple was prosecuted for leaving their child in a pushchair outside a cafe or somesuch - the Consul had to step in and explain to the US authorities that it is completely normal in Denmark. IE different people have different assessment of risk...

OP posts:
moonstorm · 16/08/2011 19:41

Look there are some risks you can do something about to lesson the risks.

I have to drive, but ear seatbelts/ have car seats etc.

I have to walk, but we hold hands near the road so ds can't run into it.

I can't do anything when flying to lesson the (small risk) so don't bother worrying.

Life's a risk, but what's wrong with lessening it where possible?

LolaRennt · 16/08/2011 19:42
  1. You have to get from point A to point B that make driving a necessary evil, leaving the car is not.
  1. If I am in a rush I may not notice my car has been hit on returning and that dc is crying for a real reason. If I get hit while driving I will probably notice

See any of my previous posts about the rude and fuckwitted not engaging me. It puts me in a bad mood.

madmomma · 16/08/2011 20:05

I really don't see the need to be rude and take the piss because someone chooses to be more careful than you, and is happy to take the time to do so. Of course all risks aren't avoidable, so does that mean we shouldn't make any efforts to protect babies? And yes, I, and most of the mums I know do follow all the cautions re SIDS. Why wouldn't you?

LolaRennt · 16/08/2011 20:08

Because if we're stupid our choices are stupid and that makes them both clever and not neglectful.

BustAMove · 16/08/2011 20:18

Sorry didn't have time to read all replies. Knew someone who used to do this, and window got smashed for bag. Baby was in the car, and had glass over them. I wouldn't risk it.

SiamoFottuti · 16/08/2011 20:35

ahem "more careful...chooses to take the time...extra caution" etc?

Different choices does not mean better choices. Your assessment of risk may be very different to mine, it does not mean yours is superior. Hmm

madmomma · 16/08/2011 20:38

well clearly my assessment of risk is different to yours Siamo. I never said mine was superior to yours. I just said there was no need to take the piss over someone's genuine concern

YourMIL · 16/08/2011 20:48

I wouldn't and I don't leave any of my children in the car on a nursery pickup. I can usually park right next to the nursery (so no crossing the carpark with DCs) but I've often seen people in near misses with other parked cars in the car park. Sure, it would be extremely unlikely the car gets hit with the baby in it but I'd never forgive myself if it did.

I've not seen anyone else leave their child in the car in this particular nursery either although to be fair I've not been peering in their car windows to check!

SiamoFottuti · 16/08/2011 20:51

who's taking the piss? And your sense of superiority comes across quite well, despite denials.

madmomma · 16/08/2011 20:56

Not really interested if I come across as superior to you, Siamo. I think that's about you feeling defensive. The posts I was referring to were some of LucreziaDomina's.

rhondajean · 16/08/2011 21:00

Apologies if anyone has said this already but its actually illegal to leave a child alone in a car (though not strictly so in a house, which is strange). I know of someone who left child in car and went to pay for petrol and got a row from an over zealous police man for it (threatened with charges if it happened again!!)

I leave them at petrol station where I can see them - mines are bigger now too - but I always keep an eye out for police cars! and have never left them in car anywhere else because of this.

I know it seems extreme but.......