How much time does your DH spend with the children (without you) on average per week?

[ErinH]

I'm curious as to the average time DHs or DPs spend with their children over the course of a week. Particularly for those SAHMs who wouldn't otherwise get a break. I'm trying to take into account that everyone works different hours doing a wide variety of jobs. I have 2 boys under 3 and a half (the oldest at nursery 3 mornings a week - but on school holidays now, and the youngest at home full-time). I'm a SAHM and am struggling to cope at the moment with both boys 7 days a week. My DH last took both boys out for 3 hours (without me) in March. AIBU to insist he gives me a regular break. (although I guess once every six months is consistent if not regular!) ???

I'm a SAHM, DP works FT.

He leaves for work before DD and I wake up, but is usually rolling round on the floor with her/playing hide and seek within 5 mins of getting home. If i've had a bad day with her (terrible twos) he will take her upstairs to play so i get some peace before we have tea. If i want to go visit friends in the evening its no problem, he will put her to bed (she usually prefers me to do it)

At weekends he will get up with her while i lie-in for an hour or have a bath and then we generally potter around together all weekend. Am preg at the moment but would usually go out on my own for a few hours either Friday or Saturday night to the pub to catch up with friends etc and the occasional night out. Never a problem, as long as i give him a few days notice so we don't both make plans IYSWIM. A couple of times a year i go away drinking camping with a large group of friends. He goes fishing a lot too, which is fine by me. I've always been very sociable, whereas he likes to escape to peace and quiet.

When DD was little we took turns to do night feeds/change nappies etc. I never really appreciated him as i should until i read about some of the useless Dads here on Mumsnet.

I've been avoiding opening this thread as i knew it was going to make depressing reading. I was right.

Utterly appalled and disgusted to read that this is the norm for so many and that the majority are too tired to try and change it.

Actually "depressing" is an understatement ..........

Ermmm..... that would be none. And no, we're not separated.

before we separated no time at all, now i have separated from exh he has them on two occasions a week for several hours each time, they spend more time with him now he lives else where than they did when he bothered to turn up lived with us. Am waiting to see how long this lasts though.

Wow. I'm not sure what this thread has achieved for me and my state. I'm still envious of those with DHs who accept their roles and responsibilities and get on with looking after the children. Too many struggle with the role and only get involved in the chores (nappies, meals, tidying-up etc) without actually playing/nurturing or raising the children (just a supervisory role). I think I am comforted to see that I'm not the only one struggling with children. There are a few in exactly my position. I'm a SAHM with two pre-school children (3.5 and 2) and my DH works 7.30am to 8pm all week and two weekends a month. Naturally he's tired. He's up before the boys and home when they're asleep. When he's home during the day he/we do diy (have that sort of house that always needs stuff done) and it's very hard keeping the children entertained while we try and build stuff or repair things. If the boys start squabbling and we're outside it's alway me that has to go and see what's up. I'm in charge of the boys even when we're both here. I find that exhausting and am starting to 'tut'!
I had my hair cut in May and went to Ikea with my mum last March, other than that I haven't spent time away from the boys and I do feel that I need more. Now it's the holidays the older is at home full time (was at nursery 3 mornings a week) and I'm finding it hard to get any time to anything. Even when I try to do paperwork I get called, or something erupts. DH complained that there was hand cream in the kitchen and a nail file in the boys bathroom, I tried to explain that dinner time and bath time are the only two slots of the day that I get to sit down and look after myself. Made me a bit depressed TBH. Am determined to change things a bit round here before I crack. DH is pretty good around the house and always puts dishes away and vacuums but the point is that I need time alone otherwise it stops being fun!

It's so sad to read. My mother was a SAHM and my father worked a LOT (and this was in the 90s), but every so often he made the effort to take me out with just him. That was very special to me. I am the only girl of 4 children, so it wasn't as though he had a ton of spare time to take me to the ballet (or whatever none boy-centric activity we did), but he made the effort and our little day trips are some of my best childhood memories. Sad to think some fathers don't realise the importance of this one-to-one attention.

Some of these posts are terrible!

Can I ask though, before you decided to settle down as a 'forever' couple did anyone have a chat about how they thought work, child care, child issues, money and the like should be dealt with?

I find it surprising that very few of my friends did and then were shocked when they found they had different expectations of each other.

I think DH didn't realise how exhausting he would find the DC, especially so many DC. So no amount of premarital talk could have guaranteed a better outcome. The only change I could effect now would be to boot DH out & then I'd not have the illusion that he could do more, but he wouldn't be around at all, either, not sure how this would supposedly improve things.

I work three days a week, DH works full time - I'm a teacher and due to give birth to DC2 this week, so currently on mat leave.

Since we established a bedtime routine for DD (at about 4 months old), DH has done bath and bed (well, except bf!). If he gets home in time (usually 3 or 4 times a week) he takes her into the garden to play for up to an hour. This has only been this summer - not sure if it's cos I'm pg or it's the summer, or both. Hoping it will always be so with both DC!

He also takes DD out at the weekends sometimes - to the zoo, the playground, Homebase - to give me 2 hrs or so break. We discussed this as I said I would need it when I returned to work (last Sept, wasn't pg at the time). I found I had to keep nagging/reminding about this, but since becoming heavily pg he has been suggesting it. Again, I hope it continues after DC2 is born.

We are both very happy with the balance we have at the moment and I feel DH has a very good relationship with DD because of the one to one time he spends with her.

35 hours a week without me been there, 39 some weeks :)

OP Divorce him, he'll be running to F4J and demanding equal rights. You know it makes sense.

DH works full time, I work school hours (term time only). My DDs are nearly 8 and nearly 5.

I can honestly say that my DH has never taken both DDs away by himself, but that said I don't actually want him to. We have a nice little routine whereby I look after the children after school until DH gets home and then he does the bedtime routine whilst I work.

At the weekends, we prefer to spend time as a family.

So neither of us particularly gets lots of time off, except when the children go away to stay with GPs and then we get time off together.

My dh and I both work full time in very different jobs - I'm a teacher so leave the house at 7.30am, home by 5.30pm and every weekend off (+ school holidays). Dh is a chef so starts later at 9.30am, finishes much later getting home about 11.30pm, works weekends and has every Monday and Tuesday off instead.

We havd one dd, 20 months. She has all day Mon and Tues at home with dh, goes to a CM 9-5 Wed, Thurs, Fri and has all weekend with me. Dh drops her at CM before he goes to work and I pick her up on my way home. This means he does most of the mornings with her and I do most of the bathtimes/bedtimes. In the school holidays we're more flexible and she doesn't go to the CM at all.

This works really well for us, but has come about purely through our working situation. The only negative is that we get very little time together as a couple, but then again, we've never had that much as he's always had to work weekends so we don't really miss it.

Erin, I'm in your boat and feel it sinking too. My 2 boys are the same age as yours, on nursery holidays and it's destroying me! I (try) to work from home but it's almost impossible and I've just lost my retainer which really helped with childcare costs. I'm now looking for a 3 month contract to have a break from my darling kids. Sad really.

My DH rarely has them both alone..... I think he knows how hard it is so avoids offering!