To feel very upset that I wont ever know what it feels like to give birth naturally?

[SchrodingersMew]

I've had a horrible couple of weeks. Had problems with fetal movement, hospitalised as they thought I was developing pre eclampsia and now almost unbearable pain due to Hypermobility Syndrome and the weight causing problems with my hips.

From the start I have wanted a very natural birth; only G+A, water birth, skin to skin etc. But was told yesterday while I was in MAU that they don't recommend I birth naturally and also not to go to 40 weeks as it will cause too much damage to my body. So I will be booked for a Csx sometime between 36 and 38 weeks.
They have also referred me to the psych team as they think I will get PND due to not coping with the pain, I don't know if this is also a reason for telling me to go earlier as I am obviously not in a decent state of mind and had a bit of a break down in the hospital yesterday.

I know I should be relieved that I now will have a date and that I will be in less pain but I can't help to feel upset that I wont know what it feels like to experience a vaginal birth. I have been reading all the birth stories on here the past couple of weeks and it has been getting me excited.

I know I am probably being UR and should just be gratefull that everything is being done to make sure me and DS are safe. :(

My first dc was normal delivery, the next 3 were all planned cs with the last one being a premature birth and cs at 33 wks. Out of all 5 babies the ones I remember most clearly and have good memories of are the 3 planned cs. The first time I had planned a birth in a midwife led unit but this didnt go to plan and I can remember little about the birth. With the planned cs I Remember every detail of when they were born. For me the most important part is the 9 months you are carrying baby and bonding with him/her, after that the first few hours are priceless. the birth is only a tiny part of it all. I think like most things nowadays it has been written about and talked about till its been portrayed as this be all and end all thing. Hope you will feel better soon x

i also had a c section due to my son being breech because of my strange shaped womb. i felt disappointed that i couldnt give birth naturally.
when we have another baby if possible i would like to have a vaginal birth but if it means having a c section is safer for me and baby then so be it.
you have done the most important thing a women could ever do you have nurtured your unborn baby inside of you all on your own.

Embrace the c section experience- I had one and loved it.Can't wait for my next one.

No tearing. No incontinence.

I found it very civilised!

Hello OP :)

YANBU. I have 2 emergency sections and even after a number of years, I still feel guilty, a little inadequate, and quite sad

I know that may be irrational and I am immensely grateful and proud of my DC.

But it is still a source of regert for me

Talk about your feelings - whenever I spoke to my DH (now ExH) about it he dismissed my feelings :( - don't feel stupifd or ungrateful or dismissed about your feelings. They are your feelings and therefore valid

All the best to you :)

I can understamd you feeling you've missed out but believe me I had a really positive view of VB and was excited/looking forward to it before I gave birth just like you and still ended up traumatised!

I had what was termed a 'normal' VB but I felt like a failure for months afterwards and actually felt very down because all the professionals were treating it as an everyday experience when I felt utterly traumatised by the unbearable pain and feeling of failure that I hadn't managed it the way I thought I would!!

I had ideas of water births, nature taking its course etc but when it actually came to it the pain was unbearable, baby ended up in distress, i was not allowed to stand and ended up flat on my back covered in monitors with nice midwife/nasty midwife yelling at me! From talking to other mums, I think that births are often traumatic anyway and can leave you feeling a bit bewildered and down. I found that I could gradually let it go once I had my baby and other people to talk to about it.

I would say try to go to as many mother and baby groups/activities as you can afterwards. The amount of birth stories (VB and CS) and the associated traumas do help you to realise that many women do end up feeling down/traumatised/ let down by the whole birth thing (regardless of whether they had VB or not) but equally have a lovely little baby which does move the focus away from birth.

I do feel for you because giving birth is such a personal experience. All I'm trying to say is that, although you've had your choice removed before birth and are feeling justifiably down about it, many women have their choice effective removed during birth due to circumstances and feel down just as you do but they do get over it without necessarily suffering from full blown PND. Just be kind to yourself, talk to other mothers and find that you aren't the only one feeling down and you will get through! Good luck!

Rolling and InFlames, I am feeling slightly better today now that I have calmed down a bit. Yesterday I was a bit at my wits end and really didn't know what to do.

I'm going to wait till my appt with the Consultant where they are going to decide which people to send me to and just flat out refuse to see anyone but the peri natal MH.

I feel like they know that they could solve the problem that is making me feel like this but because my baby is healthy they are choosing not to. I feel like they have completely lost interest in what is best for me.

And Ben and Jerry's was a good idea! :)

Thanks everyone again for your responses. :)

Glad things feel easier today x

InFlames I sent you a PM. :)

I feel very ripped off over having 2 c-sections. SO I totally understand. The birth of your child is an experience that you have been looking for and understand where you are coming from. DS1 was a emergency c-section for no real reason and am still annoyed now as I see no reason for it just because he went back to back and I was nearly there at 9cm. This left me yeaning for a VBAC for DS2, another healthy perfect pregnancy but because the NHS are determined to push nature they gave me a ARM which after a fantastic labour sent him into distress so ended up with a crash section which gave me PTSD and took me 7 months to get over.

At least for a planned c-section it will all be calm and there will be no reason why you cant have further natural births. Your home will be planned and you'll be given extra care.

I totally understand that it is the whole process it is the journey not just the arrival. I will always have to live with the fact that I have never given birth.

Must add here for every horrible story there are many women who have fantastic births and this thread is endless disappointing births. I know plenty of women who have had great home births and good hospital births. I do have a problem with too much intervention when its not necessary. So much pressure to pop at 40 weeks when a baby can gestate between 40 - 42 weeks and scan dates can be a week out either way.

My ds was 9lbs 15oz and I had a vb (first and only child) It was agony, I had loads of stitches, it took hours. With hindsight if everyone had realised how big he was going to be I would have been offered (and taken a cs). I was told he'd be around 7 and a half pounds.

Being a Mum is about what happens after the birth, so don't feel bad about it. I found breastfeeding very difficult, for many reasons and felt a real failure, so I know where you are coming from.

Btw my birth plan went out of the window, I wanted a serene water birth, with music etc, etc. Ahem, let's just say it didn't happen.

Hi Schrodingers, hope you've had a good day today x

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