To think some people choose parenting as a hobby?

[MumblingRagDoll]

What I mean is those people who seem to make a "thing" about it all....talking about their parenting choices as though they're inventing a new philosophy....such "Baby Wearing" and "Unonditional Parenting" and so on....I mean ifyou wat to use a sling do it...I did...but it''s not a special way of parenting ffs....they seems to grab onto fads and fashions regarding DC and then live it as a religion.

These people will blog about their lives in minute detail...and just....I don't know... really LIVE the choices. I don't know why it irritates me it just does. I have friends who have DC the same age as my elder child (7) and they're still talking about the birth as if it was yesterday and still living their lives totally through their kids...no hobbies or interests apart from the kids...so taking little Sophie to ballet, ridng, drama. playdates is the be al and end all of their life.

There's nothing wrong of course with being interested in your DC....of course not....I am consumed by my DC in a normal way....but the way some people "get into it" as if they were a teenager obsessed with a rockstar or something.... I find it odd and detrimental to other relationships...my sister and one of my friends is like this....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives.

It seems to be upsetting you a lot!
I don't mind it at all, in the way it used to be done-carrying a baby around with you-I just hate the way it has become a philosophy on parenting -as if it is better for all parents and all babies. (or that is the message that you get)
I tried to see when the baby suddenly became an accessory-as in 'worn' and it appears to be whenever 'attachment parenting' came into being-which seems to insinuate that parents who don't follow William Sears are not attached. As far as I can see he decided you could 'wear babies'.

Sorry-in reply to Siamo

The car analogy is a little different. I couldn't car less about cars, but I can understand people having it as a passion, I care even less about prams but I realise from MN that people are quite passionate about them. I don't mind people being passionate about the type of sling they have and even spreading the word and having meetings. The thing that I don't like- is that it isn't really about the sling at all-it is about it being better for the baby-any baby and any parent.Maybe the type of parent who uses them doesn't mean it to come across that way, but it is certainly the message that I get.

I find it a bit odd how quick some are to take offence. "Attachment Parenting" - are you saying I'm not attached to my child? "Baby Led Weaning" - are you saying I force fed my child? It's all a bit Me Me Me. What do your choices say about ME.

As far as I can see weaning has always been baby led-how could it be otherwise?

Spooning in baby rice is at 3 months is hardly baby led is it? Or putting rusks in bottles?

Maybe adult initiated/baby initiated is clearer. Or adult fed/self fed.

all these "FGS, its just transport!" posts are irritating

And I think when (especially in RL) people are on the wrong end of a conversation with a sub text or a more overt dismissal of their choices like this....

Do people not like holding their babies ?

"It didn't occur to me til I came home that I was the only one actually holding my baby, everyone else came in with them in a buggy, or a car seat, I'd driven, so when I'd parked I took him out of the seat, so much easier than unbuckling it and it's much easier to carry a baby than a huge plastic bucket. In the waiting room no one picked up their babies til they cried, mine never cried, he sat on my lap, played with me smiled at the nurses, took interest in his surroundings and generally got admired by everyone for being sociable."

...they get irritated too.

And have cross reactions. Just like you do.

I get hacked off by snotty comments about home ed by the gen pub. But I can't deny that some members of my own team over here do their level best to make sure people feel critized by the implication of NOT choosing home ed - "oh I just feel so sorry for those poor children in school, so prison like, I personally like my children so want to spend time with them not fob them off on anybody who will take them off my hands all day" blah blah blah.

I do wonder if some of them did it on purpose cos it can't have escaped their notice that the attitude above decimated the number of school users joining our group and turned "HE friendly" people into "not so keen on the concept OR the practitioners now".

I really do wonder if the group got "infiltrated" by a handful of people who love feeling like a persecuted minority (or something) and so went out of their way to actively alienate any school using parent who DIDN'T automatically denounce their choices as bad or odd, cos it was cramping their style.

What is the alternative to baby led weaning? plug a nose and force feed weaning?

The alternative presumably is adult led weaning - eg, what most parents do when they mash/puree food and feed it to their children. I don't get the suggestion that is force feeding. No need for the Me Me Me hysterics.

There was a thread not very long ago where a mother was jumped on for talking about breastfeeding her baby being a personal achievement. Lots of "are you saying I'm a failure then!?" outrage.

Is it what we called finger food in the old days?

No, finger food refers to a kind of food - food that can be eaten with your fingers, hence the name.

Weaning has to be adult led to a degree, being as babies can't generally get the food out of the cupboard/fridge and onto a plate...

Though mine were good at nicking the food off my plate.

I do see what Siamo is getting at. It does seem to be a feature of MN (and probably forums in general) that some people are quite prescriptive, not so much about what other people do, but about how they are allowed to feel about it.

You so often see posts (usually on emotive subjects such as WOHM or BFing) along the lines of "If you have no choice but to work then you shouldn't feel bad about it" - subtext "If you chose this you must suffer eternal guilt" or "It's OK to fail at BFing as long as you tried - you shouldn't feel guilty" - subtext - if you chose to FF you aren't allowed to be OK with your choice.

The sling thing is a bit similar - slings are acceptable as long as you purely consider them a mode of transport and have no other feelings about them whatsoever. Actually, I like using one. I am fairly sold on there being benefits to their use. The main reason I use one is convenience but I am not going to disregard my feelings about other aspects as well. That doesn't mean I think that everyone should use one, or that any benefits can't be replicated in other ways, it just means that I feel positive about using one with my child and might occasionally enjoy having a conversation about this with someone else who feels the same way. There are plenty of discussions about choices of pram - many of the issues discussed are to do with the comfort and well-being of the child - no-one gets the arse about discussions about prams. But dare to mention possible benefits of a sling (even though everyone is keen to stress that it is just a different method of transportation) and eyebrows and hackles tend to get raised.

Anyone should be free to mention anything about their parenting choices as long as they don't preach or belittle the choices of others. If you BF you should be able to say you enjoy BFing or that you are proud of getting through difficult times without that automatically being a slight on those who FF. If you do BLW you should be able to say that you found it convenient and easy without anyone who didn't do it assuming you think they are an idiot. If you use a parent-facing pram you should be able to say you think it is good for the baby without anyone who uses a forward-facing pram thinking you are saying they are disinterested in their child.

At the moment it seems it is OK to discuss any aspect of the more mainstream/accepted parenting practices, but completely unacceptable to mention that you find merit in anything slightly less widely practiced. There are always going to be zealots of any parenting choice but why can't they just be challenged/mocked relentlessly on a case by case basis? Why is there an assumption that anyone who does anything different must automatically be judging those who don't?

Well what is baby led weaning? [confuse]

Maybe thinking of it as exclusive self-feeding will make it a bit clearer for you Posie - instead of an adult putting spoonfuls of food into a baby's mouth, the adult provides suitable food and the baby feeds themselves.

See, and no mention of force feeding anyone :)

x-posted with BLW discussion. My understanding of BLW is that the baby-led bit is about allowing the baby to indicate when it is ready for food by offering food and seeing when the baby starts to pick it up and eat, rather than trying spoon-feeding.

If no-one had ever come up with a name for it I doubt there would be any arguments - it would be a bit hard to articulate an argument about "I am better than you because I mush up food and put it on a spoon and you give whole lumps of food on a plate".

If it was really baby led weaning I think that you would have to wait until they had the language to say 'excuse me, I think that I am ready to try some mashed banana'! The parent is making the choices-in the same way that they always do.

I think that it boils down to the fact fastweb that most people are very tolerant of any parenting style if the parent is just getting on with it quietly and not pushing it or making it into more than it is-a system that suits them.

I am quite happy for people to HE-I see it as an educational choice-nothing more, nothing less. I get very irritated when HEers think it the best for everyone have irritating little comments that those who use schools are sheep, following tradition, don't know there is an alternative or doing it for selfish reasons for free childcare. NO THEY are not-most of those who send to school have used all the same evidence but we have come to different conclusion. School is best for my DCs, I loved school, they are very happy and having discussed it they would have hated to be at home. We made an informed choice-everyone is entitled to do the same.
You always get extremists. Someone that I know what more or less cold shouldered from he local HE group because her DCs best friends happened to be at school during the day. You think 'what is that about?-are they deeply insecure so that they can only surround themselves with like minded people?

I think it is more 'career' parents than 'hobby' parents. They sink their all into it so they are sure there is the 'holy grail' if they read the 'right' books and follow the 'right' method they can pat themselves on the back and put themselves into the 'superparent' league. (I 'wore'my baby therefore my baby has to grow up to be an emotionally secure adult)

Really, isn;t that what most people do? Or at least let the baby have a spoon?

No, maybe perhaps not!!

I did, but I just thought that was how a child learns to eat. All of mine could do it alone by seven months.

For what it is worth, I used a sling most of the time-it was a lot easier to get about.

Me too, especially unable to drive following a CS.

Of course it was-mine were the same Posie-then someone found a name for it!

What did they do before 7 months then Posie?

No, I don't think it is what most people do. Nobody I know did. Most people started spoon feeding baby rice at around 4 months.

Well they had hands and spoons in a bowl with my help, oldest two from four months. So I would help their hand get to their mouths and offer the odd spoon myself. They thoroughly enjoyed finger food too. I had never heard of BLW then, although they were so young food was just something to try.

You spoon feeding them isn't the same as exclusive self feeding

My entire NCT group started on baby rice between 4 and 5 months. I hung on till 5 1/2 months and then tried spoon feeding as I thought that was the only option. It was a disaster so we stopped and re-started using the BLW approach on the suggestion of someone I knew through a Surestart group. It took a while for him to get going but when he did start eating it went pretty smoothly. If I hadn't had the advice about the alternative way of doing things I probably would have persisted with attempting to spoonfeed a baby who, in retrospect, clearly wasn't quite ready.