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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just been threatened

657 replies

Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 01:37

I've had the garden turned into a camp site and three children sleeping in tents aged 14. They were fast asleep by midnight. I've just had an elderly neighbour knock the door, I've left the outside security light on so they have light, it is mainly on my back garden but lights up around a little bit not
much. The children felt safer

He has told me to turn off the security light as it is keeping him up. I said don't be ridiculous it is 1 o clock in the morning and close your curtains.

He says it is a hot night and he shouldn't have to close his windows. I say leave your windows open use your curtains to block the light.

He says, if you don't turn off the lights I'll be back at 3 am and you wont like what I'll do, there are consequences and you wont like them"

I feel like that is a threat, one of the children heard it and was scared, I've woken all three children, got them inside and left the light on.

AIBU for thinking this w shouldn't be allowed to make veiled threats, scare one child and force me to get the other two in from their sleeps in the garden just to make sure this tosspot doesn't follow through with his threats which he says will happen at 3 am?

The kids and me were asleep, it was just the security light, it's not like they were causing any trouble.

What do you think? Excuse typos sleepy typing.

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/08/2011 10:05

Cupcakes The reason I'm getting outraged is that we now know the ds is Autistic. We don't know for sure that the light thing is because of this but it's a fair bet and quite likely.

Spuddybean · 03/08/2011 10:07

i think the op was wrong until she was right. If you see what i mean. Leaving the light on and not turning it off when requested was wrong but then once threats are issued the person in the right loses the argument.

Personally i would have popped a note in the neighbours doors beforehand saying a sleepover was happening in the garden and would they mind if a light would be left on etc. (but hindsight is a perfect science)

Also if you have heavy curtains and they are closed it seriously restricts airflow even if the window is wide open. So on a hot night shutting the curtains is not a solution.

i also cannot sleep if there is any light in the room and it is frustrating.

I do also think the autism issue is irrelevant in this circumstance, as what difference does that make to the neighbour - his sleep is still being disturbed regardless of the reason.

I would suggest as someone said earlier a half apology. 'sorry i kept you awake but threatening me is unacceptable and frightening. in future when there is a sleep over we will use tent lanterns instead. i hope we can get past this etc'

Andrewofgg · 03/08/2011 10:08

If the son being autistic means that he cannot camp out in the garden without the light being on and keeping the neighbour awake then he cannot camp out in the garden - there are some combinations of disability and activity which jsut don't work.

Ormirian · 03/08/2011 10:09

Not read thread. Sorry.

But in the old chap's defence security lights are horribly bright and if he's having trouble sleeping already because of the heat the light might well be the last straw. Could you not have just left a light on inside the house that would help to light the garden a little.

No excuse for the stupid threat but you didn't sound in the least bit concerned about his complaint or at all conciliatory. I'd have been a bit pissed of with you too.

exoticfruits · 03/08/2011 10:11

Whether it was needed or not doesn't negate the fact that OP was openly antagonistic by deliberately leaving it on once the DCs were inside. She lost my sympathy at that point.

squeakytoy · 03/08/2011 10:14

I had a dreadful nights sleep last night due to the heat, if someone outside had got a security light shining too, I think I would have lost my temper.

GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 10:14

Is this the first run in with next door??

I guess not.

Scholes34 · 03/08/2011 10:15

Can't excuse the assumed threat, but the OP's initial attitude was rude. Hang a torch in the tent if a light's needed and leave an inside light on downstairs in case they need to come in during the night. A bright security light left on over night isn't good.

Security lights used for security purposes should be triggered by any movement in the garden, rather than left on, otherwise you just light up the garden for any intruders - as long as they're quiet, you'd never know they were in there.

Ephiny · 03/08/2011 10:15

I agree we have no idea whether the need for a light had anything to do with the OP's son's autism - and for all we know it might have been the other kids who were frightened of the dark. Either way it was surely not necessary to flood the entire garden (and neighbour's gardens) with light for the whole night, several of us have suggested other possibilites.

Really bizarre to hear about a whole street with all the security lights left on all night! Isn't there enough light pollution already in residential areas? That can't be good for anyone's sleep patterns unless you all have blackout blinds on your bedroom windows. Not to mention never being able to see the stars...

GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 10:16

Exoticfruits......agree with that! She brought the boys in and DELIBERATELY left the light outside ON still!!

CupcakesandTwunting · 03/08/2011 10:18

Eyebrows do you not agree that even if autism IS the reason, that the OP should have been a bit more diplomatic in her response than calling him ridiculous and telling him to shut his curtains?

FWIW, my opposite neighbours occasionally forget to shut off their security light and it manages to seep in through the side of my bedroom blinds. Luckily, I am a deep sleeper and have been known to sleep through burglar alarms etc. The poor old bloke next to OP obviously isn't.

bananasplitz · 03/08/2011 10:21

it gets light about 4ish these days, couldnt you have just turned light off when kids had gone to sleep

they could have had a small nightlight in the tent if absolutely necessary for toilet trips etc

and why is it necessary to keep mentioned he is old, OAP etc. Surely once was enough. Does it make his opinions less/more valid if he has had extra/less birthdays?

GypsyMoth · 03/08/2011 10:25

Eyebrows.......come on then, explain away why op left light on still when she brought boys in?? Autism is NO excuse for that!! She was goading the neighbour into carrying out a threat. If she was so concerned about these autistic boys becoming so upset, then why did she Leave the light on still...??

TandB · 03/08/2011 10:33

I think Cupcakes has hit the nail on the head. There was no reason for the OP to respond to the initial complaint as she did. If there was a genuine reason for the light being on, then why did she not simply say so and ask for understanding? It might not have been forthcoming but at least she wouldn't have immediately put herself in the wrong by being hostile and dismissive.

That initial aggressive response coupled with the leaving of the light on after the children were inside makes me agree that the OP was spoiling for a fight over this.

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 10:45

Just got to read all of first page.

The kids needed the light on as mine has autism and after a shed burglary a year ago he has been too scared to even go into the garden. It's been a long journey to get to here. To who ever described him as feeble perhaps they should reconsider.

I brought the kids in because he was a nutter and turned the light off an hour later. I didn't want him back at 3 but I didn't want him to "succeed" at his 1 am threats. Kids didnt get back to sleep until around 4 am and we're all knackered.

I nearly slept in for taking my mother to get her heart checked this morning.

I have been to find where he lives, and he doesn't even back on to my garden, he is on the other side of the street. The light couldn't have been seering into his house though he would have known it was on.

I'll read on.

OP posts:
aprilbear · 03/08/2011 10:46

Good grief, if a teenager is comfortable enough to camp in the garden, then surely they can manage with a torch or alternatively one of those camping lanterns which wouldn't disturb the neighbours at all? A security light is horribly glaring and intrusive.

I get the feeling the op is wanting it every way on this one: the teens were able enough to cope with camping out, but not to cope without a security light on all night. I would be very pissed off if I were your neighbour- why should he have to close his curtains on a hot humid night? Curtains provide no screen against security lights anyway. The neighbour behaved badly but so did the op- maybe they deserve eachother!

BoneyBackJefferson · 03/08/2011 10:47

from the linked thread "have left the security light on out of pure defiance but will turn it off at 2"

YABVU

and in this thread you knew it was going to be a problem when you puy it in as he asked you to change it then

aprilbear · 03/08/2011 10:48

So the security light doesn't shine into the neighbours property whatsoever.... But he would have known it was on!!!!
This gets more and more interesting....

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 10:54

If he had complained today, I might have handled it differently but being woken to an aggressive pension in the middle of the night isn't when you are going to thinking the straightest.

This man came to complain about the light in the middle of the day before the electrician had even left when he fitted it.

Whatmeworry I had no choice but to bring the children in one was awake and heard his threats and was scared, he wanted me to get his friends in, incase the man came back at three and carried out with his threats. It's not doublenuts.

If you have your child, and two of his friends and threats were made and timed for 3 am how negligent would I have been to have done nothing if he had carried out whatever he had in mind?

I now find out his house doesn't even back on to mine but is on the other side of the street. So you have the light, my back garden, a jetty, the garden that backs on to me, their house, their front garden and a road all inbetween the light and the lunatic. It couldn't have been seering into his bedroom. I have also taken video last night of exactly where the light was.

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 03/08/2011 10:55

how would he know it was on if he couldn't see it?

Original poster
Mitmoo · 03/08/2011 10:55

I won't be bullied boney I don't appreciate my door being knocked at 1 am. This is the second time he has complained the last time as I said was in the day when the electrician was fitting it.

OP posts:
piratecat · 03/08/2011 10:56

he sounds like a moaning git and you sound like a stressed person. not a good combo at 1 in the morning.

if he's the other side of the road then he's being picky. leaving the light on afterwards was childish.

Ephiny · 03/08/2011 10:57

Well it was probably annoying the people with houses who do back onto yours, not everyone would come out and knock on doors to complain, but that doesn't mean you're not behaving in an anti-social way.

To be honest though this is sounding a more bizarre situation all the time...

Ephiny · 03/08/2011 10:58

Does sound like the neighbour has a bit of a bee in his bonnet about security lights!

minipie · 03/08/2011 10:58

YABVVVU

Your elderly neighbour said the light was disturbing him.

I don't care whether you think it couldn't possibly affect him. He bothered to get out of his bed and come round to yours at 1am. That rather suggests it really was disturbing him.

Any reasonable person would have apologised and turned the light off - even if that meant the sleepout had to end.

You not only didn't apologise and didn't turn it off, but instead deliberately left it on for another hour, even though you'd decided to bring the DCs in so they didn't even need it any more. In fact you stayed awake for an extra hour in order to switch it off at 2am instead of 1am!! Absolutely unbelievable.

Yes he shouldn't have threatened you, but he was tired and grouchy and you had refused his totally reasonable request.

I'm glad I'm not your neighbour.