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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just been threatened

657 replies

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 01:37

I've had the garden turned into a camp site and three children sleeping in tents aged 14. They were fast asleep by midnight. I've just had an elderly neighbour knock the door, I've left the outside security light on so they have light, it is mainly on my back garden but lights up around a little bit not
much. The children felt safer

He has told me to turn off the security light as it is keeping him up. I said don't be ridiculous it is 1 o clock in the morning and close your curtains.

He says it is a hot night and he shouldn't have to close his windows. I say leave your windows open use your curtains to block the light.

He says, if you don't turn off the lights I'll be back at 3 am and you wont like what I'll do, there are consequences and you wont like them"

I feel like that is a threat, one of the children heard it and was scared, I've woken all three children, got them inside and left the light on.

AIBU for thinking this w shouldn't be allowed to make veiled threats, scare one child and force me to get the other two in from their sleeps in the garden just to make sure this tosspot doesn't follow through with his threats which he says will happen at 3 am?

The kids and me were asleep, it was just the security light, it's not like they were causing any trouble.

What do you think? Excuse typos sleepy typing.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 08:35

It is six of one-half a dozen of the other. Of course he was very unpleasant, and he shouldn't have threatened, but if you can't sleep you do get a bit unhinged. The light shouldn't have been on, it was completely unnecessary.
OP was aggressive back-once the DCs were in there was no need to leave the light on, except to 'win' the fight.
Since they live next door it was silly to get into that sort of fight.
All she needed to do was say sorry and switch the light off-if they were not old enough to manage with torches and without the light they shouldn't have been in the garden!

exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 08:36

I can't sleep with a light on, even with curtains drawn, so he has my sympathy.

exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 08:38

I wonder what reaction he would have got if he had asked very politely-my guess is -nowhere.

QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins · 03/08/2011 08:40

tbh it sounds like he did ask nicely first and then got threatening when called ridiculous, no indication of storming round.

belgo · 03/08/2011 08:40

Just read the Op of the other thread and it makes mitmoo even more unreasonable.

The last thing she needs at the moment is to piss off her neighbours unnecessarily, she has just made more stress for herself unfortunately.

bellavita · 03/08/2011 08:43

The neighbour would have been better off going around in the morning to talk to the Mitmoo about it. Let's face it though some people are never bloody well happy about the slightest thing.

It is the holidays and there should be some give and take and yes Mitmoo should have turned the light off after the boys went inside - but does that mean that every time the light is is on the neighbour comes round?

bellavita · 03/08/2011 08:45

and when I say the light is on, I mean if it comes on because a fly goes past it or a bird, or there is a cat in the garden?

Bubbaluv · 03/08/2011 08:47

The incident is described quite differently in the other post. I think the description on this post sounds much more likely, but if it was closer to the other thread's version then it does make the Mitmoo sound a bit less UR.

I still think she should simply have apologised and turned off the light - the kids must have been asleep by 1am!

Also, it would seem the light really was bothering the old bloke - no one complains to the neighbours at that hour for light shining on their garage.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 08:48

I am intending to camp out in my back garden as well at some point over the summer as the kids will love it. I have thought about the light thing and thought I would turn off out security light as it's really bright. Although it doesn't shine directly into anyone's window I know from experience of other people's lights that they still light up your whole room if you don't have blackout blinds.

So anyway I've decided to leave on a downstairs light in the house. That will give just enough light into the garden. Maybe try that next time.

Lucyinthepie · 03/08/2011 08:48

What was the problem with just saying that you were sorry, didn't realise the light was disturbing him, and turning it off? They are 14 years old, all they needed was a couple of torches!
I am sure that he just cracked and didn't react appropriately, but sometimes that's what we do when we've been waiting patiently for someone to realise that they are being anti-social and do something about it. As for suggestions that he should have changed rooms or slept on a couch - of course he shouldn't! Why the hell should he just because a neighbour has been thoughtless?

It's never going to be reasonable to leave a security light on all night. Even if you consider that neighbours aren't affected, it adds a brighter light to the area outside their windows and is simply unreasonable. He may not be the only neighbour affected, just the only one who stood up and did something about it.
You've both compounded the situation now, him by being threatening and you by being unreasonable and then, to make it worse, leaving the light on. He shouldn't have threatened you, but bear in mind that he didn't get nasty until you told him not to be ridiculous and made it his problem by telling him to shut his curtains. You should go round this morning and apologise.

Whatmeworry · 03/08/2011 08:49

If I were her I'd go round and apologised now, that would probably make a friend of the neighbour as well. I'd also refocus the security light so it's not so disturbing or get a lower power one.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 08:49

They (or at least the OPs child) are autistic though. Surely that may change things.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 08:50

About needing a light that is.

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 08:51

You should have turned it off.

bellavita · 03/08/2011 08:54

WhoseGot - and that is exactly why I linked to the other thread, so perhaps others on here might have a bit more sympathy.

exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 08:56

The sensible thing is to go around this morning and apologise, say that having had time to think it over you realise that it was selfish and they could cope with torches or, as already suggested, an inside downstairs light would be fine.

Butterbur · 03/08/2011 08:56

I think you should go round today and apologise to your neighbour, before this blows into a feud that sours your whole household.

TandB · 03/08/2011 08:56

YABtotallyU. Someone came to tell you that an action of yours was upsetting their sleep and you told them not to be ridiculous?

He shouldn't have made any sort of threat but you should have apologised and turned the light off before it got that far.

And as for leaving the light on to make a point after the children are back in the house, well that is just inflammatory and immature, and actually pretty spiteful. It's not a question of "winning" the encounter - this man is a neighbour and any reasonable person would be looking for ways to avoid escalating things.

exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 08:57

I haven't seen the other thread but you can only respond to OP which is unreasonable. The neighbour can also only react to the outside light-not a huge back story that he probably doesn't know.

Lucyinthepie · 03/08/2011 08:57

I don't think it matters that autistic children are involved, leaving a security light on all night was still a silly thing to do. It would have been easy to arrange something that wouldn't have had the same impact on neighbours.

InTheNightKitchen · 03/08/2011 08:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmberLeaf · 03/08/2011 08:58

Your neighbour is an arse.

I think that OPs son being autistic does change things in the sense of needing a light on more than a NT child of that age would.

If it was your son that heard what the neighbour said I can imagine he'd have been very worried.

TandB · 03/08/2011 08:58

Meant to add - our neighbours (who used to own our house) recently gave us a heads up not to get a security light at the front of the house fixed. They had installed it and realised that it was very bright and shone towards the house across the road so they took the bulb out and never used it again.

yoshiLunk · 03/08/2011 08:59

It is a shame for everyone that it has turned out this way.

It would be nice to be able to do this again for your DS, but I think you're going to need to apologise to your neighbour for disturbing him (whether you feel you need to or not) and reassure him that you will use alternative lighting if they need it to feel safe, and they'll be quiet from x time etc.

You were wrong to 'defiantly' leave the light on after he had complained and you had brought them in anyway.

He was wrong to make you feel threatened.

I hope you can work it all out so you can treat your son and his friends again without upsetting anyone.

Lizzylou · 03/08/2011 09:04

Hmmm, yes neighbour was wrong to threaten you, if he had a problem with the light he should have come round during the day BUT you should have turned off the light once you'd got the children in.
And yes, security lights are very damned bright, we have a neighbour whose lights are like bloody floodlights and light up our backgarden and shine into my DS2's bedroom, I'd be peed off if they left theirs on all night.

I hope that the kids are OK though, not nice to hear threats like that.

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