To not tell MIL I'm being induced?

[rooks14]

If I were to go into labour naturally, the plan was for me and DP to go to the hospital, if I'm going to be admitted, phone my mum who lives 5 hours away, she'll drive up and clean my house/ do some washing/ get some shopping in while she waits, then when I'm getting close, tell DP's mum, my mum wouldd go and pick up DP's mum on the way to the hospital to see us/collect us with baby!

I'm now 10 days overdue, and am going to be induced on sunday night. MIL is a bit of a worrier, and I know she'd tell EVERYONE that I'm in labour, cue a million unwanted phone calls and status updates. She also works in the medical profession losely and so would practically be wanting to check how dialated I am herself/over analysing every thing that happened/ rubbing my belly all the damn time! (Sorry bit of a rant about belly groping!) It's all a personal thing that i'm really worried about labour and just don't want everyone knowing all the details of how long it was/how many stitches I had etc etc.

Do you think it's really unfair to not tell MIL I'm being induced on sunday? My mum is so calm and I know she'll be usefull and not over beariing, hence why she's staying for a few days! I was thinnking about getting DP to call her when I'm giong into the delivery suite, but it seems out of order that my mum will know and even though we know this far in advance it will be sunday, she won't find out till about an hour before?

[VivClicquot]

No, YANBU. I had an ELCS due to DD being breech. We didn't tell DH's family - partly because we didn't want them to worry, partly because we didn't want them turning up at the hospital or hassling us for updates and partly because wanted it to be a surprise when we called to say the baby was here. However, we did tell my family, as my sister is a midwife and I wanted to discuss my options (trying to turn the baby etc) with her.

[rooks14]

I should add that I'm from london (where my family live) and me and DP live 20 minutes away from his mum and dad and sister in manchester so they're going to see A LOT more of the baby then my family, even if we try and go down/they come up once a month! So think DP's mum has the better deal really! Wait until I tell her that since my grandad died this year and we live so far away, we're spending xmas with my family!!!

[SuchProspects]

Cricketballs the only person with actual rights in this scenario is the pregnant woman. Everyone else is ancillary.

[SpeedyGonzalez]

The dp's rights kick in when he pushes the baby out of his own fanjo.

Sorry, but in birth matters the man has to put the pregnant woman first.

[cricketballs]

omg I can't believe that such and speedy that you think so little about the baby's dad and what they want!

I know for a fact that neither of my sons will want me and dh treated in this way and will fight for their rights in any future children situations

[4madboys]

NO dont tell them! i did with two of mine and it is a nightmare with people wanting updates etc and THEY worry as they know you are in hospital etc and if they dont hear they worry more and its not unusual for an induction to take over a day or two! so they would just worry all that time.

with no 3, 4 and 5 i didnt tell, well with no 3 my parents knew as they were looking after the elder 2!

with no4 no-one knew other than my friend who was looking after the elder 3


and with no 5 again my parents as they were looking after the elder 4.

we just called and told everyone else once the baby had arrived, much simplet that way and means they dont worry/hastle you etc.

and my mil wasnt bothered that she didnt 'know' and my mum did, they are all just pleased that things went smoothly and they have a healthy grandchild, thats the important bit!!

[evenlessnarkypuffin]

Yep, with an attitude like that your future DILs will be hiding from you.

Her mother is being told because she lives 5 hours away

[OhdearNigel]

I laid down the law very early on in my PG - nobody would be told I was in labour until we had a healthy baby. MIL was most put out but hey ho, she got over it !

[SardineQueen]

Some women like to have their mothers or sisters there when they give birth.

Cricketballs do you think they are bang out of order not inviting their MIL and SIL to be there?

I agree that what the woman wants is paramount when it comes to labour and birth. If there is someone or something that is going to cause stress, worry or annoyance then it should be avoided.

Some women don't even want their partners there when they give birth. And that is fine as it is up to the person giving birth what makes them feel most secure and comfortable.

[cricketballs]

so being 5 hours away stops phone calls?

[cricketballs]

its the information not being given that I have the issue with Sardine. Why is it fine to let one prospective gp know and not the other? If you are concerned about how they will react then explain to them what will make you uncomfortable. But to tell one and not the other is in my books nasty and very unfair

[4madboys]

no but the mother is coming to help tidy the house and get things ready for them when they arrive home, she needs time to get there and do that! hence why she is being told! simples!

[SardineQueen]

My parents were there in the recovery room after both my sections, and visited on day one.

Both times the ILs came on day 2. I did not feel up to seeing anyone except family so soon after major surgery and DH and the ILs understood that completely.

I am boggling at the idea of cricketballs insisting on being there for the birth if any of her future DILs want their mothers there. After all it is her RIGHT

[OhdearNigel]

"they are the grandparents as well"

They are not a woman in labour's own mother though are they ? Surely it is effing obvious that a woman in labour will look to her own mother for support in labour, it is not a fricking competition/fight for equality. And any MIL that is offended because their DIL phoned her own mother when she went into labour should grow the fuck up.

[4madboys]

its not nasty and unfair at all, and the mother of the woman in labour does have MORE right to know as its HER child that is in labour, going through pain etc.

the mil will be told once the baby arrives, she has an active interest in the baby and one would hope in her dil, but ultimately she doesnt NEED to know, so she doesnt have to be told.

[cricketballs]

I have never stated that I want to be at any births; but I have the same information as the other gp!

ohdear; why stop dp informing his own mother?

[cricketballs]

why doesn't the mil need to know that her child is about to become a parent himself?

[usualsuspect]

Your PILs are family though

[ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne]

The most important thing here is that the OP has a stress free labour. If that means the MIL isn't informed until baby is born so be it.

For those who want equal rights for mother and MIL does that mean you also think that it's unfair for MIL to see more of baby once it's born just because she lives closer?

[4madboys]

well its OBVIOUS he is about to be becoming a father as his wife is due to give birth!! and she will be told when the baby arrives, knowing that they are going in to be induced isnt necessary, she KNOWS the baby will be arriving at some point fairly soon anyway!

[cricketballs]

unfortunately geography will make it unfair if one set of parents live closer. My own parents see less of my dc than the PIL due to us living closer however both sets are given the same information at the same time about any issues surrounding their gc

[ChaoticAngeltheInnocentOne]

"ohdear; why stop dp informing his own mother?"

"MIL is a bit of a worrier, and I know she'd tell EVERYONE that I'm in labour, cue a million unwanted phone calls and status updates. She also works in the medical profession losely and so would practically be wanting to check how dialated I am herself/over analysing every thing that happened/"

^^this

[cricketballs]

as others have said; tell her then turn the phone off but to stop dp from informing his own mother is not right

[SpeedyGonzalez]

cricketballs do you not think it's "nasty and unfair" for the MIL to create so much stress and leave others to deal with it? She has to take responsibility for herself and her own actions. Why should the OP suffer at one of the most vulnerable times of her life?

As for the dps's wishes, if my DH were going to undergo medical treatment and requested certain things which might inconvenience me a bit but ultimately would assist him with his medical situation, damn right I would put his needs first!

[evenlessnarkypuffin]

So the MIL will see the child at exactly the same time as the OP's mother but that's not enough? And the fact that the mother has to have enough warning to travel for hours to get to the OP's house and will then 'clean my house/ do some washing/ get some shopping in while she waits' is not important

And the MIL will ' tell EVERYONE that I'm in labour, cue a million unwanted phone calls and status updates. She also works in the medical profession losely and so would practically be wanting to check how dialated I am herself/over analysing every thing that happened/ rubbing my belly all the damn time! (Sorry bit of a rant about belly groping!) It's all a personal thing that i'm really worried about labour and just don't want everyone knowing all the details of how long it was/how many stitches I had etc etc.' That's irrelevant?

It's the norm on here that if you posted your MIL was an ax murderer there would still be posters saying it would be unfair to not let her babysit if your mother gets to.