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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel very upset that I wont ever know what it feels like to give birth naturally?

264 replies

SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 12:43

I've had a horrible couple of weeks. Had problems with fetal movement, hospitalised as they thought I was developing pre eclampsia and now almost unbearable pain due to Hypermobility Syndrome and the weight causing problems with my hips.

From the start I have wanted a very natural birth; only G+A, water birth, skin to skin etc. But was told yesterday while I was in MAU that they don't recommend I birth naturally and also not to go to 40 weeks as it will cause too much damage to my body. So I will be booked for a Csx sometime between 36 and 38 weeks.
They have also referred me to the psych team as they think I will get PND due to not coping with the pain, I don't know if this is also a reason for telling me to go earlier as I am obviously not in a decent state of mind and had a bit of a break down in the hospital yesterday.

I know I should be relieved that I now will have a date and that I will be in less pain but I can't help to feel upset that I wont know what it feels like to experience a vaginal birth. I have been reading all the birth stories on here the past couple of weeks and it has been getting me excited.

I know I am probably being UR and should just be gratefull that everything is being done to make sure me and DS are safe. :(

OP posts:
Mare11bp · 30/07/2011 17:20

There are risks with natural deliveries, CS and VBACs.

The are also risks in getting up in the morning and crossing the road.

BalloonSlayer · 30/07/2011 17:22

It's because during a vaginal birth the baby's body gets squashed and mucus gets squeezed out of the lungs, this bit doesn't happen during a caesarean.

Only one out of my 3 DCs had that happen and in DD's case it was mild. She was in SCBU but did not need oxygen.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:22

Mare I know, I just meant I would like to know the added risks.

OP posts:
michelleseashell · 30/07/2011 17:22

One of my friends called labour 'having your front door smashed in'. She's not wrong.

StrawHat · 30/07/2011 17:23

Just thought I'd add my two penneth as you asked about back problems. I don't know what yours are but I have scoliosis and had an elcs due to DS being breach, so no contractions to deal with when getting the epidural. I was petrified they'd put the needle in the wrong place but it was fine, they had to tilt the table a bit as I'm so wonky but it all went as though my condition had no effect on the procedure.
I did find recovery a little lengthy, which I blame on the scoliosis, but I can honestly say that a year on, I am stronger than at any point in my life, due to carrying the little monster darling around all the time.
I had pnd, to the point of thinking 'if he doesn't wake up in the morning, I don't mind' Sad but that did pass and now I can't believe it's possible to love something as much as I love him.
Concentrate on the future, the birth is a means to an end, and what a happy ending! xxx

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:23

Balloon I think I read about that on another thread, people were talking about the gunk that they cough up after a csx.

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Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:26

Michelle :o

Straw I have HMS, FM and possible EDS. If that makes sense to you? My spine pops all the time as well so I don't know what's going on there.

I think my biggest worry about all this has definitely been the SB.

Thanks for replying and I am sorry about your PND. :( I think they could see the beginnings of it in me when I started screaming about not wanting to be pregnant anymore... I feel so bad about saying it now. :(

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feckwit · 30/07/2011 17:29

yanbu, I have had 4 sections and cannot even bring myself to talk or think about them much because it makes me so sad that I didn't have my planned natural births.

I wish I had given birth!

StrawHat · 30/07/2011 17:30

Don't feel bad, we as a society are so far removed from the reality of just being 'animals' that it's perfectly natural to be messed up when your body does this weird thing of growing a baby.
It sounds like the healthcare team you are under have clocked you in time to give you the right support before it all goes wrong.
I wish you the best of luck - let us know how it goes xxx

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:31

Feckwit :( I guess this feeling is natural then. I am sorry. :(

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happy2bhomely · 30/07/2011 17:31

I think some people are missing the point.

I understand completely that feeling of wanting to experience labour. It isn't a traumatic experience for everyone. I gave birth to an 11lb baby at home with no pain relief and it was amazing, and I feel so lucky that I got to experience what that felt like. To some it would have been hell, but for me it was a dream come true. I would have felt really really disappointed if I had to have a CS. (but, of course grateful if it meant the safe delivery of my baby)

To some people, giving birth is not like having a tooth out (mentioned up thread). For me it was very emotional, extremely hard work and I wanted to feel it. I don't think you should be feeling bad for wanting to experience it too.

Of course you are thankful to just have your baby and of course a CS can be a positive experience. You are allowed to feel sad about missing a massive experience, which you are being forced to trade for an equally massive experience, but very different to the one you hoped for.

All the people who chose to have CS, how would you have felt if you got close to delivery and someone told you that you were going to have to have a vaginal birth after all? Giving birth, whichever way you do it is a big deal. It's not just something you have to endure to get a baby. Good or bad you will remember it forever. It makes sense to me to spend a little time working out your feelings towards it.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:32

StrawHat I will update. :) I agree I think they have caught me in time. My head was starting to get a bit messy and I honestly can't say how I will feel in a months time when I'm bedridden and probably starting to get a bit resentful. :(

Thank you for your reply.:)

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stillfrazzled · 30/07/2011 17:33

I have two DSs and have never gone into labour, let alone birthed naturally - DS1 was induction, DS2 last minute ELCS after blood supply problems detected.

Now I have to admit that I never particularly wanted a natural birth (am wimp) but both my births were lovely, calm experiences in themselves with wonderful, caring medics looking after us.

As an added bonus, the C-section quite possibly saved DS2's life.

Birth stories are a big part of the first few months of being a mother and meeting other mothers. After that - fuck all difference. We all moan about lack of sleep, change the same number of shitty nappies and are driven nuts by the same dreadful behaviour.

And, obviously, as are besottedly in love with our babies.

Good luck - which I'm sure you won't need - and maybe think of the lovely positive that you can actually count down the hours to the exact moment of meeting your baby Smile

michelleseashell · 30/07/2011 17:33

Don't feel bad about saying you didn't want to be pregnant anymore. I was in constant pain for the last two months of my pregnancy (still waiting to see if the damage is permanent) and I hated every miserable minute of it. People telling me that pregnancy is magical made me feel psychotic. I desperately wanted a baby too.

Honestly, there's so much guilt and pain and emotion involved in this process. Don't beat yourself up. We all go through hell one way or another whether it's labour or pregnancy, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, baby getting sick etc etc etc!

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:35

Happy You got it all in one. :)

I just want to experience that rush of adrenaline and emotions and various hormones all at the one time.

I didn't really want it to be very calm, I wanted the excitement of birthing him.

It's not meant to be though and I will be happy when he is here. :)

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Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:37

Michelle I know exactly how you feel there. :( The pain and not being able to do anything about it definitely messes mentally. :(

I hope you feel better now. :)

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toptramp · 30/07/2011 17:37

I wanted a natural, water birth and ended up with a c-section. I was so gutted and felt that I'd failed. I am now thanking my lucky stars that my fanny is still in tact! Think positive! A healthy baby is whet counts.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:39

Top The intact fanjo bits are what is making me feel a bit better about this!

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stillfrazzled · 30/07/2011 17:41

Aw, I see what you mean and obv I can't say what that exact mix of hormones feels like - but believe me, I was still very excited to see my babies for the first time.

toptramp · 30/07/2011 17:42

I blame this competetive birthing culture. It is in your face.This natural delivery is a mixed blessing. I think as long as mum and baby are healthy it dosn't matter. women used to die in labour. Thank goodness we have access to medical intervention when needed.

toptramp · 30/07/2011 17:44

Yep- think of the fact that you are not going to have stiches in your fanny like many women have to. No prolapse, tearing etc. A neat, controlled cut with anasthetic.

happy2bhomely · 30/07/2011 17:44

My fanjo bits are still intact, by the way! (A 39 cm head and not a stitch) I hate that people assume that because I've had 4 big babies that I have a bucket!!!!! My fanjo is fine.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:44

Frazzled I know I will be excited to see him, will just miss that I didn't get to feel the crazy build up. :)

Top I think it's mainly because up until now, I thought I would have been able to have it au naturale. I'm sure I will get over it though.
And yes we are very lucky to have intervention when needed.

OP posts:
vividgingerchilli · 30/07/2011 17:49

Schrodingers, I'm with you on wanting to experience it...I've never done labour (unless you count 8 false labours) or child birth either.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 30/07/2011 17:52

It would be great if there was some way you could falsely experience labour!
I'm going to look into hypnosis!

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