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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how I have managed to get to 39 without ever coming across 'fat prejudice'...

165 replies

joric · 02/08/2011 08:50

....until I found Mumsnet???
I have always been fat and can honestly say I had no idea that people thought so badly of people who are overweight.
AIBU to think that not everyone thinks we're disgusting, smelly freaks ( based on my positive experiences with friends and strangers over the years)?

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 02/08/2011 15:42

I think if you are devastatingly beautiful but fat the prejudice passes you by Wink

TimeWasting · 02/08/2011 15:43

Bloody hell Sewilma! How could she think that's an appropriate comment?!

Gwendoline, I give you permission to wear leggings. I am. Grin
As long as top/dress covers the buttocks and any especially lumpy bits it looks fine anyway.

Wallissimpson · 02/08/2011 15:51

Programmes like Embarressng Fat Bodies really don't help either.

higgle · 02/08/2011 15:56

I felt very sorry for the people on Embarassing Fat Bodies last night - the ones that were trying to get thin were so large to begin with they woud end up with lots of surplus skin, and the ones that had lost weight had to have surgery to get rid of it. And to my way of thinking the surgery the girl who had had 3 or 4 CS and done lots of exercise got still left her a very strange shape.

emptyshell · 02/08/2011 16:04

Yes I've come across it - the reason I stopped walking everywhere was a group of kids yelling insults out of a car at me and my size (I was size 14 at the time and it started my weight ballooning). I've had stuff thrown at me in the street, and I had a group of kids think it was perfectly ok to stand laughing and insulting me as I went through the reception in the local leisure centre. I've had thin women elbow me out of the way to get to the machines (so they could drape themselves decoratively over them, chat and eyeball the male totty) at the gym and I finally stopped going when they got new staff who openly stared at me like I was a freak show.

I've been denied medical care, I've been yelled at by a GP (I'd only gone in for a fucking smear test!)... it's out there and it's vile but fatties are the last bastion of "acceptable" prejudice because you can hide behind the "it's for their own good" defence - and it's getting worse and worse, not bettter.

Original poster
joric · 02/08/2011 16:13

I think if you are devastatingly beautiful but fat the prejudice passes you by
oh to be devastatingly beautiful !!

Gwendoline and timewasting... I did wear leggings first time round late '80's early 90's ...but now... I've tried them and the boots with extra massive width... They still don't bl**dy well zip up!!!

(joking about soup BTW :) )

OP posts:
FlamingFanjo · 02/08/2011 16:19

I'm so glad this thread has come up.

I know my DP, friends and family love me but my Mum,Dad & brothers took a pleasure out of constantly going on and on about my weight as a child. I look back at photos now and see although I was bigger, I wasn't ginormous like they said I was. As a young adult I gained & lost weight, & I now find that I have a condition called Lipodema. There has been an article in DM today about it www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2021263/Turning-pear-shape-Then-painful-fat-syndrome.html Pity some of the haters on their didn't bother to read it before commenting! Angry

People definately need to get a grip. It's not ok to stare or shout things out. It's not ok for people to generally comment about your weight. You wouldn't go up to a person of restricted growth and go 'oi midget'

FlamingFanjo · 02/08/2011 16:22

@Emptyshell

Apparently I'm a drain on NHS resourses even though I haven't been to a doctor in years! I dislike Drs so much that I moved house over a year ago and I haven't bothered to register. I have Manual Lymphatic Drainage massage in my legs & I pay privately so I don't have to go. I've even managed to self refer to a Lipodema specialist privately so I don't have to do the whole Dr ridicule thing!

Original poster
joric · 02/08/2011 16:23

Emptyshell- don't accept this in future. I'm used to teenagers as I teach them... They don't expect to be confronted but if you do, they wither with embarressment. I have had one or two comments made about me within earshot (not about my weight) and I have asked them to repeat it to my face. Adults insulting people without any provocation is disgusting. I would like to think that I'm bolshy confident enough to confront them too..
Don't let people get to you, you have as much right to be treated with respect as the next person.

OP posts:
maypole1 · 02/08/2011 16:28

Not really just because peole are not rude to your face I grantee that their would of been men through out your life that if slim would of asked you out

I know many men I have lots of brothers and their frends would not date a fat lady however pretty or clever

Also its proven the employers discriminate against fat people, but to be fair if you didn't get a a job you wouldn't have a clue why they didn't employ you and you couldn't be sure it wasn't because you were fat like I said I have brothers and I know for sure his mate who is in hr would always hire the slim pretty one over the larger not so slim one and talking to my girly friends its Widley known that some people mainly women purposely hire large women so that they don't feel threatened with in their environment.

And my sister in law works for a well know make up company and if your not a size 8 you wouldn't even get a call back every one looks like they walked out of model one.

Hope you don't take what I have said rudely its not personal just trying to put a different slant on things

maypole1 · 02/08/2011 16:33

emptyshell thats outrageous you should have called the police were these children.

And size 14 thats no size at all I am size 12 my mate is 14 and she looks a lot slimmer than me

Good grief

FlamingFanjo I think the reason why people comment on others weight is because un like dwarfism being over weight in most cases is self inflicted.

However if people wanna eat its up to them no need for name calling or throwing things at people.

Continuum · 02/08/2011 16:35

It's always been around, but I think it's more to the front of everyone's minds because of the emphasis in the press in the past few years about MONEY and the NHS.

I can't say I was too impressed on a pregnancy thread when someone said fat people have more problems (I don't) and the person saying it had medical problems themselves which would be exacerbated by pregnancy!! But it's okay to be all judgmental because my non-problems are caused by being fat!! ??

But yes, I wasn't aware it was so prevalent in what seem like regular people rather than the fuckwits who roll down their car windows to shout abuse at you as they drive past, or throw a drink at you while yelling about your weight, or the people calling abuse in public swimming pools etc. etc.

But you know, we deserve it cos we're fat and we're also apparently too dumb to understand calories v. energy output. Oh if only it were so simple and not actually exacerbated by self-hate because not only are people openly repulsed by you, but thanks to the internet, you can imagine even the most regular person is secretly mocking and judging you.

JanMorrow · 02/08/2011 16:37

I'm a size 18 and have been "abused" in the street a few times, "fat slag" from a couple of 11ish year old boys, "fat bitch" from a passing drunken bloke out with mates, "fat mess" from a very drunk woman in the street and "big girrrrl" from a couple of teenagers (was pregnant at the time). It always reduces me to tears. I dress well and am always groomed (ie makeup, hair etc) so am on no accounts a "mess"..

TanyaBranning · 02/08/2011 16:37

I know its' easier said than done, but honestly - don't let imaginings of what some idiotic people might be thinking stop you living a happy life. Most decent people do not judge someone on their weight/size/shape.

FlamingFanjo · 02/08/2011 16:39

@ Maypole...did you actually read my comment? I have a condition called Lipodema. I have weight that is impossible to lose through diet and exercise. It's a genetic condition. How can I possibly help that? It's not self inflicted just as a someone with, say, learning difficulties can't help it! Angry

crystalglasses · 02/08/2011 16:40

I'm overweight and nobody ever commnents. I deliberately don't enter into any conversations about weight, dieting, exercising or clothes sizes so don't give anyone a chance to comment.

Original poster
joric · 02/08/2011 16:44

Not really just because peole are not rude to your face I grantee that their would of been men through out your life that if slim would of asked you out I agree maypole but I survived!!!

Janmorrow- size 18, I bet you're lovely... Most of these insults come from teenagers and drunks- you shouldn't care about their opinion.

OP posts:
Original poster
joric · 02/08/2011 16:45

ditto Tanya 'don't let imaginings of what some idiotic people might be thinking stop you living a happy life.'

OP posts:
thursday · 02/08/2011 16:46

i dont generally invite comment either, but when it's complete strangers in the street that you'd never have even noticed you're a bit stuffed!

i've found the opposite with friends and family, they've spent a decade telling me i'm not that fat blah blah but actually yes, i really am and i know it. i know they think it's a nice thing to say, that you want to be flattered and told your ginormous arse isnt that noticeable but i find it infuriating.

fattists of the internet are horrible spiteful people generally. flawless, i'm sure.

Continuum · 02/08/2011 17:08

"Not really just because peole are not rude to your face I grantee that their would of been men through out your life that if slim would of asked you out

I know many men I have lots of brothers and their frends would not date a fat lady however pretty or clever"

It's true! I did always find it a great arsehole detector!!

Oh heaven forbid we have our problems and aren't losing weight for teh menz!!

aquos · 02/08/2011 17:09

My weights yo-yo'd all my adult life. It's a battle I'm constantly fighting. In the last 15 years I've been as low as a size 8 and as high as a size 22. I'm currently size 16.

My kids have 'friends' that comment about their fat mum. My mil once told me that she considers fat people "disgusting and lacking in self control". A male colleague once sneered at me in a corridor that "he wouldn't shag me if I was the last woman on earth" and another male colleague told me I couldn't possibly expect others to respect me if I was not able to show self respect and maintain a healthy weight.

Fatism is everywhere. I can tell you that family, friends, colleagues, employers and anyone you meet treats you very differently when you are a size 8 as opposed to a size 22.

aquos · 02/08/2011 17:14

A male pensioner actually trampled on me in the supermarket this morning in his haste to act gentlemanly and move aside for a tall, leggy lady dressed in a revealing pair of shorts. He certainly noticed her, but by the way he stood on my toes and slammed his trolley into me I'd say I was pretty invisible.

Original poster
joric · 02/08/2011 17:38

continuum 'it's true! I did always find it a great arsehole detector!!'
like this :o
Aquos- ahhh men and their simple pleasures!!!

OP posts:
FreudianSlipper · 02/08/2011 17:49

i have a friend who is over weight, i know when she tells people she is a dance teacher and who she has worked with (the most famous choreographer to loose her job because of her age) people are surprised what is sad is that some really seem to resent her for this. i used to get very defensive about her now i jsut pity them as i think i get more upset than she does

Wallissimpson · 02/08/2011 17:54

To be absolutely fair, we all have types we go for. I have never dated a short man or a fat man, not my types, that's all.

My SIL used to be very fat - size 24. She was never asked out,never had a date. She lost 6 stone and is still never asked out.

She was once a fat toxic bitch, now she's a thin toxic bitch. Grin