DS is sat in his room and not allowed to play.

[youarekidding]

He also thinks I've cancelled the holiday after pretend phonecall whilst stategically stood outside his bedroom.

I am finding him really difficult atm, thing is though he really isn't a naughty child and if asked to stop doing something he will. He is also quite passive and accepting of things and doesn't argue when I say 'we're doing x and then y and z this way'.

However he is just NOT engaging brain, doesn't seem to be treating anything with repsect and drawing on any bit of paper, packaging he see's when he has a draw full of it that I've made available to him.

The other day he was drawing a map and picked up his Infant school leavers assembly programme and began crossing out names and adding others. I told him he doesn't draw on anything without asking and he had ruined the last thing he has from Infant School. He had earlier on in the day takjen his leavers book into after school club - he is told repeatedly everything stays in his bag on the peg, because there's lots of children aged 4-12yo with free reign and it keeps things safe. He took it in left it by a sink and another child has soaked it by accident and it is ruined.

So today my mum takes him out and buys him a new scooter for holiday. I take it from box and put together, go to toilet and come back to find him drawing all over the box. OK, so not a biggy as it will go in the bin but I thought after ruining something important by the same actions he would heed my advice.

He had also taken again to coming to yell through the toilet door about needing food/ drink everytime I go. This morning he woke at 5:50am. I told him it was too early, to go to bed and watch a DVD and I would come and get him at 7.30am. 6.55am he comes in, sees I'm asleep so pokes and calls me repeatedly until I wake up wanting to know if he can have a chocolate from the box a pupil bought me. He knows this would not be allowed. If he had asked aproppriate time he would of been allowed but as it is he isn't having 1 at all all day today - I have told him this and explained why.

He gets lots of positive praise, but recently nothing is ever enough and as a struggling LP who's saved hard for 5 days away I'm really very sad.

AIBU to simply get him accept the pleasures he has or get nothing?

Sorry ranting a bit but at least I'm not yelling at him.

I feel I have to chip in as a third pirate.

I really hope you have a great holiday and reconnect with your DS, it sounds like you're knackered and need to chill. Good on you for coming back and accepting some good advice on the thread.

Aar!

I don't usually let him have no boundaries. I have a friend who does this and have spent an afternoon watching her be hit, kicked and called names by her children. I want better for my DS but IBU for wanting it. Ironically these children want to spend every weekend and most evenings with me and DS in my apparently uber stritch house.

Anyway DS has fallen asleep on the bean bag watching TV so now I need to find a way of getting him onto his high sleeper bed.

Sorry just read back, ive repeated what VicarInaTutu had already said in so many words.

Fair enough Hopefully your holiday will be good for both of you.

I let him get up as I was following advice. Fun, let him have the chocolates and late bedtimes as holiday. Can't believe I change my way by following advice and then get accused of confusing him.

God, now I can't win.

No one is saying no boundaries, you are going from one extreme to another! Just a middle ground.

"If he had drawn on my form it would have been a major problem"

But he didn't! as for "destroying memories" those doodles he did on the leavers book ARE the frigging memories.

You come here...almost everyone says you're mean and you wont take it!

You sound like you need parenting classes.

But I don't get where the middle ground is . Either DS is allowed to treat things badly and therefore things get broken or he isn't. Either I should get up and get him breakfast or he does his own. Either he can have chocolate when ever however he demands it or I'm mean for saying he isn't having it.

The point with me saying no chocolate was if he knew the answer would be no all day he wouldn't feel the need to demand it when I'm peeing, when the garage rings about the car, when I'm making lunch, cooking his dinner, putting him to bed. Not that that will be a problem now as he's eaten it all

Your logic doesn't make any sense to me and I'm having trouble seeing where you're coming from - I have 30 years on your son so maybe he's confused too.

Consistent and frim is the key - you do seem all over the place when it comes to how you parent. Have you considered writing down the rules, or at least a list of what you want so you are clear yourself?

bloody hells teeth....if you truly need mumsnet to tell you how to be a parent then i despair....so you just blindly follow what advice people give out on other threads willy nilly with no consistency just because mumsnet says so? so you read on thread that says be uber stict so you are? where did it say on her get him up, let him eat chocolate ffs? show me where it said that?

what i read on here was that you had grossly over reacted in quite a cruel way, and that you should find a way of managing your own feelings and problems without taking it out on your son, and that you should allow your son to behave like a 6 year old child.

why not pick out the useful, the common sense bits?

you are not just unreasonable.

Youarekidding, don't get your knickers in a twist about this. YOu did what we all do sometimes, come down too hard on something when we are tired and stressed and need to let off steam. I have dumped my child in their bedroom without a story before now, not because they are so awful, but because I am fed up and one small thing they have done seems like the last straw. Sometimes when they yell just one more time, you feel like you are going to scream.

I wouldn't spend any more time justifying yourself on here. YOu sound like you have lots of lovely things planned for the holidays (even if there isn't much money to go around) and a nice holiday to look forward to. People are forgetting how stressful money problems are, are you on your own? (I don't get the impression there is someone else about).

Tomorrow is another day and all that.

I do not need parenting classes. I am a parent whos had a really bad day, knew I'd been harsh and wanted a gentle kick up the bum, read the threads here there are many parents who have similar days. I bet everyone here if they are honest has come to the end of their tether after a series of events and punished their child harshly. It seems though that this thread could have and similar threads before have done with yes yabu but we know its hard, and some understanding. Some people would even have had agreement that its not OK for a 7yo to break things by doing what they've been asked not too.

BTW DS was devestated about the leavers book being ruined. He went mad at the other child but after me calmly speaking to him he knows it was him not leaving it outside as I always tell him too that left it ruined - all the other child did was turn on a tap! I will ring infants when term starts and try to get him another and he knows this.

The rest of the day has been great, As I said we met friends, went to the park, scootering etc, DS played with loads of other children, I played tag with them, did duel scootering down the hill.

The 6 minutes time out earlier on were just that 6 minutes.

am giving up as tolerance levels are at a low ebb...truly cant be arsed.

op. have a

You sound insane.

X posts allinabag and you put what I wanted to say better than I did and have made me cry.

No there's no-one else around, DS father hasn't seen him for years, doesn't pay and is getting married and starting a family of his own nest week whilst I'm lsft struggling.

Like I said bad day, and coming here was a mistake as I feel worse.

bloody hell...the poor woman is trying her best, and you lot are being really harsh.

OP...FWIW you sound like you are working really hard to do the best for you and your DS. You sound like you have got 'end of term syndrome', and once you have had a few days to rest a bit and catch up with yourself you'll probably feel a bit more relaxed and able to handle the joys of being alone with a lively child!

As other people have said, choose your battles.
Enjoy your holiday...you have obviuosly worked, and budgeted, hard for it and you sound to me as if you deserve a good break.

Oh...and hope your MOT isn't too pricey..mine failed last week too

OP - I sometimes find situations hard to imagine- HTH- middle ground -

'No, you cannot have choc for breakfast DS, please go back to bed until mummy comes to get you - it is too early to get up for the day now. You can read or play quietly until i come to get you' .

Some time later - 'Good morning DS, what would you like for breakfast?'

After breakfast when you are sat on loo DS shouts 'mummeeeee can I have some choc????? Mummeeee, mummeee, aarrgghhh'
'Please do not shout at mummy. I am on the toilet I will be out in a minute'- DS repeats previous
'Please don't shout at mummy, if you shout again you will have time out time'
DS shouts some more (hopefully it was just a wee and you're out now)- 'mummy asked you not to shout and gave you a warning for shouting, now it is time out time to think about why you kept shouting when mummy asked you not to', etc.

Later when you are sat watching TV or whatever, 'hey DS would you like a choc with mummy?, no sweetheart you can't finish the whole box'.

Not as easy as it sounds I'm sure but consistent and firm.

yes probably end of term syndrome. DS broke up Tues so has had day to un wind whereas my school broke up Weds so this was it.

Not the best with early wake up, root canal treatment, car failing its MOT and then DS breaking things and throwing something out of his window. All by 1.30pm.

I honestly didn't yell or bully him. Simply gave him a warning he didn't heed it so was given 6 minutes time out and told I would cancel the holiday to get the money back to replace the objects. Of course it was harsh to pretend make the phonecall. I know that thats why I came here. But once I'd said it I'd dug a hole. I think the whole incident was over before my first reply.

op I think rather than an answer to AIBU you were looking for a rant and some sympathy after some bad news about your car and stress therefor on your finances and DS pushing your buttons. I am sure we ALL have days like this I know I do. My poor deprived abused children loved and adored DC have felt my wrath over something not terribly major but added to things that have already stressed me out I have blown my top over reacted and generally been a bitch (they still love me though). I think you are in desperate need of your holiday. Have a great time and don't sweat the small mistakes we all make as parents in ten years you'll still be beating yourself up and your DS wll have no memory of it

As for the grammer and spelling police please leave off its not a letter to the Queen we are writing.

You seem to be having quite a stressful time atm, and your ds is being treated more harshly because of it.
Try to lighten up a little, don't get so embroiled in arguments about the small but irritating things he does.
That doesn't mean no boundaries or rules, just fewer punishments for small misdemeanours.

I hope you enjoy your holiday, it sounds as though a few relaxing days away from home will do both of you the world of good.

Am intrigued though, did you throw his leaver's book away in temper?
I think my reaction would have been to try and dry it out as best as I could and say 'never mind, ds, we'll try and get you another'.

Sorry xposted and kind of stamped on your point allinabinbag note to self must type faster

Domedon Thats pretty much what I do. Unfortunatly with IBS my am toilet trip can be a little longer. If I need to shower straight after as we are going out I will get him to come in and chat and give him the good bubbles if that's what he wants. I do do reward for being polite and kind.

But when I say DS I'm on the toilet, when I'm out ask me then and he says i can do it climbs on a worktop and breaks something then really eventually it was going to get to point I could take no more.

Am intrigued though, did you throw his leaver's book away in temper?
I think my reaction would have been to try and dry it out as best as I could and say 'never mind, ds, we'll try and get you another'.

Thats exactly what I did. I said above I've told him I'll try. I'm not some deranged woman despite how people have tried to describe me here. I actually read back my OP as I thought 'god I must have really lost it' but my OP isn't that bad and actually very positive about my DS behaviour and I do say its the straw that broke the camels back and just a rant.