To wonder how I have managed to get to 39 without ever coming across 'fat prejudice'...

[joric]

....until I found Mumsnet???
I have always been fat and can honestly say I had no idea that people thought so badly of people who are overweight.
AIBU to think that not everyone thinks we're disgusting, smelly freaks ( based on my positive experiences with friends and strangers over the years)?

Wallis- thank you for the advice about eat less/ more healthily & exercise more. I think it's interesting that you say your children are as thin as sticks and eat and eat and eat and run around/ exercise etc. as does my DD who is far taller and more solid than an average person her age.
Your DC may be very agile and their strength to weight ratio may enable them to leap around endlessly- my DD does not eat and eat and eat... We are all different height, weight, strength. We also have different levels of energy.
I think that the point of this thread is to find another way of looking at 'big' ... A way that doesn't assume that one cap fits all and gets rid of the 'if I am, so you should be' or 'if i can, you can' attitudes.

The fat-hater threads are a total MN low point. I don't read them anymore. Really very low and I feel sad for those haters.

Has anyone seen Fat Sick and Rich- brilliant documentary about a guy who goes on a juice fast.He meets this obese guy who totally changes his life and you get a sense of how desperately unhappy he had been and had used food as a medication.I really felt sorry for him and it made me think how many obese people must be in such a struggle with very little sympathy from the public.

I think most people are a bit fattist which is mean because I think it must be caused by some sort of addiction/issue as no one wants to be so overweight that they compromise their health.

I was brought up in a fattist family where the odd fat relative was spoken of in the most detrimental terms-I do think we can all be fattist if we don't like the person- somehow their weight becomes part of the criticism which is awful....and then there are all the great kind lovely people who happen to be fat and somehow we don't see their weight.

I think it is a genuine prejudice- someone once said it exists for evolutionary reasons-the idea that the fat person is going to eat more than their share of the community spolis of the hunt, hence threatening your own survival.

I saw this really fat little girl in the pool today- she was so sweet and clearly her overweight father was trying to get her to exercise from his deck chair at the side.....I felt sorry for her knowing she will no doubt be ridiculed for her weight at school.

Cherry I saw this really fat little girl in the pool today- she was so sweet and clearly her overweight father was trying to get her to exercise from his deck chair at the side.....I felt sorry for her knowing she will no doubt be ridiculed for her weight at school.
He was doing what he thought was best Cherry? :)
My thought is good on him because in a small way he is trying and as long as people try there should be nothing to ridicule.
I think that there are many people who would say that
a) he should get off his fat a**e and Join her and
b) he made her this way
We don't know what's going on. Any judgement we make can't be supported by fact.

Cherry, I like your post :)

Again the assumption that it's actually just about food. Thin people can and do have as fucked up relationships with food as a fat person it's just that it is less obvious, even invisible, and not further exacerbated by societal prejudice, and, quite frankly, hate.

It's so trite but often the people that hate the fat people most (besides the fuckwits) have the greatest issues about their own body and size.

My year of therapy has allowed me to free myself from a lot of shit about my past and I expect once I've had this baby I will find losing weight easier, it was already starting to be easier before I got pregnant.

Oh and the pregnancy, 7 years after I had ds, was only possible because I was able, finally, to not take on society's message about being very overweight and pregnant, as in you shouldn't, it's irresponsible, it will cost the NHS more and whatever other messages I picked up that because I was so overweight such as I should hate myself for being a lazy fucker (yeah that doesn't work as a motivator btw) and shouldn't be allowed to have another child. It's still socially acceptable for women who have much higher pregnancy risks than I do to become pregnant again, there's lots of support for it. But if you're obese, no, you don't deserve to have anymore children, you're too fat and you'll make them fat.

Are you denying the risks associated with fat and obese mothers in pregnancy, continuum?

Would you poo poo all medical risks for pregnant women? More obese women end up with c sections for a start.
Babies born to obese women are more likely to be overweight even at birth.

Obesity is a significant public health issue in this country. It impacts on your health in so many ways. If you can lose weight, you should. To talk about thin people being unhealthy to is just a red herring. They can be unhealthy for reasons not related to their size whereas obese and fat people with health issues are usually related to their size.

I find it worrying and depressing to walk about any town, any visitor attraction and see the sheer number of fat people and children . It isn't how we are meant to be as humans, it really isn't.

It's because people won't say to your face what they are thinking. in rl, everybody is very supportive to me. (left an abusive relationship with young kids, had to go on benefits. have had nothing but kind words in REAL life.) have read ten tonnes of bile about single mothers and people on benefits on mn.

and the sad thing is, it leaves you wondering, which is real?

Another angle, as Britain gets fatter, those who are slim end up being seen as skinny. Or too thin.

My 11 year old DD is in age 7-8 shorts. I am having to buy smaller sizes to fit because what used to be a 12 ten years ago is now a 14.

The NHS is having to spend precious resources on bigger beds, weight loss surgery and bigger ambulances etc etc.

We have a huge problem and while people keep talking about it being okay to be fat, the problem grows.

I disagree, I know I am 'medically slim'. ie, BMI of between 22 and 23. But if I were in the public eye, I'd be considered plump! I'm size ten but onnly 5'1". ANY sleb my height HAS to be size 6/8 or they would be considered in need of losing a bit.

I take food out of my kids' paws. They sometimes eat out of boredom and I will wrestle boxes of cereal out of their hands and kick them out the back door to play. Make them forget about food. I always say have a banana and a glass of milk if you're so starving. but they're not hungry, just wandering around the house and they pass the cereal boxes and think, might as well.

'nameit' very good for thin children. tangent there.

Thing is, they aren't thin. They are normal and healthy and what young humans should look like. Our perspectives of what a healthy human should look like are completely fucked up.

But why is it ok for women in their 40s and older to have kids, despite the risks, but fat people can't?

'If you can lose weight, you should'

As I said before, this is a lot easier for some than others, and some people just aren't prepared to devote their lives to looking how you think they should.

It's worth noting as well that being fat is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was an 'early bloomer' as a child. At 10 years old my newly developing hips/boobs were labelled as 'fat' by the other kids. I was not fat. I know that now with hindsight, but at the time I just believed it. Eventually I stopped playing football, netball, swimming etc. Because I was too embarrassed to be seen. Inevitably I started to put on weight. By the time I reached my 20s I was starting to get bigger, but as far as I was concerned, I had always been fat so I had normalised it as part of my life, when in fact I was slim, but just with a more adult body than a lot of my peers.

This is a story I hear over and over, so maybe you should give that some thought before you start throwing your labels at children. Perhaps if people spent more time telling children that different body types were normal then they wouldn't develop such unhealthy relationships with food.

But why is it ok for women in their 40s and older to have kids, despite the risks, but fat people can't?

'If you can lose weight, you should'

As I said before, this is a lot easier for some than others, and some people just aren't prepared to devote their lives to looking how you think they should.

It's worth noting as well that being fat is often a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was an 'early bloomer' as a child. At 10 years old my newly developing hips/boobs were labelled as 'fat' by the other kids. I was not fat. I know that now with hindsight, but at the time I just believed it. Eventually I stopped playing football, netball, swimming etc. Because I was too embarrassed to be seen. Inevitably I started to put on weight. By the time I reached my 20s I was starting to get bigger, but as far as I was concerned, I had always been fat so I had normalised it as part of my life, when in fact I was slim, but just with a more adult body than a lot of my peers.

This is a story I hear over and over, so maybe you should give that some thought before you start throwing your labels at children. Perhaps if people spent more time telling children that different body types were normal then they wouldn't develop such unhealthy relationships with food.

Define normal?

It isn't actually biologically normal or desirable to be fat. It certainly isn't for children to be fat.

Whilst people keep kidding themselves that it's okay to be fat, that's healthy or normal, then we don't tackle the problem and it grows.

Like I say, most people have completely skewed ideas about weight.

Even on a thread like this, some people can't help themselves, can they? Yet another list of what fat people should do.

Well no, stay fat if you like. If it makes you happy and you can do all the things you want to do.

I don't think I have skewed ideas about what a normal body should look like.

but ...we don't live in caves, we don't hunt in packs and have to live off berries and what we can pick off the carcuss. we don't run miles every day. But in those days we all looked like michelangelo no doubt, but infant mortality was sky high and life expectancy was about 45.

This is the World we live in now, some of us are fat. It's the logical pay off for living in a land of plenty.. metaphorically. The West, I mean.

Geez wallissimpson!! show some mercy will ya!?

You were one of the ones on the thread about single mothers feeling stigmatised the other day. I am very sensitive to feeling judged so I empathise with anybody who might feel judged, for whatever reason.

Do you just not have any empathy at all!!! It's not so easy to just wave a magic wand and instanly be back on your feet, qualified, rich, thin............

Man!!!!!!! sorry to drag that from another thread but seriously! Are you this frank in real life?

Wallis Whilst people keep kidding themselves that it's okay to be fat, that's healthy or normal, then we don't tackle the problem and it grows.

I don't think that anyone who is fat thinks it's healthy, I know it isn't but I will say it again, this thread isn't about repeating for the zillionth time what 'fat people should do' it's about trying to understand and empathise with other people in their current situation.

For example...here is a short list of 'sneered upon' members of our society... ALL in a situation for reasons known only to themselves:

FAT PEOPLE
alcoholics
Immigrants
Single mothers
Drug addicts

The growing number of people finding themselves within each of these minority groups 'worries' me but none of these people deserve to be looked down on.
We have no idea what lies beneath the surface.

I have read this thread with interest. There seems to be a few common themes:

1. It is the mother/parents of the fat person who cause the most damage with their comments. Even comments about weight when clear the poster is not hugely overweight (well I assume they aren't because they said they were a size 14).

1. People who are very fat as adults were only slightly plump as a child or just developed their womanly curves earlier than their peers as a child. It was the regular negative comments about their body and weight as a child that gave them a poor body image and resulted them in focusing on food, which led to unhealthy eating.

1. Fat people have had overtly nasty comments said to them by all areas of society. However, also had subtle comments or decisions that went against them probably because they are fat.

I am a large frame and very tall and started to get my womans curves at 13. Most of my childhood (under 10) my mother and various other family members constantly commented about my body shape. Even at the age of 4 I knew that my body was an issue for the people I loved and that my body was seen in a negative way. From the age of 4 I was aware that I was 'wrong' in someway because I was not lithe. However, looking back at photos I was not at all overweight - not even puppy fat or podgy. I was slim but I had a stocky frame and it was constantly commented upon. My food intake was continually monitored and commented upon.

As a young teenager my boobs and hips and height etc made me look about 5 years older than I was. I had a lot of attention from men in their very late teens/early 20s, as to be frank, I was a stunner. However, my peers comments were always that I was heavy and large. I wasn't by the way. I was 5' 10" at age 13 and a size 10/12! At this time my mother would always comment "you could do with losing an inch all over" - this was utter rubbish. My mother would cook one meal for me (salad and fish) and another meal for the rest of the family. Or she would give me a smaller portion to my siblings and tell me in front of everyone that I had a smaller portion because I 'needed to watch my weight'.

This constant negative comments about my body shape has damaged the way I see myself. I have had years of therapy to discover this. The damage makes me want to over eat and gorge myself (something about your ID and child and adult self!), which led to extreme weight gain in my 20s. I also suffered with bulliema and binge eating in my late teens and 20s. My mother/families comments throughout my life were a self fullfilling prophacy.

It is 10 years since the therapy and yet even knowing why I had such poor body image and such a terrible relationship with food, I still struggle hugely. I am currently a size 26 and very very fat.

Having been a size 10 at age 28 and now a size 26 at age 38 I can assure you that there is a huge difference in the way people treat you - strangers, friends, family. Some friends are nicer to you because you are not seen as a threat and they are the ones who are more attractive as you. Others treat you as though you are thick or lazy.

I now have 3 children - 2 are very tall and lithe (my 8 year old has a 6 year old's waist and an 11 year old's height) and 1 child is tall and stocky. My middle child is stocky (he has my build) but he doesn't have an ounce of fat on him, he is muscular and broad. I have heard adults refer to him 'strong', 'large' and 'big' but because he is a boy he deems these terms in a positive light. He wants to be strong like daddy. I am very careful to call him handsome and gorgeous and that he will be a strong man who will get all the ladies. However, if he were a girl, the comments by adults would apply but would be seen negatively.

Maybe people are just being turned into uncompassionate bastards because of the relentless assault of media. Sneering newspapers, gossip mags continually criticising celebrities, the effects of so many and so many years of reality shows which invite you to laugh at and criticise others.

Leaves people at the same time desiring of sympathy for their own circumstances while at the same time increasingly incapable of feeling it towards others because the norm has become criticism instead of compassion.

or perhaps incompassionate bastards... wonders off to find right word...