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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think (when making meet up arrangements) that if you cant make time until 7 weeks time away, lets not bother?

57 replies

porcamiseria · 29/07/2011 13:34

I dont know if this is a London thing but it make my blood boil

lets meet up!?
yes, I have a window w/c 14th September
fuck off! I might be dead! the world may have ended

It makes my blood boil, I am BU, but it fucking annoys me, to the extent I dont bother replying, let the friendship fade then...... I am BU? maybe

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 29/07/2011 13:35

If I would want to see someone next week then why would I not want to see them in 7 weeks?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 29/07/2011 13:35

Some people might legitimately not be free for two months, but I wouldn't meet up with anybody who suggests that they have a 'window'... Confused

OliPocket · 29/07/2011 13:39

I have a friend like this. Her life is planned with military precision around her husband's work commitments so we do have to 'book early to avoid disappointment!'

I think it's a shame that they can't/don't do anything spontaneous and we're quite free and easy as a family but, I do love her to bits so I go along with the pre-planning and just accept this is how her life is. Smile

TheJiminyConjecture · 29/07/2011 13:40

I'm sure some of the people I know are exageratting this. They love the whole competitive business thing too.

Others who work abroad often I can understand, holidays/hospital appts etc. Things that you do have to book in advance, yes.

But the people who book out an entire day for an hours PTA meeting just so they can moan about their schedules being jam packed are just sad

worldgonecrazy · 29/07/2011 13:41

YABU - I know that my diary is full between now and the end of September except for one weekend which I am keeping absolutely sacrosanct for family time.

YANBU to allow a friendship to fade with someone who still has windows in their diary.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/07/2011 13:43

I agree wholeheartedly. I had a friend that I made huge efforts to meet up with and always got the "I'm very busy" line (yes so am I but just trying to maintain a friendship). She texted me one day saying "Would you like to come over on XXXX date". It was 5 weeks away. I felt that if I'm that low down in your priorities then it probably isn't worth the effort. I declined the invitation as I was busy on that date and suggested another date and haven't heard from her since. Sometimes it's just best to walk away.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 29/07/2011 13:44

jiminy competitive business !!! I agree!

Original poster
porcamiseria · 29/07/2011 13:55

I have a friend (?) that did the 8 week thing on me, and the date is tomorrow! I have it in diary but have not texted her to confirm and she has not texted me, so this friendship is def dying, gone , dead!

the other mate, well its a bit unlike her so I will leave it but it did annoy me

OP posts:
eurochick · 29/07/2011 13:55

This is fairly common. I meet up with two friends fairly often. Two of us work in busy jobs with some travel involved. The other is a SAHM who can only get out in the evenings when her husband (who has a busy job) can be around to look after the kids.

Last week we arranged to meet up sometime in September. It's nothing to do with competition. We're all just busy! In contrast, I can often go for a drink midweek on an hour's notice. But sometimes something comes up and I can't. And I won't usualy know until late afternoon. That kind of thing is no good for this group. So I see other friends when I am available at short notice (generally people who work nearby and have similarly unpredictable schedules).

ENSMUM · 29/07/2011 13:59

Sounds a pretty normal length of time to me, for finding a slot when you're both free. How it tends to be with my friends anyway.

LaWeasel · 29/07/2011 14:02

It is summer though, it's totally possible that someone might actually be busy every weekend for a month or two with weddings and birthdays and going on holiday...

'tis annoying if you aren't doing anything so exciting though!

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 29/07/2011 14:03

YABU
I work 3 days week
the dds do a couple of groups/classes together on Monday morning and afternoon, so that's out.
which leaves Weds. So I am often booked up on a Weds a couple of weeks ahead.

Of course I would be more than happy to meet up with people at weekends, when I'm often free, but round here no-one can possibly spare even a minute of Precious Family Time.

YANbu to be riled at use of "window" though.

prettyfly1 · 29/07/2011 14:06

YABU. I can arrange one night out a week with sitters etc, around work and a million other things to do - I have a fair few friends and I try to see them as often as I can but if I couldnt fit someone in for two months and they got mardy with me, I would think that they clearly dont understand me or the demands of my life and would consider them not a very good friend.

notcitrus · 29/07/2011 14:10

YABU. I have one day off during the week with a regular commitment in the morning, so if you aren't free on a Wed afternoon (when I often have plans anyway), then we're looking at weekends.
When DH and I usually have plans for at least 4 of the next 6 weekends, as we try to see family and our friends around London and beyond.

If someone can come over in an evening and even stay overnight, then I'll be delighted to see them, but otherwise yes, they're probably going to have to wait a couple months. DH usually doesn't get home until after ds is in bed, by which time it's too late for me to go out in the evening.

Elemis · 29/07/2011 14:12

yabu
Especially as school holidays, and people are away. And lots of people only have the weekend to fit everyone and everything in
I have just this minute made a date with friends for 18th Sept, 7 weeks away. That's the first available date

wordfactory · 29/07/2011 14:51

It depends.

If you expect your friend to arrange child care for an adults night out etc then she may well need time to sort it out/work around her partner.

Does she work full time? If so that seriously impinges on free time. And does she travel with work? I have friends who work for the UN or for large corporates and I'm just grateful to see them when I do.

TobyLerone · 29/07/2011 14:58

My family get pissed off with me for this. And I get pissed off with them for being pissed off with me for daring to have plans which don't involve them.

I plan things in advance because I have to. It's first-come-first-served in my diary, and this doesn't change unless in situations of dire need/emergency. It's nothing to do with priorities and it's silly to get all butthurt because you think you're 'not important enough' to see sooner.

So YABU.

Roo83 · 29/07/2011 14:58

I'm not a social butterfly by any stretch of the imagination, but I really do struggle to fit in seeing everyone, and sometimes it takes weeks to get things arranged. Weekends are always jam packed, and I rely on my parents for all my babysitting so it needs to tie in with them as well. Dp often arranges things for us on a weekend going out with other couples/work related so it is genuinely hard to fix a date. I think if you take it as a snub and don't meet up, the friendship probably wasn't worth much to you anyway-some of my best friends I only see once/twice a year due to circumstances but it's always worth the wait

Tchootnika · 29/07/2011 14:58

YABU.
Lots of people's lives work out so that there are times when it's really not possible to make social arrangements for weeks on end.
My life is like this, many of my friends' lives are like this.
I also know several people whose lives are nothing like this, and I know that occasionally they have had real difficulty understanding that other people's lives are, so they have taken umbrage in the same way that you have, porca . Which can be a bit exhausting...

issey6cats · 29/07/2011 14:58

i think it depends on what sort of meet up, the cat rescue i work at has a yearly meet up of e bay group members and people come from all over the country for the weekend, so we have to decide a date about 3 months in advance so people can arrange time off work and accomadation for the weekend, but if it is just a normal friend then 7 weeks in advance i would have forgotten about the meet by the time it got there

Groovee · 29/07/2011 15:06

We have this problems with our weekends. Dd dances all saturday and ds plays football both days. I can't just drop everything to go on an all day trip to an expensive zoo or whatever. The person who used to expect me to do this in holidays too used to get annoyed when I refused to go to something as it was always an expensive trip and not just each others houses or the park

InstantAtom · 29/07/2011 15:08

YABU. I'd prefer to arrange something in advance to look forward to, than to be suddenly trying to fit things in at short notice.

Acinonyx · 29/07/2011 15:16

YABU - I do this all the time and we are generally booking up 2-3 months in advance - especially for weekends. I get Hmm with friends who think you can be available just like that and have nothing else to do - or else they are so vague you can't possibly keep a date free to suit. It's getting very hard - impossible really to keep up with everyone and I'm genuinely sad about that.

bubblesincoffee · 29/07/2011 15:18

YABU.

I often end up making plans like this about three months in advance.

With the friends it generally happens with, we don't live that close to eachother, and because of families, busy lives etc, we want to be able to spend a significant chunk of the day together. Meet for lunch then spend the rest of the day shopping, drinking and gossiping basically.

But it works because once that date is in the diary, it would only be changed in medical emergencies, and once it's over, we get the next one planned in within a week or two. It's what you have to do if you want to maintain friendships.

jeckadeck · 29/07/2011 15:59

it does sound very self important, I grant you, but actually I now understand why people do this. If you have a full time job and multiple children its practically impossible to find time. I know that I try not to have more than one week-day and one weekend appointment in order not to eat into family time. That often means being booked up for weeks.