to think (when making meet up arrangements) that if you cant make time until 7 weeks time away, lets not bother?

[porcamiseria]

I dont know if this is a London thing but it make my blood boil

lets meet up!?
yes, I have a window w/c 14th September
fuck off! I might be dead! the world may have ended

It makes my blood boil, I am BU, but it fucking annoys me, to the extent I dont bother replying, let the friendship fade then...... I am BU? maybe

[smokinaces]

It all depends I guess mumblingragdoll if the one afternoon/morning they have free happens to fall on the same day as the other friends.

I know my next free day is currently 11th August. After that its 18th August. (friend was working both these days) After that its not until 5th September!! Every day is packed with work, birthdays, holiday, work again (2 jobs) and plans. I even managed to treble book myself for tomorrow night!

[working9while5]

YABU, for many reasons.

I never understood the diary thing, but looking at my own now. from Sept I will be working 8 to 5.30 with a 3 hour round trip for commuting, also doing an MSc and I will be off one day a week when I have a particular group I go to. Dh will take ds on Saturdays and Sundays so I can work in the daytime and he will be out at a hobby in the evening. My first available date is at half-term and I am going on holidays then.

Sometimes people are just really busy.

[MumblingRagDoll]

YANBU.....how can people not have one afternoon or morning free in 7 weeks?? I would HATE my life to be like that and I suspect it is a self made problem.

[JacksonPollocks]

I live in London and I'm happy to say my friends and I usually text for little meets in the playpark/ cafe/ houses/ groups at less than 24 hours notice. Or I knock on doors if I happen to pass by to see if others are free. My toddler bangs on the neighbours window, often they then pop out with us. We pop out for half hours if it's all we have at times, other times we even do things like doing the weekly shop together at Sainsburys because it's better with company. Nights out can take longer though (weeks, not months) to fit round other halves.

We don't have usually lazy lives, I'm a teacher, another works part time nights and another shift work. We just value friendship. I think it's a sign of not wanting to be friends if you don't make time for each other. It doesn't matter what you do, just that the effort's made. Tomorrow we have the excitement of early morning costco!

[smokinaces]

YABU. I had this exact situation with my closest friend last week. Trying to set another date to meet - had my diary and her calendar and it was a nightmare. We both work part time, but opposite days, and the day we are both free is full of birthdays (DS1s and mine) weekends away and hospital appointments. We've pencilled in a Saturday, on the hope her DH is working, as otherwise we have no time for at least 6 weeks.

[MightyQuim]

Evenings out with multiple friends are different - they take forever to organise and in my experience very rarely end up happening because everyone can't agree a date.

[TigerseyeMum]

Sorry to double post but don't let your friends go just because you are pissed off about it - one of my friends is having a crisis, and we are all meeting up tomorrow, at short notice, because she needs support. When needs must, friends pull out all the stops.

It's a shame it took a crisis for us all to get together (it has been 2 years since we last managed it) but it shows how important it is to keep those contacts because you never know when you might need them.

[TigerseyeMum]

I understand where you are coming from - at the moment I don't have kids, but most of my friends do, and we are scattered across the country. I have to admit I get frustrated when they can't meet up because 'daughter has ballet, son has football, there's an endless round of toddler parties, and OP has footie practise/home game/away game etc' all the time. You try to arrange a date and 6 months later none of you have been able to agree on a time.

I work long hours and try to be as flexible as I can but it can get very very frustrating.

OTOH I also have to book in advance with most people, regardless of whether they have kids or not - because those without kids tend to be away, golfing, holidaying, at the theatre etc etc and so on. I am just as bad.

So to some extent I think you are not being unreasonable, but also you are.

HTH.

[KeepingUpWithTheCojones]

I wish it would only take seven weeks to arrange a meeting. I've been trying to arrange a meet up with three friends since September. Closest we've come so far is three out of four. We have plans for August .

[MightyQuim]

yanbu. There are very few people who don't have half an hour to spare for a coffee for 2 months - they just can't be bothered. Work commitments fair enough but having kids is no excuse - you can see friends and look after your kids at the same time!
I have no axe to grind btw as none of my friends have ever arranged anything with me, aside from a holiday/wedding invite, more than a week beforehand. And I would think they had gone mad if they did.

[Sarsaparilllla]

She must book to meet people on a first come first served bases (like toby) then complains cos she doesn't have time to see people she says she wants to see.

How else do you do it tho? You wouldn't keep a weekend free incase someone else asked if I wanted to make plans, if someone suggested meeting up and I was free when they say I'll do it :)

[CMOTdibbler]

YABU - I have 2 days a week I can do things. Into that time, dh and I need to fit shopping, seeing family, diy, gardening, anything ds has on (like parties or playing with friends), and a multitude of jobs as well as spending time together relaxing.

I could quite easily not be available for 6 months at the weekend atm, and I live a very boring life outside London

[MissBetsyTrotwood]

And DH works evenings and weekends so it's even harder.

[MissBetsyTrotwood]

If I didn't make plans that far ahead I'd never see any of my friends. And we'd definitely never see each other together. Why's it a London thing? My cousins live in rural Cheshire and they're the same.

[QueenCee]

Yabu I'm afraid
I work shifts which include weekends....so when I do get a weekend off we are usually busy.
Most of my friends work mon - fri so our days off just aren't compatible.
Link that with the fact my IL's live a 10 hour drive away, meeting with other friends, family time, weddings, holidays, dentist/doctors appts blah blah blah, it can sometimes be weeks or months between me seeing friends.
I actually don't think 7 weeks is bad at all!
I've got friends I've not seen for months!

[libelulle]

YANBU. A friend of mine has just suggested December for a weekend visit. Like you I'm tempted to say if I'm that high up in your list of priorities, then let's just forget it. I think actually 7 weeks is just about ok if you're talking about a weekend meet-up, esp in the summer when things are busy with holidays etc, but 6 months - that really did make me laugh.

[mrsmellow]

I think YABU, but I understand how you feel. I lived in London for 8 years and would often have to make plans 3-4months in advance to suit everyone. We're now overseas and much more spontaneous - I'm loving it! Don't take it personally, just put the date in your diary and look forward to it (and do a reminder text/call/email the week before!)

[Quenelle]

And it's October or never now. One of my friends is moving to the US at half term.

Good job there's Facebook.

[minouminou]

Some people are genuinely like this and mean no offence whatsoever. It's not prioritising one friend over another, it's probably a conveyer belt system (IYSWIM). The friend she's seeing the week before you was booked 6 weeks ago, and so on.

[porcamiseria]

october quenelle! bloody Oct! and its not even August!!!!

[Quenelle]

I'm trying to arrange a night out with three friends. We're looking at October now because everyone's so busy before then except me.

[porcamiseria]

aw thanks Tchootnika

jeckadeck I know what you mean, and hearing at 6pm we have 8 people for dinner can be a pain. I was just curious and seems that we are all used to this way in the UK huh

still does my head in tho!!!!

[jeckadeck]

porcamiseria I do know what you mean... my DH is from a latin country as well and he finds it really annoying that things have to be scheduled so far in advance. I also miss the days when you could just drop into a local and know there would be four or five people in there. But there is a downside to that degree of spontaneity as well... where my DH comes from people consider it totally normal to drop in and out of one another's houses without any warning and I don't want people showing up unannounced on my doorstep. The tricky thing is finding a balance....

[Tchootnika]

I am not being self important, honestly. I just hate London and the fact that veryone is SO BUSY and to meet a mate involves extended diarising etc

YANBU to feel that life in London can often be overwhelmingly complicated and exhausting.

and for later,