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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think some people choose parenting as a hobby?

330 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 30/07/2011 08:47

What I mean is those people who seem to make a "thing" about it all....talking about their parenting choices as though they're inventing a new philosophy....such "Baby Wearing" and "Unonditional Parenting" and so on....I mean ifyou wat to use a sling do it...I did...but it''s not a special way of parenting ffs....they seems to grab onto fads and fashions regarding DC and then live it as a religion.

These people will blog about their lives in minute detail...and just....I don't know... really LIVE the choices. I don't know why it irritates me it just does. I have friends who have DC the same age as my elder child (7) and they're still talking about the birth as if it was yesterday and still living their lives totally through their kids...no hobbies or interests apart from the kids...so taking little Sophie to ballet, ridng, drama. playdates is the be al and end all of their life.

There's nothing wrong of course with being interested in your DC....of course not....I am consumed by my DC in a normal way....but the way some people "get into it" as if they were a teenager obsessed with a rockstar or something.... I find it odd and detrimental to other relationships...my sister and one of my friends is like this....I wonder wht will happen to them when the children get older and begin to lve their own lives.

OP posts:
Changing2011 · 31/07/2011 20:55

You are right srs you don't know me and I can assure you I don't need any help apart from if you know any wonder morning sickness cures. I just find you a bit gushy and patronising, you probably find me aggressive and nonchalant about parenting. But I love my dd, you love yours , life's a bowl or cherries, happy ever after.

I'm now moving on to Wine goodnight.

FlamingoBingo · 31/07/2011 20:58

I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the delights of bedsharing or 'babywearing' or homebirth, or home educating, or a whole number of things that my DH and I love doing if other people hadn't told us about them.

Sure, they're not for everyone, and doing them doesn't make you a better parent, but when you're talking about something that isn't the 'norm' then you do have to make more noise about it to be heard above what is 'normal' - you 'do' have to fight your corner to prove to people that you're not a mollycoddling nut-head, but that there are actually proven benefits to babies who are carried a lot, or bedshare etc.

I think that the OP, and some other ppl on this thread, sound far more judgemental than a lot of the sort of parents they're complaining about!

SpareRoomSleeper · 31/07/2011 20:59

shakes head

Goodnight then.

Grin
Changing2011 · 31/07/2011 21:03

That will be just the one Wine ... I'm not that laid back!

SpareRoomSleeper · 31/07/2011 21:08
Biscuit
TandB · 31/07/2011 21:25

There are some thoroughly spiteful posts on this thread. For what it is worth, I agree with the OP that there are some people who take their "style" of parenting to extremes and ram it down everyone else's throats. However, as far as some people seem to be concerned, it is not acceptable to do anything whatsoever differently to them, whether or not you preach about it or not - even though it is apparently acceptable to tell them what groups they should and shouldn't be going to, or how they should or shouldn't feel about they way they do things.

Funny how it is always certain things that seem to come in for particular ire - slings seem to be the number one thing for sending people into orbit by merely existing.

I use a sling full-time - I don't own a pram (there's a first for you there, Aitch!). I don't get on with prams. I find them a bloody nuisance to use. I also happen to like using a sling. It's not some dirty little secret that shouldn't be talked about. I am still carrying my two year-old. This is not weird. He has been walking since 10 months but funnily enough can't manage an hour commute across London on his rather short legs. I have been to a couple of sling meets. They aren't "support groups" for the sling addicted - they are meet-ups for people to learn how to use slings (which aren't particularly easy at first) and chat to like-minded people. The people I met at the first meet were nice people so I went again. Pretty simple really.

I quite honestly don't give a crap what parenting choices other people make, as long as they aren't abusing their children. What I do give a crap about is the fact that plenty of other people think it appropriate to stick their noses into my choices, particularly the incessant procession of interfering strangers in the street who feel the need to challenge the way I choose to transport my child.

Banging on about your way being the only way is one thing. Daring to do something slightly differently to the main stream and not be ashamed of mentioning it - that is something else entirely and if people don't like it, well that is entirely their problem as far as I am concerned.

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 31/07/2011 21:31

Nicely said, Kungfupanda

The problem as I see it around here (admittedly, Berkeley Grin) is that people confuse the parenting choices they make with their value as a parent: Example; people who co-sleep/sing-wear/BLW, etc, etc are 'better parents' than people who do different things.

In actuality, one of the worst parents I know (openly hostile to her DC, complains about them audibly and continually when in their company - and oldest is 4) does all of these 'better parent choices'. But she is still a shit parent. And, irony of ironies, home schools (so yes, you could say that parenting is her hobby....)

And, conversely, one of the best parents I know had an elective C, FF, day care full time, etc, and is a completely delightful parent.

Please note: I am NOT saying anything about these parenting choices; I am pointing up the conflation people make between choices and values. And that this is a weird and wrong thing to do....

TandB · 31/07/2011 21:49

Totally agree with Chocolate about the choices/values issue.

I think people also fail to realise that there is a whole menu of parenting choices and most people just pick the things they like. It is not a set menu where if you want to do BLW as a main course then you must also have babywearing as a starter and BFing as a dessert!

I suppose some people will assume because I use a sling, I also extended BF/BLW/SAHM/use cloth nappies/practice unconditional parenting/don't use childcare etc. Actually only 2 of those things are true. Perhaps I just don't have the conviction to pull off any one parenting style.

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 31/07/2011 21:59

I love being agreed with, kfp Wink

At the risk of sounding all tra-la-la and Berkeley-hippie I think the thing we mostly forget is that it's how we 'be' with our children (spouses, family, what-have-you) much more than what we 'do' with them that matters the most. But this is getting off topic.... as well as making me sound unreservedly like the lentil-weaver I am Grin

exoticfruits · 31/07/2011 22:00

I think that you have a good summary of the problem Chocolate.

I am not against slings. I always used to use one, as did a lot of my friends, but it was just a normal part of life, anyone any idea when it became 'baby wearing' and a 'statement'? Is it recent?

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 31/07/2011 22:00

And btw you should see people's faces when they see me still carrying my son (at 18 months old....) even in Berkeley.....

TandB · 31/07/2011 22:06

Exoticfruits - no idea. I bought a sling. I became aware that using a sling was widely known as "babywearing". I don't personally use that term other than in discussions like this because I think it is a bit twee, but I don't care what anyone else wants to call it.

Chocolate - try slinging a two year-old through rush-hour Waterloo Station! It is the one time when the "keep your hands and feet to yourself, DS" rule is temporarily suspended. Nothing cures chronic shoulder-bargers like being slapped round the head with a tiny rucksack and shouted at incomprehensibly by a small person right at ear-level!

ThePosieParker · 31/07/2011 22:06

In Berkley....surely not!!! Hey pop over to China where they still carry (with arms) their children (as old as 7) everywhere and noone really has a pram or even nappies because they can't afford them!!

And I agree just bloody wear a sling it's not a philosophy, it's transport!!

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 31/07/2011 22:22

Haitch you are gunning for a row with me but I'm not biting....you're coming over as the hostile one....and the embarrasing one....other people have gotten over their arguments for the most part whilst you are harping on and on like a bore.

I began a debate and that's what it has been apart from some posters who got personal.

It's been fascinating to read everyones opinions.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 22:30

do bite, though, it is part of the discussion. you say that this isn't a hostile OP but clearly it's a conversation you would baulk at having with your sister or friend. i'm just asking why is that, if it's not hostile?

i mean, you already said that you agreed with what Changing said to SRS... 'I didn't have the guts to say that but I did think it....it was a bit of a dig I thought....at people like me who aren't wrapped up totally in their DC.' so you find SRS saying that she is proud of her super-smart kid etc a bit of a dig at you, but your own posts and OP aren't a dig?

that's just not true, you have to be honest about that. you were venting, you've already said that it was prompted by irritation, so no point pretending otherwise now. this was never a debate, it was you letting off steam about the annoyance you feel about you sister and your friend not behaving in a manner of which you approve.

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2011 22:35

oh and my name's not Haitch, but i think you knew that already... Wink

1944girl · 31/07/2011 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear · 31/07/2011 22:55

so are you saying because books on teenagers aren't as accessible it is silly to read books that are available at a different stage in your child's life?

Laquitar · 01/08/2011 00:17

Well if you carry a 7 yo across the city and you fast walk for an hour like this, i will stare at you. Not for your 'parenting choices' but for your fitness Envy

TandB · 01/08/2011 08:55

By the age of seven, I fully intend that he should be carrying me!

Or at least toddling behind me portering all my bags.

exoticfruits · 01/08/2011 09:24

It must be the one child policy-they probably hang on to babyhood as long as possible and are 10x worse than over here!!

AitchTwoOh · 01/08/2011 09:47

like suri cruise... Grin

ThePosieParker · 01/08/2011 10:08

Laq....It's the grandparents that do it, rarely the parents!!!

SiamoFottuti · 01/08/2011 12:23

all these "FGS, its just transport!" posts are irritating, since I imagine those making them are not as idiotic as they make themselves seem. Hmm
I have a car. Its just transport, it mostly moves be to where I want to be. It's red. This is all I care about in regards to my car. My friend though, has a car. It's a passion, it is lovingly worked on, money lavished, motor shows attended with like minded car loving friends. Its a lot more than transport.

Does it make any difference to him what I think about my car? And vice versa? No, of course not. So why in the fucking fuck do you find the need to have such opinions on people who do something so innocuous as enjoy playing with slings with other people? Because you don't get it you need to sneer at it?
Grow up to fuck.

pearlym · 01/08/2011 13:33

To inject a little humour - i have seen someone wh ohas noted "parenting"as an interest on facebook. do you think that is taking ita bit far? the best thing to do is get on with bringing up yuor own kids and not get too wound up about people doing something different - it really is non of yuor business what others do, unless is amoutns to abuse, when it really is our business adn shuold be reported