How much time does your DH spend with the children (without you) on average per week?

[ErinH]

I'm curious as to the average time DHs or DPs spend with their children over the course of a week. Particularly for those SAHMs who wouldn't otherwise get a break. I'm trying to take into account that everyone works different hours doing a wide variety of jobs. I have 2 boys under 3 and a half (the oldest at nursery 3 mornings a week - but on school holidays now, and the youngest at home full-time). I'm a SAHM and am struggling to cope at the moment with both boys 7 days a week. My DH last took both boys out for 3 hours (without me) in March. AIBU to insist he gives me a regular break. (although I guess once every six months is consistent if not regular!) ???

Looking at clam's post we take it in turns to have some leisure time without our dd. He will often run me a bath for when I get home from work if he thinks I have had a hard day or I will go out with friends. I would also do the same.

I haven't included bed time which we take in turns so it is probably around 30 hours a week.

I don't think I under appreciate dp, I appreciate him but we are both parents with clear roles.

I'm a SAHM. Have medical issues which mean I frequently couldn't do anything exciting so DH got in the habit of taking the DCs out on weekend daytimes. For a long time I barely saw the DCs on weekends. I'm getting better so we do more stuff together but he's usually in charge in the mornings and takes the older DCs to school most days.

I'm technically 'there' but am asleep

I work three days a week, and DH gets DS ready for nursery whilst I shower and have brekkie as he leaves later than me and I drop DS off on the way to work. He does bath and bed every night. I'm pretty pregnant and tired, so DH has let me lie in most weekends for months now. He'll get DS ready and take him to the park, then maybe take him to the park later after his nap too. Pretty much all his weekends are taken up taking main responsibility for DS.

He has regular nights out, but will usually make sure he comes home first and get DS into bed. He encourages me to have nights out too, though I don;t really feel like it at the moment, TBH!

I am very very lucky, as DH just takes it in his stride and has been very hands on from the word go. I would have thought twice about having our second so soon had he not been so supportive.

Dh spends as much time as he possibly can with 2 yo DS. He gets upset if a day goes by where he hasn't had sufficient playtime with him. Dh is very precious about ds. I think sometimes that dh is having more fun in their play. He is always playing with him wherever we are.
We are both teachers and come home to be home by 4ish to maximise our time with ds and do work after 7pm bedtime until quite late every night. We get loads of time with DS.

Surely our dp and dh are not "supporting" us in caring for the children, they are playing an equal role. Given that may not be equal time wise as it clearly isn't in my house. My dp has more time with our dd but I would not say I am supporting him - that implies one parent has the child and the other chips in because they are such a noble person.

Most mornings half an hour to an hour - he works nights and DS has started waking up just when he comes home, so he does his breakfast and I wake up slowly. Then just as and when needed - if I want to go out, or go to the shop, or am making dinner. He will quite often step in if I'm getting stressed or if DS isn't listening or just if I'm tired or something. He's with him right now because he's being a pain to put to bed tonight and DP was going for a lie down before work so I've persuaded him to "Go and have a cuddle with and I'll get you some milk" - fingers crossed he hasn't made a sound in 15 minutes!

When we're both at home and awake we are both on duty, I tend to do more nappy changing and cuddling and toothbrushing and things like that, mainly because DP isn't his father and hasn't been around for all his life, and DP is usually sleeping for most of the day, so I'm in charge then, but when he's around we do about an equal amount of playing, getting dressed, getting drinks, food, setting up toys for him, tidying up after him, things like that. DP is more physical in playing and does tickling and wrestling and throwing around and chasing and silly noises and I tend to do more of the imaginative play or drawing or setting up his happyland or helping with a jigsaw or taking him out to see friends, to groups, etc. I do bedtimes, again because I always have done and DS tends to want me. He comes to me if he is hurt.

DS might not be DP's son but he treats him as if he is - it's lovely. With XP I only ever got time to myself when I arranged to go out which probably was once every 6 months! Or when I was making dinner. The rest of the time I was always in charge of DS. Had to fight him to change his own child's nappies FFS! I think it's awful that so many men don't get involved.

Why zero Fili.

Dp is not dd's father either, but when he joined our family he knew he was taking on equal parenting responsibility.

My dh used to take ds1 out alot for walks - to his parents etc. but now we have dd too - he seems unable/unmwilling to cope with both alone. So he very rarely has both by himself. That said about 3 or 4 mornings a week he gets up first with them and has them alone for about 2 hours till i get up at 8. But really that is the only time he is alone with them both.

I am ging away for a weekend in a few months for a friends hen do - and he keeps going on and on about me leaving him alone with 'them', yet he frequently is away.

DP spends from 10-4 on a Saturday with DS, originally it was for fun daddy/DS bonding time which happened about 3 times, then he took him to MILs and that's what it's been every Saturday for the last 5 years. Completely on his own with DS? I actually can't remember the last time - I am thinking years as opposed to months.

Like someone up threads husband, dh is out of house 12 hours a day. neither of us has any real leiure time on our own

Oh no you must be sp tired. I have two toddler boys under 2.5 so I know how tiring they can be :) Dp is very good but he does get in from work quite early. He gets home at about5pm and he will either take boys to park or we will go together to visit granny, playground etc. Every sat morning he will get up with them and take them out until about 12pm. I will sleep on until about 9am the have a leisurely breakfast in bed then get u and do a bit of cleaning while the house is quiet. then i take them out sunday morning until about 10:30 so he can lie on :) I have to have that time alone. id crack otherwise. im a SAHM, Ds1 MAY be starting montessorri this year but prob will be next year.

DH works 12 hr days 5/6 days a week, while I am a SAHM. I get one evening a week that I can go out (cinema/theatre/takeaway at sister's.) He has one evening a week to do whatever he likes.

I also get about 8 hrs every other Sunday, (to mooch around shops, have my nails done, go for lunch) I leave after breakfast and return before dinner (that I cook). He gets the Sundays in between to wander round aquarium shops or visit his brother.

Saturdays (when he doesn't work) are family days. Saturday evenings are at home 'date nights'. We get a take away, put the kids to bed and have a drink)

I also get 1hr a week to bath in peace!

I'm happy with the balance we have.

DH is a SAHD so he has DD for about 40 hours per week on his own, while I'm at work.

I take her out all day on Saturday, so that's his 'day off'. We do family things on Sunday. I don't have a day off, as when I'm not at work I want to be with DD - I see little enough of her as it is. My work (and my boss) is pretty tough going so it's not a break to be there. I know that during the week he works as hard as I do. He does all the house stuff, cooking etc. as well as looking after DD.

He is all kinds of wonderful and the arrangement is by mutual agreement but I am sometimes resentful envious that the majority of his time is spent with DD, with a whole day per week to himself, while the majority of my time is spent at work, with only evenings & weekends with DD and no time to myself at all.

Depends how old the kids are - when very young not as much, as they got bigger DH was much more involved (sports, hobbies etc)

We have 4 DC btw. It hasn't always been like this, I once went 2 1/2 years without leaving them with ANYONE for even 5 minutes. After the youngest turned 1, I realised we had to rethink how we spent our time. I am so much happier now. I would go crazy if I didn't get time to myself. DH likes to have time with the kids without me trying to 'manage' them.

Don't mean to sound like a whinger. We are extremely lucky to be able to get by on the arrangement that we have (though it came about because DH got laid off, not because my job is so incredibly well paid!).

every day when i work! but evenings and weekends I do loads

I'm with clam. Depressing to think how many of you don't have any time to yourselves.

Is that because you married men who don't really care about being good fathers, or because you've made yourselves martyrs?

(Families such as the ones above, with one partner working 12 hours a day and weekends, etc. excepted).

Seriously, for all of you complaining that you don't get any time to yourself and you wish your DH would spend more time with the kids without you, why do you put up with it?

There's no way I would have had children with a man who didn't consider parenting to be an equal task, and leisure time to be shared equally, regardless of who worked in/outside the home.

Loads, in fact he's just got back from a three day break with ds where they donned anoraks, got skippy over old buses and trains and lurked in museums to their hearts content whilst me an dd put our feet up.

I am luckey cheese.

Actually, quite a lot. But then we are a little unusual. DH works 7 till 4, I work 8 till 4. So I drop the DDs off at out of school club, DH collects them at the end of his working day and gets them home. He then gets them snacks, chats about their day, gets dinner going, sets everything out ready for their evening shower.

On weekends I take one of them with me to do the weekend grocery shop, DH has the other - this means he gets 1 to 1 time with each of them, they love it, and I don't get them squabbling in Sainsburys or tantrumming in Tescos (OK, so they aren't that bad really but I couldn't resist the alliteration).

I'm the one who travels away for work (not often but several times a year) so then he has them all the time. All in all I'd say he definitely does about half the solo stuff. I'm lucky that he isn't a career high flyer and that he is home every night - it really matters. Also, because we both earn the same it's easy to talk about matters of money and there's no argument about splitting the housework either - that's 50/50 too.

Normally not much and nothing regular except lately two hours early on a saturday morning while I have a driving lesson.

Hes more likely to have a couple of them but not all

Hard to say, as it varies so much. DH is in the forces, so when he is away, I do everything, with a bit of help from my dad. I used to work p/t, and DH would see the dc when he came home at night. My dad, DH and I take turns to read the bedtime stories every night. I go to the gym 2 nights a week, and either DH or dad has the kids (usually in bed by that time, though)

However, I recently started working f/t again, which means when DH is home he is spending much more time with the dc, and it is working out really well. We do very different things with the children- I prefer to do crafts/ baking/ stories/ walks/ chats. DH likes to be outside, so does "adventures" and outings. He is currently on summer leave and has taught both dds to ride a bike without stabilisers (at last!) and took them on a massive bike ride. I think he enjoys spending time with them better now they are older and can join in activities etc.