To feel very upset that I wont ever know what it feels like to give birth naturally?

[SchrodingersMew]

I've had a horrible couple of weeks. Had problems with fetal movement, hospitalised as they thought I was developing pre eclampsia and now almost unbearable pain due to Hypermobility Syndrome and the weight causing problems with my hips.

From the start I have wanted a very natural birth; only G+A, water birth, skin to skin etc. But was told yesterday while I was in MAU that they don't recommend I birth naturally and also not to go to 40 weeks as it will cause too much damage to my body. So I will be booked for a Csx sometime between 36 and 38 weeks.
They have also referred me to the psych team as they think I will get PND due to not coping with the pain, I don't know if this is also a reason for telling me to go earlier as I am obviously not in a decent state of mind and had a bit of a break down in the hospital yesterday.

I know I should be relieved that I now will have a date and that I will be in less pain but I can't help to feel upset that I wont know what it feels like to experience a vaginal birth. I have been reading all the birth stories on here the past couple of weeks and it has been getting me excited.

I know I am probably being UR and should just be gratefull that everything is being done to make sure me and DS are safe. :(

I know I will have my baby at the end of it, and I am very thankful of that. Please don't think I believe otherwise or that the birth is more important than the baby.

I just would like to have experienced it. :)

I'm just going to stick my oar in quickly to say, I had a fairly calm, quick, epidural free labour with very few stitches- and I can assure you that half an hour of contractions made me consider suicide and that the baby's head coming out is pain like you cannot even conceive of. I screamed so loudly that I couldn't talk afterwards. It was like being set on fire or being dragged along the road under a car. Or both. Thirty five centimeters that baby's head was. Get a tape measure and have a look at that!

So whilst I completely understand you want this instinctively, if you could speak to a you from another dimension where you had had a normal birth, you'd probably be telling yourself that you're crazy to want to go through that!

Michelle It's when I hear these stories I know I am being completely barmy!

Painkillers don't really work on me either so I would be pretty screwed.

YABU

I have severe fertility issues and split up with my DP last year after he backed out over going for IVF.

I will probably never know what it is like to ever have a baby let alone have on via CS. Perhaps you'd like to trade places OP? I'll have the baby and the CS and you have my situation.

I am sorry if that sounds insensitive but after you['ve gone thru what I have, you will want to shake anyone who gripes at not having the birth experience they want.

Will you be disappointed on your child's 18th birthday about it? Ortheir graduation day? Will you give a flying fuck how they born at that point?

Even if you went for a natural delivery, you will never know how this could end up. It could end up in an emergency CS like mine did first time around.

My labour was 24.5 hours, it was horrific in that it was completely drawn out and I had to push for two hours in the full knowledge that my baby wasn't moving a centimetre. He wasn't big either, only just over 7 pounds. Some bodies are just not made for labour.

Also if it helps my boss and his wife have three children, the first and last were CS the middle child natural. She said she would go for a CS every time as the recovery for the natural delivery was far longer and the labour far worse.

Pat yourself on the back for being brave, CS not an easy option. I had skin to skin straight away after my CS, I wasn't drugged up at all, I remember my first hold better than my DP does. You will be able to put your DC straight onto the breast, all very natural.

Honestly, It's not that bad. I am booked in for my second one soon.

Good luck x

A1980 I hope you meet someone else soon.

A1980 I am very sorry for what you have been going through and no obviously I wouldn't want to trade places.

But that doesn't change the fact I would still like to know how it feels, and yes I am thankful that I will even have my Son.

I am only 20, and I decided to get pg now as I don't think my body could cope in a couple of years. I go through silly amounts of pain every day with painkillers that don't work. So yes, I wanted one thing to go nearly to plan. To experience something normal because everything else physically in my life needs intervention. I walk with rheumatoid walking sticks because my wrists couldn't support the weight of crutches, my shoulder and hips pop out of place every single day and it hurts like fuck.

I will say again, I am sorry for what you have went through but I've went through a hell of a lot too.

I'm sorry that I thought it was reasonable to be upset over the one thing I thought I could have had normally.

The thought I had a lot in pregnancy and labour was THIS. IS. RIDICULOUS. They both push you to your absolute limits of what it is possible to survive. There's no regard for what is comfortable or fun. I mean, you could survive having your arms pulled off. It's simple human endurance isn't it? And of course, some people don't survive. Labour is so intense and rips you apart to such a degree that it is literally a near death experience.

It sounds like you've had enough of a rotten time in pregnancy to count for labour pain too. You've got a get out of jail free card here! Enjoy it!

Oh and I completely understand your morbid curiosity in wanting to see what's going on during the section. Think I would too!

Mare Thanks for your reply. :) That's an awfully long time to be in labour. :(

Michelle I really am considering asking them to keep the screen down! I must be a complete massochist.

A1980 I am sorry, I just realised my post sounded completely insensitive. I do hope you have better luck in the future and am sorry if I offended.

I understand how you feel. My dd was born in September by emergency cs and have only recently stopped feeling sad about it. I was in labour for 44 hours and then was told we'd have to go for a section. I did feel really sad to have not given birth for a long time but now I have come to terms with it and realised it doesn't really matter as I have a perfect little baby.
My friend has recently had a preplanned section and it was a really positive experience for her so I think forewarned us definitely a much better situation to be in.
Good luck, it will be fine and as long as your baby is healthy that's all that matters but remember it is ok to be sad and have a little cry to mourn the natural birth that never was- I did! :)

I'd want to see what was going on! I had abdominal surgery a few years ago and I made the nurse show me the pictures they'd taken of my insides. She thought I was just off my head on morphine so she humoured me. I really thought it was fascinating though!

Ooh I wonder if they really would let you or if they'd worry about the sight sending you into shock?

Lolli I think I have already cried buckets over it. :( Hopefully I'll start moving on now and looking forward to it. :)

I guess because everything else in my life is so medicalised I just wanted to avoid it once. But in the end there will be a happy ending.

I will still mourn over it a bit though. Why I have no idea! Swollen torn up fanjo and hours of pushing. We must be crazy. :o

Michelle I really hope they would! I might beg. :)
I'll just say I want to see him being born, I guess it would make it feel more natural?

What were the pictures like btw? Were they gruesome? :o

OP just to echo others that say it doesn't matter how you give birth as long as theres a healthy baby and a healthy mum at the end of it

fwiw i have had 2 planned sections with both my dc, i never wanted a VB and they were both brilliant experiences. and as they were planned it was all very calm and, dare i say it, easy. the recovery was not that bad either. and the main thing is my dc were both born healthy and i certainly don't feel less of a mum because of them

and dh is grateful as i still have the fanjo of a 16yo :o

Super I have been worried about how my fanjo will take it tbh. (TMI ALERT) DP struggles to fit 2 fingers and when we have sex I need loads of lube. I'm very tiny and he complains it hurts because I am so tight.

Fuck knows how I would have fit a baby through there!

Shrodingers sorry for your situation.

I will share my feelings on the subject if they are of any use.

When I was expecting DC1 I had a scan at 34 weeks showing him to be on the large size with a big head. I was immediately gripped with fear thinking about what he would do to my undercarriage. More importantly, I was terrified that I'd never get him out and that he would die. I went overdue but his head never engaged (I'm not sure it ever really did in labour, they kept saying it was high), but whenever I questioned whether it wasn't engaging as it was too big, my worries were brushed aside. Labour started and within hours I was roaring for an epidural. I got it, and it was fine. Eventually, 24 hours after start of labour, when I was still only 3cm and the head too high to get a blood sample from, they decided to do a c-section because his heartbeat had changed a little. Hearing the words "we think we'll do a section" was such music to my ears, I can't tell you. I was going to have my baby, he was going to be safe. Everything was fine. It was brilliant.

When I had DC2, I opted for an elective c-section. There was a little pressure on me to have a VBAC but not too much. I wanted the section as I felt it was safer for her. In the event, she developed some "grunting" - mild breathing difficulties caused by being an elective section - and had to go to SCBU for a day or two. So I felt really guilty for choosing a section but to tell the truth she was better almost immediately and the guilt passed soon enough.

With DC3 I was encouraged to have a section by every medical professional and I was eager to oblige! He was fine and so was I. It was pretty wonderful.

I am so glad I had three sections, they were all fantastically positive experiences. However, when I read birth stories on here or watch some of those wonderful births on One Born Every Minute, I think wistfully how fabulous it would be to give birth normally; to "bring my child into the world by the sweat of my womanly brow" sort of thing. And then I remember my 8 hours of non-epiduralled labour (which isn't very long really) and how excruciating it got, how frightened I was and how out of control I felt, and I think, naaaaaah, fuck that.

*the recovery was not that bad eithe

DD was born by elcs at 2.32pm, I was up and out of bed by 8pm and demanded they take the catheter out. Was home the next day!

Swollen torn up fanjo - indeed

My friend had natural delivery they fucked up the stitches they were completely misaligned caused a lot of problems thereafter, I mean sexually but she also had a massive loss of blood and had to be readmitted . She is fine now though.

Whereas my DP was over me like a rash less than two weeks after CS

schrodinger it WILL stretch to let a baby through

but all my friends who have had VB's say their fanjo's end up a lot looser, (on the upside i suppose it makes it easier for subsequent dcs to come out :o) although you can help combat that with lots of pelvic floors.

Ha ha they were a bit gruesome. Purple and lumpy! The weirdest thing for me was that someone had been sticking not only a camera, but lights in there!

It sounds like you've got the right mindset to appreciate this you know. I'd love to go into theatre and check out operations. You're gonna have an operation while you're awake. Now that will be an interesting experience!

Balloon I am glad it all worked out and you had reasonably good experiences. :)

I didn't really know there were risks to the baby with a section. I might need to look into that...

Your "nahhhhh fuck that" made me :o btw. :)

Lenin Thanks. :) I have no idea how I would handle cxs.

Schrodingers just read your post about your DP saying you are very small. Appreciate I am no expert but that was me and I couldn't push DS out naturally, so bet you couldn't either, or if you did bet there would be significant tearing.

Don't be too cut up about this. If you like things to be natural just focus on the breastfeeding after, honestly that can be a painful and drawn out process in itself requiring a great amount of patience and perseverance.

Michelle I am a bit of a nutter when it comes to gore. :) Love it and have no idea why.

Plus... I'm terrified of GA. So I'll just need to enjoy it!