To feel very upset that I wont ever know what it feels like to give birth naturally?

[SchrodingersMew]

I've had a horrible couple of weeks. Had problems with fetal movement, hospitalised as they thought I was developing pre eclampsia and now almost unbearable pain due to Hypermobility Syndrome and the weight causing problems with my hips.

From the start I have wanted a very natural birth; only G+A, water birth, skin to skin etc. But was told yesterday while I was in MAU that they don't recommend I birth naturally and also not to go to 40 weeks as it will cause too much damage to my body. So I will be booked for a Csx sometime between 36 and 38 weeks.
They have also referred me to the psych team as they think I will get PND due to not coping with the pain, I don't know if this is also a reason for telling me to go earlier as I am obviously not in a decent state of mind and had a bit of a break down in the hospital yesterday.

I know I should be relieved that I now will have a date and that I will be in less pain but I can't help to feel upset that I wont know what it feels like to experience a vaginal birth. I have been reading all the birth stories on here the past couple of weeks and it has been getting me excited.

I know I am probably being UR and should just be gratefull that everything is being done to make sure me and DS are safe. :(

I feel grateful almost daily that I never had to go through delivery, I went into labour both times, did not progress and had to have sections. I couldn't love my dc anymore than I do and if I were lucky enough to have any more it would be Elective CS all the way. Believe this from someone who has experienced significant labour pain before the ops so I suppose been "lucky" enough to experience both sides.

That said I do understand why it is important to you but honestly the end result, your gorgeous ds will be exactly the same. It really won't matter once you see your child.

Meita That sounds a really cheesy and lovely thing to do. :) I will definitely try it.

I think as everyone has said, I will start focusing on the positive. Maybe making a cd to play while all the gruesome stuff is going on and packing my hospital bag. Hopefully that will help.

I'd like to say thank you again to everyone for sharing your stories. It has been nice for everyone to share their experiences and I really expected to immediately to be told IABU.

Noble I realise the chances of PND for me are high. I have never felt so low in my life and actually screamed "I don't want to be pregnant anymore" while in MAU yesterday. It has made me feel so guilty and I didn't realise I could think like that. :(

Oh, don't feel guilty! I screamed "I don't want to be pregnant any more!" every time I got to about 37 weeks. I still insist that I loved being pregnant. My DH says if I did, it sure didn't seem that way to him.

Haha, I love feeling him squirm and when I tap my belly and he kicks back.

Those parts are very nice. :)

It's all the painful parts that are making me scream though! The hips, heartburn, still having sickness at 30 weeks! Being admitted for thinking I have pre eclampsia, the fact he's a lazy wee thing and scared us all with not moving much.... And all the rest!

It's just I wanted this so badly so feel bad when I say things like that! I guess I'm not alone though. :o

A spinal block is a one-off injection. With an epidural the needle stays in and gives a continuous small dose. An epidural is used for labour and if you have one and need a CS, they up the dose. For most operations, a spinal block is used and has lower risk of complications.

If you're worried about your back, ask to talk to an anesthesiologist about it beforehand, they should be able to reassure you.

You're definitely not missing much!
I almost died giving birth and had to have a blood transfusion.
Am emergency c section saved mine and my babys life.

If I have another baby, I am definitely going for an elective c sec.

The most important thing is you'll have your beautiful baby

Yabu. Having a vaginal birth does not a parent make.

Schrodingers, what matters is the 9 months you have nurtured those children inside you, the method of exit hardly matters - just be sure you have windows locks because I am told that you can always tell a c-section baby because they climb out of the windows instead of using the door!

Seriously thought, I had 3 c-sections because of a) extremely high heart rate in the baby, b) high risk of still birth and c) loss of all body fat in the baby, several years later it honestly doesn't matter. Hardly anybody knows.

Vivid :o at windows instead of doors!

Alpine I didn't say that a vb makes a parent the only reason I am upset is because I wanted to experience what it felt like.

Zonked Thanks for clearing that up. :)

Paper I guess I have never really thought about the life threatning risks of VB... Something I probably should have tbh.

I don't think it's fair to say you're definitely not missing much.

Of course you could be missing out on a beautiful, emotional, empowering experience of pushing your baby into the world. Then again, youcould be missing out on lots of complications, unbearable pain, and horrible interventions. The point is you just don't know how it might have gone and it's silly to beat yourself over something that you have no control over.

I hope your baby has a peaceful safe birth.

Happy Thank you. :) I hope it goes that way too. I will obviously still be upset I don't know what VB feels like but I'll look at the positives instead of dwelling.

On the plus side I get to meet him sooner!

Don't worry about the epidural or a spinal - I have had major back problems and had a spinal after a m/c and epidural for labour then EMCS (which was great by the way am v glad didn't have to go through it 'naturally' , and my back was fine, apart from a couple of days kind of stiffness feeling. And the bonus was that once the anesthetic went in my back was completely pain free for the first time in years. Only for a short while - the duration of the anaesthatic - but if you suffer from a bad back you will appreciate it!

I had a not very nice VB with a lot of intervention and, quite honestly, whilst I can remember the scene and various things that were said and done, I can't remember a thing about what it 'feels like'. I suspect that this is one of those self-preservation mechanisms... i.e. if I could remember what it felt like I would still be having nightmares today.

Cheria I'm so sorry for your loss. :(

I have actually been thinking about what it will feel like to be pain free after the do the spinal... I have been in pain since I was around 11 so don't actually remember what it is like to not feel pain...
Maybe I will relate that calm feeling to the birth.

Cogito I have never actually met anyone who really remembers much of the pain of birth.

Nature ensures you don't remember the pain of birth otherwise no one would have more than one child.

What I remember of labour is 'dear god this is painful, I must be 10cm...What do you mean ONE centimetre, I was 1cm yesterday at my sweep oh crap this is going to take ages....yes I would like some pain relief....paracetamol?? Do I LOOK like I have a headache? great, now I have thrown up paracetamol everywhere....would I like to walk around like it said in the NCT booklet? No, I have to be perched on the edge of the bed, moving is BAD....throwing up again, there goes my tuna sandwich....is that meconium on that pad? ok, hook me up to the monitoring machine...baby's heart rate is odd? Ok, I'll go on a drip...no I still can't move off the edge of the bed....yes please gas and air....is the gas and air broken this is still pretty painful....what do you mean only 4cm FGS this is taking forever....heart rate still odd? C-section? Gimme the form, I'll sign whatever you want just get this baby out of me.'

IMO labour is overrated.

Also, I'd imagined being in labour at home bouncing gently on a birthing ball while watching TV. I actually ended up timing my contractions in the hospital canteen while people kept peering at me as my waters broke continuously for hours so every time I stood up there was a gush. Including in the canteen with people watching.

That sounds traumatic! No wonder no one remembers it!

I had 2 cs's. I recovered well. Breast feed both my boys. Best thing I ever did. I wqs never sad thta I hadn't had a VB.
What are you reasons for wanting a VB. Yes its the way thta 'god intended', as in natural, but what exactly do you think you are going ot miss out on by having a cs.
Plus you are being advused to have one on medical grounds. Doctors are doing this for a reason.

Hopefully MN can guide you through some of your issues and you can feel better about your imminent cs.

I an elective c-section under general anaesthetic due to hypermobility syndrome because a) I wouldn't have been able to maintain a suitable position for long enough to give birth; b) the hip joints separate slightly as the baby's head passes through and there's a very real possiblity that with HMS they won't go back properly; and c) GA because local anaesthetics don't work properly on me.

You need to give yourself a bit of time to readjust, you thought you were doing things a certain way and had got yourself prepared for that and now it?s all changed. There are still things you can plan, if you?re conscious you can have skin to skin cuddles with DS straight away, if you have a GA you can plan for hubby to do it. I was quite adamant I didn?t want DD dressed before I saw her, the idea of falling asleep with a big pregnant tummy and then waking up to a fully clothed baby bothered me so I had her brought to me in just a nappy and a hat (important to keep her warm in theatre). Why don?t you start choosing DS?s first outfit and deciding who?s going to dress him, pick a special hat for him to keep him nice and snugly in the operating theatre.

I know I?m lacking in experience here but I do think how baby gets here really isn?t that important, natural childbirth isn?t some rite of passage you have to go through in order to be a good mummy, it?s just the best way to have a baby if there are no complications, you have complications so it?s not the best way for you. I know it?s easier said than done but do try to focus on the fact that you?re having a baby and not think so much about the birth, you?ll be enjoying spending time with your DS for decades after you?ve stopped caring how he got here.

Oblomov It was just a case of wanting to experience what it felt like. IYSWIM?

Pseudo It's HMS I have too, possibly EDS. That's what they are worried about with me as my hips already sublux a lot and the Doctor thinks that the damage will be massive if I birth naturally.

I have no idea about locals as I have only had one and that was with my implant... It didn't work, it fucking hurt!

I have just chosen his first outfit and packed my hospital bag. :) It made me feel a little better! I even chose a special hat before you said that!

It's really good to hear back from someone with HMS. Could you please tell me how many weeks you were?

Thanks for the reply. :)

Op, I suggest you do some research. On Mn there have been many many threads over the years on both fab VB stories and horrific VB stories. Likewise, fab cs's and horrific ones.
You need to educate yourself a bit more.

I think I will read a lot more of the stories on here. It might make things a little better. :)

sorry, don't mean to be harsh because you're obviously feeling genuinely disappointed and let down about this and I don't want to trample on your feelings but seriously... you're going to have a healthy baby at very small risk to your own life. Why is the manner of the birth so important? I'm sorry to be insensitive but its a few hours of your life and the baby won't remember it. Please try to keep it in proportion....

Jeck Because it was something I had wanted to experience. To know what it felt like to naturally birth.
I don't have a problem with csxs and I am not even too bothered that that is what it has come to, it's the fact I will never know what labouring feels like.

Labouring is a natural process that my body at the minute is preparing for, so I feel a bit mournful that I wont ever know what it feels like.

Giving birth is giving birth, regardless of whether you have a vaginal delivery or not. Please don't beat yourself up over it, it really, really doesn't matter, you will still have your baby at the end of it.

BTW, I've had 2 c-sections and never wanted a natural birth, so I'm kind of at the other end of the spectrum to you.