How much time does your DH spend with the children (without you) on average per week?

[ErinH]

I'm curious as to the average time DHs or DPs spend with their children over the course of a week. Particularly for those SAHMs who wouldn't otherwise get a break. I'm trying to take into account that everyone works different hours doing a wide variety of jobs. I have 2 boys under 3 and a half (the oldest at nursery 3 mornings a week - but on school holidays now, and the youngest at home full-time). I'm a SAHM and am struggling to cope at the moment with both boys 7 days a week. My DH last took both boys out for 3 hours (without me) in March. AIBU to insist he gives me a regular break. (although I guess once every six months is consistent if not regular!) ???

I have 3 ds's aged 5, 3 and almost 7 months. When he is home we will both be "on duty" most of the time eg I'll be cooking tea while he plays with ds's. DH looked after ds1 and ds2 while I was in hospital with ds3 in July. Last time DH took sole responsibility for dc's while I went out and had fun was in 2007 although we have been out together while my mum or MIL babysit since then.

Forgot to add that sometimes he and his dad take ds1 and 2 out for a walk while I clean the house and let ds3 have tummy time without being trodden on. also ds1 is at school f/t and ds2 at preschool 3 hours per week

Dp works nights I work days it probably works out that he has ds more than I do during waking hours. BUT I still get up with ds a lot during the night. (he has CP) dd is probably with me more than dp but thats because she is 16 and is allowed out in the evening as much as some children

We both work but it varies how much time DH spends with DD. He puts her to bed fairly regularly but at weekends he might spend half a day with her whilst I get on with something but he would normally take her round to friends so they don't get real one to one time.

And I'm amazed (and a little envious!) of how much time "off" lots of mums do seem to be getting!

My husband works away most mon-fridays and so may take my daughter for an hour in the morning at the weekend (say between 6 and 7) but that's it!

It's not that he's not a good dad - he is fantastic, but when he is home we want to be together as a family.

I am however exhausted.

Is NOT allowed out as much as some children.

DH works away, but when he is home, he usually takes the kids out for a few hours a day. This gives me a chance to get stuf done with no one under my feet, or have a long call with friends without interuption. Sometimes I even get in a long soak in the tub with a trashy novel
He is pretty fab

We both work fulltime.

I leave before him so although I set up breakfast, he deals with it and the cleanup, as I have to be out for my 2 buses to work by 7.15am

He also gets home earlier than me 3 nights a week.

So...

Monday - Friday mornings - he has an hour with them more than me
Monday - Wednesday he has them for 1.5hrs more than with me

We share stuff on the weekends, although he does take them swimming - but then if we're visiting GPs I tend to do that on my own with them anyway... it probably evens out too there.

But overall he probably does spend more time with them alone than me, actually, now I think about it. Not by much though.

It's much easier if you have a similar work commitment outside the house, because it's much more transparent about what balances there are..

I know that when he was PT we did have a few discussions about this very thing... and when I was on ML a few years before I felt as though he'd started to (whether conciously or not) designate everything to do with the household to me. That was hard - and it took a firm effort on my part to put a stop to it. I think having a husband who, when faced with the facts, knows he shouldn't be taking the piss, helps.

Put it this way: DH and I always agreed on the split between work and work in the home/childcare. When it started to slip on a practical day to day level I made a little diary to prove to DH how much he was taking the piss during ML. But it did take that proof!

I'm a SAHM and Dh works long hours but he does try. I do get the occasional lie in and time to go running (training for a 1/2 marathon so that is increasing). We did have a conversation recently though regarding homework etc. I did ask dh if he'd initiate more reading / homework time with ds, not so that I can have time to myself because I'd be with dd but so that I'm not always seen as the one who badgers him about his homework.

oh, there was one thing I always wonder when I read certain types of posts here... e.g the posters who are speaking about "oh the last time was in 2007" (which i find truly shocking - how can mum even be available 24h/7d for four years straight?!) ... doesn't it worry them?

i.e. if you were taken ill and couldn't deal with primary childcare duties, or you had to have a short stay in hospital, or you needed to visit a sick relative... surely your DH should be able to cope as the father of your children?

What happens in those cases?

Or are the posters of the "2007" variety not counting these scenarios and they're talking about just regular planned care of the kids with dads?

DH will often take DS1 but rarely both. 90 mins whilst I picked up a friend, once when I got a pedicure. And one afternoon so I could cook a 5 course meal and clean the house. He refuses and I mean REFUSES to watch them so I can attend any kind of social engagement. Tosser.

bringmesunshine2009 why would a dad "refuse" in such strong terms to take over the care of his own children? This idea is totally alien to me, it honestly is.

Is he worried / lacking in confidence, or just a really shit dad? What's the deal here?

About 8-15 hours over the week I start work earlier than DH so he has a few hours in the morning before DS goes to gran's then I pik him up and do evening baths etc. But on my days off I get an extra hour or 2 in bed then we share DS/spend time as a family.

No he is a good dad in terms of loving and caring for children and is fine with nappy changing, meal prep, dressing, taking out, playing games etc.

He refuses if I want to go out as a way to control me not them. If I wanted to stay at home alone, he'd take them out for a few hours whenever. If I wanted to go to dinner with friends/cinema he would refuse as he either works or goes out every evening. I stay in. It's unfair, sexist, wrong and a poor example to DCs. Can't leave for a variety of reasons, I just have to try to find inventive ways round it.

Quote from DH: "If you want a break from the kids you obviously don't want them" tosser.

It also horrifies me that a dad would refuse to look after his own children.

DH told me today that when they said his course would finish at 3 he was delighted as it meant he would get home in time to see DS before he went to bed. It's rare he's in a position he might not be home as well, which I appreciate is lucky for us both.

I went to the footy straight from work last night and sauntered in at 10.45pm. No problem. At least once a month I have an evening meeting at work. Again, no problem. I go to orchestra once a week, although admittedly I set off after DS in in bed. DH does 3 out of the 4 drop offs at nursery and usually one of the pick ups. He takes DS to church on Sunday mornings whilst I have a lie in. If I need to get something done (packing for holiday, for example, which I am far superior to DH at) he takes him out to the park. I went clothes shopping on Saturday, they went to the museum.

DH has plenty of time to himself as well - goes out on Sunday nights and a lot of Thursdays and I have DS all Friday on my own on my non-working day.

I realise I am extremely lucky and this is not the norm, but I am sad that it isn't.

Missmarjori - do you have one DC like me?
With one - DH looks after DD, I am free to do stuff.
With two+ - not always as simple.

Although my boys are older now 15 and 11 DH has always been really involved.
DH works long hours being self employed but the majority of his free time is spent doing things with them if they want.
DS1 and Dh go to the gun club together, DH and DS2 do a regular walk a couple of times a week that takes about an hour.
They go to car shows and the boat show each year and often go to races.

Dh has always gone to sports days, parents evenings and the like and he oversees the homework.

Sometimes I work away so DH has full responsibility (I have always done this since they were 4 months old)

Sometimes DH has to work into the evening or at the weekend and DS1 likes to get up early and go with him (if only for a pie or bacon butty mid morning with the other fellas!!)

With DD, almost none during the summer holidays. During the school year he sometimes does homework with her, and he occasionally supervises her bath (but she is almost independent for baths now) but I am generally in the house too.

Why would it be so difficult for a DH to look after 2+ children? Or do you just mean not as much time alone for either of you when you have more?

Loads here, I'm very lucky (although it annoys me to say "lucky" because it's a shame more dads don't seem to be like that). Even when DH was working FT he'd always make time to take them out. Things have changed now though, he's been off work since September due to a prolapsed disc and is now a SAHD. I'm working PT (physically he couldn't cope with me working FT, he can't push the buggy or lift DS much) so he's spending loads of time with them.

I was amazed at the reactions we got when we told them - DH has always wanted to be a SAHD, and even though it's not under the best circumstances (ie immense pain) he is very happy. People have been shocked that a dad wants to spend time with his DCs! I'm actually trying to persuade him to have some time out on my days off, although he can't do any of his old hobbies (running, football etc) :(

We only have one at the moment, and until recently DH was juggling hours so that he had her for one afternoon a week, from 1 to 6. When she was younger we split SAHPing, so he was with her two days a week. It's only that his work commitments have gone to fulltime that's changed it.

But - I work three days a week and he does nursery pickup and has her on his own for 1.5 hours until I get home. I probably go out in the evening without him about...once every three weeks?...so he has her then. We split bath/bedtime equally so I'm off duty from 7pm every other night, that's alone time for him. On the weekends I tend to do more childcare because she's very mummy-centric and gravitates towards me, but he'll take her out for a few hours if he hasn't spent much time with her and misses her, or I have a project I really want to get done that I can't do with her there (e.g., painting a wall).

By contrast, I have her alone two days a week, one evening a week when he's out at a class, and do every second bed/bath so he's off-duty.

On a 'normal' weekend, DH will often take DD1 out for a couple of hours to give me a break (DD2 only 8 weeks and ebf). He also does bathtime most nights and any time when I arrange to go out or meet up with friends, this isn't actually very often but he's always encouraging me to arrange things.

Oh and when I'm not on maternity leave DH does the morning nursery run for the three days that I work, and the pick-up one day.

hardly ever. maybe twice in 6 months. its accompanied with a million phone calls like"where are the boys socks?" Think he just does it to be difficult. It really pissed me off. Granted he works long hours 6 days a week but as a consequence so do I with little time off. I get three hours a week where I can go and do my wee cleaning job!woohoo! I have addressed it and it is met with the response of " I work really long hours and its hard with the boys yourself"- duh! I know.
you should definately bring it up though. Mine are 4 and 2.6 and its bloody tough with no break!