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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just been threatened

657 replies

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 01:37

I've had the garden turned into a camp site and three children sleeping in tents aged 14. They were fast asleep by midnight. I've just had an elderly neighbour knock the door, I've left the outside security light on so they have light, it is mainly on my back garden but lights up around a little bit not
much. The children felt safer

He has told me to turn off the security light as it is keeping him up. I said don't be ridiculous it is 1 o clock in the morning and close your curtains.

He says it is a hot night and he shouldn't have to close his windows. I say leave your windows open use your curtains to block the light.

He says, if you don't turn off the lights I'll be back at 3 am and you wont like what I'll do, there are consequences and you wont like them"

I feel like that is a threat, one of the children heard it and was scared, I've woken all three children, got them inside and left the light on.

AIBU for thinking this w shouldn't be allowed to make veiled threats, scare one child and force me to get the other two in from their sleeps in the garden just to make sure this tosspot doesn't follow through with his threats which he says will happen at 3 am?

The kids and me were asleep, it was just the security light, it's not like they were causing any trouble.

What do you think? Excuse typos sleepy typing.

OP posts:

FlyMeToTheMooncup · 03/08/2011 05:45

Buy him a blindfold eye mask thingy.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 03/08/2011 06:24

My next-door neighbour smashed our security light with a baseball bat because she said it shone into her bedroom window when it was set off. So we've never had a replacement, because it wasn't leaving it on all night that was the issue, but the very fact that it sometimes lit up. Usually when set off by one of her cats, but what do you do?

Andrewofgg · 03/08/2011 06:43

He may be an objectionable prat but bright security lights - even through curtains - can keep people awake. You are probably both BU.

malovitt · 03/08/2011 06:47

YABU.
I'm glad I don't live next to you.
Turn the light off and have more consideration for your neighbours.
An open window with closed curtains will not enable the man to have any ventilation in his bedroom
Security lights can be a nightmare.

EricNorthmansMistressOfPotions · 03/08/2011 06:55

YWVVVU to refuse to turn the light off and tell him to close his curtains. Presumably the reason he was at your door at 1am was because that wasn't working. A security light on in the neighbours' garden would keep me awake and if I'd been trying to sleep for several hours and finally had to get out of bed to ask you to turn it off, then you refused, I'd be fucking furious. Granted, I wouldn't threaten your kids but I'd probably call you some very unpleasant names.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/08/2011 06:58

YABU.... He didn't have to be nasty about it but you security lights can be very annoying and teenagers really don't need the light on to go camping. My cubs (age 8 - 10) manage very well with torches.

ZacharyQuack · 03/08/2011 07:02

YABU. Especially if the children are all inside and the security light is still on.

Way to make peace with the elderly neighbour.

If the kids are scared of the dark, they shouldn't have been sleeping outside.

belgo · 03/08/2011 07:06

YABU. Security lights are very bright, and you didn't give him any respect at all, you just called him ridiculous.

His reaction was wrong and he shouldn't threaten you but you don't sound a particularly nice neighbour.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 03/08/2011 07:08

Mitmoo - can understand why you left it on but if it is annoying others then thats not fair. Hope you have another camp sleep over cos I know how important it was too you.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/08/2011 07:13

Suggest next time they go back garden camping make sure they all have torches and maybe leave a regular light on inside your house (much less bright) so that if they need to come in during the night, they can find the back door.

FellatioNelson · 03/08/2011 07:14

Hmmm. I'm not sure about this. Those lights are very bright. Is it one that comes on when someone walks past? If it is angled in a way that completely lights up his bedroom and comes on and off at random intervals throughout the night, or can be set to be left on all night, then it would indeed drive anyone bonkers after a while. I also agree on a hot night I would not want to close my curtains either - they owuld stop the cool air circulating, and unless they were full blackout curtains they wouldn't help much against the light anyway.

He was rude and aggressive, granted, but perhaps he is at the end of his tether with your light polluting his room continually? Also agree that at 14 they should be able to manage without it - a torch would suffice.

However, I personally would not bang on someone's door in the middle of the night over this, but have a friendly word the following morning.

Shutupanddrive · 03/08/2011 07:24

Yabu to insist on leaving the light on all night, even after you have got the children in! If my neighbour had complained it was keeping him awake, I would apologise and turn it off.
However he was also BU to threaten you

Polarmonkey · 03/08/2011 07:28

YANBU. Pitching up to someone's doorstep at 1am and making threats is. Even if it was bothering him unless last night was his last on earth he could have waited until this morning to call over to yours and explain that he'd suffered a bad nights sleep because of the light. I'd imagine that you'd feel bad, apologise and come to another arrangement in future.

Zachary, since when is age an excuse for aggressive, thuggish behaviour? Anyone who feels comfortable leaving their home in the middle of the night to threaten a neighbour is not a defensely OAP.

differentnameforthis · 03/08/2011 07:29

Lovely, so just because he didn't want t bright light shining in his room, at 1am in the morning, he is being ridiculous?

See, this is what is wrong with this world, no one has any respect for anyone. Not only do we all want to hear everyone else's car stereo/tv/parties/random music noise, we now all want our neighbours lights shining in our homes.....

People today

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/08/2011 07:30

Give over Polarmonkey. When your sleep is disturbed it's the most horrible thing. I'm not an OAP but I've had to leave my home in the middle of the night and bang loudly on a front door when a neighbour's car alarm kept going off at 10 minute intervals. The neighbour finally answered the door and, judging by her dozy state, had taken pills and was probably wearing ear-plugs ... hence why she hadn't heard the alarm. I can tell you that my behaviour may have been interpreted as 'shirty'..... if not 'agressive'

differentnameforthis · 03/08/2011 07:32

And the neighbour didn't threaten the op until she was unnecessarily rude to him.

"He has told me to turn off the security light as it is keeping him up. I said don't be ridiculous it is 1 o clock in the morning and close your curtains

He says it is a hot night and he shouldn't have to close his windows. I say leave your windows open use your curtains to block the light.

He says, if you don't turn off the lights I'll be back at 3 am and you wont like what I'll do, there are consequences and you wont like them"

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 03/08/2011 07:34

He was being very unreasonable to threaten you but you are being ridiculously childish to leave the light on after bringing everyone in. Why on earth did you not equip them with torches in the first place, they are 14, not 4.

DuelingFanjo · 03/08/2011 07:41

yabu to leave the light on. What happened? did he come back?

Ephiny · 03/08/2011 07:45

He shouldn't have threatened you, that was stupid and nasty. But you were being VERY unreasonable and inconsiderate to want to leave the security light on all night, I'm not surprised he was upset and angry. I would have been too.

Those lights are very bright, and unless you have proper heavy blackout curtains they're not going to be easy to block out.

You can get adjustable camping lanterns suitable for use as a nightlight in a tent, I suggest looking into that for next time if the children are afraid of the dark.

Bubbaluv · 03/08/2011 07:46

It really is a bit odd that the OP felt the need to leave the light on at all for 14yos! The school that my boys will go to sends them off for a 48hr solo hike at 15, so I reckon 14yos should be ok to camp in the back garden without floodlights.

Longtalljosie · 03/08/2011 07:48

YABU full stop. Why are people so rude? If my neighbour came round at 1am to say I was keeping her up I would be mortified and full of apologies. But I wouldn't have the floodlight on all night for precisely that reason. People need their sleep a hell of a lot more than your children - who a generation ago would have been old enough to leave school and join the forces - need a comfort light on all night in their own garden.

SoupDragon · 03/08/2011 07:51

TBH you were both unreasonable. You were rude and inconsiderate, he was rude and threatening.

If a 14 year old can't sleep in a tent in a back garden without a floodlight on they should be tucked up indoors. Get torches! My 12 and 10 yo DSs managed to sleep outside with only a torch for emergency light and DS2 is currently out inna field on a farm with a pack of cubs. You can bet they wont have floodlights.

Polarmonkey · 03/08/2011 07:58

I've been awoken by more than my fair share of car alarms but it's honestly never occurred to me to threaten my neighbours over it. Regardless of how annoyed I was. I have complained the following day which has always been met with apologies.

Whatmeworry · 03/08/2011 08:00

Shining a bright security light on kids camping in the back garden is nuts. Bringing the kids in and still leaving the light on after someone complained is double nuts.

I feel sorry for the old boy and the kids.

GColdtimer · 03/08/2011 08:02

Why did you leave the light on after you bought the kids in? And couldn't the kids have used torches? And I think saying he was being ridiculous was really rude to be honest.

He shouldn't have threatened you but you could have been more accommodating.

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