How much time does your DH spend with the children (without you) on average per week?

[ErinH]

I'm curious as to the average time DHs or DPs spend with their children over the course of a week. Particularly for those SAHMs who wouldn't otherwise get a break. I'm trying to take into account that everyone works different hours doing a wide variety of jobs. I have 2 boys under 3 and a half (the oldest at nursery 3 mornings a week - but on school holidays now, and the youngest at home full-time). I'm a SAHM and am struggling to cope at the moment with both boys 7 days a week. My DH last took both boys out for 3 hours (without me) in March. AIBU to insist he gives me a regular break. (although I guess once every six months is consistent if not regular!) ???

DH is a SAHD so he does more childcare than I do. I think, for me, part of the issue is being prepared to ask for your own time. DH sometimes goes out in the evening with his mates after the kids have gone to bed so he can have some adult male conversation. I used to very rarely go out without the kids because I felt guilty about spending all day away from them. I made a conscious decision to do something about that and now quite often disappear for a few hours on the weekend or go out in the evening.

Both parents have an equal right to kid free time whether or not they want to take it is down to them.

gosh i get very little time on my own too but kids are in bed by 7.30 and i manage to stop chores about 8 or 9. so maybe i get an hour or two in the evening before i need to feed the baby at 11pm and go to bed. I still have the kids at the weekend as DH has DIY but I'm planning to ask him to start taking them swimming for a few hours on a Sunday.

Sadly I am one of those women who is a useless role model. And like BorderBinLiner, there is a major row that explodes every couple of months because dh, apart from working, does absolutely nothing. Granted, he has a huge commute and gets home really late, is often away, etc, but somehow he has managed to disassociate himself from anything to do with the home. If, for example, I say, "Oh, we've a wasps' nest" he'll reply "Good." And that's that. I've had to learn to row my own boat.

He does hang out with ds and watch science fiction films etc but he never ever spends any time with dd, which is a situation I am not happy about but don't know how to address.

We have a 4 and 2 year old, I am a SAHM and DH works full time. He gets back to bath them about 3 nights a week, and then I usually have saturday to myself, so he takes them from about 10am and I get back from shopping/pampering etc about 6pm....its heaven and has saved my sanity.

But quite apart from me having a lovely day to myself, its important to us that he spends time with them on his own. If I am there they want me all the time and direct all questions to me, so I have to be out to get a complete rest. Also if we are both there, I am always the one 'in charge', so its good that he can be the boss with them.

2-3 times a month, he will take DS out for about 4hrs without me, but often his mum goes too.
Once a week in term time, I get to go out in the evening for choir, and DH has DS to put to bed etc., so has him for about 1.5h without me.
Occasionally, I get to go to the shops without DS and DH minds him for a bit, usually about half an hour. By the sound of it, I'm quite lucky!
If it's any longer than a few hours, I usually need to draft MIL in to do the minding - DH hasn't had to look after DS by himself for that long, iirc. Even when I had 2 nights in hospital, MIL was over during the day helping out.

Still, she helps me out as well by taking DS out for a few hours most Wednesdays so I'm not really complaining.

Quite a lot of time during the week. I usually retreat to our bedroom to read an hour before the DDs are likely to be tired so he is in charge then. One whole evening a month when I go out. I'm happy with that.

Not so much during the weekend as we tend to spend all weekend doing family stuff, the odd morning when I have BFC stuff on.

DH is SAHP so he spends about 40 hours a week with DD (she does 2 half days at nursery)

I do the first hour of the day, the last two when I get home and all weekend, so I do about 30 hours a week.

This is obviously only her waking hours as when she's asleep - we both relax.

So based on that I guess DH does 25% more childcare than I do, but I also work 40 hours a week, and get next to no time to myself (maybe one night out every 3 months)

DH works away 5 days a week, very early start monday and late return on fridays.
He has always had DD on a sunday morning, they do gardening or museums etc together.

However we hardly see him on a saturday, mind you we have our own business as well as his f/t job so he does that on a saturday. I work for the business during the week p/t.

I reckon that if there were more days in the week we'd get more time together!!

DH works full time, its meant to be 35 hours but last week he did 60 :-( I have a part time bar job. If he is at home while i'm working he has ds, and when we are both at home its 50/50, he is really hands on. And he's better at housework than me. If he didn't generate so much mess he'd be perfect!

Tonight I am working and DH is home and he's been saying for days how much he is looking forward to spending some time with ds tonight because he has really missed him lately.

Dh and I both work so we spilt things evenly. On the 2 childcare days, I drop off and dh picks up. He does the childcare 1 day a week when I am at work. he baths the kids on the days he is at work (4 days) so he can spend time with them. At the weekend, we each get a lie-in while the other gets up with the kids.

When I am on maternity leave (Sahm), we still share the baths and the weekend lie ins. Have you asked Dh to do his share.? As far as I am concerned if you are a Sahm, that is your job for the hours dh is at work. Once he is at home, the childcare should be split evenly between you (evenings and weekends) so that you both get a break from your jobs.

For someone who works some days and looks after children others, both jobs are equally as hard (and I have a high pressured job). if your dh doesn't believe it's as hard as his job, go out for the day at the weekend so he can find out for himself!

Half an hour a day during the week as he takes ds to nursery as he can start work when he likes, but he expects ds to be up dressed and ready to go. That's literally it oh and I may get a lie in til 8:30 once in a blue moon if I beg and moan enough. We both work but he does more hours, but still only 9-5. He never ever dies bath and bed time and say if I need to go to the shop at the weekend he expects me to take ds with me. The supermarket at the weekend is stressful enough so I tend to go when ds has his nap which means I dont get a break all day. I guess its ended up like this coz it's not worth the nagging I have to do to get him to help out.

We do spend a lot of time together as a family though.

I'm a LP who works full time. Ex lives 2hrs away, sees the DC's one sat / sun a fortnight. Thats my time off to do other things. Ex does not get involved with anything to do with organising his childrens lives, all down to me

DH works part time, I work full time. DD (9 months) does 2 days at nursery so DH has her the rest of time I'm at ork. He loves it and was immensly proud to take her to pizza express or lunch ths week on his own. We share prenting equally and TBH I thnk it's quite sad when I hear of familys where the dad doesn't seem to want quality lone time withthe children.

I work an average 48 hour week (68 this week) with a 2 hourly daily commute. I can think of no better way to spend my days of than with my daughter. I know many dads will work similar, and find it hard to understand that they don't wanr to apend their time off with their kids.

An hour a week if I'm lucky and get to go to my language lesson.
I am sahm and have been out at night without ds 4 times in 15 months.

I was a SAHM when my kids were that young. If my dp was home in time he always did the baths and bedtimes, whilst I'd usually finish cleaning the kitchen. At the weekends every now and then I'd tell him that I was popping into town that morning for an hour, get in the car and go.

I feel very lucky reading this thread.
I work 30 hours a week (over 3 days) and DH works between 40-50 hours over 5 days (plus 2 evenings).
DH will have DS every evening, whether I've been at work or not, as he says it's his catch-up time with his son. He usually gets in from work before 3:30pm, so if it's on a day that I'm off work, DH will take DS out somewhere just the two of them. If it's on a day that I'm at work, then they are at home together.
Weekends we spend together, except Sat Morning DH takes DS swimming
I have two full days care for DS, while DH is at work. DH has evenings equalling about 20 hours a week, plus we share weekends.

But, it was a joint decision to become parents, and we split the time so that we each get the benefit out of our son!

I'm a SAHM to 2 boys under 3.5 too, DH works away or long hours during the week but he does a lot at weekends - so nappies, making their meals, naps etc. I'm there too but he's in charge so I do feel like I'm getting a break.

In terms of time on his own, not much at all really. He might take them out for a couple of hours but in general we do stuff together.

DS2 has health problems too so it's tricky for us to leave him with anyone else, since he was born 17 months ago we've been out once!! It is hard and we get tired, not sure what the answer is though....

I am having a long overdue treat tomorrow though, hairdressers in the morning then lunch with a friend, I'm very excited!!

Now I feel like a bad mummy!!
OH is a teacher, and I work a 2 hour commute away from home, so he does so much more with her during the week than I do. They have a very cozy 'Daddy & DD' little routine, which I am slightly envious of, to be honest.... :(
However, I work compressed hours, and on a Friday afternoon we have 'Mummy & DD' time. We do nice things like visiting a park/museum/take a walk together, and that helps make up for how little of her I see during the week. On the weekends we try to spend a lot of family time together, but OH does play golf on a Sunday morning, and I try to get to the gym, so we do have a bit of one on one time too....
I agree that we decided to do this together, and we share the parenting. If anything, he does more than I do, and I'm really happy he's so hands on with our daughter.

I work 2 days a week. DH sees dd in the am, occasionally for 10 mins in the evening and at weekends when we do things as a family.

I make sure that every couple of months or so I plan something with my friends on a sat or sun so I get out of the house and he spends time just with dd. He likes it. He never instigates them doing things alone though - is just happy to have her to himself when I absent myself.

So if you're struggling and need some time just organise something and tell him that he's in charge for the day.

To clarify - I don't think he is being unreasonable not instigating the alone time with dd as family time is lovely and I think he'd hate me to think he's pushing me away from it. I am fine with booking in my own plans when I need some time off or have commitments with friends' brithdays/hen dos etc.

I'm a SAHM, dh works 30hrs a week (plus a bit at home), he has the dd's for about 3 hours a week whilst i go food shoping sometimes he will have them a little bit longer if i want to pop out at the weekend but not very often.

Filibear, women are worth more than this.

Didn't anyone tell you this when you were growing up? Or they did, but you forgot?

What the fuck are you telling (showing) your DDs with putting up with this as "normal"?