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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not pay for this takeaway meal?

352 replies

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 10:20

Okay, quite prepared to be told IABU on this one, but I actually think I'm being reasonable on it.

My cousin has got annoyed that she is not invited round to my house much. She has come for lunch before, but when I see her, which admittedly is not really that frequently, I generally meet her in a park (which is about halfway between our houses) so that DS and her DD can play together. I will pack a picnic if the weather is nice. But my cousin wants to come for dinner now, and I've arranged it for Friday night.

I'm reluctant to have her here in the evening mainly because she is usually miserable and rude. She has never made much of an effort to get to know my DP and the evening will just be uncomfortable and a total bore. Fortunately, the children do actually play nicely together, so DS will have a buddy for the night! I am okay with the fact that she's coming round, but I am annoyed about her comments about the food.

DP is a brilliant cook and has offered to do something that would suit everyone, adult and child. This was my preference, as we are largely a vegetarian household (I am veggie, DP eats mainly a vegetarian diet, as does DS, DD just about to start weaning). We thought if the weather was nice, we could even do a barbecue and eat in the garden.

But my cousin has rejected this idea and wants to come round for a takeaway. She has made it clear that she expects DP and I to pay for her and for her DD. If we'd invited her round explicitely to have a takeaway, I might agree with her, but that's not it. Not only that, but her DD is a very fussy eater and will according to her mother, probably only have chips. If that's ever the case with DS, we will let him have chips, but they will be oven chips, and I will do them at home for him. He will eat with us and have them served at the same time, so he wouldn't know they weren't from the takeaway (not that he'd care). Aside from the fact that I am being expected to pay for the takeaway, I have now been told that it would be unfair for me to cook oven chips for my cousin's DD when we would be having a takeaway, so I should be ordering a portion of chips and a couple of things for her to try. Again, I am being expected to pay for all this.

This is in addition to the fact that she won't get a taxi home (she doesn't drive) so DP or I will have to drive her and her DD to their place, meaning one of us will not be able to have a drink with dinner. Not such a big deal, but it's bugging me with the other stuff.

AIBU to tell my cousin that if she wants to have a takeaway, she will be expected to make a contribution that covers her and her DD's share? And that unless she does, DP will make dinner?

OP posts:
JarethTheGoblinKing · 31/07/2011 15:27

I wouldn't worry about warning her about the taxi in case she comes over with no money, surely the taxi can just stop at a cashpoint on the way through town?

ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 31/07/2011 15:45

Wrt the taxi, if you don't have any money in the house you can't pay for the taxi can you? Wink

ImperialBlether · 31/07/2011 15:53

I think she'd find it harder to argue with your husband. He should do all the talking!

GreenEyesandHam · 31/07/2011 16:05

Seriously, cancel.

If only for the sake of your own self respect- it seems a bit two faced and disingenuous to entertain somebody who you clearly have so many issues with (think most people would btw)

You can still offer to have her child over etc, but for this weekend I would say it was off. End of story.

G1nger · 31/07/2011 16:05

I can see ImperialBlether could teach us all a few things.. !

BecauseImWorthIt · 31/07/2011 16:12

If she tries the 'I've got no money' card, then just say - sympathetically - "Oh that's a shame. Shall we move it to next week/month then?"

ImperialBlether · 31/07/2011 16:21

Grin @ Ginger

I just think this woman thinks she can bully the OP, but she may not feel as confident playing the same trick on the OP's DH.

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 16:27

Ooh you lot are wonderfully evil and I love every last one of you!

It's not that I don't care about my cousin, there's just aspect of her behaviour that make me want to slap her silly.

I will keep you all updated. I'll be calling her tonight.

OP posts:
MrsBaggins · 31/07/2011 17:01

Noooooo! Dont cancel ! this could be a classic like the pombear thread and the one where the BIL kept going upstairs -dont think we ever found out why ?

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 17:15

Oh yes, I remember both of those!

Don't worry, I won't cancel. The fallout from cancelling would be worse than going ahead with this.

Perhaps, if I wanted to make it a truly classic night, I could invite BIL and dramatically reveal the truth about the tattoo. Grin

OP posts:
ChaoticAngelofGryffindor · 31/07/2011 17:37

Okay, I'll bite....

tattoo???? Confused

ImperialBlether · 31/07/2011 17:37

Do that!

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 17:45

Chaotic, I had a thread about my BIL's tattoo a few weeks ago. It's a hairy skull with a Shakespeare quote incorrectly translated into German.

Anyone want to trade families with me?

OP posts:
G1nger · 31/07/2011 17:59

Can you get us a photo of that, TidyDancer? ;)

MrsBaggins · 31/07/2011 18:03

Link ? Pleeeease !Grin

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 18:18

I haven't managed to photograph it yet G1nger!

For you, MrsBaggins!

OP posts:
VirtualWitch · 31/07/2011 18:21

Gosh, what a strange one OP! Until I read about the takeaway, I was thinking you should just have her the once for good grace and put up with her, but not the takeaway demand! If someone comes round to your house for dinner, they eat what is provided! Never mind asking for a takeaway to provided and paid for!

I just wonder though whether some people's interpretation of dinner out is a takeaway? ie their main experience of eating out is just that and it is their idea of some kind of culinary heaven? I've come across similar - friend came to stay with me for a weekend and I'd been to M&S and bought a lovely piece of beef (she's not vegetarian). She took one look at it, screwed her nose up and announced she would have to get a takeaway. We then spent over an hour driving around to find a takeaway of a satisfactory standard. She did at least pay for it herself though! And honestly, since she was my guest I didn't mind, although I found it really strange.

In which case, since she's family, I would lay down the law to her and say she eats what she is given if invited to dinner in your house and there will certainly be no question of takeaways being bought for her to eat there. If she doesn't like it, then she doesn't need to come. How rude of her!

MrsBaggins · 31/07/2011 18:55

Mwahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahha ! that is a classic thread tidy
Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease post a live thread on friday Grin

aquashiv · 31/07/2011 19:03

Plan your meal the one you would have anyway invite her to bring the sweet. If she doesnt like it then just tell her lets leave the meal out. Personally I avoid awkward freeloaders like the plague.

MrsBaggins · 31/07/2011 19:34

Do a really awful meal - snails for starter with squabsSad for main and then something really vile for pud -what are those really stinky fruit called ??
Pleeeease for us [bats eyelashes] this could be awesome op Grin

Merlotmonster · 31/07/2011 19:37

when she gets there, say 'oh, ive cooked now so we wont need a takeaway'.....then you and your husband should drink lots of wine so she has no choice but to get a cab home ! he he (or am i just evil!) x

TidyDancer · 31/07/2011 19:40

I am loving the drinking lots of wine thing!

I promise to keep you all informed of developments!

DP is refusing to cook something shite though, he values his reputation in the family! Grin

OP posts:
MightyQuim · 31/07/2011 19:50

Sorry if you've already explained as Ive only skim read but how exactly has she 'made it clear' that you will be paying for the take away?

puzzlesum · 31/07/2011 19:57

MrsBaggins, I think you mean lychees

I'm absolutely pissing myself at the BIL and his tattoo, btw.

MightyQuim · 31/07/2011 20:01

I love lychees!

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